Humor

. Ogre Food My parents, dear, although you love me so; and in your love, wish only for my best. Yet, to the first-grade class I will not go, nor shall I end my tears of loud protest. For fearful premonitions...

. Written in a Cubicle What spurs me, in this breathing grave of coffee mouths and cheeks unshaved, to stand upon my chair and shout, __"I'm out! I'm out of this forever-widening coop where glumness, going on...

. A Faithful Friend's Advice The girl you have is just the one for you— my head could not conceive a better match. She is your sun, your earth, the very glue that rightly holds your tattered life...

  Alive, Alive-o In Dublin’s fair city,Where the girls are so pretty,There lived an old woman,Who was well known to me;Where she sighed with amazement,At her new knee replacement,Singing, “Cartilege and...

. Territorializing Slithering slowly, so very precise, A methodic invader (and catcher of mice), She stealthily slips toward the enemy there, So unsuspecting, at rest by the chair. Without a diversion to aid...

. How I Spent My Spring Vacation: Poetry and Photography by James A. Tweedie . It Begins 45 Days Surrounded by the circle of the sea I cruise Atlantic waters, eastward bound, As knot by knot each longitude...

. Medusa's Sisters Medusa lost her head and found renown instead. Her living sisters roared, “And why are we ignored who so much fouler are and deadlier by far? “You’d think that she’d become the...

. Anachronistic Chaucer When April showers, forecast on TV,delayed our pilgrimage to Canterbury,an eating house, clept Hooters, we espiedbeside a leafy glade where we could bideour time in revelry and...

. The Ballad of Shamus Well, Shamus were a likely lad wid a good well-meanin’ ‘eart As strong as O’Malley’s ox, ‘dey say—but only ‘alf as smart. ‘Is ‘eart belonged to Nellie, aye ‘e wished...

. Innovative Thinking My long-time love gave me a special gift, a photo of himself when he was young. He even autographed it: “Love you! Dave.” From then, upon my wall this treasure hung where I could...

. Poetry Legacy Superb is her poetic contribution, Unique in its design and execution. She hopes the work is widely loved and lasting— With love beginning prior to her passing. . . Restricted Lane He sees...

. Spring Bloomers ---a triolet A lick of spring has kissed the air Whispering of skimpy knickers--- It’s time to toss thick underwear. A lick of spring has kissed the air. I’ll hurl my hat, let down my...

. Dirty Dishes The dust is often out of handAnd should I write my name uponThe coffee table and night standIt will be seen when morning dawns. But dishes, oh the dishes mustBe kept up or the sink will beFoul...

. The Wedding Dress The dress, first cleaned and vacuum-packed, _Was safely stored back then, Remaining perfectly intact _And never seen again. . . The Prestigious Publication’s Poetry The words seem...

. Be Careful What Ya’ Wish For Well, all o’ ya’ knows when ol’ Paddy McFarland’s _been drinkin’ ‘e’ll spin up a tale Oooozin’ with bits what is ‘ard to believe— _fer dem who ain’t...

. Vernal Equinox Germans call this season “frühling.” Spaniards name it “primavera.” Welshmen say the term is “gwanwyn.” Shetland trawlers go with “voar,” so Let’s resolve this with a...

. Equinox Blues Welcome to spring! The last snow may be past,_and bright blue frames the parting clouds.The sun rides longer in the sky, at last,_than lost to night’s slow–ebbing shrouds. The weather’s...

. Simple Simon Responds to Sayings of Captain Obvious English literature tends to be wordy. Many tricks are exceedingly dirty. On a bright sunny day the whole sky appears bluish. All the teachers that pray in...

. Mussolini's Minions ---Segesta, 2012 Entranced, we wander round the temple site.The hot Sicilian sun beats down. I’m frayed,now seek the parking lot's uncertain shade.My brother John’s nearby, though not...

. Gossiping Hinges Some think we hinges only squeak __because we seek __an oily drop __to make us stop, but hinges gossip day and night, __our message, quite __distinctive. We, __with raucous glee, say 'hi' to...

. Give Praise for These Days of Old Age You’re up in the morning, you moan and you groan, You’re feeling the grinding of bone against bone. When your knees have embarked on a life of their own, _Then give...

. Howl at the River Howl at the river, cry me a moon; Blow up on a drum, and beat a balloon; Smirk like a sailor, drink like a prig’ Eat like a football, drop-kick a pig. Jimmy crack rainbow, over the...

. Capacity “This is too big and inexcusably Extravagant, so next time I insist We buy a smaller glass. This one will be Always half-empty,” said the realist. “You say this from experience,”...

. How Did You Woo Me? Let Me Count the Way You didn’t sweep in on a snowy steedClad in armor buffed until it glittered---A shining knight of bright and mighty deedClutching ribboned gifts on which you’d...

. Lines for Your Valentines Without you here, my life is like A broken pencil, simply pointless. And if you tell me to take a hike, My legs won’t move, you’ve made them jointless. When I got up today I...

. Moments Matter When my daughter was just three __I took her to the zoo. She laughed and smiled and had a blast __And I myself did, too. My friends said, “Why did you do that? __She will not recall The day...

. Concerning Snow ---a conversation between Beauty and Necessity “Well, there you go again.” “What's that?” “Come now, don't act so innocent. You see that plow out there, defacing what it took all...

. Classic Case History Though I was blind, it wasn’t hard to see That blindness was a gift at least as good As any other. People seeing me As someone less insightful than he should Have been were blurry...

. . Sonnet 1 I felt like trying something new today, And so I put my pen upon a page To mimic Shakespeare's famous olden way— A style which, I hear, was all the rage. So here I am committing fourteen...

. The Great Rub-off Norm and Zip, in mismatched chairs, __were sipping tea and talking, when Desi, their loyal hound, said, “Listen, __you’re shedding like me!” (How shocking!) Norm spat out his...

. Watch Out! Now, “The Three Little Pigs” is a tale More for cautioning than for amusing: Learn its lessons and you may prevail; Heed them not, and you may end up losing. For we, none of us, live in a...

. Bollical Dogs I have a complaint! T.S. Eliot hogs All the fun with his stories of Jellicle Cats! So let me (inspired by zoo catalogs) Write of beasts ripe for versificational chats. But shall I vaunt...

. A Freshman Pep Talk ---upon reading “Composers to Listen to While Studying,”by Andrew Benson Brown, in The Epoch Times, Nov. 2, 2024 You’re ready? Get down to it, cram the night through.What a...

. Oh, the Days Oh, the days of poop and vomit! My best dress had drool upon it While I walked my teething child Up and down the hall for miles. Oh, the days of poop and vomit! When the baby chose to not...

. Help! I Can’t Stop Speaking in Iambic! Help! I can’t stop speaking in iambic Pentameter! No matter what I say, Somehow it keeps on coming out that way. It’s not the first time. Could it be a...

. Christmas in Florida I watched him pass! St. Nick himself---Kris Kringle,Who hails from Buffalo, not the North Pole.He waved; I heard bells on his golf-cart jingleAs he sang karaoke rock and roll. That’s...

. The Drift of Dark Days November is a time for us to grieve About the dying of the warmth and light, About the passing of our joie de vivre, As we await the bitter arctic bite. Near-perfect vees of fleeing...

. Fake Sales “Fifty Percent Off”The store signs all say,But I have to scoff---There is simply no wayThat the clothes I picked outFrom the “sale” in that store,Were---on this there’s no doubt---Ever...

. Celestial Potatoes Thanksgiving morning, poised I stand: near cutting board, honed knife in hand. My self-taught method must suffice: ten pounds of tubers, peel and dice, pot-boil, purée with whipping...

. Montana High School Reunion The big fella who grew up in Butte, Claimed his high school sweetheart was so cute, __Going back would be grand __A reunion was planned So he went out and bought costly boots. He...