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Homemade Halos—An Election Reflection

“Celebrity endorsements say a lot: they say you’re a liberal, an
elitist, and a cultural progressive,” Mr. O’Reilly said. “An Oprah
or Clooney endorsement is the kiss of death in large swaths of
the country now.” —from “Old-School Celebrities Could Not
Move the Needle,” New York Times, November 8, 2024

We tune out progressive loonies
like the Clintons and the Clooneys,
and the Oprah’s and the J-Lo’s
who love wearing homemade halos
while inside their massive mansions,
which grow larger through expansions
to accommodate their minions,
and from which they hurl opinions
on Deplorables who struggle
to make ends meet while they juggle
all their payments as inflation
surges on without cessation.
And it’s not imagination
that illegal immigration
creates non-stop dislocation
and much localized frustration;
so while all these loonies fiddle,
all of us caught in the middle
of this nation that’s now burning
are appropriately yearning
to return to peace and quiet,
and not be force-fed a diet
of new luxury ideas
which are never panaceas
since all they attempt is sorting,
after thoughtfully resorting
to whatever DEI is,
which we’ve learned is just for pious
virtue-signaling pretenders
who sort using race and genders.
But we don’t use sex or color
to choose friends which means we’re duller
than the Ivy League-trained giants
on which they place their reliance,
so they call us all fascistic,
and of course misogynistic.
But for us it’s quite appalling
to engage in such name-calling
and we’re also far too busy
working to get in a tizzy
since the food upon our table
doesn’t come unless we’re able
to keep bringing in more dollars,
whether in blue or white collars.
And since our jobs bring us meaning
we don’t need to be demeaning
other people before proving
they’re deserving of reproving
(that would be quite unbefitting
till we’ve had our halo-fitting.)

.

.

Warren Bonham is a private equity investor who lives in Southlake, Texas.

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21 Responses

  1. Mary Gardner

    A witty poem this is, with its extensive vocabulary and clever rhymes in perfect trochaic tetrameter.

    Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      Thanks! The trochaic meter was hard to wrap my head around initially. I’m glad it worked for you.

      Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      I normally avoid the New York Times, but came across the article referenced in the poem. It seemed like the author of the article was attempting to objectively reflect on the election. That was the origin of both the title and the content of the poem. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Reply
  4. Roy Eugene Peterson

    Such few sentences, such great thoughts with great rhymes. This amazing poem continues to echo in my mind with its staccato bursts of fascinating arrows flying at an appropriate target.

    Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      As you can probably tell, I’m not a big fan of celebrities. It was fun firing some metaphorical arrows. It seems like some of them hit their intended target.

      Reply
  5. Russel Winick

    Terrific, Warren – one of my favorite poems of the year. Meter, rhyme, messages – all superb. You should be proud of this forever.

    Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      This one flowed more easily than most (after some editing assistance from Evan). I’m glad the elements worked together for you!

      Reply
  6. Joseph S. Salemi

    At last — a real ass-kicking lampoon! And the trochaic meter hammers the points home.

    Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      I’d like to think that these celebrities will learn from this election and decide to stick to entertaining us. Fortunately for us, I can’t see that happening. That means they will inadvertently generate more votes for us while also providing great material for satirical rants.

      Reply
  7. Margaret Coats

    Warren, you’re moving into incantatory rap–but the long sentences are still meaningful and logically separated. There are good precise usages here: the “luxury ideas” that most people can’t afford, and the contrast of “race and genders” with “sex and color.” Race has always been a debatable classification. It’s ordinarily decided by color which is therefore the pertinent word. “Sex” is male or female with no other option–but there can be as many genders as persons to choose among expanding options. You don’t argue that; you just use and contrast the “sorting” words clearly. It can be difficult to do in such fast-paced discourse ranging through a wide range of topics meaningful to a good “election reflection.”

    Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      I just noticed that I put my comment in the wrong spot. I’ll repeat it here in case you were breathlessly waiting for a reply (that almost certainly will be underwhelming).

      Very perceptive comments. I’m glad some of the nuance wasn’t completely lost given the way the poem was constructed. Thank you as always for the careful read!

      Reply
  8. Warren Bonham

    Very perceptive comments. I’m glad some of the nuance wasn’t completely lost given the way the poem was constructed. Thank you as always for the careful read!

    Reply
  9. JULIAN WOODRUFF

    Too many celebrities don’t seem to get it that they might be celebrities even if they didn’t favor us with their noble ideals and ideas. Thanks for this romp of a put-down.

    Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      The more we know about their ill-founded beliefs, the harder it is to absorb their entertainment

      Reply
  10. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    So jolly and jaunty yet horribly true! Thank you for addressing the insidious idiocy with poetic zest. Well done, Warren!

    Reply
  11. Brian A. Yapko

    I also found this to be an excellent poem, Warren, with fantastic technique. The run-on sentences in tetrameter are exhausting (as I believe you intend) — as exhausting as the hateful, woke things you inventory. The effect is not at all sing-song but, rather, the uncontrollable forward motion of a locomotive. It’s extremely effective.

    Reply
    • Warren Bonham

      When I look at the poem with a large number of lines with no breaks between stanzas, I don’t want to read it. It looks exhausting. As you surmised, this was intended. Once the metaphorical dam burst, it was hard to stop. I’m glad that it seemed to work.

      Reply

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