.

.

He met her one Summer, the girl of his dreams,
A freckle-faced beauty just out of her teens.
He chatted her up, and he thought he’d done well,
But with these young women, you never can tell.
She said she was happy to be on her own,
So, “In your dreams, Grandad, and leave me alone.”

“Now listen young lady,” the gentleman cried.
“I have houses, and cars, and a bit put aside.
I know that the age gap’s a little bit sad,
But rascal George Clooney, he hasn’t done bad,
And I know that I haven’t much hair on my head.”
“Oh, in your dreams Grandad,” the young lady said.

“Oh, don’t be so callous,” the gentleman moaned.
Then just at that moment, she picked up her phone.
“I’m taking your photo, to forward it on,
To the local police, who must act thereupon.
To keep you old perverts from stalking the streets,
So, in your dreams Grandad and leave me in peace.”

So, as we get older, we must understand,
To stop ourselves living in fantasyland.
I know, from young ladies, we’d like to be kissed,
But to them, we old fossils don’t really exist.
For try as we may, it’s a pretty safe bet.
That, “In your dreams Grandad” is as good as we’ll get.

.

.

Jeff Eardley lives in the heart of England near to the Peak District National Park and is a local musician playing guitar, mandolin and piano steeped in the music of America, including the likes of Ry Cooder, Paul Simon, and particularly Hank Williams.


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22 Responses

  1. Peter Hartley

    Jeff – This would make a very good song (if it hasn’t done so already) with such a catchy rhythm. And isn’t it a shame that we all get there eventually, and that’s if we’re lucky.

    Reply
  2. James A. Tweedie

    Jeff–Peter beat me to it, I was going to say the same thing! This would make a great country song! (unfortunately, they don’t make ’em like they used to–this one would hearken back to Country’s “good-old days,”)

    Very fun and funny.

    Reply
    • Jeff Eardley

      James, I have replied in the wrong place…sorry about that.

      Reply
  3. Jeff Eardley

    Peter, being a fan of the legend that was Rambling Syd Rumbold, I dusted off the Moolies, polished up the Nadgers and went in search of Mr Tweedie’s mighty tome on the Bb Crumhorn. Yes, this will become a song, to go alongside the legendary “Like a Rhinestone Ploughboy”, “D’ye Ken John Pubes” and who can forget the immortal “Slod-Cobblers” song.

    Reply
  4. Jeff Eardley

    Mr Tweedie, I have now completed the song after taking inspiration from England’s own Kipper Family. They were chroniclers of the vicious Crab wars of Cromer and Sheringham in the county of Norfolk. You may recall their biggest hit, “You took a fine time to leave me Loose Heel”, “The losing of the Whale” and the Yuletide perennial “Arrest these Merry Gentlemen” They are on YouTube (believe me) and worth an evening’s listening, preferably whilst bladdered.

    Reply
    • Tonia

      Hi, Jeff,
      What delightful fun; loved it! And must confess your
      comment about enjoying “while bladdered” has given new meaning to those (of us) who enjoy a nice boxed chardonnay.

      Reply
      • Jeff Eardley

        Thanks Tonia, and have a glass for me, and especially for Joe on his big birthday.

  5. Joe Tessitore

    I just celebrated my 70th birthday, Jeff, and this is embarrassingly funny!

    Reply
    • Jeff Eardley

      Thank you Joe. The 70’th is a hurdle to vault over as quick as you can and get back to more of your everthoughtful and inspiring verse. From over here, I wish you many happy returns and hope you have a fabulous day. Best wishes.

      Reply
    • Cathryn

      Dear Joe,
      If you are living in America, my comment might resonate with you.

      “I think New York Governor Andrew Como should be sent a copy of this brilliant poem.”

      Reply
  6. Julian D. Woodruff

    Good, Jeff.
    Tunes already out there come quickly to mind. The standard for “Old Smokey” would do, but better would be that for “Soldier, O Soldier.” Some regulars here may have better ideas.

    Reply
    • Jeff Eardley

      Thanks Julian, yes old Smokey works well. Any waltz-time tune seems to be ok. I recall an old John Prine song called “Dear Abby” with the classic line, “We were there in the back seat, just shooting the breeze, with her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees.” Now I wish I’d written that.

      Reply
  7. Paul Freeman

    They say you’re as young as the woman you feel,
    but whoever ‘they’ are, they ought to get real;
    to snare a young lady would strain my poor heart,
    and soon be the death of a wishful old fart.

    Thank you for the uplifting (no pun intended) read. As you can see above, I’ve mulled over the repercussions of the scenario you so well encapsulated.

    Reply
    • Jeff Eardley

      Paul, “heart” and “fart” must be a first for SCP but I guess not the last. Your verse is crying out for expansion (no pun intended there either) I will look out for it. Thank you.

      Reply
      • Paul Freeman

        I’m in good company – Chaucer, ‘The Father of English Literature’, beat me by six hundred years.

  8. David Watt

    Jeff, your choice of anapestic meter works a treat in providing rhythmic flow to this humorous gem. I’m sure your musical skills exert a positive influence on the musicality of your poetry.

    Reply
  9. Jeff Eardley

    Thanks David and thanks the info on anapaestic meter. I realise now that so many songs use this. I don’t know why but “Tie me kangaroo down sport” popped into my head. Of course, no-one mentions Rolf anymore after his spectacular descent. Best wishes again, and if you bump into Sir Les, send him my regards.

    Reply
  10. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Jeff, I love the musicality of your poetry and your humour. This is exactly the sort of remedy our ailing world needs… a good dose of fun! You have managed to bring a smile to a bloody miserable world and for that I applaud you! Keep doing your stuff and publishing it here… it’s doing me a world of good!

    Reply
  11. Jeff Eardley

    Susan, thank you so much for cheering me up on a miserable old day here in England. And thank you for all the times I have been uplifted reading every one of your submissions. We musicians, here and everywhere else are in a great big trough of despair and long for our old lives to resume. I have sent a submission to Evan about this, and hope he enjoys the clip of my guitar playing. I hope Joe had a good 70th and looks like the amazing Mr Tweedie will be joining him soon. Best wishes again.

    Reply

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