A depiction of Hua Mulan‘The Ballad of Mulan’: A Rhyming Translation The Society September 23, 2018 Culture, Poetry, Short Stories, Translation 20 Comments Translation by Evan Mantyk “The Ballad of Mulan” was written in the sixth century about a legendary warrior, Hua Mulan, who lived during China’s Northern and Southern dynasties period (420–589 AD). Sigh after sigh she sadly sighs __While weaving near the door— No sound of spinning loom that flies __Just Mulan feeling poor. Go ask her whom she thinks about, __What boy is in her heart. She says, “There’s none I think about, __There’s no boy in my heart. “Last night I saw the army’s list __Of those the Khan has picked. On all twelve draft lists that exist __My father’s name is ticked. “My father has no grown-up son __Who can to battle race. Once buying horse and saddle are done, __I’ll take my father’s place.” She buys a fine steed in the East, __A bridle in the South, A saddle blanket in the West, __A long whip in the North. At dawn, to parents bids farewell, __At dusk, to camp hello; No sounds of their familiar yell, __Just Yellow River flow. At dawn, she leaves the Yellow River, __At dusk, Black Mountains soar; No sound of parents calling daughter, __Just wild horsemen’s roar. Ten thousand miles for war she goes, __Through mountain passes flying. The sentry’s gong on cold wind blows; __Her iron armor’s shining. A hundred battles—generals die; __In ten years, heroes surface To meet the Emperor on high __Enthroned in splendid palace. He holds twelve scrolls that list their deeds, __Gives thousands of rewards. The Khan asks Mulan what she needs. __“No titles fit for lords,” She says, “To borrow a swift steed __And ride home I prefer.” Her parents, hearing of this deed, __Rush out to welcome her. When older sister hears the news, __She dresses, waits, and looks. When younger brother hears the news, __The swine and sheep he cooks. She says, “The chamber door I open __And sit upon my chair. My wartime uniform is shaken; __My old time dress I wear.” She faces out the window, looking, __Fixing cloudlike hair, And turns then to the mirror, hooking __Yellow flowers there. Out of the gate she meets the men __Who’d by her side once fought. For twelve years Mulan was a man, __Or so they all had thought! The male hares’ feet go hop and skip __And female hares look muddled, But when they run at a good clip, __How can’t one get befuddled? Original Chinese 木 蘭 詩 唧唧復唧唧，木蘭當戶織。不聞機杼聲，唯聞女嘆息。 問女何所思？問女何所憶？“女亦無所思，女亦無所憶。 昨夜見軍帖，可汗大點兵。軍書十二卷，卷卷有爺名。 阿爺無大兒，木蘭無長兄。願為市鞍馬，從此替爺征。” 東市買駿馬，西市買鞍韉，南市買轡頭，北市買長鞭。 朝辭爺娘去，暮宿黃河邊。不聞爺娘喚女聲，但聞黃河流水鳴濺濺。 旦辭黃河去，暮至黑山頭。不聞爺娘喚女聲，但聞燕山胡騎聲啾啾。 萬裡赴戎機，關山度若飛。朔氣傳金析，寒光照鐵衣。將軍百戰死，壯士十年歸。 歸來見天子，天子坐明堂。策勛十二轉，賞賜百千強。 可汗問所欲，“木蘭不用尚書郎，願借明駝千裡足，送兒還故鄉。” 爺娘聞女來，出郭相扶將﹔阿姊聞妹來，當戶理紅妝﹔ 小弟聞姊來，磨刀霍霍向豬羊。開我東閣門，坐我西閣床﹔ 脫我戰時袍，著我舊時裳﹔當窗理雲鬢，對鏡帖花黃。 出門看火伴，火伴皆驚惶。“同行十二年，不知木蘭是女郎。” 雄兔腳扑朔，雌兔眼迷離。雙兔傍地走，安能辯我是雄雌？ Views expressed by individual poets and writers on this website and by commenters do not represent the views of the entire Society. The comments section on regular posts is meant to be a place for civil and fruitful discussion. Pseudonyms are discouraged. The individual poet or writer featured in a post has the ability to remove any or all comments by emailing submissions@ classicalpoets.org with the details and under the subject title “Remove Comment.” Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 20 Responses James A. Tweedie September 23, 2018 Evan, you are a man of many talents. I like the way you keep the narrative tight in this translation. The short meter makes this possible but also makes the rhyming translation more challenging. My only suggestion is at the end where the meter becomes awkward. Better, perhaps to say, “The male hares go hop and skip And female hares look muddled, But when they run at a good clip, How can’t one get befuddled?” By the way, the muddled/befuddled is clever. Reply Edmund Jonah October 2, 2018 3rd line should be ‘at good a clip’ to prevent the stress on ‘a’ The last line too needs a little more thought. As a matter of fact, the whole poem seems to be fighting for rhymes, while acknowledging how difficult it is to translate into rhyming verse. It’s a fine effort. Reply Joe Tessitore September 23, 2018 Beautiful work! Very well done! Reply Amy Foreman September 23, 2018 Delightful! Reply rohini sunderam September 23, 2018 It’s fabulous! Reply James Sale September 23, 2018 Excellent – highly enjoyable – I really like narrative poetry: your poem is compelling. Reply Joseph Charles MacKenzie September 23, 2018 This masterful translation of one of China’s most famous ballads delivers all that is best and brightest about Evan Mantyk, a poet who celebrates his rich Chinese literary heritage to the edification of grateful readers everywhere. The unaffected purity of Mantyk’s narrative style here, utterly free of affectation and conceit, gives the ballad an irresistible tone of authenticity. Counterbalancing the power of the story itself, Mantyk skillfully renders the delicate refinements of Chinese poetry in drawing out, to perfection, the essential contrast between the heroine’s soldierly virtue and her flower-like femininity, keeping in mind that her very name signifies “magnolia,” one of the national symbolic flowers of China. It would be impossible for a Christian reader of this poem not to see in Mantyk’s Mulan something of a Jeanne d’Arc, or even a Margaret of Provence (whose military exploits on the Seventh Crusade are chronicled by Joinville), especially in a translation so beautifully echoing, in this reader’s mind, the honesty and directness of the old French “romaunts” and Trobiaritz ballads of the Lenga d’oc. All comparisons aside, Mantyk has given us a deeply personable portrait of a legend’s humility, one that I think bears the indelible mark of great poetry. Reply Damian Robin September 26, 2018 H Mac, a spell of doggerel Your learning is astonishing, Beyond what I can take. With ignorance admonishing, I cry “for goodness sake !” Your gushing here’s astonishing, And true beyond mistake. Dry Salvages admonishing, It’s good ! “For Goodness Sake !” Reply David Paul Behrens September 23, 2018 A great work of translation, this poem was very enjoyable. It reminds me of Belle Star, a woman who lived in the old west and worked as a cowboy in cattle drives and roundups, went on to become a horse thief and outlaw, and was sometimes mistakenly thought to be a man. Reply T.D.Z. September 23, 2018 “But when they’re racing at a clip, Of course, they get befuddled.” Just a suggestion. Thank you for the lovely translation. It brings great freshness to a story some of us know only through our daughters’ taste in movies. Reply Ran Cheng September 24, 2018 OMG, I can’t believe that this poem can ever be translated until I saw my friends sharing this page on FB… Just one suggestion: It could be better to append the original poem in traditional Chinese instead of simplified Chinese. Reply Damian Robin September 25, 2018 Hi Ran, I presume you are of Chinese descent so this will be good praise for Evan’s poem. I agree about the characters in the original here. Traditional would be best if we are to uphold the great things of the ancients into the future. Are you from Taiwan ? If so, you will be familiar with the traditional script. However, Mainland Chinese may not be and it’s a stretch to learn the old text. This will be a dilemma for a long time. One way out is to always print both simplified and traditional. Clumsy but doable for short pieces like here. Do you have a traditional text version to post here ? Or a spoken Chinese version ? Reply David Watt September 24, 2018 Evan, your translation breathes fresh life into an ancient ballad. Reply GaryDu September 24, 2018 Great translation! good job! I have one question though, “And turns then to the mirror, hooking __Yellow flowers there.” why “hook the yellow flower”? Reply Damian Robin September 25, 2018 Hi Evan, nice narrative carrying us, horseback, all the way. And nice calendar timing too. The Mid-Autumn Festival or Moon festival or Harvest Moon festival fell on the 24th of September this year. I’m saying what you know as this is a public forum. The predominant story of this festival is of another famous though less human woman Chang E and her husband, Houyi. It’s a kind of Romeo and Juliet story but with older, more celestial protagonists and a happier, though compromised, ending. There was a great danced version of the story by Shen Yun. Houyi’s arrows were fired from stage-level into the backdrop, making the nine suns disappear. http://www.shenyunperformingarts.org/learn/article/read/item/fX4pKuyhEqw/the-goddess-of-the-moon-change-and-hou-yi.html Reply David Hollywood September 25, 2018 Marvelous Reply Evan Mantyk September 25, 2018 Thank you all for your comments and insightful feedback! The last stanza was problematic and I have updated it since. Hopefully it reads better now. The original Chinese ends with a question and I wanted to preserve that. I also updated the characters to traditional style. To Gary Du, some accommodations had to be made for the rhyme and meter. There are many literal translations of the poem, but they of course lack the excitement and music of the original language, so this one has sacrificed some meaning for the sake of poetry. I could not find a translation that has done that and realized that it was time. Finally, thank you to Mr. MacKenzie who has opened my eyes to another great heroine that I was unaware of. So much rich history that should be remembered! Reply Damian Robin September 25, 2018 Evan, this is posted at a poignant time — also other recent posts were in good time. And here you say the poem’s time had come. You are matching SCP to the Spirit of The Times. Reply Damian Robin September 26, 2018 Evan Simplicity ! Astonishing ! Straightforwardness, not fake ! With backwardness admonishing, High Five ! “For Goodness Sake !” Jennifer Zeng September 25, 2018 Very good! Keeps a lot of original feeling and rhyme. Reply Leave a Reply to Ran Cheng Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
James A. Tweedie September 23, 2018 Evan, you are a man of many talents. I like the way you keep the narrative tight in this translation. The short meter makes this possible but also makes the rhyming translation more challenging. My only suggestion is at the end where the meter becomes awkward. Better, perhaps to say, “The male hares go hop and skip And female hares look muddled, But when they run at a good clip, How can’t one get befuddled?” By the way, the muddled/befuddled is clever. Reply
Edmund Jonah October 2, 2018 3rd line should be ‘at good a clip’ to prevent the stress on ‘a’ The last line too needs a little more thought. As a matter of fact, the whole poem seems to be fighting for rhymes, while acknowledging how difficult it is to translate into rhyming verse. It’s a fine effort. Reply
James Sale September 23, 2018 Excellent – highly enjoyable – I really like narrative poetry: your poem is compelling. Reply
Joseph Charles MacKenzie September 23, 2018 This masterful translation of one of China’s most famous ballads delivers all that is best and brightest about Evan Mantyk, a poet who celebrates his rich Chinese literary heritage to the edification of grateful readers everywhere. The unaffected purity of Mantyk’s narrative style here, utterly free of affectation and conceit, gives the ballad an irresistible tone of authenticity. Counterbalancing the power of the story itself, Mantyk skillfully renders the delicate refinements of Chinese poetry in drawing out, to perfection, the essential contrast between the heroine’s soldierly virtue and her flower-like femininity, keeping in mind that her very name signifies “magnolia,” one of the national symbolic flowers of China. It would be impossible for a Christian reader of this poem not to see in Mantyk’s Mulan something of a Jeanne d’Arc, or even a Margaret of Provence (whose military exploits on the Seventh Crusade are chronicled by Joinville), especially in a translation so beautifully echoing, in this reader’s mind, the honesty and directness of the old French “romaunts” and Trobiaritz ballads of the Lenga d’oc. All comparisons aside, Mantyk has given us a deeply personable portrait of a legend’s humility, one that I think bears the indelible mark of great poetry. Reply
Damian Robin September 26, 2018 H Mac, a spell of doggerel Your learning is astonishing, Beyond what I can take. With ignorance admonishing, I cry “for goodness sake !” Your gushing here’s astonishing, And true beyond mistake. Dry Salvages admonishing, It’s good ! “For Goodness Sake !” Reply
David Paul Behrens September 23, 2018 A great work of translation, this poem was very enjoyable. It reminds me of Belle Star, a woman who lived in the old west and worked as a cowboy in cattle drives and roundups, went on to become a horse thief and outlaw, and was sometimes mistakenly thought to be a man. Reply
T.D.Z. September 23, 2018 “But when they’re racing at a clip, Of course, they get befuddled.” Just a suggestion. Thank you for the lovely translation. It brings great freshness to a story some of us know only through our daughters’ taste in movies. Reply
Ran Cheng September 24, 2018 OMG, I can’t believe that this poem can ever be translated until I saw my friends sharing this page on FB… Just one suggestion: It could be better to append the original poem in traditional Chinese instead of simplified Chinese. Reply
Damian Robin September 25, 2018 Hi Ran, I presume you are of Chinese descent so this will be good praise for Evan’s poem. I agree about the characters in the original here. Traditional would be best if we are to uphold the great things of the ancients into the future. Are you from Taiwan ? If so, you will be familiar with the traditional script. However, Mainland Chinese may not be and it’s a stretch to learn the old text. This will be a dilemma for a long time. One way out is to always print both simplified and traditional. Clumsy but doable for short pieces like here. Do you have a traditional text version to post here ? Or a spoken Chinese version ? Reply
David Watt September 24, 2018 Evan, your translation breathes fresh life into an ancient ballad. Reply
GaryDu September 24, 2018 Great translation! good job! I have one question though, “And turns then to the mirror, hooking __Yellow flowers there.” why “hook the yellow flower”? Reply
Damian Robin September 25, 2018 Hi Evan, nice narrative carrying us, horseback, all the way. And nice calendar timing too. The Mid-Autumn Festival or Moon festival or Harvest Moon festival fell on the 24th of September this year. I’m saying what you know as this is a public forum. The predominant story of this festival is of another famous though less human woman Chang E and her husband, Houyi. It’s a kind of Romeo and Juliet story but with older, more celestial protagonists and a happier, though compromised, ending. There was a great danced version of the story by Shen Yun. Houyi’s arrows were fired from stage-level into the backdrop, making the nine suns disappear. http://www.shenyunperformingarts.org/learn/article/read/item/fX4pKuyhEqw/the-goddess-of-the-moon-change-and-hou-yi.html Reply
Evan Mantyk September 25, 2018 Thank you all for your comments and insightful feedback! The last stanza was problematic and I have updated it since. Hopefully it reads better now. The original Chinese ends with a question and I wanted to preserve that. I also updated the characters to traditional style. To Gary Du, some accommodations had to be made for the rhyme and meter. There are many literal translations of the poem, but they of course lack the excitement and music of the original language, so this one has sacrificed some meaning for the sake of poetry. I could not find a translation that has done that and realized that it was time. Finally, thank you to Mr. MacKenzie who has opened my eyes to another great heroine that I was unaware of. So much rich history that should be remembered! Reply
Damian Robin September 25, 2018 Evan, this is posted at a poignant time — also other recent posts were in good time. And here you say the poem’s time had come. You are matching SCP to the Spirit of The Times. Reply
Damian Robin September 26, 2018 Evan Simplicity ! Astonishing ! Straightforwardness, not fake ! With backwardness admonishing, High Five ! “For Goodness Sake !”
