Humor

. The Pentagon Panama Plan A place in turmoil—Panama_In nineteen eighty-eight—Was where the strongman Noriega_Was busy tempting fate. The Pentagon felt like a dreamworld_Where fantasies were made.Years...

. Last Minute Change Fowl, tragic days, Hen-house ablaze; Chickens took flight. Tofu tonight? . . A Man Eating Chicken A comma, a pause, Defines the thought, And whether a chicken Eats me or...

. To a Most Tempting Pancake “Quae mollis est, amanda est.” (What is soft, is to be loved) ---Libri Matutini (Book of Breakfasts) O golden disc, with cinnamon imbued, Thou float’st in butter, warm and...

. Pointless Poems Why do women shave their legs, It seems unnecessary. The question lingers, pleads and begs, What’s wrong with being hairy? “Water, water, everywhere “And all the boards did...

. Advice to a Young Man in Love If her name is Sally, then _Tattoo it on your arm With Lovehearts terminally, and _It won’t do any harm, Because, when Sally breaks your heart, _There’s Sallys up and...

. Modes of Divination The future’s course, in all of its essentials, Is augured from a steaming heap of entrails. The tea leaves, buoyed by meniscus, Will show you where the greatest risk is. For aging...

. A Horse’s Tale: King Arthur’s Great Steed The horse known for bearing the greatest of kings— Proud Thor was considered the worthiest horse; Such that if all horses had voices to sing, They’d sing all...

. The Power I’ve noticed more and more of late My power to infuriate Is stronger than it’s ever been. I exercise it even when I try to be both dull and sweet And humble, willing, incomplete. Infuriation...

. Dear Blabby’s Advice for the Clueless _I want to write a column _Like Abigail Van Buren To give out my elite advice _It’s something that I’m good in. _I plan to title it, _“Dear Blabby,” if you...

. The Troubadour Remembers A troubadour wayfaring town to town, Hamlet to homestead, dale to grassy down, While he his vagabond mandora strummed, Now with the bass, now with the treble hummed, Until the...

. Conjugation: Tense with Mood ---a verbal disagreement between the indicative and the subjunctive If I were all that I could be, Perhaps I’d spend eternity Cavorting in a field of lilies With thoroughbred...

. Of Cats and Cardinals ---for George Lionel (2005 – 2025) You left us at the hour of the owlWhen shameless moons are far too loud and bold__For one so still and cold---One shrouded in a freshly laundered...

. Spoiled-Rotten Cat Instructs Visitors Don’t you dare try to sit in my spot! I’ll decide if you pet me or not. _I’m the star here you’ll see. _They all cater to me. They just like you; they LOVE me a...

. Don't Call Me Shirley A Comic Homage Robert Hayes as reluctant pilot Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious!” Leslie Nielsen as Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.” (From...

. Of a Feather Professor Swann was new among the fonts of knowledge chugging up the tenure track; he'd earned his place among the college fac- ulty with bold views and a fierce response to critics. Apropos to...

. Myths _I mined the Grecian myths _and wrung from them this gem: The gods amuse themselves with us and we amuse ourselves with them. . . Chuang Tzu We steal all our lives, was Chuang Tzu’s belief, to...

. Therapy ---After "Help! I Can’t Stop Speaking in Iambic!" by Cynthia Erlandson Help! I can’t stop writing psychobabble!No matter what I pen, it comes out gabble. I scribble nonsense verses all the...

. Dad and I Our sessions last an hour or two at most, for we get through them just as fast as can be managed, trying not to stir the ghost of hurts supposed to help me be a man. When Dad was young, he knew...

. A Sonnet for My One True Love Forever let the night go on and on, My body to your softness gently pressed, Nor let the touch of shameful, blushing dawn, Wake me, part us, and end a lover’s rest. How I...

. I Would Say Yes ---a villanelle for Larry on our 36th Anniversary We were young and rather stupid then, But still I see that we were meant to be. I would say yes a thousand times again. From the first...

. A Winter's Tale There’re many strange and spooky tales, That come from England’s hills and dales. When Winter tightens up its grip, As feet and fingers start to slip. For on a cold December day, I...

. Durus Frater, Alma Mater Spring forward to where former arch-rivals Fall back on tall stories of the travels They enjoyed after two years of college, Before graduation sealed the knowledge Of how little...

. Alotta Lip About my Hip Alotta lip about my hip On paper, phone, computer-drive. The new one at my femur’s tip Has generated verbal jive Beyond my wits. I can’t contrive The need for queries they should...

. Auntie Barb ---a pantoum She cuts the cheats and charmers to the quick—Her tongue will skin a scoundrel in a wink.She’ll scupper every swindler’s slickest trickBefore the scoffers have a chance to...

. Roads of Potter County Finally Spring has come north here---Always my favorite time of year.Potter will tease you in some way---Tomorrow might be a snowy day. Instead there came the green of grass,The white...

. Kissing Cousin I see her every two years, usuallyWhen someone dies or marries. And we kissAs if we were old lovers, passionately,Just as a silly spoof. She says I missThese hot encounters! Prudish maiden...

. Know Your Place __“Know your place!” In grammar school, that stung like mace.“To the corner!”—my timeout place. __“Know your place.” On my first date, with pimpled face,I never even reached...

. Spring Has Sprung Spring has sprung. It has begun--- _Birds nesting in the tree. It’s warm again. The cackling hen _Can go outside to pee. Spring has sprung. It’s time for fun. _New flowers bloom each...

. Sally  November rains brought to our basement door From the woods some pleading, needy eyes Staring from a fur mass, soaking wet. Our catless home (about to be no more) Welcomed her and tended to her...

. The Water Closet An earthen pit, an outhouse stool, a chamber pot— We’ve long dispensed with these, the whole damn stinking lot! The housewife and the maid no longer shout, “Gar’ l’eau!” Before...

. Ogre Food My parents, dear, although you love me so; and in your love, wish only for my best. Yet, to the first-grade class I will not go, nor shall I end my tears of loud protest. For fearful premonitions...

. Written in a Cubicle What spurs me, in this breathing grave of coffee mouths and cheeks unshaved, to stand upon my chair and shout, __"I'm out! I'm out of this forever-widening coop where glumness, going on...

. A Faithful Friend's Advice The girl you have is just the one for you— my head could not conceive a better match. She is your sun, your earth, the very glue that rightly holds your tattered life...

  Alive, Alive-o In Dublin’s fair city,Where the girls are so pretty,There lived an old woman,Who was well known to me;Where she sighed with amazement,At her new knee replacement,Singing, “Cartilege and...

. Territorializing Slithering slowly, so very precise, A methodic invader (and catcher of mice), She stealthily slips toward the enemy there, So unsuspecting, at rest by the chair. Without a diversion to aid...

. How I Spent My Spring Vacation: Poetry and Photography by James A. Tweedie . It Begins 45 Days Surrounded by the circle of the sea I cruise Atlantic waters, eastward bound, As knot by knot each longitude...

. Medusa's Sisters Medusa lost her head and found renown instead. Her living sisters roared, “And why are we ignored who so much fouler are and deadlier by far? “You’d think that she’d become the...

. Anachronistic Chaucer When April showers, forecast on TV,delayed our pilgrimage to Canterbury,an eating house, clept Hooters, we espiedbeside a leafy glade where we could bideour time in revelry and...

. The Ballad of Shamus Well, Shamus were a likely lad wid a good well-meanin’ ‘eart As strong as O’Malley’s ox, ‘dey say—but only ‘alf as smart. ‘Is ‘eart belonged to Nellie, aye ‘e wished...

. Innovative Thinking My long-time love gave me a special gift, a photo of himself when he was young. He even autographed it: “Love you! Dave.” From then, upon my wall this treasure hung where I could...