Satire

. If You Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter If solidified oil with chemical clutter That helps it look yellow and tasty to eat Makes you think there’s no need to believe it’s not butter, You believe in modernity’s biggest deceit. If you think things can just be replaced with a...

. You Might Be a Leftist Liberal Democratic Clone You might be a leftist liberal Democratic clone, If you think someone else should pay your student loan. You might be a leftist liberal Democratic jerk, If you get paid for protesting and not for work. You may be that one...

. A 2023 Survival Villanelle for Potentially Contentious Thanksgiving Gatherings Keep dinner chatter chirrupy and perky. Don’t prod the pachyderm that plods the room. Thank your candied yams you’re not a turkey. Stay cool when you hear tosh that’s crass and quirky, Like blokes lactate and fellas have a womb....

. Interrogation at the Grassy Knoll: November 22, 1963 Who are you guys? We’re from the CIA. And you? I’m Lucien Sarti from Marseilles. What about you swarthy types? Who, us? We’re Cuban exiles, and we won’t discuss The reason why we’re here. And how about you? I’m sent by...

. Wishful Thinking The “investigation” widens of the traitorous crimes the Bidens __are and have been guilty of for years, As liberal scum like CNN attempt to save his ass again, __he’s grappling with his family's greatest fears! What he's done for all this time, thriving off his life of...

. Fungible Assets A pint’s a pound the world around. Now, lay your oars athwart the gunwales And let your aching muscles get some rest. Relieving strain on carpal tunnels, Your doctor says, is always for the best. What use, my friend, is all the rowing When final destinations are...

. Assorted Sonic Salads (i.e., Kamalisms) being the first installment of a repository of wisdom from the Vice President of the United States of America. Edited by Jeff Kemper . Space! Exciting insight cited from a speech at the Vandenburg Space Force Base in Vandenburg, CA on 18 April 2022...

. Free Press Our founding fathers fought the fight __to conquer tyranny. Once won, the Congress met to write __new laws to keep us free. They knew that governments all gained __voracious appetites. To keep that appetite restrained, __they passed the Bill of Rights. Of all our rights, the single...

. Israel: A Leftist's Guide Hamas atrocities? Don't say a word,To point them out would be an act of treason.A level playing field? Don't be absurd.Make sure your slogans take the place of reason. Remember: Israel's name is always mud.The Jewish state must always be to blame.When ayatollahs scream for...

. Treasure in Heaven "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."  ---Matthew...

. The Democratic Party Dressed for Halloween The Democratic Costume Party is held on Halloween With Hillary as Jezebel, the dangerous sleazy Queen. Joe Biden comes as Dracula, the vampire looking flushed, Who tries to take a bite of every female neck he touched. Kamala is a stringed Pinocchio with...

. Mike Burch Still Around? Good Lord, No… with apologies to J.C. Squire’s Ballade de l’Évolution Créatrice Strange beasts have gone to their reward— The snaky Gorgon and the Sphinx, The centaurs and the satyr horde, The Cyclops with his foetid stinks. A backward glance through time, methinks, Reveals such...

. Excusing Evil A peaceful protest just took place, and some unlucky people died. Hamas just wanted more air space where at-risk kids could paraglide. As their kids soared, they saw a crowd, and they were frightened to their core. The pulsing music was so loud, it brought past trauma...

. The Life of the Party The commissar, in his most common clothes, Patrols the margins of their conversations, And tries to feign that cheer which he so loathes, But is too cluttered with recriminations To offer more than trite regurgitations Of the most tedious new orthodoxies. Instead he listens...

. Be Careful What You Ask For “Genie, please make me a banana split.” Poof! “You are a banana split! Just feel yourself sliced down the middle. Doesn’t it feel cool, dear Tony? I’ve thrown out the peel, and now that slit is widened by three scoops of rich vanilla ice...

. The Truth about Fall Colors  I am October’s most submissive bitch, And just when I believed I’d struck it rich, The gold that hovered overhead was blown Away before I’d claimed it for my own. And now the maples turning scarlet red Will shed their leaves on every flower...

. Avoidance I don’t sign up for group Zoom calls __With folks I know are boorish. I don’t go visit galleries __Where art is amateurish. I don’t make plans which likely will __Cause me to have to wait, At my expense for people who __Repeatedly are late. I loathe when...

. Words of Wisdom  “The only true wisdom is knowing  you know nothing.” ---Socrates She knows the what. She knows the why. __She knows the when and where. Her tireless tongue will testify __She knows the foul from fair--- A lofty boffin strutting tall, This knowing crower knows it all. He knows the how....

. A Petless State after Katherine Philips' A Married State, 1664 A house with pets affords but little grace. The best of dogs or cats destroy the place. Note when you visit friends you can detect foul odors, hairballs, housekeeping neglect. A petless state insures all’s calm and clean. It’s...

. A Leftist Rebukes Hamas Hey, Hamas, you silly dolts, You need to mow down more adults. Keep fighting for your patch of sand, Since Jews do not deserve the land, But chopping off their babies’ heads And slashing children in their beds? You really need to be more subtle;...

. Autumn in Pennsylvania in 2023 In response to Susan Jarvis Bryant’s poem on "Autumn in Texas" If Autumn is a bummer down in Texas, Up north it casts forth some contrasting hexes. Fall has befallen us in Bill Penn’s Woods We feel the reel of summer’s passing goods Run...

. Homage to the Cultural Contributions of Native Americans Columbus bumped into this wondrous land— Out of his ships came a little band To offer up thanks on the golden sand. Chris found three things that can wreck your brain, Each one endemic to this domain: Tobacco and syphilis and...

. Uninvited Guest A man came by my house one day. I smiled and said he couldn’t stay. He smiled right back and said “OK,” but then he didn’t go away. Instead, he walked right through my door and put his clothes inside a drawer. He took the room least...

. The Number 235: The Fall Sludge in extremis  ‘Twas on the 235 at Feltham Station, It happened in the very recent past, That Sludge began to think about salvation And how he really ought to find it fast. While gazing blankly at the floor below him A figure in...

. Not Alexa's President a pantoum on the news story here “The real risk with AI isn't malice but competence.”  —Stephen Hawking Alexa says election fraud took place. She says the 2020 vote was stolen. Alexa’s cyber eye upon the case Found numbers bungled, skewed and spun and swollen. She says the...

. Late Changes Though older people may proclaim __That they intend to change, One should by no means find it strange __If they remain the same. . . Reunion Conversations with dear, old friends sharing Key details on what life’s come to be, Which soon put a firm end to...

. Victimhood & Narcissism . I. The Joy of Grief “To have a grievance is   to have a purpose in life” ---Alan Coren I bleat and beef with no relief. The joy of grief has served me well. I’m exultation’s ardent thief. I scowl and shout and howl and pout....

. Regional Biases We’ve all eaten dinners on china, But China’s now eating our lunch. A supper in South Carolina Is home-cookin’, I have a hunch. . . Sexual Preferences Though a prince may turn into a frog, And a cat can make sounds like a dog, For as long...

. Joey’s Doomed! The investigation widens of the traitorous crimes the Bidens __are---and have been---guilty of for years, As liberal scum like CNN attempt to save his ass again, __He’s grappling with his family’s greatest fears! What he's done for all this time, thriving off his life of crime, __clearly...

. Three Ways of Avoiding Reason . Ambivalence The man who doesn’t want a thing (And then he does) will tend to cling. Don’t importune him in his scene— Leave him alone, and in between Let moments that were better spent Swing to and fro. Ambivalent Is he who longs...

. Dirge of the Dimwits  “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than   sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”  ---Martin Luther King, Jr. We’ve reached the point of no return. __We hurtled way off track. We watched the mocking clock hands spurn __Our plea to wind on back To days before the eerie roar From something scary at...

. Have a Pity for War! Have a pity for war, When its friends are no more. All its chums gone away, With no one to slay, Left silent and calm, And no one to harm. It’s a destitute life In a world without strife! . . David Hollywood co-Directed...

. The Workaholic Takes Time Off Dear Partners: I apologize for having Less than normal time today. I have a wedding lunch at noon, But will stay free till then I pray. I’ll also be available At 2 if you should need to call, Before the wedding service starts, Though...

. On Professionally Hesitant Poets O, for a Muse of fire, that would ascend The brightest heaven of invention! —Shakespeare, Henry V Old Vergil guided Dante to the place Where uncommitted, opportunist souls Swarm back and forth, through tracts of vacant space, Unfit for heaven, or infernal coals. Neither good...

. Covidiocy a rondeau It’s coming back! The tyrants tack From tongues that twist and hearts that lack An honest song. It’s on the news--- Cruel rules for fools who suck up schmooze That oozes from each yakking quack. Wolves paid to scare and sneer then snack On swindled sheep...

. Broad Brush Art What’s considered great art isn’t static at all. There are always new trends that beguile and enthrall. We’ve had cave art, art deco, abstract and baroque. There was cubist, impressionist, pop art and folk. Each had palettes and brushstrokes that set them apart, but the newest...

. Modern Times . I. The Cutting-Edge Misogynist He slams the bland and damned old-fashioned type--- Those tiresome dinosaurs born with a womb--- The sexless species of the XX stripe--- The sort he states must bow and give more room To fakes who ache to take the world by storm--- Those...

. Trump and Old Slow Joe Republicans and elephants go back a long, long way. The elephant that’s in the room is Donald Trump, today. But if it were a China shop I daresay Trump would be More “bull” than “pachyderm”—no doubt The Donald would agree. But should he be...

. Mosquitoes God designed the darn mosquito, But the reason’s nothing we know. Seems their less than epic purpose Is to bite our epidermis. . . The Left’s Vision for Future Transportation From much of what is heard today It seems that there are forces, Whose discontent will not allay...

. Crossing the Swamp After about an hour hiking the swamp, I knew. A week’s rains flooded out the trail. Tall sameness of pines stood round me. Stagnant water, coffee dark, spread before me. My new boots stamped sucking cleats to nowhere on red mud. I knew! But first, denial....