A mysterious substance is ruling our lives.
It flows through our oceans and floats in our skies.
“It’s good for you,” cries four docs out of five.
It will keep your skin young for the rest of your life.
It will grow your corn tall and make your kids bright.
It will keep your drinks cold and improve your sight.
Believe me my friends, don’t be fooled by the hype.
There is something about this that does not seem right.
Why would the great praises of this stuff be sung?
When you breathe in too much, it can swell in your lungs.
When frozen it’s deadly, an Antarctic knife.
When used in some torture, they beg for their life.
So my dear friends I beg you, don’t fall for their ruse
and as for myself I don’t have to choose.
For I shall not be a mere sheep led to slaughter
Because I always prefer my whiskey to water.


Andrew Joseph is an aspiring writer and poet from Lima, Ohio. He does his best to squeeze in writing between working full time, and being a full time husband to his wife Julie and full time father to his 4 children.

Featured Image: “An Experiment on a Bird in an Air Pump” by Joseph Wright of Derby, 1768.

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3 Responses

  1. Martin Elster

    Hi Andrew,

    This is an entertainingly droll poem! I love the jaunty anapestic meter. I found the last line a bit bumpy, though. Have you considered starting the line with “’cause” instead of “because”? Then you would have a nice anapestic pick-up:

    ’Cause I always prefer my whiskey to water.

    In any event, the last line is inspired. A fun poem!

    The title immediately attracted me, not just because of the dihydrogen monoxide hoax,
    but also because I, too, once wrote a poem with that title:


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