Humor

. Love Letter to a Spoon How fine thou art my silver spoon. Your neck as graceful as a swan. Your hips full as the harvest moon. Thy manner gentle as a fawn. Bright curls of finespun filigree Like rays of sun...

. Slàinte! Today we’ll lift the Lenten limitations And don our Gaelic garb of kelly green. Bonhomie and glee and lush libations Will flow at dawn and dusk and in between. We’ll pluck a harp and pick a...

. On Sighting a Marsupial "Serve with: Turnip greens" —Joy of Cooking Opossums are so ugly that it isn’t clear Another of their kind would find one good to look At.  Matted fur and hairless tails do not...

. Two Poems for White Day On White Day, March 14, men in Japan present white gifts to women, in return for the chocolates they receive from women on Valentine’s Day. White Day began in 1978 as a commercial...

. Hermes, The Artisan Hermes, son and messenger of Jove, Surveyed the coast, where often he would rove, And found a tortoise beached upon a cove. He took it home and made a turtle soup— The shell, he...

. Prudence Huntleigh, Head Librarian theme of “the proverbial uptight librarian” suggested by Brian Yapko She mans the front desk and she oversees All borrowings, returns, and two-cent fines. A tailored...

. Trudeau’s Canada Jab them all, Big and small. Small are buffer And must suffer. No opinions, Little minions. Cover traces Of their faces, With a mask, Do not ask. Issue orders Across borders. What the...

. Poem Introduction Lewis Carroll (who lived 1832-1898 and was born Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) was a master at humorous wordplay and making the illogical logical. His accomplishments as an English writer of...

.   The Pear Pit I fell into a pear pitupon a summer’s day.I fell into a pear pitand whiled the time away. How sad will be the hunter,as sad as he can be,finding not a pitted pearbut finding only...

. Bluer Skies after Ogden Nash Spring ain’t sprung, the grass ain’t growed, The fields ain’t fit for man nor toad. They tell us that the world is warmin’, ‘Pears to me the world is stormin’. Snow...

. Everlasting I must admit, when I arrived in Hell I was surprised.  Not, as you might surmise, Because I never reckoned it was real— And surely not because I thought I’d led A sinless life—but owing to...

. Nuclear Fusion written upon hearing of the UK's recent fusion energy breakthrough Those white-coated boffins in England, Have been toiling for years, so it seems. To harness the power of Fusion, As the...

. God’s M.O. One hundred thousand people at the game, And half might pray to God: “Let my team win!” While for the other team folks pray the same. If I was God it might make my head spin, But that’s...

. The H.R. Manager's Toilet Break At ten-fifteen he sits upon His porcelain panopticon And stares into his tiny screen. He clears his bowels and fills his spleen With bile he milks from boundless...

. Where Did I Lose My Mind? I just found my glasses on top of my head. My iPhone had dropped to the floor from my bed. The car keys I lost were much harder to find. Oh, where in the world did this fool lose...

. A Note to Karen It’s been a bumpy ride, With bruises long endured By both the groom and bride. At last, my heart is cured Of you, and I am much Obliged that you agree Our lives should never touch Again,...

. Bottle Battle Blues When baby cries (as does his ilk), I pacify my son with milk. One day the milk would not pass through the nipple as it ought to do. I think the bottle bore a grudge. That liquid clot...

. Aromatherapy This tale concerns an English Lass, Who signed up for an evening class, “There’s money to be made” said she, “I’ll try Aromatherapy.” So, every Winter, Wednesday nights, She headed...

. And so, Minnie Mouse will impress in pantsuit and flat heels, no less. __But what of the vision, __of Mickey's transition in heels and a polka-dot dress? . . Paul A. Freeman is the author of Rumours of...

. Missed Call O Muse, would you call back another time? My little boy, armed with a sharpened stick, winged with a blanket, sure that he can fly, is leaping off the countertop to try things unattempted yet in...

. Starbucks Villanelle Will someone call an order for Elaine? I have a bunch of stuff I need to do. The wait today is driving me insane. This one dude wants a pinch of sugar cane. I can’t believe he’s...

. On the Cost of Doing Evil I care not if the sky burns red and human flesh is seared. I pray that all souls will just rot as many long have feared. I wait for when the birds don’t fly and locusts take the...

. Toasting Burns    His words ring out from windswept glens. __They lilt from lapping lochs. I see love through his red-rose lens; __I hear the midnight clocks In castle nooks chime Auld Lang Syne __As...

. The High Cost of Low Prices Poetry is what I treasure. Books of poems give me pleasure, but my grief’s been hard to measure, since I did some shopping. “50 Famous Poems”---nifty! Now on sale for just...

. Sonnetized “Why poetry?” My chair leans in his chair And slides me a sabbatical-swelled smirk. The past nine months I’d shouldered all his share So he could spend his patriarchal perk In penning pap...

. Limerick China’s footballers haven’t a clue why they can’t go and get a tattoo, but I think it might be it’s since President Xi is afraid they’ll choose Winnie the Pooh. . . This Urge for the...

. Fleet of Foot Pheidippides A Grecian runner named Pheidippides, From Athens, ran to Sparta with a plea. “We need your help to fight the Persians, please!” But Sparta sent him back with,...

. The Dark Knight I’ve always held the Queen in high esteem, Her ever-classy, never brassy aura Shines noble splendour on the regal scene And blesses folk who openly adore 'er. Today the corgi-hugging...

. So It Is Written The books that I have owned for many years, Still sitting on my shelves or stored in boxes, Have yellowed pages—damaged belvederes— With covers bearing pale mildewy poxes. I’ve read...

. 20/20 Vision You’re lurking in the shadows with a wink. I see your flute of crystal, hear you pop Your cork as spirits soar and keen arms link To strains of Auld Lang Syne as clock hands...

. The Dodo of Mauritius This island nation scarcely can be proud Of avifauna lacking common sense, Surviving only in the perfect tense, Their right to life, existence disavowed. With beaks immense, these...

. Anyone But You The phone may ring; The call will bring __Anyone but you. The mail will come; It will be from __Anyone but you. A text may buzz; I’m sure it was __Anyone but you. Oh, this is dire; I...

. The North Pole's on Lockdown ‘Tis the night before Christmas; it pains me to say--- The North Pole’s on lockdown before the big day. The elves have been furloughed and fester in bed. The toy...

. The Tunnel to Australia It’s raining every day in Merrie England. It’s falling from the sky most every day. But I’ve just heard about a place that’s burning, In a country that’s so very far...

. Hedge Theory The hedge plants are trimmed by a gardener with shears As they have been, like clockwork, for twenty-five years. Yet they push out new shoots in continuing hope Of extending their reach through...

. Twelve Chaucerian Limericks for Paul Freeman Some pilgrims went riding to Kent, And here’s how the journey was spent: As they traipsed through the dale They each told a tale Of sacred or worldly...

. Critical Race Theory It’s quite amusing when some first Defend it with persistence, Then---feigning that they’ve not reversed--- Deny its whole existence. . . Federal Government Logic The National...

. A Spider in My Room In the corner, there's a spider Between the ceiling and the wall. Its legs are long, its body small, Seeing it there my eyes grow wider, Fearing it to be the kind Of spider I’ve been...

. . Bidenflation to the finale of “Tomorrow” from the musical Annie Fuel prices go up Tomorrow Bet your shrinking dollar that tomorrow They will soar! Inflation will rise Tomorrow All the things you...

. There Was a Free Nation That Swallowed a Lie sung to the tune of "There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly" . https://youtu.be/luLcKkCHWFo There was a free nation that swallowed a lie. I don’t know why...