A depiction of the Titans in Dante's Inferno, by Gustave Doré‘The H.R. Manager’s Toilet Break’ by Shaun C. Duncan The Society February 15, 2022 Culture, Humor, Poetry 10 Comments . The H.R. Manager’s Toilet Break At ten-fifteen he sits upon His porcelain panopticon And stares into his tiny screen. He clears his bowels and fills his spleen With bile he milks from boundless rage Inscribed upon an endless page By others just as mad as he And others, worse, who disagree. Pretending to be experts on The latest news from Babylon, Each lectures from his own latrine. With self-regard that’s quite obscene, Like actors on a tiny stage Or monkeys in a lonely cage, They howl and bluster cravenly And drive themselves to ecstasy. Their lavatory lexicon Is product of their woebegone Attempts to push out poor cuisine. But, now a sorry, sad routine, No change of diet could assuage These defecators, drunk with rage, Who fail to see the comedy And thus affect great dignity. He takes his fill, then quickly types Some rotten thoughts before he wipes. Then, creeping out the toilet door, He keeps his eyes upon the floor. . . Shaun C. Duncan is a picture framer and fine art printer who lives in Adelaide, South Australia. NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Trending now: 10 Responses Joseph S. Salemi February 15, 2022 Yes! This is EXACTLY the kind of no-holds-barred satire that we need today. It focuses like a microscope on a biopsy slide, describing to perfection one of the worst instances of our modern anti-culture: the “Human Resources” bureaucrat. The picture painted here of an obnoxious little functionary sitting on a toilet, typing a report on his laptop, could be a Hogarth caricature. Really great work, Mr. Duncan. Reply Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 Thank you for the kind words, Mr Salemi. I enjoy writing vulgar satire and it’s a style which comes naturally to me but for too long I fought against it in an attempt to write about more uplifting subjects. Your own writings, particularly your essays, have been a great source of encouragement and inspiration to me. Reply Allegra Silberstein February 15, 2022 Great poem…I think so many politicians now get their language on the toilet break. Reply Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 Thank you, Allegra. With the advent of smart phones and the rise of social media as THE forum for public policy debate, it amuses and terrifies me to think how much of our political discourse is potentially dictated by peoples’ digestive issues. Reply Cheryl Corey February 15, 2022 “Porcelain panopticon” and “lavatory lexicon” are terrific. How do you define panopticon? I found “panoptic” meaning panoramic. Is that what you mean to convey? Kindly advise. Thanks. Reply Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 Thank you, Cheryl – I was particularly proud of those and I’m glad you like them too. “Panopticon” is originally an architectural term, most commonly associated with prisons, describing a building constructed in such a way that the whole is visible from a central hub. In recent years the use of the term has expanded among paranoid types (like myself) to encompass any kind of seemingly ubiquitous surveillance technology. In the context of the poem I am using the term to suggest he sees the whole world from upon the toilet as he stares into his smartphone. Reply Yael February 15, 2022 I never thought about this before, but I think you may be on to something. My husband tells me that his grandfather used to say that “flush-toilets are the ruination of the world”. Reply Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 If only we’d listened to our ancestors – they saw more than we give them credit for. Reply David Watt February 16, 2022 Shaun, I look forward to reading more of your satirical pieces. There are plenty of topics begging for critical treatment. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant February 20, 2022 With scathing humor and admirable rhyme and rhythm, you highlight today’s online crimes with poetic aplomb. Thank you for the huge grin of recognition, Shaun. Great stuff! Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Joseph S. Salemi February 15, 2022 Yes! This is EXACTLY the kind of no-holds-barred satire that we need today. It focuses like a microscope on a biopsy slide, describing to perfection one of the worst instances of our modern anti-culture: the “Human Resources” bureaucrat. The picture painted here of an obnoxious little functionary sitting on a toilet, typing a report on his laptop, could be a Hogarth caricature. Really great work, Mr. Duncan. Reply
Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 Thank you for the kind words, Mr Salemi. I enjoy writing vulgar satire and it’s a style which comes naturally to me but for too long I fought against it in an attempt to write about more uplifting subjects. Your own writings, particularly your essays, have been a great source of encouragement and inspiration to me. Reply
Allegra Silberstein February 15, 2022 Great poem…I think so many politicians now get their language on the toilet break. Reply
Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 Thank you, Allegra. With the advent of smart phones and the rise of social media as THE forum for public policy debate, it amuses and terrifies me to think how much of our political discourse is potentially dictated by peoples’ digestive issues. Reply
Cheryl Corey February 15, 2022 “Porcelain panopticon” and “lavatory lexicon” are terrific. How do you define panopticon? I found “panoptic” meaning panoramic. Is that what you mean to convey? Kindly advise. Thanks. Reply
Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 Thank you, Cheryl – I was particularly proud of those and I’m glad you like them too. “Panopticon” is originally an architectural term, most commonly associated with prisons, describing a building constructed in such a way that the whole is visible from a central hub. In recent years the use of the term has expanded among paranoid types (like myself) to encompass any kind of seemingly ubiquitous surveillance technology. In the context of the poem I am using the term to suggest he sees the whole world from upon the toilet as he stares into his smartphone. Reply
Yael February 15, 2022 I never thought about this before, but I think you may be on to something. My husband tells me that his grandfather used to say that “flush-toilets are the ruination of the world”. Reply
Shaun C. Duncan February 15, 2022 If only we’d listened to our ancestors – they saw more than we give them credit for. Reply
David Watt February 16, 2022 Shaun, I look forward to reading more of your satirical pieces. There are plenty of topics begging for critical treatment. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant February 20, 2022 With scathing humor and admirable rhyme and rhythm, you highlight today’s online crimes with poetic aplomb. Thank you for the huge grin of recognition, Shaun. Great stuff! Reply
