Satire

. A Colossal Event of Avoidance “This is a colossal event of avoidance not just in the state of Florida, but you will find avoidance in the Carolinas.” ---Marn’i Washington, FEMA Supervisor, November 11, 2024 A colossal event of avoidance occurred when a storm came and went causing damage unheard...

. Saint Andrew My Uncle Andrew lived his lifeInflicting others pain and strife.‘Twas always said by mother dear“No good shall come of it, you hear!”He’d swill the hooch and whop his wifeOr kids within an inch of life.From trollops he would not abstain,Howled at the Pastor with disdain.These tales I...

. Feeding the Alligators The orange king of lava tongue has won. He sings a spangled song that rings throughout A plundered land where dreams and gold once sprung. He's here to nourish hope and conquer doubt. The bullet-bitten boomerang is back. The cackle of the camel is no more....

. Voting Advice When we vote in each election,few with brains will ever run.So, when we make our selection,we elect a simpleton. When a massive problem’s brewingthat can tear apart the state,since they don’t know what they’re doing,they will always obfuscate. They’ll create a new Commissionthat will study things to...

. Hey Gen Z, There’s a Huge Inheritance Coming Your Way Inheritance? What could it be? __A house? A yacht? A jet? No way. It’s much, much bigger. __It’s called the National Debt. The debt is 35 trillion plus. __An upward trend is clear. We add at least another trillion...

. The Knucklehead Defense If you’ve implied that you have fought in war,but meant your statements more as metaphordesigned so you’ll appear to be less lame,the Knucklehead Defense will clear your name. If you are ever charged with DUI,and you’re a Democrat then you can lie.There is no need to prove...

. Sonnet 83 A thankless task. You churn them singly out. They’re ordered chronologic’ly. And when someone asks idly what they’re all about, you can’t avow a single theme. But then you add as afterthought, “I like being arch”--- you’d think wit travels on iambic wheels. Alas, the modern earnestness...

. Not So Grand Poo-bah Middle brother with lesser brain, Descended from the killer Cain. More grasping man you never saw, Believes he is the Grand Poo-bah. He flew down south to get his Dad, But he was not a thoughtful lad; Gained the Will through sheer chutzpah, Controls it...

. Contemporary Logic Tattoos were blanketing her skin, Pierced everywhere, objects put in, Eyelash extensions, purple-haired, “I love my body,” she declared. . . Stolen Land I heard two liberals talk at length About the theft of native lands, And what a shame it was that strength Determined how it...

. Mother Government We modern people don’t believe that pointless rituals relieve the crushing angst felt deep within, that we once thought was caused by sin. But Mother Government has shown to all of us that she alone has what it takes to intercede and give us what we truly...

. The Waste Land: 2028 You said you loved her---everything about her---Her color, accents, laugh, that she was woke.Her joy outweighed all duty and was louder!America, you said, should go for broke.You shrugged when unelected politiciansAll propped her up like Stalin’s politburo.You wanted a divorce from white patricians,To socialize the...

. It Must Be True In The Jungle Book Kipling describes the “Bandar-log”—the monkeys of the Seeonee Jungle—whose scatterbrained chatter is epitomized by their slogan, “We are great... We are the most wonderful people in all the jungle! We all say so, and so it must be true.”  She’s wonderful,...

. Carcinoma The NHS, though poised and calm, Have so far done no hurt or harm, Towards this cancer on my arm. They saw it there a month ago, And told me it would have to go; Since then I’ve sat and watched it grow. Maybe they’re planning what to...

. Political Musings . While bumbling Biden’s basking on the beach, The Donald’s dodging bullets in the breach. . Abortion this, abortion that—it’s 24/7; But not a word about the smash and grab at 7-Eleven. . Kamala never mentions God, Or faith, or Jesus Christ. How odd. . While Secret...

. The Fool Astrology has always left me cold (As cold, at least, as interstellar space); The lines along my palm can only trace The rate at which my hand is growing old. My observation of the Ouija board Says spirits of the dead should learn to spell; And, much...

. Send in the Clones Year One. Computer, help me make this switch! This lab is now my church. Advance my mission: To nail the science for my sex transition! Frustration makes me positively twitch--- I scratch and scratch but still can’t get that itch. A swirl of chic mascara,...

. The British Museum The best sources repeat it, unending, For the scholars in every lyceum: Many art works, of nations unlending, Can be found in the British Museum. There are statues and weapons and baskets, Which could fill the entire Colosseum; Plus, amphoras and armor and caskets. All are...

. The Chief Baker Responds to Joseph "And Joseph answered and said, This is the interpretation thereof: The three baskets are three days: Yet within three days shall Pharaoh lift up thy head from off thee, and shall hang thee on a tree; and the birds shall eat thy flesh...

. Something in the Water The swimmer had removed her clothes, __Then turned and gave a wail, For in the dressing room there was __A biologic male. Man’s voice, broad shoulders, 6 foot 4, __With men he could not win. But then the college gurus __As a woman let him...

. California Meme-ing ---on Gov. Newsom's recent ban of AI deepfake memes The perilous and puckish AI fairy Has magicked mocking memes so sharp they've shocked Grand Guvnor Noos'em---spoofs have proved so scary His poison pen has got this scoffing blocked. Just like the wondrous works of finest fiction These...

. Let’s Laugh at Leftists with a nod to Joseph S. Salemi Step right up and see the freaks, Who call sane values mere antiques! Hear them weep and moan and whine When you won’t ape the party line! See the clowns: “transgendered” males Who grow their hair and paint...

. An Awkward Endorsement on Putin's recent endorsement of Kamala Harris for president There's no disputing, Putin's put the boot in. In rooting for Ms. Harris, he has sent The press into a tizzy. Now they're shootin' For reasons to declare Vlad's backing bent. How dare this cunning, Trump-adoring chump...

. Where Virtue Dies In the city of Washington, where virtue dies in the immoral sewage as it putrefies, those who tell the most brazen, despicable lies, and accumulate sound bites that self-aggrandize, trade their souls in for power that they exercise for their personal profit, to no great surprise....

. Married to the Mob He’s going out again today. What for? His hundredth chance to settle some old score? “Damn this! Screw that! Free cash! Free hash! More war!” It seems some things just never change, Maxine. He grabs a spear or full-armed magazine And boasts his protests cure...

. Stolen Valor ---a poem in unheroic couplets Osama used his wives as human shields When being hunted down by Navy Seals; Bruce Ismay engineered Titanic’s fail Then slipped into a lifeboat ‘neath a veil. When Jefferson Davis faced Union duress He stole away in makeup and a dress. In...

. Lucifer’s Lament They’ve gone too far. They’ve set the bar So high that I’m no longer star Of My own show. Their hellish plot Has hurled Me from the hottest spot. Their claims of care are thin as air. They castrate all the boys who dare To think in...

. Regime Change Banana republics are known for how they Take power from rulers and give it away To those who the country’s Deep State might prefer— Regardless of whether the people concur. Regime-change transitions can sometimes seem deft, While behind the scenes it’s more rightly called theft. And like...

. Back-Door Pastoral Apologies to all you urbanites, To decent people who prefer to live Amidst the noise with far too many lights, Who find it much too easy to forgive The traffic and the mendicants who claim They have no home.  I’m saddened to announce That swamps and urban...

. The “La Vache Qui Rit” Candidate Here she comes smiling a big toothy grin at us Laughing and cackling her candidate talk— Does she make sense? No, she isn’t quite good at that; All she can manage is chitchat and squawk. She’s the Vice President, smug and unflappable, Certain...

. Well-Armed Lamb “Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!” ---Benjamin Franklin Two wolves and one lone lamb sat down __to vote upon their lunch. That’s when the lamb began to frown __because he had...

. Brainwashed and Hopeless My old friend is a doctor---very bright, But he just said to me the GOP, Opposed equality and human rights, Here’s how such nonsense likely came to be. Conservatives must not be in his sphere, Or else it wasn’t politics they spoke. So everything he watches,...

. Fed Up It’s not just fogies and the aging nanniesThat look askance at all the mixed-up trannies.The everyday American has had itWith flagrant bald hypocrisy so bad itReminds them of the old Obama years,But nowadays there is no time for tears. . . Findings of the Proctors of Proctology...

.. 1. Generative artificial intelligence As for-profit tech makes some obverse sense: It markets to itself, its own monopoly Secured on genuine stupidity. . 2. The chattering class, of which society is knit: Such empty suits, chock-full of so much shit. . 3. Though I am all for proper dress,...

. On the Dine-and-Dash Phenomenon In restaurants, we dined but didn’t pay; we gourmandised, then upped and ran away. An appetiser, main course and dessert, we wolfed them down until our bellies hurt. The wife, the brats, yours truly, ate our fill and promptly legged it---no one paid the bill....

. Sidetracked Life’s troubles come in all varieties,From nagging aches that barely raise a frown,To fearsome packs of deep anxietiesThat, given half a chance, will drag us down. Much worse is when assaults get physical,Break bones, tear muscles, even puncture skin.Expressions on good days turn quizzical;On bad days our complaints...

. Mates of the Greats Gauguin the banker thought Painting while married was Quite a nice hobby And so did his wife. But then in Tahiti Paul met with a sweetie And lived on papaya The rest of his life. Pity poor Vincent, he Starved and he painted, and Cut...

. The Latest Gender Identity He’s fat, but he identifies as skinny, Insisting everybody call him “Mini.” He now, of course, considers “slim” his gender, And must henceforth be referenced as “trans-slender.” . . Responding to Texts My friend will often not respond to texts. He said to me that...

. . They Say Somebody Said This; It Must Be True! Some people love to share with you news they’ve been told, but may not know all juicy details. They’ll ask, “Do you know more stuff? What have you heard?” You’ll say, “Now don’t repeat a word. Here’s what I...

. A Formalist Walks into a Bar... “Dear barkeep, give me something most unsweet,I like my drinks with an astringent bite.And please forego the rocks and make it neat,My sorrows this nepenthe soundly smites.” This gentleman was followed by a Greek,Who really loved his rhyming and technique. “Nepenthe? That elixir...

. Upon Learning of Trump's Conviction _America is big;__Does things in style:Like setting up a President__And rigging his trial. _America is small;__Does things with guile:No charge against the President---_Hey, not fair: senile! . . James Sale has had over 50 books published, most recently, “Mapping Motivation for Top Performing Teams” (Routledge,...