The Twins

_Said one foot to the other,
_“Please don’t nag, you’re not my mother,
I am sick to death of listening to your woes.
_You lament you’re always tired,
_Whereas I am always wired,
Quit complaining that I’m stepping on your toes.

_Even though I’m all about you
_And I cannot live without you,
It would seem to me you’re always in my space.
_In all weather and all seasons,
_There are many, many reasons,
Why you and I don’t always interface.

_When I’m in the mood to bike
_Or do a seven hour hike,
You get all cranky and bemoan you’re feeling dizzy.
_Though I try to understand
_But not give in to your demand,
You seem to work your bony self into a tizzy.

_You do not like my choice of shoes,
_You say they’re giving you the blues,
That your toes are so unhappy and too hot.
_Then you tell me that I stink,
_That I should step into the sink,
While you’re doing absolutely diddly-squat.

_I understand that knee above you,
_Doesn’t care and doesn’t love you,
Cause it’s rusty and it’s riddled with arthritis.
_Though this causes you great pain,
_You’ll notice I do not complain
About my toes that itch with constant dermatitis.

_Though we share the self-same owner,
_I’ve discovered I’m a loner,
How I wish that I could make it on my own.
_But you niggle and you quip
_That we are tied-up at the hip,
And that it’s your desire to be my chaperone.

_But I don’t need your supervision,
_I have come to the decision
That I must decide on what is right for me.
_We are in an awful plight,
_Because we cannot both be right,
Left and right it seems can never quite agree!

_We are getting out-of-step
_Because I’m feeling full of pep,
It is hard to reconcile we are a pair.
_I am full of hostile anguish,
_Since it’s clear you want to languish,
And display your ugly bones across a chair.

_We are ugly and we know it,
_And we never will outgrow it,
If we fail to promenade the cityscape.
_Do not pussy-foot around,
_Just get yourself upon the ground,
Lots of exercise will keep us both in shape.

_Footloose and fancy-free,
_This is how I long to be,
Oh if only I could go my separate way.
_You could sing your sole-less song,
_While I could hop, hop, hop along,
Teamwork it seems was never your forte.”



Norma Pain was born in Liverpool, England and now lives in Parksville, British Columbia, Canada. Thirty of Norma’s poems were published by Dana Literary Society, between 2004 and 2007 and she was twice nominated for the Pushcart Prize by that same on-line poetry site. She self-published a book of rhyme in 2000 called Bulging Assets.

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14 Responses

  1. Julian D. Woodruff

    Very clever indeed!
    Thank you, Ms Pain, for
    A little cheer in a landscape drear
    A little light in the growing night
    A respite from pain ‘mid the “dance inane.”

    • Norma Pain

      Thank you for your comments Julian. Madness tiptoes in where laughter is absent.

  2. Paul Freeman

    ‘sole-less song’ – *groan*

    Thanks for the fun read, Norma.

    • Norma Pain

      So glad my silly poem made you chuckle. Thank you for your comments Yael.

  3. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Norma, I love your rhyme, rhythm, and quirky humor… this poem is a restorative chuckle in a chaotic world. Thank you!

    • Norma Pain

      Thank you for your lovely comments Susan and thank you to Evan for the perfect picture to compliment my quirky rhyme.

  4. Margaret Coats

    Great idea for putting together a number of “foot” idioms! Was “footless and fancy-free” your original inspiration?

    • Norma Pain

      I can’t remember what gave me the idea other than, I think feet are two of the most amazing parts of the human body, since they carry our whole frame and everything in it and on it, around for a lifetime, including the bowling ball perched on our shoulders, so I thought they deserved recognition. I love my feet and give thanks for them regularly which probably makes me a bit of an oddball! Thank you for the question Margaret.

  5. C.B. Anderson

    Somehow, Norma, your ambiguous meter perfectly fits the method, meaning and mood of this poem. I wouldn’t change a thing. First of all it’s instructive, because the reader is required to decide how to establish the rhythm required to scan each line. Lots of fun, that. Overall, it was uproariously hilarious, especially when the reader has to tackle the strange tension between the e pluribus unum idea and total disaffection.

    • Norma Pain

      I thank you C.B. for your wonderful comment of “uproariously hilarious”.

  6. David Watt

    Norma, full marks for your choice of subject. Who knew that foot banter could be so entertaining? Thank you!

    • Norma Pain

      Thank you so much David for your ‘entertaining foot banter’ comment. The lowly foot/feet must not be taken for granted!


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