‘The Ballad of Shamus’ by Steve Cooper

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The Ballad of Shamus

Well, Shamus were a likely lad wid a good well-meanin’ ‘eart
As strong as O’Malley’s ox, ‘dey say—but only ‘alf as smart.
‘Is ‘eart belonged to Nellie, aye ‘e wished her for ‘is wife.
An’ ‘e made up ‘is mind to win ‘er if it took ‘im all ‘is life.

Now Shamus were no thinker, but ‘e t’ought and t’ought again.
‘E t’ought until ‘is eardrums ‘urt, and ‘e trembled from da strain.
Den paused fer a pint o’ courage an’ a dram o’ fortitude.
An’ rose to woo sweet Nellie like no girl was ever wooed.

Well, ‘e picked ‘is girl some flowers an’ ‘e laid ‘em on da ground.
But when ‘is back is turned, ‘is cow comes up and swallers ’em down.
When Shamus saw her chewin’, ‘e would neither cry nor squall.
Wi’ a wee bit o’ rope, Nell got her flowers—cow and all.

A year went by, and Shamus went to see ‘is girl again.
Alas, da lass had left ‘is cow out grazin’ in da rain.
Up to da house ‘e ran—for he’d be havin’ none o’ dat.
When Nellie got home, she found da cow d’ere—in her boots an’ hat.

Next spring, da boy heard Nellie sigh: “A picnic sounds so fine.”
But Shamus t’ought she only wanted lunch for her bovine.
He wrapped some hay an’ turnips in a cloth all checkered red.
An’ wondered if Nellie noticed dat ‘e done just what she said.

So year by year, our hero tried to win da girl somehow.
But it seemed no matter what ‘e did—he did it for da cow.
He tried to boost da chances for a weddin’ when ‘e could.
But every year, ‘is clev’rest plans reduced da likelihood.

When Shamus reached age ninety-five, ‘e knew dat he’d been beat.
He couldn’t find da knack of how ta dance wid two left feet.
He told her: “Nell, I’ll court no more. ‘Tis much too great a task.”
She said: “Oh, were you courtin’? … Well, you only had to ask!”

Aye, Shamus were forgetful, an’ ‘e had an awkward touch.
Yet, clear ‘e were of what ‘e knew (which wasn’t very much).
Poor Nellie had to wait while Shamus strove as ‘e could strive
But finally ‘e did win her—though it took him all ‘is life.

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Steve Cooper is a retired professional career counselor. He lives near Salem, Oregon. He has one traditionally published picture book on Amazon, Don’t Eat Your Seed Corn, and several of his pieces have been published in the annual literary print anthology from Portland Writer’s Mill.