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Fleet of Foot Pheidippides

A Grecian runner named Pheidippides,
From Athens, ran to Sparta with a plea.
“We need your help to fight the Persians, please!”
But Sparta sent him back with, “Nosirree!”

Two-hundred eighty miles is what he ran,
For four or maybe five days he was gone.
But Athens received help from the god, Pan,
And Persia met defeat at Marathon.

Pheidippides, we’re told ran all the way
To Athens to announce that they had won.
That’s why it’s called a “marathon” today.
For twenty-six-plus miles he had to run.

They say he gave the message and dropped dead.
But why did he not ride a horse, instead?

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Did the Greeks Really Run Around Naked?

Did the Greeks really run around naked?
Ancient statues imply that they all did.
Loosely draped, if at all,
At a feast Bacchanal,
Getting drunk with their morals degraded.

Did the Greeks really run around naked?
Every man muscle-bound, an Adonis?
Wrestling Minotaurs, snakes,
They all had what it takes.
In the buff, to be buff was a bonus.

Did the Greeks really run around naked?
Every woman was hanging out barely.
To nude goddess’ surprise,
Paris chose with his eyes
Well-clothed Helen, to them most unfairly.

Did the Greeks really run around naked?
If they didn’t or did, how can we know?
Botticelli thought so,
And Bernini, also.
Either “Yes” or a “No;”
‘Twas or “Tweren’t apropos;
It was too long ago;
Whether quid or pro quo;
It would help if we had a good photo!

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Diogenes

Diogenes
You do what you please.
And think that it’s funny
To counterfeit money.

Your life-style’s bizarre;
You sleep in a jar;
Think Plato’s third-rate;
Mock Alex the Great;

And search all the land
With lantern in hand
To find, if you can,
Just one honest man.

You’re sold and enslaved
But somehow are saved.
A cynic-al mind,
You’re one of a kind.

Iconoclast tease—
Diogenes

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James A. Tweedie is a retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He has written and published six novels, one collection of short stories, and three collections of poetry including Mostly Sonnets, all with Dunecrest Press. His poems have been published nationally and internationally in The Lyric, Poetry Salzburg (Austria) Review, California Quarterly, Asses of Parnassus, Lighten Up Online, Better than Starbucks, WestWard Quarterly, Society of Classical Poets, and The Chained Muse.

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The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary.


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12 Responses

  2. Paul Freeman

    Great fun, indeed, with puns, sonnets, limericks, limer-esques, Clerihews, and who knows what else. Plus, a bit of classical education thrown in for free.

    Thanks for the reads, James.

    Reply
  4. Cheryl Corey

    My favorites are the first two. The final couplet of “Fleet..” cracked me up. “Did The Greeks…” is such witty fun. As far as I know, the first Olympic games were conducted in the nude, which was considered “heroic”. Very enjoyable reads on this frigid New England day.

    Reply
    • Joseph S. Salemi

      All athletic competitions and displays in ancient Greece (not just the Olympics) were done in the nude, by males. This was why women were not permitted to attend as spectators. It was not considered proper for respectable ladies.

      Other than at athletics, the Greeks certainly did not run around naked. But they did have a deep appreciation for the intrinsic beauty of the youthful and well-shaped human body, and their art shows nakedness frequently. They were not prudes.

      Reply
  5. Allegra Silberstein

    What a delight to read your poems. Thank you for bringing the light of laughter to this morning.

    Reply
  6. Jeff Eardley

    Mr Tweedie, a lovely tonic of humour on a dark day over here. Thank you for some great punch lines.

    Reply
  7. C.B. Anderson

    It’s obvious, James, that you had a lot of fun writing these; and fun, like laughter, is infectious.

    Reply
  8. James A. Tweedie

    I smiled as I wrote each of these and I thank Evan for making a suggestion that improved one of them very much for the better. I am pleased to hear that they made some of you smile as well. That was the only point. Anything beyond that is gravy!

    Reply
  9. David Watt

    Jim, you turn classical history into classic humor. Your rhyme pairing of plea/Nosirree! is a very clever combination.

    Reply
  10. Peter Hartley

    James – These poems are brilliantly funny. Like David above I found your rhyming plea with no sirree a clever combination and utterly hilarious. Diogenes would have been rolling in his tub if he’d read any of these and I wish I’d done classical history at school with somebody like you as my tutor.

    Reply

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