Satire

. If You Ever Break Down If you ever break down somewhere far from your friends _And you stick out your thumb for a ride. Don’t expect that a Beemer or Mercedes-Benz _Will slow down or pull up alongside. What you hope you will see is an open-bed truck _With...

. Big Pharma Ads Are Everywhere Big Pharma ads are everywhere __Suffusing my TV. They fail to give me confidence __that they are right for me. They start with all the maladies __their medicine is for. Then give the possibilities __of dangers I abhor. The list of all the side...

. The Wife of Bath and Winston Smith Go on a Date ---after Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and George Orwell's 1984 The Wife of Bath was fashionably late,while propagandist, Winston Smith---her date---sat waiting at the Chestnut Tree Café.The buxom, gap-toothed dame walked with a swayof ample hips, an amorous, long-toothed...

. My Meltdown Over the Meltdown I’ve worked since the summer when I was thirteen. Selling pink lemonade gave me plenty of green. I want to retire, but it won’t be today. I call my investments “my 201K.” Those investments are melting. I’m getting depressed. They’re melting as fast as...

. Spot the Fool! ---for April Fools’ Day, 2025 . I.  Today’s the day to fox and fool. Today’s the day to flick some fuel On laughter with a cuckoo joke, A wicked lark, a wacko poke So sick Old Nick will think it cool. Today’s the day to warp...

. Ink A lot of people nowadays adorn The spotless skin they had when they were born. While many think it’s smart to gild a lily, Dissenters deem this practice downright silly. As beauty’s in the vision of the gazer, Mistakes can be corrected with a laser. Now, when it...

. The Lilliputians Confront Elon Musk One giant has thoughts that are new and transcendent,It’s clearly a sign that he’s too independent.He claims that he’s bringing electrificationof cars, and affordable space exploration. It’s right that we fear disingenuous giantssince we can’t be certain of their full compliance.They pose a great...

. Learning Curves In classrooms smeared with monkey poop__Where questions meet deceit,She heard she came from soupy gloop---__A slab of soulless meat.Her teachers preached from thrones of bones---__They dragged brains to the brinkOf simian survival zones__That missed a vital link. Professors of the hammer tore__The wings from seraphim.They tethered lore...

. Ode to The New York Times O, soulless source of leftist propaganda Known still throughout the world as “The Gray Lady”--- You promulgate destructive memoranda From sources Soros-like---depraved and shady. O, bastion of foul racism---malicious, And full of maladroit depravity! You warp the news with communist pollution; Your social...

. Eternally Grounded There’s up and down, forward and back, Of opposites we have no lack. We have the dark and we have light, And we have left as well as right. We’ll choose to fight or run away, Keep moving on or maybe stay. Might be joyous or just...

. Kitchen-Sink Musings It’s International Women’s Day today But as a flunkee in biology I’m told I’m far from qualified to pay Fair tribute to such morphing majesty. As I’m a wombed and bosomed dinosaur With brazen XX chromosomes to boot, I’ve lost my precious Reddy right to roar--- My...

. Bloat A warrior is battling the bloat Of bulging skivers bleeding strivers dry--- The gloating glut of grubbers kept afloat By worn out workers as these shirkers shy Away from promises that snared their vote. A warrior is battling the bloat. A conqueror is scything surplus fat. The plumpest...

. Mr. Bluebird Your spirit rose before I spied your form. It dulled the winter sting and stilled the storm. Your warming warble quelled the bitter chill--- __A merry trill. I saw you perched upon a leafless limb--- A feathered chorister of crystal hymn. Your pristine chirrup sliced through ire...

. Sophisticated Stupidity Preserve the fish, defend the trees_And save the wilting daisies;Protect the coral in the seas_But kill the unborn babies.Such is the logic on displayBy science “experts” of today. Recycle and conserve the earth_For future generations,Prevent environmental dearth---_What pious aspirations!Yet underneath the verbal frills,We see extorted dollar bills....

. Margaret Brennan’s Plan to Stop Genocide “Well, he was standing in a country where free speech was weaponized to conduct a genocide" ---Margaret Brennan, February 16, 2025 on “Face the Nation” Miss Margaret Brennan just proved she is wise, and her brilliance has finally opened our eyes. She has...

. Aged Elation When reaching that age where you fear getting slow, The advent of faculties starting to go, It’s great inspiration---you can’t ask for more--- To figure out something you couldn’t before. . . Adaptation We aren’t blessed with complete compatibility. At times I’m not so sweet; you more...

. Dog Eat Dog As cells get divided, if outcomes are guided _completely by rolling the dice, the fit must survive so their genes stay alive, _while the weak pay the ultimate price. So students of Darwin, say people who are win- _ners of this genetic roulette must all procreate...

. A Bogus Bishop’s Prayer My prayer is not pitched heavenward _To fall upon deaf ears. It’s lashed to Earth for greater good. _It cashes in on tears. It's feathered several nests for years--- _I'm Croesus-rich and famed. I’m feasting at the public trough _And I am not ashamed. My...

USAID USAID Mission Statement: On behalf of the American people, we promote and demonstrate democratic values abroad, and advance a free, peaceful, and prosperous world. We are funding a world that’s more peaceful and free through the taxpayer funded USAID, but its nature is hidden behind a facade that disguises...

. The Judge Addresses the Defendant "Living in America is like serving in the army; ninety percent of conduct is prescribed by law and the remaining ten percent by the esprit de corps." —Albert Jay Nock Of course you have free speech. I wouldn’t sit Here on the Federal bench...

. The Untimely Demise of My Dear Uncle Sam I received the somber news __as sun set low today. My beloved Uncle Sam __by death was swept away. It wasn’t on the battlefield that __he met his demise. ‘Twas long before when men ignored __the counsel of the wise. Through...

. The Discharge of the Woke Brigade ---after Tennyson Half a mil, half a mil, __Half a mil onward, __All from the Treasury ____Filched the encumbered. __‘Forward, the Woke Brigade, __Mooch till the end!’ Prof said. __Into the jaws of debt ____Dove the encumbered. __‘Forward, the Woke Brigade!’ __Was there...

. Wisdom and Sway Life was tranquil and calm, not a care, not a qualm, in a town not too near you, but not far away. It was led by a mayor, a powerful player, a grandiose mayor with wisdom and sway. We’d always considered the sky to be blue....

. Pearls or Swine? Pray show me how to tell a pearl from swine. I have a thirst for sanity to slake. I seek a clue---a firm not fluid sign To steer me from the sway of all that’s fake. While Einsteins whine and eggheads bellyache, As boundaries blur and...

. Four Newsy Limericks . A pedophile, if you should see one, Must not be reported. The reason? __It could be your fate __That you’d be charged with “hate.” A crime worse by far than to be one. . It’s easier dealing with China, Than rebuilding in South Carolina __When...

. O Delta Smelt O Delta Smelt of silver scale, O threatened gem of fin and tail, In brackish waters made just so By crimson hands as ill winds blow, Your saviors sing of Toad and Whale. As fires rage and hydrants fail, As houses blaze and hopes grow pale,...

. Payday Before the crash, the market looked so strong. I doled out cash and credit, buying in While others sold. But, sadly, I was wrong About this, confidence my greatest sin, And I have duly suffered, if my bank Account means anything. For such mistakes I have myself and...

. A Hero in My Head Though never even in the war he loomed A hero there.  At least in my blond head, Our father braved it out where Jap planes zoomed And zapped his buddies.  All but him were doomed To bit part deaths bespattered with blood red. Though...

. Kill or Cure? “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patientwhile nature cures the disease.” ---Voltaire . Possible Side Effects: May cause lacerations to lobes of the brain__Or clusters of pustular zits,Neuritis, cystitis, abdominal pain__And gaseous doses of squits.Stop taking if aching and waking at night__With loss of...

. Americans in Florence Ooo David! Whoa, you’re well-hung! But why a foreskin, underslung? Your left hand, do you hold a sling or dead Goliath's severed thing? Stop giggling, girls, show some respect. You know we all must genuflect before Great Art. Meh, this is slop. C’mon, let’s go, we’re...

. 'Twas the Day After Christmas ‘Twas the day after Christmas. Mom went to the store To return all her presents and gift herself more. The stockings still hung on the big mantle there, While she was out shopping with nary a care. The children were playing with their Christmas...

. The Interview “Respect my grammar rules or else,” K said, “This interview will be extremely short. Or better yet, I’ll summon you to court.” My pulse raced. I could feel my face turn red. K said, “Respect my pronouns: ‘It and Them.’ My genderqueer identity’s protected. My tats, my...

. Song of the Sophist a pantoum I tiptoe past all that is true--- The facts never matter to me. My aim is to wheedle and woo. I peddle malarkey with glee. The facts never matter to me. I fib as I fox and digress. I peddle malarkey with glee....

. Journalists Live in a Fantasy World If you like fiction, then turn on the news. You will hear journalists giving their views. Facts are conveniently pushed to the side; Truth becomes something that they may deride. Journalists live in a fantasy world: Lies are their truth while dumb insults...

. Sharpton He talks his walk and walks his talk and then He walks his talk and talks his walk again. The walk he talks goes nowhere I can see. The talk he walks seems jabberwock to me. But everybody thinks his talk is grand And make him rich by...

. Homemade Halos---An Election Reflection “Celebrity endorsements say a lot: they say you’re a liberal, an elitist, and a cultural progressive,” Mr. O’Reilly said. “An Oprah or Clooney endorsement is the kiss of death in large swaths of the country now.” ---from “Old-School Celebrities Could Not Move the Needle," New...

. When Fervid Female Stoops to Folly after Goldsmith’s “When lovely woman stoops to folly” When fervid female stoops to folly and starts insisting she is male, proclaiming that she’s Paul, not Polly, she’s bought a lie beyond the pale. Can happiness stem from such a fable? No. Bodies are...

. Black Friday Before Christmas Many of the stories are real ones from the Internet. ‘Twas the month before Christmas right after Thanksgiving.I ate lots of turkey. I really was living.I decided to go to the big shopping mallTo buy gifts in advance that would this year enthrall.The parking was...

. The Ballad of Mark and P’Nut The lamp is lit, computer’s on, __My coffee has been brewed. I scroll to find the harrowing tale, __The story millions viewed. At twelve o’clock, October’s end, __A rap upon the door, Mark opened it and six armed men __Tackled him to the...

. A Colossal Event of Avoidance “This is a colossal event of avoidance not just in the state of Florida, but you will find avoidance in the Carolinas.” ---Marn’i Washington, FEMA Supervisor, November 11, 2024 A colossal event of avoidance occurred when a storm came and went causing damage unheard...