'The Conert' by Johann Georg Platzer‘Quicksilver’ by Charles Bauer The Society June 13, 2019 Beauty, Culture, Poetry 6 Comments A song’s composer’s music might reveal A question or idea in such a way That black notes penned on paper weigh what’s real; But if unheard his work subsides to gray. That gray divides back into black and white When trained musicians take the score and play. As themes evolve they could make silvered light; Yet if it’s unobserved it’s still just gray. An audience completes the shift: debates Combine and quicken gray with silver’s shine As truths they share change mental states— Perspectives they might hope could intertwine. Released their gifts link up while setting free; They form Quicksilver steps to Unity. Charles Bauer resides in Chapel Hill, NC and is a salesman for a commercial carpet manufacturer. Views expressed by individual poets and writers on this website and by commenters do not represent the views of the entire Society. The comments section on regular posts is meant to be a place for civil and fruitful discussion. Pseudonyms are discouraged. The individual poet or writer featured in a post has the ability to remove any or all comments by emailing submissions@ classicalpoets.org with the details and under the subject title “Remove Comment.” Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 6 Responses Joseph S. Salemi June 13, 2019 Line 11 does not fit the iambic pentameter scheme. It’s a shame when a good sonnet is spoiled by a single metrical infelicity. I’d suggest a fix something along these lines: As truths they share enliven mental states– Reply Charlie Bauer June 13, 2019 Thanks for pointing that out Mr. Salemi! I agree with your observation on meter and am a bit annoyed that I seem to have developed a tin ear. Besides the meter the line as a whole seems weak to me, with the weakness centering on the word “change”. What do you think of: As truths evolve within their mental states— Wishing you the best, Charlie Reply Joseph S. Salemi June 13, 2019 I do think that line 11 is weak, and not just because of the metrical issue. It’s that the grammar of the whole sentence is a bit tangled. The plural word “debates” in line 9 is the noun subject of “combine and quicken,” but the plural noun subject of the verb “change” in line 9 is “truths.” Because there is only minimal punctuation in the whole quatrain, the reader can get confused. Charlie Bauer June 13, 2019 Thanks for the thoughts! Those are good directions for improving this poem. C.B. Anderson June 13, 2019 When I count syllables I use my fingers. No shame in that. Most intact human beings have hands with iambic pentameter fingers. I didn’t quite like the repetition of the rhyme “gray.” There must be dozens of other words that would have rhymed. Reply Charlie Bauer June 13, 2019 Hi C.B. Yep, I use my fingers too, but over four seems to be higher math for me right now! Your point about the repetition of the word gray is well taken and I agree that the practice is best avoided. In this case, gray is a central idea to the poem and the repetition is intentional. Wishing you the best, Charlie Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.