Humor

. Douglas MacArthur, Et Al. Douglas MacArthur waded through the surf, Unafraid to lead his men in battle. Today, they’d rather write a book, tattle On their bosses, and walk on Astroturf. Just sayin’: MacArthur, Nimitz, Halsey— You gotta give ‘em credit: those men were ballsey. . . Joe Biden,...

. St. George Updated Our age old bold defender __Now an up to date transgender Is consorting with the witless and the woke. He has quit his knight malarkey __Now he hates the patriarchy And our green and pleasant land’s gone up in smoke. He fought the fiercest ogre __Till...

. By George! By George, St. George! You really are a slouch. Arise, pick up your lance, eschew the couch. Like Patrick, Andrew, David, fill our breasts with pride and we shall wear upon our chests your colours---background white, a crimson cross, since of all saints, you’re England’s saintly boss....

. Remembering Ophelia His scathing tongue had thrust her to the edge. It nudged her through the willow’s sunless fringe. She teetered on that petal-littered ledge Where Hades howls and bluest moons unhinge The violet thoughts of agitated minds. The breath of death, it wreathed her in a kiss Of...

. With Boots On Soon after break of day an old man comes Trudging along the thawing roads of Cottage Country (the common land of day and hope) Considering the analects of Spring. At every unploughed drive where frozen slush Prevents all ingress of the motored sort He pauses, then,...

. Hymn to Aurora  1 Aurora, rise and cast your curls Of daybreak through the vapor swirls To drape my face in scarlet beams— Since you left me I’ve had bad dreams. Like waves, my sheets have tossed and turned, I’ve waxed and waned, I’ve dripped and burned, My patience...

. Support the Current Thing Don’t ponder on the horrors of our age. Don’t thumb through all those dusty history tomes. Don’t dally in the dazzle of a sage. Don’t chew on clues and muse like Sherlock Holmes. Don’t scrutinize the motives in Ukraine. Don’t grapple with the rabble on...

. The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare Classical Poets Student Edition Adapted by Evan Mantyk to retain the meaning of each line within the original poetic form, including blank and sometimes rhyming verse. Purchase a copy of the below adapted version on Amazon here. For a PDF of the...

. The Flowers' Easter Debate Palm Sunday is the Flowers’ Easter, the day when they honored Jesus Christ entering Jerusalem. As they did not need Good Friday’s bloody atonement for sin, the flowers were ready to crown Him. . The Rose Our good Master Comes as Pastor; Our good Master...

. Love’s Seasons In the heat of the night, when conditions are right, __Gentle lovers will cuddle and spoon. It’s a wonderful plan, much more marvelous than __Any other found under the moon. When the weather grows crisper and winter’s a whisper __On the sensitive nerves in your skin, Just...

. The Short-Lived Triumph of the Junior School's Health & Safety Officer The children wait in line to sanitize Their grubby hands before their morning class. The teacher guards the door, and none may pass Without a mask beneath his anguished eyes, Then, once inside, all sullen chatter dies At...

. The Simplest Way to Save the Earth The simplest way for us to save the earth Would be for women to stop giving birth. For when there are no longer any mothers We’ll solve the problem of too many “others.” The truth in this is easy to deduce: As...

. https://rumble.com/embed/vvm2wt/?pub=4 . Identity Crisis I used to think my body was all woman, My fruitful womb refused to be dismissed. But now I’m not so sure I’m even human--- I’m not a fully trained biologist. I’m failing at cisgender recognition In times when genitalia count for naught. But I...

. From The Burkean: Icarus magazine currently holds the reputation of being Trinity College’s — if not Ireland’s — premier poetry journal… with contributions from Seamus Heaney and John Montague. …our writers concocted various alter egos … to send in the most woeful poetry imaginable, hoping our diverse credentials would...

. Your poem can be serious, silly, or something in-between. List the “random words” you chose as your poem’s title and feel free to use whatever poetic form you’d like. Then post the poem in the comments section below. . “Rhyming, Rhythmic, Rapturous . . . and Random” A Poetry...

. Dispiration I have nothing to say, Not a thought in my head. If I needed to pray There would be nothing said. Just a large empty space And no functioning brain, With the mouth on my face Filled with nothing worth saying. It’s a bad case of “Writ- er’s...

. Not What He Thinks All my success An old friend said Has clearly gone Straight to the head. I’ll grant that, but Judged by chagrin It’s his head my Success is in. . . Rachel Dolezal Poor Rachel had a very basic problem, She’d spent her life pretending to...

. Love Letter to a Spoon How fine thou art my silver spoon. Your neck as graceful as a swan. Your hips full as the harvest moon. Thy manner gentle as a fawn. Bright curls of finespun filigree Like rays of sun doth frame thy face. How splendid to my...

. Slàinte! Today we’ll lift the Lenten limitations And don our Gaelic garb of kelly green. Bonhomie and glee and lush libations Will flow at dawn and dusk and in between. We’ll pluck a harp and pick a lucky shamrock, Kiss the Blarney Stone and spin a yarn, Eat colcannon, steaming stew, and...

. On Sighting a Marsupial "Serve with: Turnip greens" —Joy of Cooking Opossums are so ugly that it isn’t clear Another of their kind would find one good to look At.  Matted fur and hairless tails do not endear Them to Americans.  According to a book I read, their closest...

. Two Poems for White Day On White Day, March 14, men in Japan present white gifts to women, in return for the chocolates they receive from women on Valentine’s Day. White Day began in 1978 as a commercial venture to sell more candy and flowers. It is now observed...

. Hermes, The Artisan Hermes, son and messenger of Jove, Surveyed the coast, where often he would rove, And found a tortoise beached upon a cove. He took it home and made a turtle soup— The shell, he thought, was like a giant scoop; And then, inspired, he cried a...

. Prudence Huntleigh, Head Librarian theme of “the proverbial uptight librarian” suggested by Brian Yapko She mans the front desk and she oversees All borrowings, returns, and two-cent fines. A tailored tweed suit (hems just at the knees) Is proper for her trim and shapely lines. Her horn-rimmed glasses sit...

. Trudeau’s Canada Jab them all, Big and small. Small are buffer And must suffer. No opinions, Little minions. Cover traces Of their faces, With a mask, Do not ask. Issue orders Across borders. What the Hell, Some rebel. They call you clown, Just double-down. Drop the hammer, Use the...

. Poem Introduction Lewis Carroll (who lived 1832-1898 and was born Charles Lutwidge Dodgson) was a master at humorous wordplay and making the illogical logical. His accomplishments as an English writer of children’s fantasy fiction are highlighted by his works, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. “Because He...

.   The Pear Pit I fell into a pear pitupon a summer’s day.I fell into a pear pitand whiled the time away. How sad will be the hunter,as sad as he can be,finding not a pitted pearbut finding only me. . . Leland James is the author of five...

. Bluer Skies after Ogden Nash Spring ain’t sprung, the grass ain’t growed, The fields ain’t fit for man nor toad. They tell us that the world is warmin’, ‘Pears to me the world is stormin’. Snow ‘n’ rain ‘n’ wind a’ blowin’, Local rivers overflowin’, Global warmin’ diagnosed Yet...

. Everlasting I must admit, when I arrived in Hell I was surprised.  Not, as you might surmise, Because I never reckoned it was real— And surely not because I thought I’d led A sinless life—but owing to the fact I did not know that I had died.  You see,...

. Nuclear Fusion written upon hearing of the UK's recent fusion energy breakthrough Those white-coated boffins in England, Have been toiling for years, so it seems. To harness the power of Fusion, As the answer to all of our dreams. Where millions of pounds have been wasted, On experiments destined...

. God’s M.O. One hundred thousand people at the game, And half might pray to God: “Let my team win!” While for the other team folks pray the same. If I was God it might make my head spin, But that’s one thing I need not fret about. And I’m...

. The H.R. Manager's Toilet Break At ten-fifteen he sits upon His porcelain panopticon And stares into his tiny screen. He clears his bowels and fills his spleen With bile he milks from boundless rage Inscribed upon an endless page By others just as mad as he And others, worse,...

. Where Did I Lose My Mind? I just found my glasses on top of my head. My iPhone had dropped to the floor from my bed. The car keys I lost were much harder to find. Oh, where in the world did this fool lose his mind? My shades...

. A Note to Karen It’s been a bumpy ride, With bruises long endured By both the groom and bride. At last, my heart is cured Of you, and I am much Obliged that you agree Our lives should never touch Again, so now I’m free To say what’s on...

. Bottle Battle Blues When baby cries (as does his ilk), I pacify my son with milk. One day the milk would not pass through the nipple as it ought to do. I think the bottle bore a grudge. That liquid clot just would not budge. I told it, “I...

. Aromatherapy This tale concerns an English Lass, Who signed up for an evening class, “There’s money to be made” said she, “I’ll try Aromatherapy.” So, every Winter, Wednesday nights, She headed for the city lights. Where on the back seat of her car, Were many bottles, tubes and jars....

. And so, Minnie Mouse will impress in pantsuit and flat heels, no less. __But what of the vision, __of Mickey's transition in heels and a polka-dot dress? . . Paul A. Freeman is the author of Rumours of Ophir, a crime novel which was taught in Zimbabwean high schools and...

. Missed Call O Muse, would you call back another time? My little boy, armed with a sharpened stick, winged with a blanket, sure that he can fly, is leaping off the countertop to try things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme. Poems are slow to grow, but kids are...

. Starbucks Villanelle Will someone call an order for Elaine? I have a bunch of stuff I need to do. The wait today is driving me insane. This one dude wants a pinch of sugar cane. I can’t believe he’s holding up the queue Will someone call an order for...

. On the Cost of Doing Evil I care not if the sky burns red and human flesh is seared. I pray that all souls will just rot as many long have feared. I wait for when the birds don’t fly and locusts take the grain. I hope the fertile...

. Toasting Burns    His words ring out from windswept glens. __They lilt from lapping lochs. I see love through his red-rose lens; __I hear the midnight clocks In castle nooks chime Auld Lang Syne __As kilted suitors croon To bonnie lasses rapt with rhyme __Beneath a Highland moon. His words will please till seas gang dry __And rocks melt wi’ the sun. They soar beyond Ben-Nevis high...