. Entering college is an easy way Of making lots of friends, a herd of mares; Just drink a toast to Lenin any day, Down vodka’s revolution with your cares. Attending climate rallies might just aid Your fame among your left progressive mates, And help your faith in God almighty fade— Lord Karl Marx at the Pearly Gates awaits. If you are on a righteous moral track, They’ll leave you out from playing on their team. They frown on him who doesn’t have a knack When swinging rainbow sickles with a scream. You have a chance to be their dearest friend, If black cats wallow on your tattooed arms, And costumes suit the latest Insta-trend With piercings stuck somewhere that sounds alarms. Of course retaining all those friends is quite A trick… You’ve got to march for every right And give your body up to party night, And sacrifice the glow of true insight. . . Sarban Bhattacharya is a 22-year-old poet and classicist currently pursuing a master’s degree in English literature.