.

A Brief Return

Hey, little girl. I’ve come to check on you;
To hear your voice, to see your face anew.
Can it be true? Has it been seven years?
You’ve grown up nicely since I went away.
I’m proud to see you on your Wedding Day—
This day on which you sought me through your tears.
But now you must move on. You’ll be okay.

I see your veil; your shy and troubled smile.
I wish your groom and I could talk awhile.
What I would give to walk you to the altar,
To see you wed to him—a man who’s true!
But that’s not how it works, dear girl. Still you
Must know I’m here—a love that will not falter.
Give me a sign you sense me! Some small clue!

Ah. Thank you. I can see it in your eyes—
That little nod, your melancholy sighs.
I’m certain you can tell your father’s nigh.
A bride! My God, how quickly fly the days!
How brief the time to now give you my praise.
It seems just yesterday we said good-bye…
Well, let me speak before we must part ways:

Please know I never meant to cut the span
Of a long life with you. Who knew God’s plan?
Of all the things I’d hoped for as you grew,
To clench your grieving heart into a fist
Was something that was never on my list.
Just know my life was strong with love of you.
That love continues still. You’re deeply missed.

My girl, please know there’s nothing to regret
And no one we should blame. Just don’t forget
The dreams that we both saved up for this day.
Alright. I’ve got to leave. Forgive me when
I am not there to offer my amen.
But know I love you from one life away,
And someday we shall be rejoined again.

.

.

Because the Rains Failed

Too soon this struggling spruce from up Lost Hill
Became a gray and bare arboreal ghost.
How I had treasured it! Loss pains me still.

It shared my life just thirty years at most.
But drought came. Then again. And then again.
It lost its shade and shriveled, dry as toast.

I tried so hard to save it—even when
It fooled me—like an addict who would say
The awful, aching thirst was done but then

Grew twisted with the wind in some new way;
Like Seth who tried to hide it. I knew better
But learned the only thing to do was pray.

The spruce bounced back in spring when it got wetter
But summer dried it out and made it brittle.
It used up all my help, a wooden debtor

Which spent each parched day dying—just a little—
Its branches weak with needle-like syringes,
With oozing sap and track-marks, tears and spittle.

What can you do? You argue and he cringes
In sheering wind, so vacant-eyed, so willing
To let the flame approach so close it singes.

I tried to find out what might stop the killing;
To halt the cravings and the pain; I prayed
That he’d find something better—more fulfilling.

But life eluded him. Seth grew afraid
Of everything but poison. He was battered.
Dried out. Strung out. I had to watch him fade.

I stepped aside, for nothing I did mattered.
This was, I think, between him and the sky:
The winters lost, the summer dreams all scattered.

The helpless spruce. Defiant Seth. I’d try
To help both past their hurt and find their way
But nothing helped. A gale, a primal cry,

And then closed eyes. He said he could not stay
And poison once again coursed through each vein.
The tree and friend both simply fell away

Insistent they could not wait for the rain,
That “ever green” was mere botanic lore
And howling winds were echoes of their pain.

I tried to guide each through a private war—
Brought water, comfort, helped keep fiends at bay
And hoped that they might live a few years more.

But no one really has that kind of sway.
When trees and people choose to die away
Will rain make any difference? Who’s to say?

.

.

Grow Young Along with Me

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be,
The last of life for which the first was made…”
—Robert Browning, “Rabbi Ben Ezra”

More tenderly perhaps than when we’d dance
Or hug or cry or laugh or sing or pour
Out grief, or treasure that last fleeting chance
To kiss, we touch our fingers one time more.
I take your hand in mine. Love, hear my voice.
Don’t let the tubes and beeping drown me out.
Know still we have a future and the choice
To cherish all the plans we talked about.
This ventilator’s not our only tether
To a communion nothing here can breach.
Our vows still stand: eternity together.
So here I wait. You need but only reach.
Once freed you’ll see the best is yet to be,
For you shall soon grow young along with me.

.

.

Brian Yapko is a retired lawyer whose poetry has appeared in over fifty journals.  He is the winner of the 2023 SCP International Poetry Competition. Brian is also the author of several short stories, the science fiction novel El Nuevo Mundo and the gothic archaeological novel  Bleeding Stone.  He lives in Wimauma, Florida.

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22 Responses

  1. Roy Eugene Peterson

    Such melancholy poems each carrying their own sorrows but with hope and belief in a future reconciliation, as in one and three, or acceptance of fate as in “Because the Rains Failed.” I could feel the sincerity with which you wrote these poems and how they tugged at the strings of my own heart. The richness and fullness of your writing skills was once more on grand display.

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Thank you very much, Roy. I rather think of these poems as being about “surviving” death for that is really what they are about, including two visitations suggesting that it’s not at all a bad thing. I’m pleased that you had an emotional response to them and am very grateful for your encouragement and support.

      Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Nothing banal here, Michael! Thank you for the kind words and emotional reaction!

      Reply
  3. Mark Stellinga

    3 excellent, emotional-roller-coasters, Brian. A risky mood to write in, and one in which I hope you rarely hear the call to gratify. GREAT job –

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Thank you very much, Mark! I hadn’t considered that the moods of the pieces were risky but perhaps so. As I mentioned to Roy, I rather thought of these as poems of surviving rather than of mourning. But yes, I’d rather not get that call. Not too often.

      Reply
  5. Joseph S. Salemi

    These poems wrench the heart. The first and the third especially so.

    The terza rima of the second poem is exquisitely crafted. That you could sustain it for fifteen tercets is impressive, and that you can easily handle enjambment at the close of the third, fifth, eleventh, and twelfth tercet is really remarkable.

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      I’m very grateful for this comment, Joe. Poems intended to touch the heart can be risky so I’m pleased I succeeded. I’m especially grateful for your generous comment about the terza rima. It’s actually my first time writing in this form so I was quite insecure in the drafting. I’m finding that the form works better for a meditative piece than it might for a narrative — a poem of pondering rather than of action. I would find it problematic to actually tell a story or present a dramatic monologue in this form.

      Reply
  6. Rohini

    Brian! Tears in my eyes. These were all so gut-wrenchingly sad and yet so beautifully put. I think A Brief Return is definitely my favourite, although ‘Grow Young Along with Me’ is perhaps more heart-wrenching for me on a personal level.

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Thank you so much, Rohini! I knew these might not be subjects everyone would want to look at, but how can a poet avoid death, grief, wondering, etc.? I am glad you singled out “Grow Young…” I’m sorry for whatever personal experience makes you relate to it. I myself remember my father in his final days in the ICU. I can never forget the sound of the machines that were keeping him alive at that point. Or the fact that even in his eyes-closed silence, his hand could still grasp my mother’s hand. I still remember although this was many years ago.

      Reply
  7. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Brian, I love these three magnificently crafted, insightful and heart wrenching poems. My eyes were swimming with tears, making reading somewhat challenging – the sign of superb writing. It’s tough to pick a favorite. The beauty of this trio is their starkly contrasting views of death, making each reading experience a thought-provoking journey.

    The one I relate to the most is “A Brief Return” and I just love the lines: “Give me a sign you sense me! Some small clue!” – what a beautiful and surprising subversion of the usual view of us earthly beings looking out for a glimpse of our dearly departed in the here and now. My late grandmother came with me to Texas… she made a Christmas pudding with me last year. I hope she saw the sign that I’d acknowledged her presence in eyes filled with love and gratitude for all the love, joy and wisdom she gave me and still gives me.

    I like the pairing of the tree and Seth (both burning with thirst) in “Because the Rains Failed”. I like the questions the poem poses – those loose ends you address so perfectly in the closing stanza. Often we are powerless in the face of death, no matter how hard we try to stave off the inevitable. I agree with Joe, the terza rima of the second poem is exquisitely crafted – the perfect form for the message.

    I am partial to a good sonnet and “Grow Young Along with Me” is a spot-on gift of hope to end with. when one looks at death with our Creator in mind, how can one not smile at the immense gift we have been given… a gift that makes us ask, “O death where is thy sting?”. Brian, well done and thank you very much indeed!

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Susan, I’m always, always grateful for a comment from you because I know you will have read deeply and insightfully into what I’ve attempted to do. I’m very grateful that you liked these three pieces even though they were on subjects that might draw tears.

      I love your story about your grandmother coming with you to Texas and I hope we get to read more about this in verse! But yes, why wouldn’t those on the other side want us to know that they are here with us lending strength and love? I’ve always been especially appreciative of stories in which the living and the dead are able to interact — not in a scary way like Banquo’s ghost — but in a healing way like Emily in Thornton Wilder’s “Our Town” or Billy Bigelow in Rodgers & Hammerstein’s “Carousel.” Perhaps some aspect of our loved ones remains as guardian angels.

      I’m grateful as well for your kind words on “When the Rains Failed”. This was a hard poem for me to write, both because of the selected form, but because of the challenging subject matter — two subjects, really, which I blended in the strange ruminations of the speaker who was grappling with a friend’s overdose death and the loss of a beloved tree — not necessarily an obvious pairing except that both losses hit the speaker hard and he can’t help ruminating over what he could have done differently. But in the end people — and trees– are going to do what they’re going to do. We each have our own destiny.

      And thank you most for your insights regarding “Grow Young Along With Me.” I wasn’t sure if readers would fully grasp that the speaker is on the other side and smilingly waiting for his still struggling widow to join him. Your quote “Death where is they sting?” is exactly right. There will be peace and a new form of youth. Of course we must smile at the immense gift we have been given — on both sides of the veil!

      Reply
  8. Shamik Banerjee

    Very delicate poems, Brian. The way you effectuate the marriage of undisturbed rhythm and finespun diction is really commendable. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Thank you very much indeed, Shamik! I really like your adjective “delicate.” I wouldn’t have thought of that but I can see what you mean. These pieces involve a tip-toe and a whisper rather than an assertive shout.

      Reply
  9. David Whippman

    Of these three, “A Brief Return” is my favourite. It’s sad, yet has a real uplifting feel to it nonetheless. It’s emotional without being schmaltzy. Good work Brian.

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Thank you so much, David! Yes, trying to keep the schmaltz at bay! The struggle is real because I’m generally a very (overly?) sentimental person.

      Reply
  10. Yael

    Beautiful poems Brian and I’m impressed with how you handled the subject matter. Even though there is a lot of sadness, grief and pain expressed in them, each is ultimately uplifting and pointing upwards towards better things to come. Great job! The painting is great too and matches very well.

    Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Thank you so much, Yael! And I agree — I, too, love the painting that Evan selected for this post. He definitely has an eye for allowing the written word and visual art to complement each other.

      Reply
    • Brian Yapko

      Thank you very much indeed, James! It was the most personal of the three.

      Reply

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