Photograph of G.K. Chesterton in his study.Three Whimsical Poems by James A. Tweedie The Society June 13, 2018 Culture, Humor, Poetry 16 Comments Everlasting Chesterton The author, G.K. Chesterton: A playful epigramist, A master of the terse bon mot, And witty dithyrambist. He loathed pomposity and claimed (And I believe quite rightly) That angels fly simply because They take themselves so lightly. A staunch defender of his faith, He was a Roman Catholic Whose personality displayed A flair for the dramatic. His character named Father Brown Solved many a mystery. And in his “Everlasting Man” He wrote theology. He was a man who smoked cigars And loved to eat because His ego needed lots of space— It was as large as he was! Some say that he was arrogant, Self-righteous and offensive. That may be true, but then again, His stature was extensive. A simple, complicated man, He was quite enigmatic, And capable of being both Dogmatic and phlegmatic. But underneath the bluster and The sharpness of his tongue, His words still speak to us today, For truth is ever young. “Dulation” The word “dulation” I find most amusing; A word I‘ve never been accused of using. It’s not a verb (objective or subjective), It’s not a noun, or even an adjéctive. It’s not a word at all, apparently. It isn’t listed in the OED. “Dulation” by itself is most absurd. But if you add a prefix? It’s a word! It seems this non-word can find abrogation When it appears in the word “a-dulation.” It also can be found in its negation When it appears in the word “un-dulation.” If someone could define the word “dulation,” I’d use it gladly without hesitation. The Attic War A squirrel moved into my house And claimed my attic for his summer home. At first, I thought it was a mouse That nibbled on my insulation foam. Outside my window I could see Him gather pine nuts for his winter stash, Not knowing at the time that he Was sneaking in my roof to hide the cache. Evicting him was hard to do; He had, it seemed, the law upon his side. For using poison was taboo— I.e. Roast peanuts laced with cyanide. For every hole I blocked, he found Two others he could use to enter in. Holes in the eaves, holes in the ground, He was a break-in artist veteran. His midnight scratching drove me mad, His cleverness upset me all the more. I failed with every plan I had. It wasn’t just a nuisance, it was war! It took two months to win the fight. He chewed through wire mesh and steel wool Until I locked him out one night By stuffing foil into every hole. I won the war but to this day I’m wary of that squirrel who did me wrong. And though he now tucks nuts away And stores them in a tree where they belong I worry that he still recalls Those nuts he piled so neatly in a stack Behind my upstairs bedroom walls . . . And that he has a plan to get them back. James A. Tweedie is a recently retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He likes to walk on the beach with his wife. He has written and self-published four novels and a collection of short stories. He has several hundred unpublished poems tucked away in drawers. Views expressed by individual poets and writers on this website and by commenters do not represent the views of the entire Society. The comments section on regular posts is meant to be a place for civil and fruitful discussion. Pseudonyms are discouraged. The individual poet or writer featured in a post has the ability to remove any or all comments by emailing submissions@ classicalpoets.org with the details and under the subject title “Remove Comment.” Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Related 16 Responses Joan Erickson June 13, 2018 Just love, The Attic War! Love the humor – so well done. Reply J. Simon Harris June 13, 2018 Yes, “The Attic War” was very enjoyable! All three poems are witty and funny, but the last was definitely my favorite. Reply Joe Tessitore June 13, 2018 Well done Beautiful Great fun Reply Michael Dashiell June 13, 2018 Witty and charming Reply James Sale June 13, 2018 Love the Everlasting Chesterton – my favourite C20th author (Yeats my favourite poet, though) – wonderful observations and great fun too. Fabulous! Reply David Paul Behrens June 13, 2018 All three of these poems were fun to read and very enjoyable. Reply C.B. Anderson June 13, 2018 Speaking of Chesterton, I once used a quote from him in a piece of light verse: http://lightpoetrymagazine.com/c-b-anderson-winter-16/ All three of your poems have put me in a good mood, and I have had a very special relationship with squirrels for many years now. I won’t tell you the details, because some of it is R-rated. Reply James A. Tweedie June 13, 2018 I am quite satisfied to know I brought a smile onto a face or two today. On the other hand, CB’s comment re his R-Rated relationship with squirrels both begs the question and generates a reluctance on my part to ask it! Reply James A. Tweedie June 13, 2018 I am, however, savoring CB’s linked poem, “Lactose Intolerance,” along with the witty citation of G.K.C. Reply Joseph S. Salemi June 13, 2018 Concerning “Dulation,” there is also the extremely rare “pendulation,” which refers to the rate of momentum in the pendulum-swing of a clock. Reply James A. Tweedie June 14, 2018 Joseph, Perhaps I should add an additional couplet along the lines of: And sometimes (rarely) rhythmic vacillation When it appears in the word “pen-dulation.” I like it! Good catch, Joseph! Reply David Watt June 14, 2018 Your poems are witty and entertaining. I still watch episodes of the ‘Father Brown’ series. Although the stories were written more than one hundred years ago, their lighthearted plots remain appealing. Reply Fr. Richard Libby June 14, 2018 All three poems are very nicely done and very whimsical indeed! Congratulations! Reply Crise de Abu Wel June 14, 2018 G. K. Chesterton could perhaps become the first Roman Catholic English saint canonized since the so-called Forty Martyrs of England and Wales executed between 1535 and 1679. Reply David Hollywood June 16, 2018 Nicely informative poems and finally amusing as well. Lovely, thank you. Reply Nyashadzashe Chikumbu June 20, 2018 Playful , witty these poems are a delight. Great work I daresay ! Reply Leave a Reply to Michael Dashiell Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.