.
The lights that shine from streets and cities
block out all the stars at night.
The dim lights of our partial science
block out everything that’s wise.
These lights don’t triumph by their brightness,
but through sheer proximity.
We don’t prefer them for their beauty,
but for plain utility.
.
.
Dan Davis lives in Southeast Michigan working as a financial professional.
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Mary Jane, this is a wonderful translation of Rilke's original German. I love how you maintained the rhyme-scheme and the…
Wow! Very impressive, and imaginatively creative, translation feat!
Good advice Nathan - totally agree.
Thanks Margaret. Speaking of Langston Hughes, it’s an endless fascination to me that my (and many other people’s) two favorite…
"A system built to leave no lasting trace" sounds like structuralist literary criticism. Contrary to the entertaining Council you describe,…
Just brilliant, Dan. The pairing of city lights with lights that come from “partial science” is a surprise to begin with, but these two seeming “unlikes” are perceptively allied and analyzed in the latter half of the poem. And the meter is deftly handled by recognizing that any unstressed syllable ending a line may be followed by a stress to begin the next. Thus you achieve a logical sort of rhyme with repetitions of “block” and “but.” There is, as well, a songlike music of long “i” sounds in the first five lines, that ceases appropriately after the first “but.” Very well done!
Your praise is as good a teacher as any critique! Thank you for your kind words and your analysis, I will be sure to retain these things and grow in them.
Just like marveling at the wonder of the Grand Canyon, we have the millions of years of patient erosion to thank for the sight.
It took a couple of reads to get there, Dan. Perhaps a line break after the first four lines would help the reader.
Thanks for the read.
Paul, I agree. A line break after line 4 would be the perfect touch.
I appreciate the feedback, and I agree, a line break is fitting.
Glad you enjoyed it!
This is a nice short and sweet poem, that packs quite a punch, making a statement (or at least that I see) about art versus science and beauty versus utility. I am also encouraged to see that a man with a career as steeped in practicality as finance is able to discern and express these ideas.