Satire

. Via Appia Beneath the pines of Rome, the wrinkled sibyl will croak your future for eleven cents, and with her finger in the dust will scribble predictions of uncertain consequence. But go near, fix your eyes on her immense eyes, clear blue like the Roman sky but colder: you’ll...

. ***** The Red Hotel has blood on ev’ry floor Where ev’ry room is numbered 666 And blood-greased door knobs bolting every door Suspend a blood red sign of ZZZ So slaving cleaners need not knock to fix The bleeding fat pretense of sanctuary. The bloody owners of The Red...

. On Silicon Avenue The lawns on Silicon Avenue were mowed on Wednesdays. All the hedges, too, were cut. On Thursdays cars were polished till they glowed, or else you got a bullet in the gut. The Sheriff-Bots were programmed to instil in urban folk a sense of civic pride;...

. The Park The Park he’d built, which hovered overhead, Went far beyond the scope of any to That time constructed.  Architects were bred For several generations: some were wed To siblings just to purify the strain Of perfect planners able to pursue This massive project.  Sure and steady grew...

. Me and My Pronouns Pronouns—I’ve gotten rather tired of them. Not quite so tired, though, as of being queried as to mine. “He,” “him,” “his”—why can’t I hem them up, the lot of them, and have them buried? I hereby put my foot down: from now on I’ll have...

. The White House Coke Though Hunter left his laptop at the shop, The Woke deny he lost his White House coke, And call the chance of Joe partaking nil--- Has anyone drug tested Dr. Jill? . . On Second Thought I’d like to be the type of guy Whose...

. Peace For Our Time "I believe it is peace for our time... Go home and get a nice quiet sleep." ---Neville Chamberlain “An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last.” ---Winston Churchill. A triumph, yes, a veritable smash! From Munich I convey peace...

. The Billboard a pantoum It’s propped along the route I roll— A squatting square against the sky, Atop a sturdy metal pole, To tell me what new thing to buy. A squatting square against the sky, It blocks the airy, fluffy clouds, To tell me what new thing to...

. A Poet's Plight I’ll think of a theme for my next little verse, intriguing and witty, though still must be terse. Not road kill, dead flowers, nor weeding the lawn, it can’t wax poetic nor bring a big yawn. A subject noteworthy I need to create, which won't give...

. Putin That’s, I’m sure, a vampire: Gnaws on bones, bloody-lipped. —A. S. Pushkin. “Vurdalak,” Songs of Western Slavs (Это, верно, кости гложет Красногубый вурдалак. —А. С.  Пушкин. “Вурдалак”, Песни западных славян) What’s in the mirror that you see? No bloody fangs, which would be fitting: you feed on corpses of your victims. You make them...

. To All Great Eagles Up on High To all great eagles up on high I hope you hear my battle cry! I have some plans I know you’ll love While you are circling above. There is a retailer to maul That has a Target on its wall. As if...

. Psalm 23: King David’s Version When I was just a hungry sheep __and I was lonely, lost and scared, You somehow found me, fed me, led me, __showed me just how much You cared. When in the valley with its shadows __that each prophesy my death, Tho’ I hear...

. As Orwell Warned The Right now gets censored to silence, While schools and the media teach, That speech from the Right equals violence, And Left violence merely is speech. . . “When I Was Your Age…” Sometimes when my kids converse __I simply have to say, How often things...

. The Adventures of Verb At six, I had a dictionary Where I would meet a man named Verb, Superb and quite extraordinary, In every definition’s blurb, Right at the finish, did while doing, For example: “Verb chewed, chewing.” In my mind, I saw Verb clearly, With brown hair, mustache,...

. Runway Ready An Anorectic at a Playground . Scrawny, lean and teen Miss Annie sat upon her bony fanny, straddled ‘cross a teeter-totter, filling up on Fibre Water. From above, bungeed a spider, claimed the empty seat as rider, launching Ann like some machine, Plop! Splat! onto a trampoline. When she...

. Distant Thoughts from Nearby I need to turn my dog-ears up __and harken to the quietude ____ignored for many years, __and contemplate my solitude, ____expressing through my tears Incautious songs that made me up. My oldest friends will never know __the thrall of certain moods I wear, ____the many...

. Lord, Give Me Serenity Lord, give me serenity To deal with lunatics, Especially the ones Who are found in politics. Help me to stay calm, And keep me honor bound, But take them to perdition Wherever they are found. Please give me the courage To stay in self-control; Although,...

. All That’s Left Is Yours based on I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris The bride walked the aisle to her husband-to-be, __Who gently took hold of her hand. They started their vows, all to hear and to see, __When a woman there started to stand. She boldly but...

. Xanadu Revisited after "Kubla Khan" by Samuel Coleridge __In Washington aristocrats __ordain corruption happily: __here the Potomac River flows __past million dollar homes in rows, ____no common man you’ll see. __Declared a district not a state __where crooks decide our nation's fate in fancy restaurants where they all dine...

. Half the Night a villanelle My stomach isn’t working right. Bubbles, gurgles, twinges and sighs Kept me up for half the night. I’ve got hives too, quite a sight— Neck, belly, all over my thighs. My skin just isn’t working right. Aching and stiffness are my plight; Take my...

. The Revised Guide to Selling Adult Beverages  Dismiss the woke approach to advertising--- It’s mad and bad and far from enterprising. Avoid loud, lipsticked lads in soapsud scenes In full and frothy flounce on TV screens. This rainbow-lemming, cliff-top leap to ruin Has bubbled up in Budweiser’s undoing. Ensure...

. The Number 165: Emily Hyatt A Cautionary Tale . Now this is a story that all those should heed Who think the sole gustatory pitfall is greed. For hear now what happened to Emily Hyatt Whose pleasure by contrast was only to diet. Miss Em of South Hornchurch was...

. Note to a Sloppy Homeowner in response to C.B. Anderson's “Know How to Mow” Increasing rates are musts for folks like you. “Annoyance tax.” I mowed your lawn last time. I chose the route and sent away the crew— (They’re Mexican). The scheme was by design. As we all...

. Target Gets Targeted A leftist agenda endorsed,Down customers’ throats it was forced.They now find their business is blighted,You could say that they’ve been “Bud Lighted.” . . Newspapers Newspaper costs had tripled.The boss said “read online.”To keep the peace I tried it.It didn't turn out fine. I like to check...

. Gaslighted Our friendship limped along for thirty years. I can’t say why. The scornful views you’d share Instilled resentment, anger, even tears. Your condescending words. Your cutting glare. “Why can’t conservatives just come to grips With facts? You stooges of the Right are cruel; Your policies will bring Apocalypse....

. Target If you’re too young to take a marriage vow, Stuck at an awkward age that won’t allow A dizzy dose of liquor-laden brew Or puffs of buzzy stuff… just one or two--- __Target beckons you---right now! If you’re too juvenile to drive a car, Too green to party at the bluest bar, Too innocent to fight a gory war, Too ignorant to know what’s...

. Some Satirical Epigrams in hendecasyllabics (essentially trochaic pentameter with a dactyl for the second foot) . Complaint to a Complainer You complain all the time; about the weather, Other peoples’ affairs, your job, your pillow; So much so that it seems you’re only happy When you’re whining about one...

. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILvvmtpOaOg

. Matters of Class . Saying hello The modest o’s the most polite of letters; But is he facing up today or down? Each day he questions those he calls his betters In order so he knows to smile or frown. A frown, you see, becomes a charming smile When seen...

. So Much for Legitimate Women's Sports Vladimir Gonzales, a young Italian athlete, With 28 inch biceps and a 68 inch chest, Entered competitions where he knew he wouldn't find Even a tiny---you-know-what---dangling from the rest! Afraid to state the obvious, the girls---who'd turn their eyes When Vladdy'd flaunt the...

. The Devil Comes to Buckingham from Legends of Liberty: Volume 2 One day as Britons cheered their sovereign’s sight, The devil crawled into his servant’s brain. He entered through the ear as a termite And caused poor George the Third to go insane. His Majesty’s gray matter had a...

. Why Can’t I Marry My Pit Bull? Why can’t I marry my pit bull? He’d make an incredible spouse, In spite of the dog hair and doo-doo, He’d always be king in my house. He’d listen whenever I talked to him, Of deceit I would find not a trace,...

. September 9th 1901… A September evening in old Paris town, The time when Parisians let their hair down. There’s laughing and dancing and folk getting drunk, And all of the ladies are looking like punks. It just needs an artist to capture the scene, But Toulouse-Lautrec is nowhere to...

. Poet, What Dreamer Thou Art  "I feel more and more every day, that as my imagination strengthens, that I do not live in this world alone, but in a thousand worlds." ---John Keats I’m busy doing nothing, can’t you see? I’m like a bee. I float from flower to...

. The Shortfalls of Empirical Knowledge Sorry, Iowa. Each night is different from all previous And therefore not the same as those to come. The ways of Nature can be devious: They test experience and leave us numb To expectations we would otherwise Have nurtured and applied to form our...

. A Right Royal Coronation Anon the pomp and pageantry will beam From London as King Charles III is crowned. The Abbey-bound procession’s set to stream On gleaming tides of splendour to the sound Of jaunty hooves and chatter from a sea Of gazers as his coach cleaves through the...

. The Number 151: Teatime in Cheam A Cautionary Tale . Now this is a story of two little girls; The older had pigtails, the younger one curls. They lived in the wonderful village of Cheam And both were addicted to chocolates and cream. And ever these sisters would rival...

. Books Some say that books are obsolete, __Preferring new devices. But reading books is still a treat, __No gadget quite suffices. . . Tipping Etiquette The credit card machine implied that __I should leave a tip, For someone who provided “service” __No more than a blip. The hope is...

. On Binge-Reading Sylvia Plath Verdammte mirror-bee-eyes stare at you As you describe in depth colossal pain. You say too much: your tormented achoo Your lack of faith, your overactive brain. I read your sadness---verses made of hurt And genius, from a coruscating pen Of acid-green, with not one word...

. The Sonogram Dodona housed the oracle of Zeus, And there the Greeks sought his prophetic aid (Whose force depended on how much they’d paid) In auguries divinely quite abstruse. Beneath his sacred oak they lay diffuse, His priests who’d listen to the serenade As wind among the leaves discreetly...