.

Ogre Food

My parents, dear, although you love me so;
and in your love, wish only for my best.
Yet, to the first-grade class I will not go,
nor shall I end my tears of loud protest.
For fearful premonitions haunt my thoughts.
My heart is filled with terror and with dread
that deep within those walls an Ogre plots
to grind the children’s bones to make his bread.
Think not that I might yet accept this fate;
nor hope that soon I’ll cease to fight and scream,
while janitors at school collaborate
to feed us to a troll with sour-cream.

My cousin told me all about the ghoul,
and bade me rather fight than go to school.

And so, I ask you, mother, father, dear,
whatever skills you think may be accrued;
what value has my whole first-grade career
if I am meant for naught but Ogre food?
Then, do you wonder why I kick and bite?
Why 911, I called—my life to save?
Or why I hid beneath the house last night
in hope I might escape an early grave?
What terrors wait at school, I do not know.
I only know that terrors there await.
But passively to death I will not go!
Nor lie quiescent on the Ogre’s plate.

My cousin bade me not to be a fool—
and said I’d better fight than go to school.

.

.

Steve Cooper is a retired professional career counselor. He lives near Salem, Oregon. He has one traditionally published picture book on Amazon, Don’t Eat Your Seed Corn, and several of his pieces have been published in the annual literary print anthology from Portland Writer’s Mill.

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10 Responses

  1. jd

    Loved it. Thank you. Very funny. My first thought on reading was that today the advice could apply to all of us and keep us from ever walking out the front door.

    Reply
  2. Roy Eugene Peterson

    Imaginative and clever, along with being humorous, your poem is a delight.

    Reply
  3. Mark Stellinga

    Well done and absolutely hilarious, Steve, and I don’t laugh easy! A+ 🙂

    Reply
  4. Gigi Ryan

    Dear Steve,
    I have to wonder if your humorous poem is simply a hilarious take on the Proverb, “The lazy man says, ‘There is a lion outside, I shall be slain the streets!'” or if there is a deeper, darker meaning – that six year olds really are being eaten alive in some schools these days. I taught first grade in the 90’s. The setting was not for the faint of heart even then. And when young children these days are taught all sorts of things that have no business in the classroom, perhaps theirs and their parents’ hearts out to be “filled with dread!”
    Gigi

    Reply
  5. Maria

    This delightful poem made me smile but wryly as there may be some truth in it. It made me think . It also inspired me to write a limerick as I was also thinking of Mr Tweedie’s challenge. Not bad going really for a poem . Superb , thank you.

    Reply
  6. Joseph S. Salemi

    The poem is very well constructed, and quite funny. The rhymes are excellent and the couplet refrain is a nice touch, with the rhyme of “fool,” “school,” and “ghoul.”

    I have only one criticism. The speaker is a child who is leaving kindergarten to go to first grade. It seems to me that the very high and polished level of diction doesn’t mesh with what we would normally expect from the mouth of such a young person. The voice that comes across here is that of an adult, and a very articulate adult to boot.

    Reply
  7. Cynthia L Erlandson

    Hilarious! Laughing out loud. Thanks for the fun.

    Reply
  8. Paul A. Freeman

    I was reminded of that comic song that was always on the radio when I was a kid – “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh! (A Letter from Camp (Granada))”.

    Thanks for the humour, Steve.

    Reply
    • Cynthia L Erlandson

      “I don’t mean for this to scare ya —
      But my bunkmate has malaria!”

      Reply
  9. Julian D. Woodruff

    Very clever and funny; as kid-like, too, I’m guessing, as you want it to be (pace Prof.Salemi).

    Reply

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