King Henry VIII sign (Oast House Archive)Poetry Challenge: Anachro-Poem The Society April 4, 2025 Culture, Poetry, Poetry Challenge 15 Comments . Challenge: Take a well-known figure from history or literature and insert him or her into a modern-day situation. Choose any form. Choose any mood. I hope you enjoy my example below. I hope you have as much fun creating your poem as I had composing mine. —Susan Jarvis Bryant . Henry VIII at The Dancing Ferret, Circa Last Friday He swept in for a swift and sumptuous lunchWith feather-capped and ermine-edged panache.He’d had a sudden savage urge to munch—To eat a beast-size feast—to dine then dash.He nuzzled and he squeezed his comely queenWho kept her head when hubby grew obscene. His stomach growled for spit-roast, fig-fed pigStuffed with tubby ducks and half a calf,A butter-battered swan glazed with a swigOf bramble brew. He bellowed for the staffTo sate his appetite with meaty fareCommencing with a pheasant and a hare. The barman recommended kale paniniInfused with flair so vegan-friendly freshIt topped the Pickled Parrot’s bean linguini,And by the way, the tavern served no flesh.Right then a keg of booze and bile spilled—The chef was soaked in amber ale and grilled. . . NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. 15 Responses Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 Susan, your incomparable humorous poem certainly sets the tone! If we can even come up with half as good and witty, we will call ourselves fortunate. Reply jd April 4, 2025 Loved it, Susan. I won’t dwell too long on the final line. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 ROY ROGERS DROVE A PINTO By Roy E. Peterson (April 4, 2025) Roy Rogers drove a Pinto painted palomino gold. It had a hundred horses, although it was growing old. He traded for a Mustang when the Pinto fell apart. It seems the Pinto failed him, and the engine wouldn’t start. Reply Mike Bryant April 4, 2025 Hey Roy, I love this reminiscence of Roy Rogers. I never missed his show. I just found out that he died in ‘98 so it’s possible that he really did drive those cars! Love it… Reply Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 Mike, I had no idea Roy Rogers died in 1998. I thought he was gone by the 1960’s. Thank you for sharing that with me. Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 CAPTAIN MORGAN IS A BUCCANEER By Roy E. Peterson (April 4, 2025) Captain Morgan is a buccaneer ___who lives in Tampa Bay. He loves to drink rum named for him ___and pretty women at play. He loves to view their treasured chests. ___He thinks it is his duty. When he gets lonely late at night, ___he pays gold for their booty. Reply Mark Stellinga April 4, 2025 Cool project, Susan – here’s a Wyatt Earp-er of sorts – HEADLINE – ‘Earp Jails Nasty-Jack For Vandalism’ Billy Bob and Betty Bob was guzzlin’ hooch at ‘Rusty’s’ when a dude the size o’ Uruguay come thunderin’ through the door. He made his way to the slot machines – obviously mad as hell – and picked one up above his head an’ slammed it to the floor! Curly, the barkeep… lookin’ like he’d pret’ near filled his shorts… grabbed himself a double-barrel an’ shouted — “Put that back!” Right ’bout then a customer — figurin’ he didn’t know — tried to warn him… “Careful, Curly… that there’s – ‘Nasty-Jack’!” Nasty Jack was a legendary rattlesnake from Yuma. There weren’t no one for miles around that dared to cross this dude. A walkin’ pile o’ filthy talk that’d make a sailor blush — and, rumor had it – believe it or not — he swallered what he chewed!! Well, the slot machine weren’t hurt the least, but – starin’ down the barkeep, Jack done figured — fightin’ a shotgun ain’t no small affair! But not the sort to give up easy, “Lookie here,” he roared — “that damn ‘one-armed-bandit’ is a thief… an’ I don’t care “If you, or any other fool — double-barrel or not — figures I ain’t got the right fer gittin’ back what’s mine! That there slot, I swear, has stole near half o’ what I’ve earned robbin’ banks – cheatin’ at cards – an’ sellin’ homemade shine!” Then raisin’ it up above his head to slam it down again – “Come on, Curly, gimme a break,” the ornery sucker whined, When… all of a sudden… seein’ the crowd racin’ outta Rusty’s – (plus bein’ the place that he, an’ brother Virgil, often dined) – Marshall Earp come crashin’ in an’ quickly seen the reason. “Listen up, Muldoon,” he roared… “what the hell ya’ doin? You ain’t got no business tryin’ to bust up that machine considerin’ all the people that – for ages – you’ve been screwin’! “Now… set it down real easy like and turn and face the wall, ‘cause standin’ up – or layin’ down – I’m haulin’ your ass in! Every dime you’ve fed that thing was made by doin’ crime, and you’re – without a doubt – the biggest crook there’s ever been!” Reply Mike Bryant April 4, 2025 We could use ol’ Wyatt here in Texas ‘bout now. Reply Joseph S. Salemi April 4, 2025 Henry VIII at a vegan restaurant? What a wild concept, Susan! For once I am thoroughly pleased by the King’s savage response when he doesn’t get his way. Reply Joseph S. Salemi April 4, 2025 This one is not quite “anachro-” but it does deal with a modern-day situation. Hillary Clinton Becomes a Trannie My husband says I’m tough as nails, My tantrums are like squalls — They say I’ve got testosterone, So why not get the balls? If I were male, my enemies Would say that I’m a prick — Well, why not make the language match And get myself a dick? I think I’ll schedule surgery To lop off these two tits — I’ll build my upper-body strength And work out with the mitts. A crew-cut and some dungarees, A pair of hiking boots, And I can swagger down the street With all the big galoots. I’ll chug-a-lug a stein of beer, I’ll do pushups and curls — And nobody will ever know That I belong with girls. And though I never got to be The first damned female Prez — At least the world won’t take me for Some floral-scented lez. Reply Mike Bryant April 4, 2025 Then she could make many other fortunes in male dominated sports! She might not win on the field… at least at first, but I’m pretty sure she would eventually be the best at every male sport around! Reply Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 MY FRIEND, THE BARD By Roy E. Peterson (April 4, 2025) My good friend is a poet ___and a great playwriter too. He writes about my hamlet ___and what people there may do. One of his greatest hits is of ___a peeper named King Lear. Perhaps you have guessed my good friends name. ___It is Will Shakespeare. Will likes to write love sonnets. It’s what he spends his days on. He also sells cosmetics. He’s called the Bard of Avon. Reply Brian Yapko April 4, 2025 Excellent poem, Susan! So funny! Here is my anachro contribution: WALT DISNEY WATCHES THE NEW “SNOW WHITE” What wicked curse has brought me to this age — To see the studio which bears my name Become a source of angry, leftist rage, Abusive of my good intent and fame! How come I here to 2025? Some evil spell was cast to halt my rest And force me to see Snow White come alive But with no soul — like Frankenstein depressed. Forgive me but I must say things unkind – Untalented producers now get rich On my ideas — but loathsome, coarse and blind. And who in hell’s this Rachel Zegler bitch? This spoiled, angry actress who’s miscast, Who hates this tale, who hates the color white Who calls “true love” a relic of the past, And turns my world of magic into blight! A nightmare has been crafted from my dreams! My name now stands for social engineers Devoid of innocence but strong on schemes To play on prejudices, hates and fears. What is this need to turn white into black, And blemish magic fairy-light with dapples? That’s it! Call Props and tell them Walt is back. We’re going to need a lot more poison apples! : Reply Mike Bryant April 4, 2025 Mannnnn, Brian, VERY FUNNY… and I’m sure exactly what Walt would do. Reply Paul A. Freeman April 4, 2025 From Sudetenland to Greenland Limerick When Hitler returned from the grave, he noted the Land of the Brave intent to expand in other folks’ land and sneering at calls to behave. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. 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Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 Susan, your incomparable humorous poem certainly sets the tone! If we can even come up with half as good and witty, we will call ourselves fortunate. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 ROY ROGERS DROVE A PINTO By Roy E. Peterson (April 4, 2025) Roy Rogers drove a Pinto painted palomino gold. It had a hundred horses, although it was growing old. He traded for a Mustang when the Pinto fell apart. It seems the Pinto failed him, and the engine wouldn’t start. Reply
Mike Bryant April 4, 2025 Hey Roy, I love this reminiscence of Roy Rogers. I never missed his show. I just found out that he died in ‘98 so it’s possible that he really did drive those cars! Love it… Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 Mike, I had no idea Roy Rogers died in 1998. I thought he was gone by the 1960’s. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 CAPTAIN MORGAN IS A BUCCANEER By Roy E. Peterson (April 4, 2025) Captain Morgan is a buccaneer ___who lives in Tampa Bay. He loves to drink rum named for him ___and pretty women at play. He loves to view their treasured chests. ___He thinks it is his duty. When he gets lonely late at night, ___he pays gold for their booty. Reply
Mark Stellinga April 4, 2025 Cool project, Susan – here’s a Wyatt Earp-er of sorts – HEADLINE – ‘Earp Jails Nasty-Jack For Vandalism’ Billy Bob and Betty Bob was guzzlin’ hooch at ‘Rusty’s’ when a dude the size o’ Uruguay come thunderin’ through the door. He made his way to the slot machines – obviously mad as hell – and picked one up above his head an’ slammed it to the floor! Curly, the barkeep… lookin’ like he’d pret’ near filled his shorts… grabbed himself a double-barrel an’ shouted — “Put that back!” Right ’bout then a customer — figurin’ he didn’t know — tried to warn him… “Careful, Curly… that there’s – ‘Nasty-Jack’!” Nasty Jack was a legendary rattlesnake from Yuma. There weren’t no one for miles around that dared to cross this dude. A walkin’ pile o’ filthy talk that’d make a sailor blush — and, rumor had it – believe it or not — he swallered what he chewed!! Well, the slot machine weren’t hurt the least, but – starin’ down the barkeep, Jack done figured — fightin’ a shotgun ain’t no small affair! But not the sort to give up easy, “Lookie here,” he roared — “that damn ‘one-armed-bandit’ is a thief… an’ I don’t care “If you, or any other fool — double-barrel or not — figures I ain’t got the right fer gittin’ back what’s mine! That there slot, I swear, has stole near half o’ what I’ve earned robbin’ banks – cheatin’ at cards – an’ sellin’ homemade shine!” Then raisin’ it up above his head to slam it down again – “Come on, Curly, gimme a break,” the ornery sucker whined, When… all of a sudden… seein’ the crowd racin’ outta Rusty’s – (plus bein’ the place that he, an’ brother Virgil, often dined) – Marshall Earp come crashin’ in an’ quickly seen the reason. “Listen up, Muldoon,” he roared… “what the hell ya’ doin? You ain’t got no business tryin’ to bust up that machine considerin’ all the people that – for ages – you’ve been screwin’! “Now… set it down real easy like and turn and face the wall, ‘cause standin’ up – or layin’ down – I’m haulin’ your ass in! Every dime you’ve fed that thing was made by doin’ crime, and you’re – without a doubt – the biggest crook there’s ever been!” Reply
Joseph S. Salemi April 4, 2025 Henry VIII at a vegan restaurant? What a wild concept, Susan! For once I am thoroughly pleased by the King’s savage response when he doesn’t get his way. Reply
Joseph S. Salemi April 4, 2025 This one is not quite “anachro-” but it does deal with a modern-day situation. Hillary Clinton Becomes a Trannie My husband says I’m tough as nails, My tantrums are like squalls — They say I’ve got testosterone, So why not get the balls? If I were male, my enemies Would say that I’m a prick — Well, why not make the language match And get myself a dick? I think I’ll schedule surgery To lop off these two tits — I’ll build my upper-body strength And work out with the mitts. A crew-cut and some dungarees, A pair of hiking boots, And I can swagger down the street With all the big galoots. I’ll chug-a-lug a stein of beer, I’ll do pushups and curls — And nobody will ever know That I belong with girls. And though I never got to be The first damned female Prez — At least the world won’t take me for Some floral-scented lez. Reply
Mike Bryant April 4, 2025 Then she could make many other fortunes in male dominated sports! She might not win on the field… at least at first, but I’m pretty sure she would eventually be the best at every male sport around! Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson April 4, 2025 MY FRIEND, THE BARD By Roy E. Peterson (April 4, 2025) My good friend is a poet ___and a great playwriter too. He writes about my hamlet ___and what people there may do. One of his greatest hits is of ___a peeper named King Lear. Perhaps you have guessed my good friends name. ___It is Will Shakespeare. Will likes to write love sonnets. It’s what he spends his days on. He also sells cosmetics. He’s called the Bard of Avon. Reply
Brian Yapko April 4, 2025 Excellent poem, Susan! So funny! Here is my anachro contribution: WALT DISNEY WATCHES THE NEW “SNOW WHITE” What wicked curse has brought me to this age — To see the studio which bears my name Become a source of angry, leftist rage, Abusive of my good intent and fame! How come I here to 2025? Some evil spell was cast to halt my rest And force me to see Snow White come alive But with no soul — like Frankenstein depressed. Forgive me but I must say things unkind – Untalented producers now get rich On my ideas — but loathsome, coarse and blind. And who in hell’s this Rachel Zegler bitch? This spoiled, angry actress who’s miscast, Who hates this tale, who hates the color white Who calls “true love” a relic of the past, And turns my world of magic into blight! A nightmare has been crafted from my dreams! My name now stands for social engineers Devoid of innocence but strong on schemes To play on prejudices, hates and fears. What is this need to turn white into black, And blemish magic fairy-light with dapples? That’s it! Call Props and tell them Walt is back. We’re going to need a lot more poison apples! : Reply
Paul A. Freeman April 4, 2025 From Sudetenland to Greenland Limerick When Hitler returned from the grave, he noted the Land of the Brave intent to expand in other folks’ land and sneering at calls to behave. Reply
