.

Masks

When tourists arrive in our village,
The question that most of them ask,
Is, “Why is it all of your menfolk,
Are walking around wearing masks?”

Well, it started way back in the sixties,
While their husbands were down at the pub.
Their wives and their partners had started,
A Friday night literature club.

This reading became an obsession,
As the oil around midnight was burned,
As many a novel was got through,
And many a page there got turned.

Now some of them got in the habit,
Of reading quite late in the night,
As they sat up in bed in their curlers,
With the light up above shining bright.

As midnight was striking, their men-folk,
Their bellies all swelled up with beer,
Would stagger their way to the bedroom,
Crying, “Please put that light out my dear.”

“Now shut your fat gob up, I’m reading,”
Was the rude and discourteous reply.
“If you’re wanting some sleep, then you’d better,
Put this mask on to cover your eyes.”

So now, in the Tavern, you’ll find them,
Their eyes full of hatred and menace.
Like a bunch of Victorian hangmen,
Or a Carnival party from Venice,

So please take a note of this story.
Avoid all the pain, grief and sorrow.
Don’t marry a girl from my village,
Or you might end up looking like Zorro.

.

.

Jeff Eardley lives in the heart of England near to the Peak District National Park and is a local musician playing guitar, mandolin and piano steeped in the music of America, including the likes of Ry Cooder, Paul Simon, and particularly Hank Williams.

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26 Responses

  1. Paul Freeman

    Weird and entertaining, with some highly imaginative rhymes.

    Thanks for the read, Jeff.

    Reply
  3. Daniel Kemper

    I liked the rhymes as well. The ambivalent feeling created in me is something I note as well. Certainly I’m a fan of book lovers, so I’m sort of on that side of the events. But then again, I’d like a woman in my bed for more than her just reading a book! (and I’d hope that she’d feel the same about me!)

    Reply
    • Jeff Eardley

      Daniel, I suppose it depends on what sort of book she is reading and whether she flicks off the light when you appear. Time for a cold shower I think.

      Reply
  4. Roy Eugene Peterson

    Jeff, I love this brilliant and imaginative poem. I can just envision the men at the pub in masks and the women in curlers reading literature. The verses flow wonderfully, and the rhyme is superb. There is so much to admire in each verse as this tale unfolds. Great ending with Zorro that contradicts their weakened anti-hero status.

    Reply
  5. Joseph S. Salemi

    I smiled during the entire poem, and I laughed out loud at the final two quatrains. Roy is right about how that ending is a nice twist.

    Reply
  7. Norma Pain

    A very enjoyable read Jeff and perfect rhyme and meter. A great morning giggle. Thank you.

    Reply
  8. Brian A. Yapko

    Jeff, this is such a fun poem with such a delighfully daft subject! The pacing and language are terrific and the images are both relatable and hilarious. There is deep irony in the idea that the reading of books can carry some unexpected domestic collateral damage. I am most taken by the unexpected contrasts between the wives in curlers, the beer-belly husbands and the more grandiose images of Zorro, the Carnival revelers of Venice and the Victorian hangmen. I love such outrageous juxtapositions and just about everything else here.

    Reply
    • Jeff Eardley

      Brian, what a wonderful and most kind comment on what basically started as a true story from a friend of mine. He had a beer belly, she did wear curlers and yes, he had to wear a mask!!!

      Reply
  10. James A. Tweedie

    I love a good yarn and yours was straight out of the pubs where it was set. In America. we’d say, “Belly up the to the bar, boys, and I tell you another!” No one actually talks like that, but you get the idea!

    Reply
  11. Jeff Eardley

    Thanks for the comment James. Sadly, the beer bellies are disappearing with the increasing price of the stuff. It’s all going a bit namby-pamby, no-alcohol over here.

    Reply
  13. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Jeff, you never fail to surprise and intrigue me with your off-the-wall humorous poetry, and this one is hilarious and beautifully written to boot! Although, I think I might fling Pride and Prejudice to the floor if my husband donned the mask of Zorro in the bedroom. 😉

    Reply
    • Jeff Eardley

      Thanks Susan, it’s an almost true story. The reading lady and the guy having to wear a mask are friends of mine. The mischievous embellishments are all down to me. This couple may start speaking to me again soon. I now have a mental image of the “Masked Plumber.” Could be a TV series?

      Reply
  14. Shamik Banerjee

    I thoroughly enjoyed this hilarious poem, Jeff. The “curlers” and the “rude reply” are everything. Also, the rhyming pairs “menace, Venice” and “sorrow, zorro” are my new favourites. Thanks for this piece!

    Reply

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