Satire

. Miss Pronoun-ciation She know how Grammar Nazis be all anal. Their like theyre fancy, boring words—so banal. When grading papers, allways giving discounts— All airy like some Eiffel-tootin viscounts. “Sowhatif words ain’t spaced write? For one hole Your making a big deal—its’ hyperbole.” (Don’t judge…she goes to public school....

. The Proud “You are proud because you live in those high, inaccessible cliffs. ‘Who can ever reach us way up here!’ you boast. Don’t fool yourselves! Though you soar as high as eagles, and build your nest among the stars, I will bring you plummeting down,” says the Lord....

. Counsel from a Self-Help Guru I haven’t come here purposed with defendingYour excesses or manifold omissions,Or promise all of you a happy ending:I’m here to explicate a few conditions That bear on how you’ll elevate your game.If you repeat your most egregious errors,The end-result will likely be the sameAnd...

. How to Build a Monster Don’t bother digging corpses up to suture body parts; Don’t seek out full-moon werewolves or unstake vampiric hearts--- For monsters can be crafted much more easily of late: First, take a child and train him to hate everyone you hate. Then sneer at common...

.\ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8of3uhG1tCI . Uncle Joe B inspired by “The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B,” sung by the Andrews Sisters, lyrics by Don Raye and Hughie Prince He was an up an’ comin’ kid from down New Castle way. The game of blowin’ hard he knew just how to...

. State of the Apple Pie I stepped into the finest restaurant, A destination nearly all would want, My expectations firmly in the sky, From its long famous, luscious apple pie. A pie I’d savored since I learned to crawl, Jam-packed with apples, three full inches tall. OK, the fat...

. The Mock Savior's Song also known as the Mobster Quadrille, after Lewis Carroll Saving critters from extinction (lonely lovelies, prone and rare) Is our calling. Gaia told us, “Save the toad with tufty hair!” Our imperiled fuzzy buddies are our busy destiny--- Help preserve these coiffured croakers---will you come...

. Hymn to Evolving Faith after C.S. Lewis Lead us, Liberalism, lead us Past hidebound inerrancy; Prick us with your needle, bleed us Of our elders’ certainty (Mired in knowing they keep sowing Biblical idolatry). Culture always is evolving; Paul is often obsolete. Who would look to him for solving...

. Victim Shaming Nancy Mace, a U.S. Congresswoman for South Carolina, was interviewed by George Stephanopoulos, former Communications Director for President Bill Clinton, on ABC News on March 10, 2024  Clinton often acted grossly long before we listened closely to each victim’s tale of terror, thinking they’d just made an...

. Good Intentions “One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision.” ---Bertrand Russell The highway to our current hell was paved by those who all meant well. They sit...

. Fani Fever Wide eyes are mesmerized by Fani Willis In pink as vivid as an amaryllis. The guy she gadded with—was he her beau? Did fraud and flesh collide? Did this pro know Her casual colleague in a carnal sense? Brains blaze at this piqued diva’s hot defense… Exotic...

. Credit Does it make any sense, For me to have pride, When I just dispense, What God put inside? And is it the same, If I’m disappointed, When public acclaim Is not what’s anointed? . . Repetition If someone frequently creates annoying situations, And you respond to them continuously...

. In Praise of Braising Aphids "New archaeological evidence shows that ancient humans ate each other surprisingly often---sometimes for compassionate reasons. The finds give us an opportunity to reassess our views on the practice." __---NewScientist Magazine, February 2024 When feasting on our kin is pushed this way Enveloped in a...

. Textual Harassment Now listen, Sunshine, I don’t mean to carp, But I’m the agent, pal. You’re just the writer. You’re smart, but “smart” means bupkis. Make a sharp Turn leftward, be a social justice fighter. Wise up! Start speaking woke or else don’t look At me to help you...

. Puddleplat Place The pill-popping people of Puddleplat Place, __Were a very unhealthy lot. You could tell by the pained look on everyone’s face __That ‘blooming with health’ they were not. For every discomfort and every complaint, __They crawled to their local GP, Who would give them prescriptions with little...

. Crosses and Losses I tried to write a poem to acclaim The passion flashing like a lightning strike Between a man and woman, though the same Return to normal from a single spike. It’s hard to say true love is like those hearts Of valentines and candies from the...

. Off Switch My brain hurt every time I thought, so then I thought “I’d rather not.” I found the off switch to my brain and thought, “Why turn it on again?” Without my brain, but with my heart, at long last, I felt really smart. Without the need to...

. . I See Dead People Don’t tell me that my mind’s no longer keen And that I should be in a nursing home. I’m still in charge, as sharp as a machine. For instance take that summit back in Rome: I chatted with my dead friend Mitterand And told...

. Proof of Climate Change The proof of existential crisis climate change is seen In too much snow, too little snow, and all that’s in between. When yearly total snowfall veers from norms more than a smidgeon, Such climate change disaster evidence is like religion. . . A Claudine Gay...

. A Pro Who Can Con “Truth” is whatever will further the movement. You’re “credible” if you are telling the “truth.” “School” is my method to inculcate values into the minds of our pliable youth. “Investment” means piling up debt on our children. My “right” to free stuff means that...

. Long List of Requirements The sweet and lovely woman sought __A man to call her own. She had lots of prerequisites __And kept them cast in stone. Some friends were worried such a list __Would court futility. But she felt it was needed for __Compatibility. All those with vast...

. Fallen Hummingbird A formal-verse remake of a free-verse poem of the same name written by my mother on October 16, 2000, in memory of my grandmother Your hands, dear mother, on my mind have been— Your calm and comfort-giving hands, so thin And bruised, impossible to recognize, From where...

. A Valedictorian’s Address at Harvard, about Claudine Gay written at the request of Brian Yapko, and in deepest appreciation of Chris Rufo, who broke this story wide open We’re gathered here to say goodbye to Harvard’s precious flower— The moving trucks are ready to clear out her little bower....

. Symbolic Expression As polar opposites these days,The liberals and conservativesExpress opinions different ways. They rarely ever are in sync,Since Liberals always say “I feel…,”Conservatives start with:  “I think….” . . Out Of Order When life interrupts my routines,It then is a rather good bet,That such change of regimen means,Some things...

. Woke Christmas We dream of Christmas like we used to know, With Santa Claus and sleigh rides in the snow, Big families all together, super-sized, But leftist thinking has metastasized And each says, “Season’s Greetings,” like a parrot, And Frosty’s a snow-“woman” with a carrot. School bullies are excused...

. Goodwill Toward Men I’m reeling with the latest headline shock. The Mother of our Savior’s hit the skids. Her reputation’s on the chopping block--- Her wonder isn’t woke enough for kids. The pope has spoken. Mary’s dated traits Don’t represent the women of today. He claims the writing’s on the pearly gates---...

. Love Nibbles and Bites He saw she was sad; deep inside, he was glad. He smiled, quite mild, and said, “My dear child, you once were beguiled by a love that seemed wild and yet, you’re no fool, so please let me step in to those places where someone...

. Here We Go Again… by Joseph S. Salemi Oh dear… it looks like the hillbilly software salesman is having another moral fit. Michael R. Burch of Nashville Tennessee has posted more venomous comments about the SCP and Evan Mantyk at his superannuated poetry-and-soft-porn website. Burch seems to be obsessed...

. The Anarchist’s Wish “all the great men in the world and all the nobility could be hanged, and strangled with the guts of the priests” __---Jean Meslier, French “Priest” (1664–1729) “And the guts of the last priest, let's strangle the neck of the last king” __---Denis Diderot, French “Philosopher”...

. Fartgates: Of Biden and Kerry That climate crap (no pun intended)They’re pushing is so much projection,A bellywash that’s open-endedFrom an open-ended nether-section. The gasbags blather on and let ’erRip—long, loud, and hard to ignore,And it’s their odor to the letter,Alas, they’ve dealt us evermore. . . Cozy with Chicoms Chicoms:...

. A Harvard Education Who dares to say that Harvard in The present situation No longer is a purveyor of A top-notch education? Why even its own President Just now was taught to deem Free speech of great importance when Jew hatred is the theme. . . Russel Winick recently started...

. Greta Thunberg Meets the Emerald Queen Part II of "The Emerald Queen: A Legend from the Future" One day through the forest leaves wafted her song, Attracting a young girl who wandered along, Who loved to go walking in nature and so She followed the voice and had no...

. Unsocial Addictions Why do some people lie, brag, or act mean?It must pump them up, like a jolt of caffeine.But soon they come down, right to where they have been,And can’t get back up, till they do it again. . . Sex Education One morning in our classroom for...

. If You Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter If solidified oil with chemical clutter That helps it look yellow and tasty to eat Makes you think there’s no need to believe it’s not butter, You believe in modernity’s biggest deceit. If you think things can just be replaced with a...

. You Might Be a Leftist Liberal Democratic Clone You might be a leftist liberal Democratic clone, If you think someone else should pay your student loan. You might be a leftist liberal Democratic jerk, If you get paid for protesting and not for work. You may be that one...

. A 2023 Survival Villanelle for Potentially Contentious Thanksgiving Gatherings Keep dinner chatter chirrupy and perky. Don’t prod the pachyderm that plods the room. Thank your candied yams you’re not a turkey. Stay cool when you hear tosh that’s crass and quirky, Like blokes lactate and fellas have a womb....

. Interrogation at the Grassy Knoll: November 22, 1963 Who are you guys? We’re from the CIA. And you? I’m Lucien Sarti from Marseilles. What about you swarthy types? Who, us? We’re Cuban exiles, and we won’t discuss The reason why we’re here. And how about you? I’m sent by...

. Wishful Thinking The “investigation” widens of the traitorous crimes the Bidens __are and have been guilty of for years, As liberal scum like CNN attempt to save his ass again, __he’s grappling with his family's greatest fears! What he's done for all this time, thriving off his life of...

. Fungible Assets A pint’s a pound the world around. Now, lay your oars athwart the gunwales And let your aching muscles get some rest. Relieving strain on carpal tunnels, Your doctor says, is always for the best. What use, my friend, is all the rowing When final destinations are...

. Assorted Sonic Salads (i.e., Kamalisms) being the first installment of a repository of wisdom from the Vice President of the United States of America. Edited by Jeff Kemper . Space! Exciting insight cited from a speech at the Vandenburg Space Force Base in Vandenburg, CA on 18 April 2022...