"Ved bredden av Chiemsee" by Hans Gude‘How Would We Like Our Existence To Be?’ by Alessio Zanelli The Society August 23, 2018 Beauty, Poetry 6 Comments Meaningful. Active and interesting. Strong. ___Simply not counting the days, as if stray, ______dreary, unworthy, but making them count, serve, be remembered and blest all along. ___Challenges ought to be faced on the way, ______obstacles scattered for us to surmount. We would meander through deserts at length, ___probe the abysses of oceans and peaks, ______capture the glitter of stars from the sky. That would require every bit of our strength, ___surely the best of our skills and mystiques. ______Only such wonders could satiate our eye. Alessio Zanelli is an Italian poet who writes in English and whose work has appeared in over 150 literary journals from 13 countries. He has published 4 full collections to date, most recently Over Misty Plains (Indigo Dreams, UK, 2012). For more information please visit www.alessiozanelli.it. Related Post ‘Check-Mate by a Pawn’ and Other Poetry by Amy F... Check-Mate by a Pawn for my sons We parry, thrust: This game of wits, Where each pawn must Deflect your hits. My mounted knight Skips overhea... Tell the world:FacebookTwitterTumblrPinterestRedditLinkedInEmail 6 Responses James Sale August 23, 2018 Love this poem – strong, decisive, controlled and upbeat. Well done. Reply Joe Tessitore August 23, 2018 Love it for lots of reasons; message, meter pattern, appearance, accessibility to name a few. Well done Alessio! Reply Joseph S. Salemi August 23, 2018 This is excellent dactylic tetrameter — a difficult meter to handle, but Zanelli does it quite nicely. The only small fix I’d suggest is in the last line, where the word “satiate” is being used as if it were a disyllable (SAY- shate). I always take it as a trisyllable (SAY-shee- ate). If Zanelli lives in the UK, he is perhaps using a British pronunciation with which I am unfamiliar. In place of “satiate,” I’d use a clear disyallble such as “nourish” or “gladden.” Reply Amy Foreman August 23, 2018 This is an enjoyable poem, Allesio! Thank you for sharing it with us. Another thought alongside Mr. Salemi’s suggestion is to change the plurals “oceans . . . peaks . . . skills . . . mystiques” to singulars: “ocean, . . . peak, . . . skill, . . . mystique.” I’ve usually heard “mystique” used without an “s,” and the rest of the words would work in their singular forms here as well–perhaps altering “probe the abysses of oceans and peaks,” to “probe the abyss of each ocean and peak.” Of course, I’m only suggesting this as a possible consideration, . . . any minor alteration like this comes down to the poet’s personal preference. The poem is very nice as is! . . . Blessings. Reply Mark Stone August 23, 2018 Alessio, Hello. 1. To make S1L1 flow more smoothly, I would change it from three sentences to one sentence. Such as: “Meaningful, interesting, active and strong.” 2. To me, S1L2 would sound more natural if you changed “Simply not…” to “Not simply…” 3. Overall, this poem is very nicely done. Reply Monty August 24, 2018 Cheers, Mark. When I first read the piece a few days back, the obvious reversal of ‘simply not’ hit me square on the jaw; but I didn’t comment upon it lest I sounded officious. Thus, I’m mildly relieved that another human has exposed it; ‘cos I consider it to be a crucial ‘reversal’ in the context of that line. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.