"Susanna and the Elders" by Tintoretto‘In Your Dreams Grandad’ by Jeff Eardley The Society March 2, 2021 Humor, Poetry 22 Comments . . He met her one Summer, the girl of his dreams, A freckle-faced beauty just out of her teens. He chatted her up, and he thought he’d done well, But with these young women, you never can tell. She said she was happy to be on her own, So, “In your dreams, Grandad, and leave me alone.” “Now listen young lady,” the gentleman cried. “I have houses, and cars, and a bit put aside. I know that the age gap’s a little bit sad, But rascal George Clooney, he hasn’t done bad, And I know that I haven’t much hair on my head.” “Oh, in your dreams Grandad,” the young lady said. “Oh, don’t be so callous,” the gentleman moaned. Then just at that moment, she picked up her phone. “I’m taking your photo, to forward it on, To the local police, who must act thereupon. To keep you old perverts from stalking the streets, So, in your dreams Grandad and leave me in peace.” So, as we get older, we must understand, To stop ourselves living in fantasyland. I know, from young ladies, we’d like to be kissed, But to them, we old fossils don’t really exist. For try as we may, it’s a pretty safe bet. That, “In your dreams Grandad” is as good as we’ll get. . . Jeff Eardley lives in the heart of England near to the Peak District National Park and is a local musician playing guitar, mandolin and piano steeped in the music of America, including the likes of Ry Cooder, Paul Simon, and particularly Hank Williams. NOTE: The Society considers this page, where your poetry resides, to be your residence as well, where you may invite family, friends, and others to visit. Feel free to treat this page as your home and remove anyone here who disrespects you. Simply send an email to email@example.com. Put “Remove Comment” in the subject line and list which comments you would like removed. The Society does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or comments and reserves the right to remove any comments to maintain the decorum of this website and the integrity of the Society. Please see our Comments Policy here. Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) 22 Responses Peter Hartley March 2, 2021 Jeff – This would make a very good song (if it hasn’t done so already) with such a catchy rhythm. And isn’t it a shame that we all get there eventually, and that’s if we’re lucky. Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 Peter, I have replied, in the wrong place…sorry! Reply James A. Tweedie March 2, 2021 Jeff–Peter beat me to it, I was going to say the same thing! This would make a great country song! (unfortunately, they don’t make ’em like they used to–this one would hearken back to Country’s “good-old days,”) Very fun and funny. Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 James, I have replied in the wrong place…sorry about that. Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 Peter, being a fan of the legend that was Rambling Syd Rumbold, I dusted off the Moolies, polished up the Nadgers and went in search of Mr Tweedie’s mighty tome on the Bb Crumhorn. Yes, this will become a song, to go alongside the legendary “Like a Rhinestone Ploughboy”, “D’ye Ken John Pubes” and who can forget the immortal “Slod-Cobblers” song. Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 Mr Tweedie, I have now completed the song after taking inspiration from England’s own Kipper Family. They were chroniclers of the vicious Crab wars of Cromer and Sheringham in the county of Norfolk. You may recall their biggest hit, “You took a fine time to leave me Loose Heel”, “The losing of the Whale” and the Yuletide perennial “Arrest these Merry Gentlemen” They are on YouTube (believe me) and worth an evening’s listening, preferably whilst bladdered. Reply Tonia March 2, 2021 Hi, Jeff, What delightful fun; loved it! And must confess your comment about enjoying “while bladdered” has given new meaning to those (of us) who enjoy a nice boxed chardonnay. Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 Thanks Tonia, and have a glass for me, and especially for Joe on his big birthday. Joe Tessitore March 2, 2021 I just celebrated my 70th birthday, Jeff, and this is embarrassingly funny! Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 Thank you Joe. The 70’th is a hurdle to vault over as quick as you can and get back to more of your everthoughtful and inspiring verse. From over here, I wish you many happy returns and hope you have a fabulous day. Best wishes. Reply Cathryn March 2, 2021 Dear Joe, If you are living in America, my comment might resonate with you. “I think New York Governor Andrew Como should be sent a copy of this brilliant poem.” Reply Julian D. Woodruff March 2, 2021 Good, Jeff. Tunes already out there come quickly to mind. The standard for “Old Smokey” would do, but better would be that for “Soldier, O Soldier.” Some regulars here may have better ideas. Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 Thanks Julian, yes old Smokey works well. Any waltz-time tune seems to be ok. I recall an old John Prine song called “Dear Abby” with the classic line, “We were there in the back seat, just shooting the breeze, with her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees.” Now I wish I’d written that. Reply Paul Freeman March 2, 2021 They say you’re as young as the woman you feel, but whoever ‘they’ are, they ought to get real; to snare a young lady would strain my poor heart, and soon be the death of a wishful old fart. Thank you for the uplifting (no pun intended) read. As you can see above, I’ve mulled over the repercussions of the scenario you so well encapsulated. Reply Jeff Eardley March 2, 2021 Paul, “heart” and “fart” must be a first for SCP but I guess not the last. Your verse is crying out for expansion (no pun intended there either) I will look out for it. Thank you. Reply Paul Freeman March 2, 2021 I’m in good company – Chaucer, ‘The Father of English Literature’, beat me by six hundred years. Norma March 2, 2021 Every thing ages well except an attitude full of evilness. Reply Jeff Eardley March 3, 2021 Thank you Norma, I agree totally. Reply David Watt March 3, 2021 Jeff, your choice of anapestic meter works a treat in providing rhythmic flow to this humorous gem. I’m sure your musical skills exert a positive influence on the musicality of your poetry. Reply Jeff Eardley March 3, 2021 Thanks David and thanks the info on anapaestic meter. I realise now that so many songs use this. I don’t know why but “Tie me kangaroo down sport” popped into my head. Of course, no-one mentions Rolf anymore after his spectacular descent. Best wishes again, and if you bump into Sir Les, send him my regards. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant March 3, 2021 Jeff, I love the musicality of your poetry and your humour. This is exactly the sort of remedy our ailing world needs… a good dose of fun! You have managed to bring a smile to a bloody miserable world and for that I applaud you! Keep doing your stuff and publishing it here… it’s doing me a world of good! Reply Jeff Eardley March 3, 2021 Susan, thank you so much for cheering me up on a miserable old day here in England. And thank you for all the times I have been uplifted reading every one of your submissions. We musicians, here and everywhere else are in a great big trough of despair and long for our old lives to resume. I have sent a submission to Evan about this, and hope he enjoys the clip of my guitar playing. I hope Joe had a good 70th and looks like the amazing Mr Tweedie will be joining him soon. Best wishes again. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.