"Fishing Party" by Fitz Hugh Lane‘Dusk Till Dawn’ and Other Poetry by Áine Mae The Society April 10, 2021 Beauty, Love Poems, Poetry 14 Comments . Dusk Till Dawn The ocean rainAnd sleep played me—A willing pawn.I dreamt of youFrom nautical duskTill nautical dawn. . . Love Is More We shall be soul mates tillThey etch our names on stonesOr let our ashes flyFor love is more than justThin skin and brittle bones. . . Áine Mae is ranked among the top ten living haiku poets in the world. She’s a descendant of Francis Scott Key (author of the Star-Spangled Banner), F. Scott Fitzgerald (author of The Great Gatsby), and science fiction writer Alexander Hill Key (author of Escape to Witch Mountain). NOTE: The Society considers this page, where your poetry resides, to be your residence as well, where you may invite family, friends, and others to visit. Feel free to treat this page as your home and remove anyone here who disrespects you. Simply send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Put “Remove Comment” in the subject line and list which comments you would like removed. The Society does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or comments and reserves the right to remove any comments to maintain the decorum of this website and the integrity of the Society. Please see our Comments Policy here. Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) 14 Responses Joe Tessitore April 10, 2021 These are wonderful! It seemed, in the reading of “Love is More”, that “upon” would have been more musical than “on” in line three. Did you choose “on” for a reason? Reply an'ya April 10, 2021 Hi Joe, I submitted it with “upon”, and Evan suggested “on”, which I emailed him back with a different version (never accepting “on”.) Thanks for noticing it’s not correct, you have a good ear and I’m disappointed it’s up that way. The alternative version which I think is better: We shall be soul mates till They etch our names on stones Or let our ashes fly For love is more than just Thin skin and brittle bones. Reply C.B. Anderson April 11, 2021 “On” keeps the line iambic; “Upon” would have ruined that. I wonder, Joe, what you mean by “musical.” Evan was right. Reply an'ya April 11, 2021 I’ll let Joe answer this too, but for me albeit “on” was correct, it made for an “awkward-sounding read” imo, anya. C.B. Anderson April 11, 2021 Not awkward-sounding at all, an’ya. Perfectly natural. Just as we say, “written in stone” not “written into stone.” The more elaborate preposition, in either case, does nothing to improve the phrase, imo, as you say. an'ya April 11, 2021 Point well taken C.B. That’s why the version that’s up now is much better, and it not only talks about being buried in the ground but also the other option is the scattering of ashes. Thanks for your input, expertise always appreciated, an’ya Paul Freeman April 10, 2021 Loved them both. When the ideas and imagery of short poems stay with you, there’s the proof of their effectiveness. Just a little tip – to get ” ‘Til ” with an inverted single quotation mark, press control and then the single quotation mark button twice. Thanks for the read, Áine. Reply an'ya April 10, 2021 Thank you ever so much for your kind words Paul, they are very much appreciated. I sometimes use ’til, but in this case, felt that “till” which means the same as “until, (albeit not an abbreviation), would be more appropriate, an’ya Reply C.B. Anderson April 11, 2021 “‘Til” is an absurdity. “Till” is the correct word, as has been noted in these comments more than once. Reply The Society April 10, 2021 Dear Joe T. and An’ya, The idea was that us / just have a partial rhyme, but upon disrupts that and puts the “us” on the soft stress. At any rate, An’ya’s version below is fine too and has been updated above. -Evan Reply an'ya April 10, 2021 Thank you Evan, Glad to know that you are listening, an’ya Reply C.B. Anderson April 11, 2021 Where, Evan, is the us/just rhyme you refer to? I see nothing of the sort here. Reply Mike Bryant April 11, 2021 The us/just was in the poem that Evan replaced. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up… things move pretty fast around here. an'ya April 11, 2021 Thanks Mike for answering. Also, to say that the just/us is at best a near or off-rhyme, and yes was in the wrongly posted version, an’ya Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.