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Saint Andrew

My Uncle Andrew lived his life
Inflicting others pain and strife.
‘Twas always said by mother dear
“No good shall come of it, you hear!”

He’d swill the hooch and whop his wife
Or kids within an inch of life.
From trollops he would not abstain,
Howled at the Pastor with disdain.

These tales I heard and did believe
When dead that not a soul would grieve
His passing to the netherworld
Where like impenitents are hurled.

Until his fatal day arrived
And as a saucy boy of five
I asked if he was now in hell
(A question which did not sit well).

“Do hush your mouth,” dear mother said
“And be respectful of the dead.
It makes me not a little mad
To think some might regard him bad.”

“He always wanted to be good
But simply was misunderstood.
God’s mercy, well it is first rate,”
And thus she did pontificate,
“He’s not in hell, you understand?
In fact he sits at God’s right hand!”

This lesson learned as a young boy
Awoke in me delightful joy
To know in life it mattered not
Should I become a louse or sot

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Robert Nachtegall is an operations director in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He has also published in The Imaginative Conservative and Agape Review.

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5 Responses

  1. Joseph S. Salemi

    We never actually know if any particular person is in hell or not. But we sure can make some good guesses. And we also know that the place is crammed.

    Reply
  2. Roy Eugene Peterson

    The first things that come to mind are “do not speak ill of the dead” and “judge not,….” We may have our own impressions from your poem of where “Saint Andrew” will spend eternity.

    Reply
    • Robert Nachtegall

      Roy,
      Indeed. Presumptions are tempting and cut both ways. We can always pray for poor Uncle Andrew though.

      Reply
  3. Margaret Coats

    An excellent satire on the weakness of religious belief at a time when universal salvation is practically a dominant creed. The underlying problem is poor moral teaching–which as you show with mother’s first remark, is not lacking. She says bad behavior will come to no good, but ultimately she not only saves but canonizes the unrepentant Andrew. And you give us as well the effect this kind of inconsistency has on children. Nice work, Robert. But do pray for Uncle Andrew. Prayers are always needed and never wasted, even if the person for whom they are made cannot benefit from them.

    Reply
  4. Robert Nachtegall

    Thank you Margaret. Sadly my intention list grows longer every year, but happily I think it is heard. Petitions for the dead can be the greatest of spiritual works, and transforming to the one who prays.

    Reply

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