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The Alleged Bulldozer
My wife told me, shortly after we got married,
that I “bulldozed” her into the marriage.
Bulldozed you into marriage?
A most preposterous claim.
Such silly thoughts disparage
the kindling of our flame.
Bulldozed you to the wedding?
Oh, please! I’m too refined.
I merely hoped my heading
and yours might be aligned.
Bulldozed you into wedlock?
All right, if you must know,
I did not want to deadlock
with any other beau.
Bulldozed you to the altar?
Okay, it’s true in part.
I did not want to falter
in my bid to win your heart.
Perhaps I pushed by showering you
with lush, romantic rhymes.
I only sought to woo and coo.
Are these gigantic crimes?
My love did gush. It made you blush.
The taste of haste still lingers.
With such a crush, I had to rush
or you’d slip through my fingers.
.
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The Love Code of the Calf
Sometimes my spouse will try to rouse
__me up and into bed.
She’ll lie face down in her night gown
__beneath our big bedspread.
Assured, composed, she leaves exposed
__one calf for me to see.
She’ll lift that slim and shapely limb
__with sensuality.
First slowly up, then gently down.
__If need be, she’ll repeat.
Such grit she’s got that she will not
__accept a foot defeat.
With puckish zeal and sex appeal,
__her plays for love persist.
A shrewd device, her moves entice
__until I can’t resist.
We had a phase of loveless days.
__That rate’s been cut in half.
And now, of course, I do endorse
__the Love Code of the Calf.
Her figure taunts. She flirts and flaunts
__her fine come-hither calves.
It’s sights this great that separate
__the have-nots from the haves.
.
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Mark F. Stone worked as an attorney (active duty and civil service) for the United States Air Force for 33 years and is retired. He began writing poems in 2005, as a way to woo his bride-to-be into wedlock. His poems have been published by Light, Lighten Up Online, The Ohio Poetry Association, The Road Not Taken: The Journal of Formal Poetry, the Society of Classical Poets, Whatfinger News, Ric Edelman’s The Truth About Your Future podcast, and the Seeking Alpha Alpha Picks podcast.
Thank you so much for these amusing poems, Mark. I enjoyed both pieces and am still giggling. These are piquant topics that can engage anybody into reading your words. The rhyme schemes are fitting, and I love how you’ve used a different style in the final stanzas of both poems. Great stuff!
PS: I think no other title could match the catchiness of “The Love Code of the Calf”.
Shamik, Thank you. Mark
I echo the words of Shamik Banerjee. Both poems exhibit creative titles, clever humor, and excellent word choices for rhymes. I enjoyed both immensely.
Roy, I’m glad you liked them. Mark
These are playful, funny, facetious, and merry. They remind me of certain 17th-century verses from naughty and mischievous poets who were not openly erotic, but titillatingly humorous. This is precisely the kind of poetry that a strangulated and self-conscious modernism discourages.
Once again, Evan Mantyk picks the perfect illustration — what a magician he is!
Dr. Salemi, Thank you. I’m happy to be unstrangulated. Mark
“Calf love” usually means romantic feelings that are immature, unfulfilled and, most often, temporary. Mark, you’ve re-defined it in this poem on spousal arousal. And as a scholar of Petrarchan poetry, I can assure you that the bulldozer approach was employed by very few of those poets of long ago. They would have had little to write about if their lady loves had relented quickly. And when the lady was a patroness or muse figure, they wanted her to keep that role as long as possible. Your differing desire of marriage makes for a poem of entertaining urgency, with a happy conclusion that is really no surprise. The use of internal rhymes is not just ornamental here, but a meaningful way to demonstrate the excess involved in bulldozing poetry. Well done!
Margaret, Thank you. I try to employ excess as frequently as possible. Mark
On a day that’s been anything but fun, you’ve raised a smile, Mark.
Thanks for the reads.
Paul, Excellent. I hope your day today is better. Mark
It took some stones to write these, and I’m glad you did — these are among the best you have ever submitted here. I myself once wrote:
A well-turned ankle or a shapely leg
Can bring me to my knees and make me beg.
Joe Salemi published it.
C.B., Thank you. I’m flattered. I like your couplet, too. Mark
I love those “come-hither calves” 🙂
Jeremiah, I’m pleased that you enjoyed the poem. Mark
Fab, fab work and so very funny; also, it feels not like the poet’s imaginings but based on your real life! What a wife! What a poet! Wonderful writing! Keep it up Mark.
James, Yes, the poems are about my wife. I appreciate your kind words. Mark
Mark, you never fail to surprise me with the quirky subjects and the exemplary execution of your chosen forms. “The Alleged Bulldozer” and “The Love Code of the Calf” are another two prime examples of your talent.
Just a little word of warning… when judgment day comes, you may well have to answer for your obvious worship of a golden calf.