“Lying, dog-faced pony soldier!”
Blurts out Biden, as he scolds her.
Eyes unfocused, can’t walk upright;
Goes not gentle into that night.

Mind adrift, his brain a rebel.
Voice reverts to childish treble.
Conduct strange and unbecoming.
Dentures loose—he’s always gumming!

Barely holding on to reason,
Shuffles through life’s final season.
Last gasp of the patriarchy,
Victim of his own malarkey.

Uncle Joe, the time is late now.
You are past your sell-by date now.
Take the Amtrak, pack with care, sir—
Lose your mind in Delaware, sir.

N.B.: Biden’s unique phrase is in perfect trochaic tetrameter, like the Witches’ song in “Macbeth.” That’s all the inspiration I needed.



Rob Crisell is a writer, actor, teacher, and attorney in Temecula. After two decades in publishing, national non-profit work, law, and commercial real estate, he’s now a full-time writer, actor, and educator. He is an outside instructor with the Murrieta Valley Union School District where he teaches poetry and Shakespeare. He also teaches at St. Jeanne de Lestonnac School and other area schools on behalf of Shakespeare in the Vines (SITV). He runs SITV’s annual high school monologue competition, which he began in 2013. Currently, he is playing Iago in SITV’s August production of Othello. He’s the author/actor of Red, White & Bard! A Celebration of Shakespeare in America and Hamlet’s Guide to Happiness: 7 Life Lessons from the Greatest Play Ever Written, one-man shows he has performed for SITV, schools, and Osher Lifelong Learning Institute. He’s a graduate of Yale University and George Mason University Law School. He lives in Temecula with his wife and their two children.

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19 Responses

  1. Joseph S. Salemi

    Those feminine endings are truly great. The last couplet (“care, sir” and “Delaware, sir”) makes for a slam-dunk closure.

  2. Lannie David Brockstein

    The speaker in Rob Crisell’s “Uncle Joe’s Last Stand” is clearly a villain, as demonstrated by his many ageist comments which are no less prejudiced than if they were racist or sexist comments.

    It does nothing but to lower the level of political discourse for anybody to gossip (which in Judaism and Christianity is a sin) about a candidate’s age, race, sex, religion, or anything else of the sort, rather than to dispassionately discuss and debate the ideas of that candidate’s campaign platform.

    That Biden himself, as quoted in Rob Crisell’s “Uncle Joe’s Last Stand”, said something disparaging about another person’s physical characteristics, goes to show that he himself is a villain, and that being inappropriately prejudiced is a pervasive evil behaviour which is not limited only to those on the Left or the Right side of the political spectrum.

    Regarding the problem of bias, the key is knowing the difference between when it is ethical, and when it is unethical, to be prejudiced.

    For example, it is ethical for society to be positively prejudiced towards the blind, so that all elevators are required by law to feature a recording that says which floor the elevator is on.

    It is unethical for society to be negatively prejudiced against any religious group, such as the First Nations peoples who live on the lands of their ancestors, and who do not want for their sacred lakes and rivers to be polluted by the drilling and pipelines of the oil companies.

    • C.B. Anderson


      You sound like a silly man polluted with PC contaminants. I am more than seventy years old, and I find nothing offensive about Crisell’s amusing poem. Lighten up!

    • Joseph S. Salemi

      Brockstein is a broken record, repeating ad nauseam all the cliched pieties of politically correct lemmings. When he speaks of “ethics,” he generally means whatever he personally thinks is desirable.

      • C.B. Anderson

        Yes, I’ve noticed — and, well put. As I have done in the past, I will expect no more or less from either him or you.

      • Lannie David Brockstein

        To the reader at SCP: I have contributed to many online forums over the years. Every person that has behaved as a verbally abusive cyberbully towards me, as C.B. Anderson and Joseph S. Salemi have each repeatedly done, has turned out to have cancer—whether they knew it at the time, or not.

  3. Andrew

    I almost died laughing. The power of rhyme to magnify satire is incredible.

    Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I read a funny free verse poem. It’s a style totally devoid of humor.

  4. C.B. Anderson


    Your latest rejoinder has done nothing but convince me that you are some sort of eternal snowflake who needs to grow some balls. My initial observation that you are a silly man is incorrect — you are no man at all.

    • C.B. Anderson

      Fortunately, for Canada and for the world at large, there are still a few good Canadians who fight the good fight. Jordan Peterson, Stefan Molyneaux and Mark Steyn come to mind. In that light, Lannie, you are nothing more than an insignificant lowbrow perpetrator of washed-up ideas that never should have stained the shore of intelligent discourse.

  5. Joseph S. Salemi

    Lannie Brockstein is here solely as a left-liberal troll. He has no real interest in what we do. His only purpose is to undermine the SCP website by targeting and attacking any expressed opinion that he finds politically incorrect, and thereby — he hopes — shaming everyone into speaking only in a censored mode that suits LGBT orthodoxy and the politics of the Democratic Party. If you say anything to object to what he’s doing, he whines about “cyber-bullying.”

    Like that Trudeau schmuck who runs Canada, Brockstein is just a self-important putz with a hidden agenda.


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