Entering college is an easy way
Of making lots of friends, a herd of mares;
Just drink a toast to Lenin any day,
Down vodka’s revolution with your cares.

Attending climate rallies might just aid
Your fame among your left progressive mates,
And help your faith in God almighty fade—
Lord Karl Marx at the Pearly Gates awaits.

If you are on a righteous moral track,
They’ll leave you out from playing on their team.
They frown on him who doesn’t have a knack
When swinging rainbow sickles with a scream.

You have a chance to be their dearest friend,
If black cats wallow on your tattooed arms,
And costumes suit the latest Insta-trend
With piercings stuck somewhere that sounds alarms.

Of course retaining all those friends is quite
A trick… You’ve got to march for every right
And give your body up to party night,
And sacrifice the glow of true insight.



Sarban Bhattacharya is a 22-year-old poet and classicist currently pursuing a master’s degree in English literature.

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14 Responses

  1. Sally Cook

    A Very enjoyable and accurate poem. Even allowing for the usual adolescent revolt, there is far too much of all of this on any campus. You must have a very strong will in order to withstand such madness. Please do submit here again.

  2. The Society

    A note on the image chosen: It was actually depicted as an insult to conservatives, called “Campus Seen Through the Eyes of Conservatives,” I suppose implying that conservatives see ideological motives and dangers where they are not really. However, I’d say that once you enter the realm of art, poetry, and even jokes, there is a higher truth that you are dealing with, a deeper reality. The fact that the image resonated so much with the artist and those who made it “viral” is a testament to the (disgusting) reality it was in fact depicting. It is undeniable by everyone. There too is the simple hypocritical and malicious nature of such a piece in the first place. If we were to make light of the feelings of African Americans using depictions of lynchings on campus, then the liberal orthodoxy would be up in arms… (actually, in the 1990s my older brother made such a joke in a college newspaper and ended up in national news reports, accused of racism.)

    -Evan Mantyk, Editor

    • Joseph S. Salemi

      Most college campuses, especially the Ivy League and other prestigious institutions, are exactly as depicted in the Saunders cartoon. I only wish the artist had included caricatures of the faculty and administrations, who are the real source of the intellectual poison.


    Sarban, thank you for having the courage to compose and submit this wonderful poem. It’s not easy to maintain boundaries against peer pressure and our campuses seem to be worse than they’ve ever been for those who value independent thinking, religion, conservative values of any kind. Your speaking out is very reassuring — sanity exists and may yet prevail! Thank you again for sharing this poem.

    And, by the way, much in your poem is very witty. The piercings that “sounds alarms” made me laugh.

  4. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Sarban, firstly, I would like to echo Brian in thanking you for your courage. It isn’t easy to voice an opinion that is the complete opposite of the current ideology, even if it is poetically… I know firsthand.

    Secondly, what a great poem! It manages to get a huge and important point across while entertaining the reader (and even making this one laugh) with colorful observations that paint a picture, much like the apposite one chosen to accompany your words. My favorite image is; “When swinging rainbow sickles with a scream” – if I were an artist, this would have me running for my palette and paintbrush. Great stuff!

  5. Gail

    Very aptly put. This has been my older daughter’s experience. Though she has found many friends among the unpopular students, or would those be the unpopulist students? (Not if the concept of populism had not been corrupted!)

    A couple of nigglies–‘With piercings hidden that trip alarms’ –would this suit the rhythm? Also, ‘God Almighty’.

  6. Margaret Coats

    Sarban, this poem is abundantly witty all the way through! Clearly, you’ve found the true insight so many others sacrifice for false friendships. Concluding with a quatrain where all the lines have the same rhyme sound is a clever way to draw attention to your final and most important bit of wit.

  7. C.B. Anderson

    You get it, dude, and I am happy to congratulate you on having been published here. There is no greater accolade I can give to any speaker (writer) within our fabulous Indo-European language family. I’m glad to have you aboard this ship. You’ve plucked all the right notes and touched all the right keys.

  8. Norma Okun

    Everything has a label made in China? Are you aware? Do your mares as you call the girls really care where the sexy outfits they buy and wear are from? Maybe that is why they praise Lenin because all we wear and need the United States of America made in China as good as made home.

  9. Daniel Kemper

    There is real damage caused to minds on college campuses. I had the experience of a hanging tight with a friend and co-worker while his wife went to grad school. She developed clinical depression, digestive disorders, perpetual anxiety which she took out on him. Began seeking solace in another grad student.

    Fortunately, they found actual good counseling, and both had grounding in (atypical) good raising. I pointed out to my friend that from my own experience, I knew that in his wife’s case, this was 100% caused by the immersion — immersion — in that sewage environment.

    Short story, she practically curtailed her program to take a masters and leave the program. Everything — everything — just evaporated. All is well.

  10. Elizabeth

    Sarban, I will echo what has been written here. What courage you have to write such an incredible poem. As my daughter heads to college next year, I am so worried. However, I felt slightly reassured after reading your poem, knowing that in fact there are some young adults who recognize the poison that is being fed to our youth. I hope my daughter meets and befriends many students like you Sarban.

  11. Joseph S. Salemi

    I have worked in academia for over half a century. Let me point out something important. The trend today is for students to attend college AWAY FROM HOME, where they will have to live in dormitories, and spend nearly 24 hours a day on campus. In this prison-like atmosphere, indoctrination of students with sick ideas becomes much more effective.

    It is much different if your offspring attends a “commuter” school, where he or she just travels to the campus to attend class, and then goes home every day. This is healthier and saner. When a student returns home after class and discusses what has been said, or what has occurred, the critical voices of parents and siblings and other family members are there to puncture the gasbags of stupidity that professors inflate. In addition, attending a commuter school generally protects a student from sexual predation.

    This is why academic leftists are very deliberately and consciously attempting to make sure that every student who goes to college LIVES ON CAMPUS, where he or she can be subjected to full and thorough indoctrination.


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