Humor

. Vernal Equinox Germans call this season “frühling.” Spaniards name it “primavera.” Welshmen say the term is “gwanwyn.” Shetland trawlers go with “voar,” so Let’s resolve this with a...

. Equinox Blues Welcome to spring! The last snow may be past,_and bright blue frames the parting clouds.The sun rides longer in the sky, at last,_than lost to night’s slow–ebbing shrouds. The weather’s...

. Simple Simon Responds to Sayings of Captain Obvious English literature tends to be wordy. Many tricks are exceedingly dirty. On a bright sunny day the whole sky appears bluish. All the teachers that pray in...

. Mussolini's Minions ---Segesta, 2012 Entranced, we wander round the temple site.The hot Sicilian sun beats down. I’m frayed,now seek the parking lot's uncertain shade.My brother John’s nearby, though not...

. Gossiping Hinges Some think we hinges only squeak __because we seek __an oily drop __to make us stop, but hinges gossip day and night, __our message, quite __distinctive. We, __with raucous glee, say 'hi' to...

. Give Praise for These Days of Old Age You’re up in the morning, you moan and you groan, You’re feeling the grinding of bone against bone. When your knees have embarked on a life of their own, _Then give...

. Howl at the River Howl at the river, cry me a moon; Blow up on a drum, and beat a balloon; Smirk like a sailor, drink like a prig’ Eat like a football, drop-kick a pig. Jimmy crack rainbow, over the...

. Capacity “This is too big and inexcusably Extravagant, so next time I insist We buy a smaller glass. This one will be Always half-empty,” said the realist. “You say this from experience,”...

. How Did You Woo Me? Let Me Count the Way You didn’t sweep in on a snowy steedClad in armor buffed until it glittered---A shining knight of bright and mighty deedClutching ribboned gifts on which you’d...

. Lines for Your Valentines Without you here, my life is like A broken pencil, simply pointless. And if you tell me to take a hike, My legs won’t move, you’ve made them jointless. When I got up today I...

. Moments Matter When my daughter was just three __I took her to the zoo. She laughed and smiled and had a blast __And I myself did, too. My friends said, “Why did you do that? __She will not recall The day...

. Concerning Snow ---a conversation between Beauty and Necessity “Well, there you go again.” “What's that?” “Come now, don't act so innocent. You see that plow out there, defacing what it took all...

. Classic Case History Though I was blind, it wasn’t hard to see That blindness was a gift at least as good As any other. People seeing me As someone less insightful than he should Have been were blurry...

. . Sonnet 1 I felt like trying something new today, And so I put my pen upon a page To mimic Shakespeare's famous olden way— A style which, I hear, was all the rage. So here I am committing fourteen...

. The Great Rub-off Norm and Zip, in mismatched chairs, __were sipping tea and talking, when Desi, their loyal hound, said, “Listen, __you’re shedding like me!” (How shocking!) Norm spat out his...

. Watch Out! Now, “The Three Little Pigs” is a tale More for cautioning than for amusing: Learn its lessons and you may prevail; Heed them not, and you may end up losing. For we, none of us, live in a...

. Bollical Dogs I have a complaint! T.S. Eliot hogs All the fun with his stories of Jellicle Cats! So let me (inspired by zoo catalogs) Write of beasts ripe for versificational chats. But shall I vaunt...

. A Freshman Pep Talk ---upon reading “Composers to Listen to While Studying,”by Andrew Benson Brown, in The Epoch Times, Nov. 2, 2024 You’re ready? Get down to it, cram the night through.What a...

. Oh, the Days Oh, the days of poop and vomit! My best dress had drool upon it While I walked my teething child Up and down the hall for miles. Oh, the days of poop and vomit! When the baby chose to not...

. Help! I Can’t Stop Speaking in Iambic! Help! I can’t stop speaking in iambic Pentameter! No matter what I say, Somehow it keeps on coming out that way. It’s not the first time. Could it be a...

. Christmas in Florida I watched him pass! St. Nick himself---Kris Kringle,Who hails from Buffalo, not the North Pole.He waved; I heard bells on his golf-cart jingleAs he sang karaoke rock and roll. That’s...

. The Drift of Dark Days November is a time for us to grieve About the dying of the warmth and light, About the passing of our joie de vivre, As we await the bitter arctic bite. Near-perfect vees of fleeing...

. Fake Sales “Fifty Percent Off”The store signs all say,But I have to scoff---There is simply no wayThat the clothes I picked outFrom the “sale” in that store,Were---on this there’s no doubt---Ever...

. Celestial Potatoes Thanksgiving morning, poised I stand: near cutting board, honed knife in hand. My self-taught method must suffice: ten pounds of tubers, peel and dice, pot-boil, purée with whipping...

. Montana High School Reunion The big fella who grew up in Butte, Claimed his high school sweetheart was so cute, __Going back would be grand __A reunion was planned So he went out and bought costly boots. He...

. A Recruiter Tells It as It Isn’t Your World War One recruitment agent prays he finds you well. Your King and Country says we need you for a dalliance in France. In gay Paris, you’ll get to chat and...

. Guy Fawkes Night Makeover November 5th! To Guy Fawkes let’s be kind--- no burning him in effigy this year. His hanged-and-drawn-and-quartered doom I find excessive; let’s reverse his fate most drear! His...

. I. I travel thanks to water, But do not float or sail. More quickly than an otter And have a smoke-like tail. What am I? . II>. II. When at the beach, I soak up sun, Look down on waves (that’s...

. The Walk Whether you call it a walk or a run, some animals tread on the water for fun, to flee, chase their food, or show off for their mate. Grebes, doing a dazzling dance for their date, slap their lobed...

. Their Principal Principle With their hideous lies and a gleam in their eyes They disable each new generation, For the best route to power in districts gone sour Is attacking the heart of the...

. Consequences of Following Advice Advice can come in snappy lines __That have a fun refrain: “Let a smile be your umbrella,” __Though that won’t block cold rain. They tell us that “To err is...

. Not the Same Thing Anymore Of most who go to school these days __It sadly must be stated, No longer can they be appraised __As being educated. . . Kids’ Most Common Mistake The most common...

. Autumn Reversed Once snowflakes have recrystalized,__they rise from where they fell;in Earth’s alternate universe__it’s early winter’s knell. The frost unfreezes, rain unfalls,__leaves littering the...

. What Mother Goose Neglected to Mention . A Soup Spoon Reflects upon His Past So the dish ran away with the spoon, we were told, __And he treated her well, bless his soul, But he realized, when he was...

. Cutie Pie Cat The pink-nosed face of Prospero my cat, Pink nose and white fur face, is what he rubs Against me, purring.  He does not know that I love him since he’s cute.  My finger scrubs His whiskers...

. The British Museum The best sources repeat it, unending, For the scholars in every lyceum: Many art works, of nations unlending, Can be found in the British Museum. There are statues and weapons and...

. Devotions Night after night, for nigh a year, When bedtime came, we’d watch our child Be overcome by his emotions: From glee, to rage, to childish fear, And us both stumped: What drove him so wild __And...

. Light Wave Heatwave When the temperature rises, a worker despises __The withering glare of the sun. When the sweat’s so profuse that our skin is a sluice, __Even golf and croquet ain’t no fun. A jug of...

. Supply and Demand Infinite happiness isn’t available. Something so precious just isn’t that scalable. Boundless dismay, though, is much more attainable. Being uncoveted, pain is quite gainable. . . Off...

. Garden Party The sparrows near the feeder flit and preen While predators politely quit the scene. A mockingbird is chirping up a storm, And soft drinks on the cart are getting warm. The worms beneath the...