"Still Life, Fruit" by Severin RoesenA Poem on the Green New Deal and Other Poetry by Susan Jarvis Bryant The Society June 26, 2019 Culture, Humor, Poetry, The Environment 18 Comments Doomsday… or Not? The Green New Deal is out there, and Bernie says it’s true— there’s only twelve more years left for the likes of me and you to curtail carbon footprints and cure the ailing earth by living lives of paucity, deficiency and dearth; shunning all air travel to posh, exotic climes, cooking on dung fires and shutting down the mines, relishing bean burgers and banning buns with beef coz cattle cutting cheese will bring apocalyptic grief; trading roaring engines for sturdy walking shoes, so long as they’re not made from any bovine beast who moos. Let’s not forget the plastic and the drastic aftermath of oil embroiled production that paved the green warpath; so, switch off every cell phone and damn PCs to hell, quit wittering on Twitter and break the Facebook spell; turn off the heat and air-con, trade your brick house for a shack— if you want a longer future you’re compelled to travel back to Neanderthal conditions, so now’s the time to choose to pine in pious penury, or crack a vat of booze, then book a one-way ticket to an island soaked in sun and bask in global warming for twelve more years to come! Superfood Sonnet When they deemed caffeine the health fanatic’s fiend, I dashed my skinny latte to the floor. When my utter love of butter was demeaned, I banned that spread from bread forevermore. When chocolate was the rocky road to ills, I blocked this shocking sin from drooling tongue. On news that wine blinds minds and often kills, I shunned my Chardonnay and Sauvignon. But coffee’s now the fitness guru’s friend, and butter is much better than once thought; a chunk of chocolate they now commend, And for prolonging life wine should be sought… so, I’m scoffing and I’m quaffing as I chortle; with my new menu, I’m sure to be immortal! Coulrophobia “Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung.” —P. T. Barnum It is met with amusement, confusion and frowns; my skin-crawling fear of those crazed circus clowns. As a kid it was easy to quell the torment by shunning the hell of the Big Top’s striped tent. But sadly that dread now pervades adult days in a flurry of wily and worrisome ways; for these jesters infest and pester our lives in a stunningly, cunningly clever new guise. Gone are hooped trousers and a flashing red nose, they are now donning dashing and fashionable clothes; but beneath the chic weave and crowd-winning spin lurks a foul stench of slapstick and custard-pie grin. As they promise the moon on a slick silver spoon I see through the trick to the loony buffoon; thus my therapist’s talk of pending remission has been quashed by the tosh of the arch politician! Susan Jarvis Bryant is a church secretary and poet whose homeland is Kent, England. She is now an American citizen living on the coastal plains of Texas. Susan has poetry published in the UK webzine, Lighten Up On Line, The Daily Mail, and Openings (anthologies of poems by Open University Poets). Views expressed by individual poets and writers on this website and by commenters do not represent the views of the entire Society. The comments section on regular posts is meant to be a place for civil and fruitful discussion. Pseudonyms are discouraged. The individual poet or writer featured in a post has the ability to remove any or all comments by emailing submissions@ classicalpoets.org with the details and under the subject title “Remove Comment.” Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Related 18 Responses Amy Foreman June 26, 2019 Highly entertaining, Susan! “to pine in pious penury or crack a vat of booze”–hilarious! Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant June 26, 2019 Oh, the dilemma! Thank you for your kind comment – I’m thrilled it made you laugh! Reply Mike Bryant June 26, 2019 The political commentary is spot on! You’ve raised the bar on humor in poetry. Just beautiful and the internal rhymes are delicious. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant June 26, 2019 Many thanks, Mike. I’m glad you enjoyed the internal rhymes – I always challenge myself to go that extra mile for a smile 😉 Reply Joseph S. Salemi June 26, 2019 All of these are delightfully amusing. Health food freaks and climate-change fanatics need to be skewered. One question: Should the word be “twittering” (instead of “wittering”) in line 14 of the first poem? Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant June 26, 2019 Thank you for your appreciation and like-minded sentiments. On the “witter” front, that word was intentional – I thought the pointless chat and chatter definition went well with Twitter. Maybe that’s my English interpretation… I’d be open to changing it for US consumption. Thanks again. Reply Jan Darling June 26, 2019 Thank you Susan for a line by line smile. I wish I had written it! Thoroughly enjoyable and, reading Joseph’s comment, it may be that ‘wittering’ is not in common use in the US. It was common during the years that I lived in UK. There is something absolutley inconsequential about the ‘witterati’ – they produce a kind of sibilant background noise. Very entertaining and skilful writing. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant June 26, 2019 I thoroughly appreciate your astute observations and absolutely love the sibilant background noise of the ‘witterati” – what a delightful image that conjures. Thank you very much for your encouragement. Reply David Watt June 27, 2019 Susan, I really enjoy you brand of humour, and especially the internal rhymes of “Superfood Sonnet”. My only question in regard to “Superfood Sonnet” is whether in line eleven the word ‘commend’ should be recommend? Reply Susan J B June 27, 2019 Many thanks for your appreciation and observation on the commend/recommend front. You make a very good point – it’s certainly good for thought Reply C.B. Anderson June 27, 2019 Actually, “commend” is OK, because it means “to present or mention as worthy of confidence or attention.” But “recommend” would work as well if “now” is excised. “my utter love of butter” is precious in the best sense of the word. Why is it that, nowadays, only light verse is held to the highest standards of metrical precision? Is it possible that we find strict attention to detail to be an object of humorous ridicule? Jan Darling June 27, 2019 Yes, C.B. – referring to your last sentence and applying it, beyond poetry, to the general breaking of society rules, it does seem that we live in iconoclastic times. Dissidents rule. Charlie Bauer June 27, 2019 Oh my gosh THANK YOU! These put a huge grin on my face! Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant June 27, 2019 I’m thrilled they made you smile. I believe that humour eases the pain of living in crazy times. Reply C.B. Anderson June 27, 2019 And I think that pain, in a perverse way, engenders gallows humor, which is pretty much the same thing. At the end of the day, you should take comfort in knowing that you have made people laugh by speaking the truth. It’s the best medicine. Susan Jarvis Bryant June 28, 2019 C.B. Anderson, thank you very much for your encouragement, appreciation and astute observations. It’s wonderful to find a site that understands and promotes the marvel of form, and, more importantly, accepts and encourages freedom of creative expression – a rare luxury in this PC age of forced conformity. I’m honoured to be part of this admirable community. Reply Monty July 17, 2019 You’ve got a real talent, Susan. All three pieces are very fluidly written; no part of any line feels forced; and it’s admirable the way each line flows effortlessly into the next. And all topped-off with a healthy dose of wit, humour and sarcasm. Quality stuff! Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant July 18, 2019 Monty, thank you so very much for your fine eye for detail and your appreciation. I had such fun writing these, it heartens me to think my poetry brings almost as much joy to those reading them. 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