"Landscape with Maid Milking a Cow" by Aelbert CuypA Pair of Punny Poems by James A. Tweedie The Society September 18, 2019 Culture, Humor, Poetry 16 Comments Fright and Flight The sleeping farm was bathed in soft moonlight. A quiet evening, peaceful and subdued; When suddenly a single bovine mooed And then a second answered from her right. The pastured herd of cows was huddled tight Against a fence where each had calmly chewed Its cud until the tranquil quietude Was shattered and the startled herd took flight. They broke the fence and scattered in a fright The barnyard was in chaos, pigeons cooed, The sheep and geese completely came unglued. It took ‘til morning to contain the fight. The next day’s headline story brought delight; Describing “Udder Chaos in the Night.” Point, Set, & Match Serena Williams is a tennis star, A sport that’s played on asphalt, grass and clay. Serena’s good at what she does. Some say That she’s the best who ever played, by far. But others think that King and Evert were The best. Or maybe Graf, Navratilova, Seles, Goolagong or Sharapova. What about the men? There’s Federer, And Laver, Djokovic, Sampras, Nadal, Agassi, Conners, Ashe and McEnroe. So who’s the best? Don’t ask, I do not know. The Bible, though, knows who hit the first ball, And cites the first known reference to the sport: Which was when Moses served in Pharaoh’s court! James A. Tweedie is a recently retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He likes to walk on the beach with his wife. He has written and self-published four novels and a collection of short stories. He has several hundred unpublished poems tucked away in drawers. Views expressed by individual poets and writers on this website and by commenters do not represent the views of the entire Society. The comments section on regular posts is meant to be a place for civil and fruitful discussion. Pseudonyms are discouraged. The individual poet or writer featured in a post has the ability to remove any or all comments by emailing submissions@ classicalpoets.org with the details and under the subject title “Remove Comment.” Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) 16 Responses Sally Cook September 18, 2019 Sometimes it’s fun just to let loose with a punny poem, isn’t it? Very clever, and a good way to start the day. Thanks ! Reply Julian D. Woodruff September 18, 2019 Good, James. Your handling of tennis stars’ names is more like juggling than serving, speaking of which, the last line of the tennis ditty is really rich. Who would have appreciated it more–Moses or Pharaoh? Reply Joe Tessitore September 18, 2019 These are brilliant, and great fun! Reply Peter Hartley September 18, 2019 James – Quite a tonic to see these two epic poems among the illustrious works published by SCP. I had thought I’d detected a slight anachronism when you cite the example of the Pharaoh playing tennis in c14th bc, but now I suspect “tennis” is just a typo for “Shin-kicking contests”, cf “Ozymandias”, P B Shelley, line 15. It made a v welcome change from some of the heavy stuff. You seem to have an extraordinarily varied output. V Good. Reply James A. Tweedie September 18, 2019 Peter, I have an aversion to ruts. I got stuck in one once and swore I would never get stuck in one again. In any case, glad to see that at least a few of you have responded with a smile. Reply Peter Hartley September 18, 2019 James – Have you ever been to Pompeii? All the streets are full of ruts, petrified for all time by the eruption of AD 79. It gave me the first and last opportunity to write the word “rutty” on a postcard. James A. Tweedie September 18, 2019 Peter, as far as Italy is concerned, I have never been further south than the Rome airport (although, by coincidence, I just finished writing a sonnet set in Pompeii). I have, however, seen the Roman road-ruts in places like Jerash and Ephesus. Heh! I was about to use the word “rutting” but decided it didn’t conjure the desired image . . . Anna J. Arredondo September 18, 2019 Delightful! Thank you for showcasing the versatility of the sonnet with these punny punchlines. I particularly enjoy seeing poets rhyming names and other “unusual” words as well. Refreshing! Reply David Paul Behrens September 18, 2019 Well written and fun to read. The puns are hilarious. Reply James A. Tweedie September 18, 2019 For those of you who enjoyed these two poems here are two more. “And the Greatest of These Is . . .” Warren Buffet, Henry Kravis, Alexander Hamilton, T. Boone Pickens, J.P. Morgan, Carl Icahn, Carlos Slim; John Marks Templeton, George Soros, Steven Schwartzman, flush with pluck; Each a financier renowned for cunning, shrewdness, skill and luck. Yet they can’t compare with one who lived in the far distant past. Their vast fortunes will soon perish, hers is guaranteed to last. She alone accomplished what economists say can’t be done. Many since have tried to do it, each has failed, every one. Who is she who did this marvel? What exactly did she do? She is known as Pharaoh’s daughter, that’s your hint and that’s your clue. What she did deserves our admiration, gratitude and thanks. Bithia! Who pulled a prophet from a rush upon the banks. “Name Game” Honda is a name respected and admired near and far. Everyone agrees it’s a reliable and well-built car. But not many know that Honda’s been around a long, long time. Built to handle Roman roads, the ancient world’s dust and grime. Scripture says the first-known car was not a Cadillac or Ford, Acts 2:1 says Jesus’ followers were all in one Accord. Reply Julian D. Woodruff September 18, 2019 Take this “act” on the road, James. (After all, you share a name with 2 of Jesus’ apostles.) But as for all his followers being “in one Accord,” that was then, definitely not now! Amy Foreman September 18, 2019 Wonderful, James! Reply Peter Hartley September 18, 2019 James – As Anna says above, thank you for “showcasing the versatility of the sonnet” and thank you for showing us the utmost punnacle of pungency that can be reached by a master punster in the judicious implementation of such punnitively punnishing punnettes. Excruciating. Reply James A. Tweedie September 18, 2019 A pleasure to inflict. Reply David Watt September 19, 2019 James, you have varied the mix with these witty poems. I wonder what the next poetic subject will be? Reply James A. Tweedie September 19, 2019 So do I. 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