Satire

USAID USAID Mission Statement: On behalf of the American people, we promote and demonstrate democratic values abroad, and advance a free, peaceful, and prosperous world. We are funding a world that’s more...

. The Judge Addresses the Defendant "Living in America is like serving in the army; ninety percent of conduct is prescribed by law and the remaining ten percent by the esprit de corps." —Albert Jay Nock Of...

. The Untimely Demise of My Dear Uncle Sam I received the somber news __as sun set low today. My beloved Uncle Sam __by death was swept away. It wasn’t on the battlefield that __he met his demise. ‘Twas...

. The Discharge of the Woke Brigade ---after Tennyson Half a mil, half a mil, __Half a mil onward, __All from the Treasury ____Filched the encumbered. __‘Forward, the Woke Brigade, __Mooch till the end!’...

. Wisdom and Sway Life was tranquil and calm, not a care, not a qualm, in a town not too near you, but not far away. It was led by a mayor, a powerful player, a grandiose mayor with wisdom and sway. We’d...

. Pearls or Swine? Pray show me how to tell a pearl from swine. I have a thirst for sanity to slake. I seek a clue---a firm not fluid sign To steer me from the sway of all that’s fake. While Einsteins whine...

. Four Newsy Limericks . A pedophile, if you should see one, Must not be reported. The reason? __It could be your fate __That you’d be charged with “hate.” A crime worse by far than to be...

. O Delta Smelt O Delta Smelt of silver scale, O threatened gem of fin and tail, In brackish waters made just so By crimson hands as ill winds blow, Your saviors sing of Toad and Whale. As fires rage and...

. Payday Before the crash, the market looked so strong. I doled out cash and credit, buying in While others sold. But, sadly, I was wrong About this, confidence my greatest sin, And I have duly suffered, if...

. A Hero in My Head Though never even in the war he loomed A hero there.  At least in my blond head, Our father braved it out where Jap planes zoomed And zapped his buddies.  All but him were doomed To bit...

. Kill or Cure? “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patientwhile nature cures the disease.” ---Voltaire . Possible Side Effects: May cause lacerations to lobes of the brain__Or clusters of...

. Americans in Florence Ooo David! Whoa, you’re well-hung! But why a foreskin, underslung? Your left hand, do you hold a sling or dead Goliath's severed thing? Stop giggling, girls, show some respect. You...

. 'Twas the Day After Christmas ‘Twas the day after Christmas. Mom went to the store To return all her presents and gift herself more. The stockings still hung on the big mantle there, While she was out...

. The Interview “Respect my grammar rules or else,” K said, “This interview will be extremely short. Or better yet, I’ll summon you to court.” My pulse raced. I could feel my face turn red. K said,...

. Song of the Sophist a pantoum I tiptoe past all that is true--- The facts never matter to me. My aim is to wheedle and woo. I peddle malarkey with glee. The facts never matter to me. I fib as I fox and...

. Journalists Live in a Fantasy World If you like fiction, then turn on the news. You will hear journalists giving their views. Facts are conveniently pushed to the side; Truth becomes something that they may...

. Sharpton He talks his walk and walks his talk and then He walks his talk and talks his walk again. The walk he talks goes nowhere I can see. The talk he walks seems jabberwock to me. But everybody thinks...

. Homemade Halos---An Election Reflection “Celebrity endorsements say a lot: they say you’re a liberal, an elitist, and a cultural progressive,” Mr. O’Reilly said. “An Oprah or Clooney endorsement is...

. When Fervid Female Stoops to Folly after Goldsmith’s “When lovely woman stoops to folly” When fervid female stoops to folly and starts insisting she is male, proclaiming that she’s Paul, not...

. Black Friday Before Christmas Many of the stories are real ones from the Internet. ‘Twas the month before Christmas right after Thanksgiving.I ate lots of turkey. I really was living.I decided to go to the...

. The Ballad of Mark and P’Nut The lamp is lit, computer’s on, __My coffee has been brewed. I scroll to find the harrowing tale, __The story millions viewed. At twelve o’clock, October’s end, __A rap...

. A Colossal Event of Avoidance “This is a colossal event of avoidance not just in the state of Florida, but you will find avoidance in the Carolinas.” ---Marn’i Washington, FEMA Supervisor, November...

. Saint Andrew My Uncle Andrew lived his lifeInflicting others pain and strife.‘Twas always said by mother dear“No good shall come of it, you hear!”He’d swill the hooch and whop his wifeOr kids within...

. Feeding the Alligators The orange king of lava tongue has won. He sings a spangled song that rings throughout A plundered land where dreams and gold once sprung. He's here to nourish hope and conquer...

. Voting Advice When we vote in each election,few with brains will ever run.So, when we make our selection,we elect a simpleton. When a massive problem’s brewingthat can tear apart the state,since they...

. Hey Gen Z, There’s a Huge Inheritance Coming Your Way Inheritance? What could it be? __A house? A yacht? A jet? No way. It’s much, much bigger. __It’s called the National Debt. The debt is 35 trillion...

. The Knucklehead Defense If you’ve implied that you have fought in war,but meant your statements more as metaphordesigned so you’ll appear to be less lame,the Knucklehead Defense will clear your name. If...

. Sonnet 83 A thankless task. You churn them singly out. They’re ordered chronologic’ly. And when someone asks idly what they’re all about, you can’t avow a single theme. But then you add as...

. Not So Grand Poo-bah Middle brother with lesser brain, Descended from the killer Cain. More grasping man you never saw, Believes he is the Grand Poo-bah. He flew down south to get his Dad, But he was not a...

. Contemporary Logic Tattoos were blanketing her skin, Pierced everywhere, objects put in, Eyelash extensions, purple-haired, “I love my body,” she declared. . . Stolen Land I heard two liberals talk at...

. Mother Government We modern people don’t believe that pointless rituals relieve the crushing angst felt deep within, that we once thought was caused by sin. But Mother Government has shown to all of us...

. The Waste Land: 2028 You said you loved her---everything about her---Her color, accents, laugh, that she was woke.Her joy outweighed all duty and was louder!America, you said, should go for broke.You...

. It Must Be True In The Jungle Book Kipling describes the “Bandar-log”—the monkeys of the Seeonee Jungle—whose scatterbrained chatter is epitomized by their slogan, “We are great... We are the most...

. Carcinoma The NHS, though poised and calm, Have so far done no hurt or harm, Towards this cancer on my arm. They saw it there a month ago, And told me it would have to go; Since then I’ve sat and watched...

. Political Musings . While bumbling Biden’s basking on the beach, The Donald’s dodging bullets in the breach. . Abortion this, abortion that—it’s 24/7; But not a word about the smash and grab at...

. The Fool Astrology has always left me cold (As cold, at least, as interstellar space); The lines along my palm can only trace The rate at which my hand is growing old. My observation of the Ouija board Says...

. Send in the Clones Year One. Computer, help me make this switch! This lab is now my church. Advance my mission: To nail the science for my sex transition! Frustration makes me positively twitch--- I scratch...

. The British Museum The best sources repeat it, unending, For the scholars in every lyceum: Many art works, of nations unlending, Can be found in the British Museum. There are statues and weapons and...

. The Chief Baker Responds to Joseph "And Joseph answered and said, This is the interpretation thereof: The three baskets are three days: Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and...

. Something in the Water The swimmer had removed her clothes, __Then turned and gave a wail, For in the dressing room there was __A biologic male. Man’s voice, broad shoulders, 6 foot 4, __With men he could...