This Collar, Blue
My elbows leak with grease
And all my toes are laid with steel
I’m rough of neck
My knuckles specked with cuts that never heal
The world I mend
The swirls on plastic lens paints squalor’s view
Ah, but still, I’d never trade this collar, blue
In Bloom
How sweet the summer sun defeats the gloom
How numb the winter made these fragile bones
How sweet the summer sun can seem in bloom
“Come sleep beneath the skies that beckon home”
The ocean surf is calling at my name
How numb the winter made these fragile bones
This heart, where once roamed free, was bound in chains
Though, never for a moment did it yield
The ocean surf is calling at my name
The blinding nothing blanketed the fields
My breath was writing heartache in the sky
Though, never for a moment did it yield
This voice did bray and mourn for which it vies
My soul was held aloft in every song
My breath was writing heartache in the sky
The sun spoke “come and rest where you belong”
How sweet the summer sun defeats the gloom
My soul was held aloft in every song
How sweet the summer sun can seem in bloom
Zachary Dilks is a writer currently residing just outside of Austin, Texas. A toolmaker by trade and a poet by heart, he began pursuing his passion for writing at age 17.
Sometimes blue collar workers aren’t given proper credit. Everyone who works hard to earn an honest livelihood should be respected. Also, many blue collar workers are highly skilled and perform invaluable services. They also earn more than many college grads with liberal arts degrees. I particularly enjoyed the last sentence. Regarding your 2nd poem, I find Villanelles to be quite challenging; however, I did enjoy your imagery. Keep on writing!
E. V.
Beth,
I don’t understand why you find villanelles so challenging. The first principle is to find two rhyme-endings that have many solutions in the English language. The same problem occurs when trying to write a Petrarchan sonnet, but in both cases the difficulty is rather easily solved. See:
http://www.versewisconsin.org/Issue105/poems105/anderson.html
and scroll down to “Featherweight” here::
http://www.strongverse.org/cgi-bin/poiesis.pl?search=Anderson_C_B&header=poet&category=poem&method=perfect&order_by=number&order=cba&template=poem
Oh, yes, I do find Villanelles somewhat challenging to write. However, that’s not inherently bad; challenges frequently give rise to our best work. Finding appropriate rhymes is actually the easiest part of Villanelle composition. The challenge involves abiding by its rhyming pattern while simultaneously satisfying ALL the Villanelle’s other requirements (i.e., deciding upon your recurring lines, mapping your message stanza by stanza, and weaving your words so that the recurring lines grammatically “fit” into their allotted places; all while working with rhyme and meter and, of course, communicating your message in a poetic voice). I enjoy writing Villanelles, but refrain from trying to do so when I fatigued.
E.V.
I’m glad you liked the poems. I’ve always felt a certain sense of tranquility when I’m making something and working with my hands. It’s a great life to live.
I think any poem where you have repeating lines that need to all flow together and blend well is definitely a challenge. Thank you, and I hope you’ll enjoy more of my poems in the future.
Zachary Dilks
Yes! I’ll keep an eye out for them. Keep writing!
E. V.
Nice poems, Zachary. Here is one I wrote many years ago when I worked in a factory. It could be lyrics for a song. Any songwriters out there?
GRAVEYARD BLUES
Quarter past five and the sky”s getting light
That old yellow sun will soon be in sight
I’ m driving home, I’ve been up all night
With these overtime, graveyard blues
Everywhere I look, there’s nobody around
Folks are just waking up, all over town
So they can go to work ’til the sun goes down
While I’ve got these old graveyard blues
After work I relax, as a general rule
Sit on my porch, watch the kids go to school
Drinking beer in the morning, I look like a fool
And I’ve got these old graveyard blues
My family’s waking up, I am ready for bed
When I should be awake, I’m asleep instead
Sometimes I feel I must be out of my head
And I get these old graveyard blues
Someday I’ll get a job, before my working days are done
When I won’t have to sleep beneath the heat of the sun
Spend every night with my wife, have a whole lot of fun
And forget about these graveyard blues
David
Thank you I’m glad you liked the poems! That’s a nice one. There’s something magical about being awake when all the world is seemingly asleep, isn’t there?
Zachary Dilks
It does sound like it could be a country song. Good luck with it.
E. V.
Thank you, Zachary and Beth.
Dear Mr. Dilks –
Yours is sensitive and beautiful work, backed up by experience. Keep on, and please share more.
Sally Cook
Sally
Thank you, that means the world to me! I’ll keep writing and I hope you’ll keep enjoying!
Zachary Dilks
“In Bloom” is definitely not a villanelle. It looks to be a terzanelle, a hybrid between a villanelle and terza rima.
Great catch, C.B.! Mr. Dilks originally labeled this a terzanelle and I seem to have written the wrong form on here. Now fixed. Thank you. -Evan
C. B., Evan: How about some tutorials on these forms? I’m probably not the only one who’d enjoy them.
E. V.
Hi E.V., here is a tutorial: http://classicalpoets.org/how-to-write-a-terza-rima-with-examples/
I hope it helps!
C.B.
You’re absolutely right, it is a terzanelle. You have a good eye for poetic forms. What’s your favorite form to write in? The Quatern is a personal preference of mine.
Zachary Dilks
Zachery,
I write a lot of quatrains, sonnets, and more complicated stanzaic forms. I came to villanelles rather late, and if you go to the link above to Verse Wisconsin, and then read the sidebar on the right you will see why (the sound here is totally garbled, so don’t dwell on that). I find that the quatrain comes most naturally to me, and I almost always rhyme all the lines (abab, sometimes abba, and only occasionally aabb). But I love it when I can put together more complicated stanzaic forms, such as rhyme royale, abcabc, abacbc & others, often heterometrically. Some examples can be found here:
https://thegalwayreview.com/?s=C.B.+Anderson
and here:
http://www.strongverse.org/cgi-bin/poiesis.pl?search=Anderson_C_B&header=poet&category=poem&method=perfect&order_by=number&order=cba&template=poem
If I haven’t answered all your questions, or if you have more, then please post a reply.
rendered in song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8wk7F5T3rM
Ben
That’s so cool on so many levels! I think it’s neat how differently people can interpret art.
Thank you for singing my words!
Zachary Dilks
Zachary,
How would you portray This Collar, Blue as a piece of art on canvas? I’m working on a piece and wonder as you wrote this what you envisioned?
Zachary,
I’m sorry to have misspelled your first name in my previous comment.
C.B.
No worries. Better to have misspelled my first name than to have mispronounced my last name like all of my school teachers.
Zachary Dilks
Noted. But is there more than one way to pronounce it?
C.B.
They used to leave out the L and pronounce it Dicks
Ouch, and OK. But if you are are a reader of science fiction, it’s not such a bad thing to be associated with Philip K. Dick or Gordon Dickson. Also note that the letter “L” is normally unpronounced in such English words as “palm,” “Holmes.” & “could.” Respectively, these these words are pronounced “pom,” “homes,” & “kood.” Though these details of Anglic phonetics might seem a bit over-wrought at times, they come in handy when one is searching for an end rhyme.
C.B
As an adult who understands the English language is kind of a screwy one, the mispronunciation doesn’t bother me.
As a school kid, not so much.
I really like “This Collar, Blue.” It paints a picture & evokes a feeling, especially the last line!!
Robert
Thank you for saying that! I’m glad you enjoyed it. The last line is my favorite too. Doesn’t matter how hard and sometimes thankless the work is. There is a feeling of purpose when you do a job well.