Poet Susan Jarvis Bryant challenges her fellow poets to adapt a favorite joke into a poem with meter and rhyme. Enjoy her examples and then post your own joke-turned-poem into the comments section below.

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Pony Tale

My heart used to hanker for horses
(that bright equine blaze of delight)
till that dastardly day when dark forces
turned my thrill to a bone-chilling fright.

Oh, the trauma that followed the error
of mounting a proud chestnut colt,
who became a wild-eyed, bucking terror
determined to throw me and bolt.

He whirled and he tossed and grew sour.
My fingers, they slipped from his reins.
I was dragged till Walmart switched the power
straight off at the parking lot mains.

Now I’m banned from that store ride forever.
To be honest, I don’t really care.
I won’t straddle a pony—not ever!
I would much rather wrestle a bear.

.

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Laid Bare  

Today I paid a pretty fee to see
My future swirl within a crystal sphere.
A symphony of summoned wizardry
Took twenty pricey minutes to appear.
It sang in tones that only pros would know
And glowed in luminescent chartreuse light.
It scattered mystic seeds for seers to sow
In words that whispered of tomorrow’s plight.
My fortune-teller peered beyond her veil;
With eyes that rolled she told me I would choke
On gummy bears.  My clammy skin grew pale.
My death was but a punchline to a joke.

With foresight, my headstone will simply say:
“Killed by Bears”—no more, no less—no way!

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87 Responses

  1. Michael Coy

    Groucho’s Gefilte

    Always the same little hash joint.
    For lunch, the identical dish –
    in Kremzer’s, on Mott and Delancey,
    potatoes and yiddisher fish.

    His real name was Julius Henry,
    but “Groucho” is how he was known.
    His whim was to lunch in the corner,
    unsmiling, unnoticed, alone.

    So in comes a true-born impresser,
    a back-slapping man about town.
    He’s towing some Princeton professor,
    and eyeballs the vaudeville clown.

    Finagling faux introductions,
    the forte of showbusiness sharks:
    he’ll astonish the ecrivain manque …
    “I’ll get you an entree with Marx!”

    He gives it the big how’s-it-going,
    the Princeton prick shuffles his feet.
    But Groucho, unseeing, unknowing,
    uncaring, continues to eat.

    “This man wrote ‘The Vanderbilts’, damn it!”
    (incipient panic attack).
    Without looking up, answers Groucho,
    “The Vanderbilts – did they write back?”

    Reply
  2. Joseph S. Salemi

    Jack and Jill
    Went up the hill,
    Each with buck and a quarter.
    Jill came down with $2.50–
    They didn’t go up for water.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Joe, I much prefer this version of the nursery rhyme… how naughty!

      Reply
      • ntracylinda

        Untamed Wishes

        If all wishes were horses, even beggars would ride.
        Maybe then I would take pride in my longing for the Queen.
        I fall, I walk, I talk, I get quiet, I quit.
        For the Queen cannot be my Queen.
        For the Queen, is living a routine.
        A chain that shall not entertain a mere nothing.
        Just maybe if wishes were horses, even me I would ride with her majesty.

  3. Mike Bryant

    Night Terriers

    I suffer from insomnia,
    Each night I burn in Hell.
    Strangely, I’m agnostic and
    Dyslexic – I can’t spell.

    I toss and turn all through the night;
    My head is in a fog,
    Deliberating over the
    Existence of a doG.

    Reply
    • C.B. Anderson

      Right! The one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog. Love it.

      Reply
  4. Joseph S. Salemi

    Why The Chicken Crossed the Road

    A chicken crossed the road one day,
    We never figured why…
    (Not for lack of effort, nor
    Of willingness to try).

    Some said it was to find a mate,
    Some said it was to eat.
    Some said it was to get some shade
    From summer’s torrid heat.

    No one knew just why the hell
    This chicken crossed the road–
    Perhaps he had some chickenshit
    He needed to unload.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Joe – this is utterly hilarious. I always thought these chicken-crossing-road jokes were rather pointless, and now I know different! Here’s to the wonder of poetry!

      Reply
      • Russel Winick

        Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

        Why did the chicken cross over the road?
        To get to a place less corrosive.
        Where a chicken was free to cross roads as it pleased,
        Without anyone judging its motive.

    • Norma Okun

      Mr. Salemi, the chicken who crossed the road, has always been a funny joke but now we know he had something to deposit on the other side of the road.

      Reply
    • porpoiseboy

      THERE WAS A YOUNG CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD
      HE WAS JUST TRYING TO REACH HIS ABODE
      HE WAS HIT AS HE CROSSED
      BY A CAR & THEN TOSSED
      INTO A RESTAURANT AND HE’S NOW ALAMODE

      Reply
    • Lesley Reifert Hughes

      I love it. Thanks for the first giggle I’ve had today.
      Lesley Hughes

      Reply
  5. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    That’s What It’s All About!

    For ages I’ve been fighting dance addiction,
    The Hokey Pokey’s causing excess friction.
    My marriage was once joyous and so sound –
    If only I could turn myself around!

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Beverly, we could certainly do with a bit of cheering up in these tough times – what better way than poetry with a grin. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Rohini Sunderam

    How does a cat
    (If you fancy that)
    Differ from a comma
    Can you tell your momma?
    With a smile so bright
    She said, this is right:
    A cat has its claws
    At the end of its paws
    And a comma is a pause
    At the end of a clause.
    For a rhyming joke
    It’s a joke bespoke.
    And I’m all admiration
    It’s about punctuation.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Rohini, I love it – homophones used to their absolute best! I wish grammar was this fun when I was a kid. Thank you!

      Reply
  8. Russel Winick

    Statistics

    The experts use statistics,
    But often that seems fickle.
    What good is proof that average people
    Have one testicle?

    Reply
  9. Norma Okun

    Charlotte Bronte wrote Jane Eyre
    Over one hundred years ago in 1847
    Jane was an orphan and hired by
    Rochester to teach his little girl Adele
    He fell in love with Jane
    And society frowned on poor girls marrying the rich landlords
    Despite that Rochester could not help loving Jane
    He read his horoscope
    It said do not be a dope.
    He threw a party to impress
    And invited his fiancé
    And thought to disguise himself
    As a gypsy and for pure entertainment
    He pulled it off and not one of his friends knew it was him
    His Fiancé came in sat down and found out
    Rochester did not have the money she thought he had.
    She knew right there and then she had nothing
    To gain by marrying him.
    She believed the fortune teller’s lies and packed her bags.
    Dressing himself as a gypsy to find out his instincts were right
    The girl was nothing but a fortune seeker

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Norma, “Jane Eyre” is one of my favorite nineteenth century novels and you have put a whole new twist on it – thank you for your input! In fact, it reminds me of a humorous poem I wrote on “Rebecca” by Daphne Du Maurier – another of my favorites. I apologize in advance for any offense it may cause – please put it down to an offbeat sense of humor 🙂

      Who the Hell is Rebecca?

      “And he went on eating his marmalade as though everything were natural.” ~ Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

      Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again
      Hellbent on my intent to vent my spleen and then
      Eradicate Rebecca and proclaim the name
      More vital to the title of the author’s pen.

      Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again
      With spite enough to fight for rights to rule and win
      A place in Danvers’ grace without the raw disdain
      Of such a bicker-picking, knicker-twisting grin.

      Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again;
      Robust of voice, I’d made the choice to claim my reign
      With rigid rod to tame each sod who cast false blame;
      I’d grown the balls to strut the halls of my past pain.

      Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again
      Where haughty hubby, Maximilian, deigned to claim
      He’d lost his nameless, mousy spouse of scattered brain –
      And gained a snippy, cocky chappie known as Wayne!

      Reply
      • Norma Okun

        Dear Susan, I have read Rebecca written in 1937 as well.
        And have been impressed with the book.
        However my interpretation is that the new” nameless” Mrs. DeWinters was afraid of Mrs. Danvers who was obsessed with her and even said, Rebecca in a rage killed a horse. She seemed to have no compassion and abused her power. Tragically lying about being pregnant and enraging Mr. DeWinter to the point of killing her.
        I think your take on the book is a bit confusing to me. I don’t know who Wayne is. Sorry about that. I am happy that you wrote about the book, but I don’t get the meaning of your poem.

  10. Anna J. Arredondo

    Calculated Success

    Three colleagues — a mathematician,
    A physicist, and statistician —
    One weekend last fall
    Decided to all
    Embark on a bow hunting mission.

    When they spied a 12-pointer that autumn,
    They unquivered their arrows and shot’em;
    Some fell short (not so strong),
    Some fell equally long —
    So the stat-man exclaimed, “Guys, we got’im!”

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      I love this one, Anna, from the clever title to the giggle of a closing line. Bravo!!

      Reply
  11. Sally Cook

    Tender Is The Thigh

    I know a man devoted to
    A meat that thrills him through and through.
    Not.drumsticks fried, or chicken tenders,
    .Soup or gumbo he remembers–
    Oh no, he wants those chicken breasts,
    But always calls them chicken chests.
    Size Forty-seven DDD –
    A nice size, but too much for tea
    He’ll saute them, have them for dinner,
    .Worst kind of hypocrite and sinner.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Sally, you have done this challenge proud. You had me laughing out loud by “Size Forty-seven DDD –/A nice size, but too much for tea” – hilarious… and then, the closing couplet… a thigh-slapping delight that has the breast punchline ever! Thank you!

      Reply
  12. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    BELL BOY

    Pavlov made a booking at a chateau by the sea
    To have a charming evening of romantic harmony.
    His chic Dalmatian girlfriend, who had snuck into his heart,
    Begged for his betrothal after orders à la carte.

    While quaffing pink Champagne and scarfing finest caviar,
    He heard incessant ringing from a phone behind the bar.
    The escargot would have to wait along with legs of frogs.
    To hell with love eternal – Pavlov had to feed his dogs!

    Reply
    • Joseph S. Salemi

      Susan, there’s a typo in line 5 – it should be “scarfing,” not”‘scoffing.”

      Reply
      • Susan Jarvis Bryant

        Oops, it’s another of my British words. To scoff in British English means to eat quickly and greedily. I have never heard the word “scarf” in the eating sense, only the wearing round the neck sense. I will most certainly change it, and thank you for giving me another word to add to my ever-increasing lexicon.

  13. David Watt

    All at Sea

    I went to the doctor last Monday.
    He asked me “From what do you ail?”
    I replied “Every morning at six;
    Precisely, and never with fail,
    I empty my bladder completely;
    And that’s my embarrassing tale.

    The doctor said “No need to worry,
    Your malady seems rather pale.
    It’s normal to wake every morning
    And spout like a surfacing whale.”

    “That isn’t the issue good doctor.
    The reason I came here to wail
    Is because I don’t wake until seven,
    Adrift in a sea, without sail.”

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      David, you have elevated this hilarious joke to new heights! I am laughing out loud at, “ It’s normal to wake every morning/And spout like a surfacing whale.” Thank you for brightening my morning!

      Reply
  14. Mike Bryant

    Day Tripper

    I bought a pair of shoes in town last night.
    My sneaker dealer said, “They’re dynamite!”
    Today, I’m trippin’ everywhere I go.
    What did he lace them with? I’d like to know.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Mike,
      I bought some shoes from the very same guy –
      the heels were spiked and way too high!

      Reply
  15. Mike Bryant

    I’ll Never See Red

    I just found out I’m colorblind.
    I never had a clue.
    The diagnosis blew my mind,
    It came out of the yellow.

    Reply
  16. Jeff Eardley

    “Our inmates take a Brandy with Viagra,
    It helps them through the night,’” the Warden said.
    “The Brandy sends them off to sleep so quickly,
    The other stops them rolling out of bed.”

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Very funny, Jeff – that warden has those hardened criminals under control.

      Reply
  17. Jeff Eardley

    Our science teacher’s passed away
    His face we’ll see no more
    For what he thought was H2O
    Was H2S04

    Reply
  18. Talbot

    Two onions met and fell in love,
    And married in the greatest bliss;
    They soon thereafter had a child:
    Perfection! Not a layer amiss.

    But one bright day outside their home,
    Their wondrous, little child was hit;
    They found him broken in the street,
    And feared he wouldn’t make it.

    They bore him to the Surgery,
    And dad rolled up and down the hall,
    While mum sat crying in a chair,
    And thought about her child’s close call.

    At last the surgeon shuffled out,
    Kind-eyed as he was able;
    “Sir and ma’am, I have bad news:
    Your son’s a . . . vegetable.”

    (Veggie-table is the pronunciation I’ve in mind, by the by.)

    Reply
  19. Paul A. Freeman

    Olfactory Humour

    I met a fellow down the Ship and Bell
    who said, “My faithful canine hath no nose.”
    Quod I, “Most strange! How doth your poor dog smell?”
    And he replied, ” Much worse than you’d suppose!”

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Paul, this joke is so much funnier as a poem. The opening line and the archaic language make it hilarious – well done and thank you!

      Reply
      • Paul A. Freeman

        Thanks. It is a particularly good challenge you’ve set us.

  20. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    How The Cow Ate The Cabbage

    In the days when an ankle was classed as erotic
    and a traveling circus was labelled exotic,
    an elephant broke from the caged and the barred
    to graze in Great Grandma’s amazing backyard.

    Having slipped the confines of that cramped circus cell,
    it grew weary from plodding and hungry as hell.
    It was then the beast spotted Gran’s sweet cabbage patch
    and halted to feast on the flourishing batch.

    Now Granny, short-sighted but far from infirm,
    had never clapped eyes on a stray pachyderm.
    With its swishing appendage and penchant to dine
    she thought it no more than a roving bovine.

    Having duly discovered the beefy leaf-thief,
    she called up the cops to impart all her grief
    with a rare explanation in the realms of absurd,
    for this cow was a few moos removed from the herd.

    “Sheriff!” she cried, “There’s a cow in my crop;
    it’s picking my yield with its tail and won’t stop!
    When it plucks up each cabbage, my cheeks are aglow –
    because where this cow shoves them, you don’t want to know!”

    Reply
    • Paul A. Freeman

      Your yarn is great fun of how granny was suckered,
      or perhaps she was fooled by its lips that were puckered.

      Reply
  21. Paul A. Freeman

    Caribbean Comedy

    Unto the Western Indies did I take a
    vacation, my wife’s first time trip abroad.
    Asked Alfred, down the Dog and Duck, “Jamaica?”
    “Heck, no!” quod I. “Twas of her own accord.”

    Reply
  22. Yael

    Definitely the best thing since sliced bread, these poetic jokes. Thanks for taking us there Susan, and thank you to all the contributors. This is fun!

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Thank you, Yael. You gave me the confidence to push forward with this, and I’m glad I did. We could all do with a laugh in these troubled times – it’s the best medicine, indeed!

      Reply
      • Jan Darling

        Dear Susan – My finger suffered a seizure (or perhaps it has been tippling) and it entered the joke several times. Please wield your feared editorial digit and remove all but the first entry. Thank you. You continue to entertain and amaze me. Jan

  23. Jan Darling

    The Invitation

    ‘Your Rawl Highness’ read the letter ‘would yuz do a favour please
    We’re planning a grand big opening – we’d like yuz to hand us the keys.
    It’ll be posh, with cucumber sarnies and we’ll all turn up in our best
    We’d love to see ya out here – yud be our honoured guest..

    ‘We’re just a little township in the middle of the sticks
    Kev will do the write up and Bluey takes the pics
    Don’t wear nothin’ fancy , we’re not big on city rags
    But we will clean up the sheepyard and bag up all the dags.

    ‘We’ve never seen no rawlty ‘cos we’re far from city streets
    We’re mostly cattle farmers, growin’ fodder and some wheats.
    But jeez, we’d love to see ya sitting with us on a bale
    We’d treat yuz to a barbecue washed down with our best ale.’

    The letter gave location and the date and time as well
    It was posted, came the answer
    ‘he’s comin’! bloody ‘ell!’
    Prince Charles approached his mother to ask her sage advice
    On how he should be dressing – she’d been to Orstralia twice.

    ‘Wear your regimental uniform and don’t forget to take a hat
    You’re off to Gundagindi? Where the fock’s that?’
    ‘Thank you Mummy’ gushed our Charlie and off he went content
    Straight to the Palace milliner, a dapper little gent.

    The Prince arrived with time to spare mid seas of waving flags
    He was thrilled to find the locals not averse to shooting stags.
    The hall that he was opening was full of heads of beasts
    And trestles groaning with the goods presented for all feasts.

    Shortly he took off his hat and placed it on a chair
    It was a warm and furry thing, far too hot for wear
    He wondered why Her Majesty had recommended that
    And why she’d clearly said to him ‘Wear the fox hat’.

    Jan Darling

    ‘

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Jan, I love it! Thank you for taking up the challenge with this crown-jewel of a poem. ❤️

      Reply
      • Jan Darling

        Thank you Susan – I feel very flattered. I am your greatest fan.

  24. Paul A. Freeman

    Comic Couplet No 1:

    “Why did that bike fall over that you hired?”
    “Quite clearly,” I replied, “it was two tired.”

    Reply
  25. Paul A. Freeman

    Comic Couplet No. 2

    “What has four wheels and flies? (This joke doth suck!)
    The answer is, my friend, a garbage truck.”

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Paul, I’m thoroughly enjoying these comic couplets – keep them coming!

      Reply
  26. Jan Darling

    Elevated Memory

    Once I made love in a lift with my cousin
    Not just once but more like a dozen
    We were both young and silly
    We’re not really ‘hillbilly’
    From floor one to floor forty
    We knew it was naughty
    But today this memory bedevils
    We were wrong on so many levels.

    Jan Darling

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Jan, you have elevated this challenge to delightful new heights that have me giggling like a naughty schoolgirl. Great stuff!

      Reply
  27. Paul A. Freeman

    Donald J Trump’s Visit to the Sistine Chapel

    The Pope said, “Michelangelo
    painted the walls and the ceiling.”
    But Donald knew this was fake news,
    Or so said his famed sixth sense feeling.

    The Pope was having fun with him,
    So he said in a moment of hush,
    “A Teenage Ninja Turtles’ flippers
    Cannot possibly wield a paint brush.”

    Reply
  28. Amrita Valan

    Ten blind men getting together
    seems a little bit mammoth, a tall tale
    Feeling up a pachyderm, didn’t these
    Body fetishists know to kiss, not tell?
    I suspect these men had a leader
    A one eyed interceder
    brokering a deal, a go between,
    Maybe the elephant was white,
    costly tusker, a mastodon
    neither keen nor fit to be seen.

    Reply
  29. Ryan Watch

    Yeast

    I baked some cookies for the feast.
    Baking them was a cinch for me.
    Thank goodness they do not have yeast.

    If you ask me why I hate yeast,
    I’ll answer you quite honestly
    “I tried baking bread for a feast.”

    “Twas the error that I released
    That turned the bread coarse and ugly
    All because the bread had yeast.”

    Whoever thought to use that beast
    To add in many a pastry?
    I’ll never use it for the feast!

    My baking career has decreased
    Caused by my dreadful enemy
    That hauntingly frightful piece of yeast.
    My yeast baking days have long ceased
    And yet my treats are still tasty.
    I baked some cookies for the feast.
    Thank goodness they do not have yeast!

    Reply
  31. Rhonda Thompson

    There once was a bear named Harry
    He was always on the hunt for a berry
    He was the one with the hat
    And we could see by his scat
    That he settled at times for a cherry

    Reply
    • Jan Darling

      Rhonda, your bear with the digestive problem is probably related to my bear who was the hero of what I remember as the first joke I heard and loved when I was about 3. Algy met a bear
      The bear was bulgy
      The bulge was Algy.

      Reply
  32. Ryan Watch

    Bumps and Thumps

    1.
    Ba-bump, Ba-bump, Ba-bump.
    I heed the rhythmic thump
    Of the iamb
    Upon my dainty hand;
    Tapping to the meter

    2.
    Ba-bump, Ba-bump, Ba-bump
    I hear the beating thump
    Of my slipper
    Trying its best to stomp
    The scampering cockroach.

    3.
    Ba-bump, Ba-bump, Ba-bump
    Yet here’s another thump;
    Above my room
    The neighbors loudly romp
    And never seem to stop.

    Reply
  33. Norma Okun

    There was hardly anyone there
    Today a president became inaugurated.
    He was sworn with a raise of his hand and held a bible.
    He did not look happy at all he looked as if he was stunned.
    His white hair was standing on ends.
    As the wind was strong on capitol hill.
    He held on to his wife as he walked.
    With his children and grandchildren
    He smiled at some and even greeted some.
    He is now in the oval office.
    And what it took to get this inauguration kept from arms and angry people
    All was filled with police and blacks because they are the ones that matter.
    The construction of the wall has been stopped.
    Without them no grapes are picked in California
    For almost free and there are not enough hands to pick the fruit under the hot sun
    And the grapes are happy and full of wine.
    Enjoy the next years because for as long as in California there is almost free labor.
    The United States can keep all the riches and the bitches laughing away at the people who elected them even if they had to
    Use all of the military to make it happen.
    ©2021 by Norma Okun

    Reply
  34. Paul Hansford

    If you ever see a bunny
    with a nose that’s green and runny,
    don’t laugh and say it’s funny,
    ‘cos it’s snot.

    Oops, I meant to say “It’s not”, but an extra S slipped in.

    Reply
  35. Andre Peltier

    Knock Knock Banana

    I said, “Knock knock” and you replied
    By asking who was there.
    And when I said, “’Twas just Banan”
    You said “But Banan where?”

    Again I said, “Knock knock,” and you
    Were trapped in paradox
    Banan goes round and round and round
    From hat down to the socks.

    At last “Knock knock” and you replied
    Frustrated with the joke,
    But orange you glad that I said “Orange?”
    And the paradox was broke.

    Reply
    • Andre Peltier

      I added an extra stanza before the end to push the paradox further:

      Knock Knock Banana

      I said, “Knock knock” and you replied
      By asking who was there.
      And when I said, “’Twas just Banan”
      You said “But Banan where?”

      Again I said, “Knock knock,” and you
      Were trapped in paradox
      Banan goes round and round and round
      From hat down to the socks.

      Again I said, “Knock knock,” and you
      In paradox were trapped
      For Banan was what I always sang
      Every time I rapped.

      At last “Knock knock” and you replied
      Frustrated with the joke,
      But orange you glad that I said “Orange?”
      The paradox was broke.

      Reply
  36. Andre Peltier

    What’s the Deal with Airplane Peanuts?

    We’re known to travel north, south, west, and east,
    When in a rush to get to places far.
    We board and sit in belly of the beast.
    Too slow is traveling in a train or car.
    We used to amble cross the naked land
    By horse and buggy or the wild coach.
    By boat we sailed ‘cross oceans: sand to sand;
    Yet all of these would slow our still approach.
    So now we fly in hours ‘round the Earth
    And reach our destinations with the pang
    Of empty stomachs, and for what it’s worth,
    We silent starve but for the songs we sang.
    When sitting there, our hunger drives insane,
    Oh, what’s the deal with peanuts on a plane?

    Reply
  37. Roy E. Peterson

    THE SAME OLD CROWD
    By Roy E. Peterson

    Polly was a parrot,
    But she was not very discreet.
    She was the bar parrot
    That all the patrons loved to greet.
    Polly liked to insult each
    And everyone she could meet.
    Across the road from the bar
    Was a church on the same street.

    Saturday night after closing
    Was when the bar caught fire.
    Polly realized her situation
    Was becoming dire.
    She managed to escape,
    And in the air she rose higher
    The open church window gave her
    A place she could retire.

    Sunday came and while Polly sat
    Upon the lectern stand
    The choir came in; Polly said,
    “Give new chorus girls a hand.”
    The minister came next, she said,
    “The new bartender’s grand.
    Then saw the congregation,
    “But the same old crowd as planned.”

    Reply
  38. Mike Bryant

    Doctor Lock knew a barman called Dick.
    Dickey hit drinks with almond, a flick.
    The Doc liked the slick, tasty trick,
    So he ordered Dick’s almond-flick kick.
    Now the Doctor showed up every night
    Because Dick made his favorite just right.
    But one evening Dick changed up Doc’s pick.
    He had run out of Doc’s almond stock.
    Doc sniffed, “Almond Daiquiri, Dick?”
    Dick quipped, “Hickory Daiquiri, Doc.”

    Reply
  39. Lee Goldberg

    THE GIFTED CHECKEN

    Lee Goldberg

    Driving along I was quite shocked to see
    a three-legged chicken a-lope next to me.

    I stepped on the gas to just leave him behind
    he quickened his pace and caught up, blew my mind.

    I pushed the accelerator down to the floor
    he lengthened his stride and ran next to my door.

    And then with a burst he went into high gear
    leaving ME far behind, him no where near!

    I had hit eighty, he much much faster.
    I was just happy there was no disaster!

    I short while later I saw on my right
    a not so surprising but intriguing sight.

    There was a chicken farm so I pulled in
    and parked by a farmer near a storage bin.

    “Good day, Sir,” I said. “May we have a brief chat?”
    He smiled and said, “Sure.” And removed his straw hat.

    I walked up and asked, “Are there tri-leg birds here?”
    He said, “Sure, we raise them. You might think it queer.”

    “But,” he went on, “the idea is neat!
    For many want drumsticks when chicken they eat.”

    “I get it!” I said. “You have three per each chicken!
    For those folks that would provide more finger lickin’!”

    I smiled and said, “Well, did the idea work?
    Did profits go up?” He just gave me smirk.

    “I really can’t answer,” he said with a frown.
    “We’ve never been able to chase a bird down.”

    Reply
  40. Kathy Bahr

    Beneath moon shadows.
    Elwood’s room looks like an owl’s moon.
    Owl’s nest has curled around the clock, knotted lost tick tock.
    Trick or treat is catching up with the clock.
    It’s quite clear now strawberry snail is on paper with it’s appetite,
    to eat of this tale.

    Reply
  41. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Flirty Birds

    A blushing duchess bought a pair of parrots.
    She found these rainbow fowls were lewd of beak –
    Proud femme fatales who cackled they were harlots;
    Loud strutting sluts of plumes and cheep mystique.

    The upright, uptight duchess told her pastor
    Who asked her and her smutty pets for tea.
    He owned two pious parrots (Vince and Victor) –
    Two prayerful cocks who clutched a rosary.

    He thought a formal teatime introduction
    Would show her hussy hens the humble path
    And bring about a swift and sure rejection
    Of tacky talk that stoked their owners wrath.

    These sassy parrots (Nicolette and Nancy)
    Were ushered in with Victor and young Vince,
    Who puffed their plumage up all fine and fancy
    On hearing words that made the vicar wince…

    Vince tossed his seeds and beads up in the air
    As Victor squawked, “The Lord has heard our prayer!”

    Reply
    • Yael

      Omg, “cheep mystique”, funniest joke poem yet, I love it. Thanks for the laughs to brighten a very rainy day Susan, much appreciated.

      Reply
      • Susan Jarvis Bryant

        Yael, I am thrilled this poem made you laugh! Mike told me this joke yesterday, and I simply had to turn it into a poem… I was giggling as I was writing! Thank you for your inspiration and your appreciation!

  42. Joshua C. Frank

    The Runway

    The pilot landed at the ’port.
    He glanced from side to side
    And said, “The runways here are short,
    But boy, they sure are wide!”

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Hilarious, Josh! I haven’t heard this joke – the poetic form is my first encounter… wonderful!!

      Reply
  43. Joshua C. Frank

    The Gamble

    Two men together in a bar
    Both see the TV show:
    A woman on a building, far
    From solid ground below.
    She sings about her misery
    And how her life is shot,
    Yet with herself she can’t agree:
    Should she jump off or not?

    One man turns, saying to his friend,
    “I’ll bet a hundred dollars
    That she will jump down to her end.”
    “You’re on!” The other hollers.
    She jumps, the first admits, “Don’t pay;
    I saw this show at ten.”
    “Me too, but then I thought, ‘No way
    She’ll go and jump again!”

    Reply

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