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What Is Grief? 

When we are plagued by grief,
We only think of sorrow—
The loss of a dear loved one
Whom we won’t see tomorrow.

Tears haunt our swollen faces
That burst and bare our souls.
Nice words like “Rest in Peace”
Can’t plug the empty holes.

What is grief, I ask?
What’s sadness composed of?
I’ve learned it’s just a term
For all our pent-up love.

The love you want to give
And guilt that they are gone.
The words you should have said
Before another dawn.

Your precious love unspent
Will gather in your eyes.
That lump within your throat
Is love in a disguise.

You have that empty feeling:
A hollow, aching chest.
Grief is silent love inside
That cannot be expressed.

.

.

LTC Roy E. Peterson, US Army Military Intelligence and Russian Foreign Area Officer (Retired) has published more than 5,000 poems in 78 of his 101 books. He has been an Army Attaché in Moscow, Commander of INF Portal Monitoring in Votkinsk, first US Foreign Commercial Officer in Vladivostok, Russia and Regional Manager in the Russian Far East for IBM. He holds a BA, Hardin-Simmons University (Political Science); MA, University of Arizona (Political Science); MA, University of Southern California (Int. Relations) and MBA University of Phoenix. He taught at the University of Arizona, Western New Mexico University, University of Maryland, Travel University and the University of Phoenix.

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25 Responses

  1. Carey Jobe

    Roy, let me be among the first to say “Well done!” for this one. You touch on a theme that every reader has felt or will feel. The theme of grief over a lost loved one could easily be overdramatized, but you treat it in a restrained manner that only increases and dignifies the pathos. The overarching love never lets grief get the upper hand. I was deeply moved. Thanks!

    Reply
  2. Michael Pietrack

    Nice poem Roy. It seems happiness and sorrow, love and grief, are tied together. I’m sorry for the loss that caused you to write this.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Thank you, Michael. I have suffered many losses in my life.

      Reply
  3. Maria

    Thank you Roy for this really lovely poem. I have read it several times,
    and have gained from reading it each time.
    The last time I read it I remembered a quote from Queen Elizabeth 11
    that ‘Grief is the price we pay for love’
    and your poem really expands on this and it is beautiful to read
    thank you.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Bless you, Maria. Thank you for the quote from QEII. You touched my heart.

      Reply
  4. Brian A. Yapko

    What a beautiful, heartfelt poem, Roy. I think we all related to that “hollow, aching chest.” When I lost my mom many years ago, the officiant at her funeral said “grief is the price we must accept for loving and being loved.” I’ve never forgotten that and your wonderfully reflective poem reminds me of that powerful insight.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Those are precious comments, Brian. What a great way to express a loss of someone loved as did your officiant. Bless your heart.

      Reply
  5. Margaret Coats

    A fine effort at defining the undefinable, Roy. I especially like the lines, “Your precious love unspent/Will gather in your eyes.” It tells of tears without naming them. Two little quibbles: line 4 should begin with “whom,” which is the object of the verb, “won’t see.” “Who” is nominative case for the subject of a sentence (as in the question, “Who won’t see the sight?”), and your mistake is so common many justify it as colloquial, but would you say, “We won’t see he” instead of “him” or “We won’t see she” instead of “her”? At the end, I’d recommend “Grief is love words” or “Grief is love’s song.” “Stuck” has an undesirable connotation. You descend in those last stanzas from eyes to throat to chest, thus implying a lower body part where things get stuck and can’t be expressed. It’s just not suitable for your most perceptive poem!

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      I usually try to concentrate on getting who/whom correct. I do appreciate your comments also of using the word “stuck” versus a smoother landing phrase. I am surprised you regarded this as my most perceptive poem. I am making the first two change now for future purposes.

      Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Margaret, I already made the who/whom change. Then is changed the last two lines to “Grief is silent love that cannot be expressed.”

      Reply
    • Margaret Coats

      Roy, please excuse me for causing surprise! By calling this “your most perceptive poem,” I used “most” in the sense of “very.” I remain impressed by your 5000 poems in 78 books, and couldn’t possibly say which is THE most perceptive. I apologize as well for the grammar lesson–too extensive for you who know what you’re doing. Your solution to the “stuck” difficulty is excellent, and better than my two suggestions. I was trying to match your corresponding lines of trimeter with six syllables each AND keep the word “love” in the line. When you revise to seven syllables with “silent love,” that returns to your opening stanza strategy of seven syllables in its third line, “The loss of a dear loved one.” Even better, though, it reinforces your overall meaning, and creates the only tetrameter line in the poem, precisely at the point where you can afford to be expansive in conclusion. Very nicely done!

      Reply
      • Roy Eugene Peterson

        Margaret, I am amenable to all the assistance I can get. As I wrote in a comment under your most recent great piece of poetry, My mother was an English and Latin teacher. She had me work on the who/whom enigma before high school and fear she would have chastised me for my failure to check my own grammar. Your analysis of my poems is one of the things I love about what you do and you caring about my submissions. Bless you.

  6. Yael

    Very nice, I find the changes made on Margaret’s suggestion highly appropriate. This poem deserves to be polished because it deals with such a delicate subject matter. I think it reads very well now. Personally, I have found that love and regret always go together in this world, as if they were the opposite sides of the same coin.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Love and regret are perfect pairings. That fits with my feelings of guilt, as well. Our guilt and regrets together certainly amplify our grief.

      Reply
  7. Shamik Banerjee

    It seems the stanzas poured out by themselves from your heart, Mr. Peterson. This is such an impactful poem that has a simplistic tone and arrives at a conclusion that’s otherwise hard to put into words. Everyone will relate to this touching craft well. Thank you so much.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Those are such precious comments, Shamik. You are correct that the stanzas easily flowed for me on this one. Bless you and I dearly appreciate your kind words.

      Reply
  8. Gigi Ryan

    Dear Roy,
    You have expressed this perfectly. The line “Your precious love unspent,” speaks volumes and describes the agony so well.

    Only someone who has known deep grief could pen a poem like this – a poem that will be a comfort to others who suffer.

    It makes me want to go and fiercely love those whom I have to love, because, as you say, “The words you should have said,” may not have the chance to be spoken, “another morrow.”
    Gigi

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Dear Gigi, the ability to love and grieve deeply is the province of the few. By your words I believe you fiercely love while your grief over loss is deep and strong. I endure the same condition. Bless you and those who are the beneficiaries of such love.

      Reply
  9. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    I am certain you have captured those heart-rending feelings of grief perfectly for many, Roy. It’s a difficult subject to take on and you have managed to do it with a sensitivity and sincerity that is tangible. The closing lines hold a powerful observation that I can relate to wholeheartedly. Roy, thank you!

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Bless you for those sincerely wrought comments that touched my heart. Writing a poem is one way to express the feelings of loss.

      Reply
  10. James Sale

    Lovely Roy: the brevity of the basically trimeter line reflects the very brevity of life that so distresses us, as every one of us, from time to time, is cut short.

    Reply
  11. Roy Eugene Peterson

    Thank you so much, James, for your observations. I really appreciate your thoughts on this one.

    Reply
  12. Paul A. Freeman

    With the utter genuineness of your words, you have really nailed your theme, Roy.

    A good friend of mine lost her son a couple of days ago, making your poem hit home even harder.

    Reply
  13. Daniel Kemper

    Howdy, sir!

    The intertwining of grief and love and not their separation is a rare and valuable insight. Typically, I’ve seen them portrayed as warring, since grief involves a loss of the loved one. What a difference a changed frame of reference makes. That’s a thought to meditate on for some time to come.

    Reply

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