Painting by Norman Rockwell‘The Spoonerisms Man, or The Moonerisms Span’ by Jeff Eardley The Society July 22, 2022 Children's, Humor, Poetry 34 Comments . The Spoonerisms Man, or The Moonerisms Span His name was Mr. Spooner and he owned a service station. He kept our vehicles on the road, a noble occupation. So handy with the oily rag, the torque wrench and the socket, Who knew so well the mysteries of pulleys, gears and sprockets. But poor old Mr. Spooner had a notable affliction, He tangled and he mangled every aspect of his diction. “Your star, it will not cart,” he cried, “Your flattery is bat, You need a chattery barger, I can take good care of that.” It’s then the old man gave a sneeze that covered me with spume, I thought my Covid days were done, I thought I was immune. But surely, he’d infected me, my words had turned around, I started speaking just like him, a most disturbing sound. The old mechanic stared at me, a flat cap on his head, I’d have to pay his hefty bill, my mind was full of dread. “I do not have a plaster man, my money is all gone, The rental on my shiny tack makes sure that I have none.” That night, I hurried home at speed, on foot, it proved a slog, To dine and shake a tower, take a nap and deed the fog. My driving days are over now, I travel nice and slow, Upon a well-boiled icicle, ‘tis such a blushing crow. . . Jeff Eardley lives in the heart of England near to the Peak District National Park and is a local musician playing guitar, mandolin and piano steeped in the music of America, including the likes of Ry Cooder, Paul Simon, and particularly Hank Williams. NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. NOTE TO POETS: The Society considers this page, where your poetry resides, to be your residence as well, where you may invite family, friends, and others to visit. Feel free to treat this page as your home and remove anyone here who disrespects you. Simply send an email to email@example.com. Put “Remove Comment” in the subject line and list which comments you would like removed. The Society does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or comments and reserves the right to remove any comments to maintain the decorum of this website and the integrity of the Society. Please see our Comments Policy here. CODEC News:Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) 34 Responses Brian Yapko July 22, 2022 I thoroughly enjoyed reading this fun poem, Jeff! I especially liked that well-boiled icicle. It’s all white quitty. Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Yank thou Brian. The inspiration came from your recent Maloprop piece. Yes, to ride the well-boiled icicle leaves one with a very bore sum indeed. Reply Brian Yapko July 22, 2022 I’m pickled tink to hear that, Jeff! Glad to help mouse the ruse. Paul Freeman July 22, 2022 A lag of barfs, indeed. Thanks for the read, Jeff. Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thanks for the comment Paul. Reply Anna J. Arredondo July 22, 2022 Jeff, Wonderful! Spoonerisms are such fun to play around with, and to incorporate them into a poem as you have done is genius. I especially like the “shiny tack” and “shake a tower.” First word in stanza 3, I believe your “Its” wants an apostrophe. Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thanks Anna. My introduction to Spoonerisms came from the discovery that a great-uncle had served with the fine English regiment, “The Royal Arse Hortillery” Apparently they sat out of most of their military engagements. Reply jd July 22, 2022 Great poem, Jeff, and yes, the last line is perfect. Amazing, the humor found in the “speech impediment”. Good exercise for the brain too. Reply Paul Freeman July 22, 2022 Exactly. Good braining for the train. Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thanks again Paul. Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thanks jd….or just for the record…is it dj? Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 jd…reply is below Reply Joseph S. Salemi July 22, 2022 Absolutely perfect! The complexity of each spoonerism is intricately woven into the clarity of the lines. It’s not easy to do. Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thanks for the kind words Joseph and for your most interesting essay today. Reply Michael Pietrack July 22, 2022 cleative and crever and efecially spun Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Michael, thanks for taking the time to comment. Much appreciated. Reply Julian D. Woodruff July 22, 2022 Well, Jeff, I think we’re all grateful to know at last who has deeded us the fog that we seem unable to get out of. (With brilliance like this, of course you’re forgiven!) Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thanks Julian, the fog is dead and the new cog dollar fits perfectly. Reply David Paul Behrens July 22, 2022 Clever, hilarious and well written, all the way around. Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thanks David. Your comment is much appreciated Reply Cynthia Erlandson July 22, 2022 Lots of fun, for sure! Reply Jeff Eardley July 22, 2022 Thank you Cynthia, it was fun to write. Reply James A. Tweedie July 23, 2022 Dutifully bun. Reply Jeff Eardley July 23, 2022 Yank thou. Reply David Watt July 23, 2022 I loved it Jeff! I will re-read your poem while enjoying a tot of pee. Reply Jeff Eardley July 23, 2022 David, for a poet, I hope you have a large peetot, clean cups and no sipped Chaucers. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant July 24, 2022 So utterly entertaining, Jeff! I recommend sitting down with a heap of cop porn and reading this smile of a poem again and again. Great stuff! Reply Jeff Eardley July 24, 2022 I would never have dreamed up “cop porn.” Is this a magazine in the US? Yank thou for making me smile and for your so many wine fords. Reply Janice Canerdy July 24, 2022 Jeff, this is a masterpiece–so skillfully written, creative, and FUNNY. Reply Jeff Eardley July 24, 2022 Thank you Janice, you are very kind. Reply Norma Pain July 25, 2022 I absolutely love this poem Jeff, it is so much fun to read. Definitely one that I will share with my grandchildren. Thank you. Reply Jeff Eardley July 26, 2022 Norma, from your biggest fan over here, thank you for your kind words. I hope that we can keep each other smiling in these strange times. Reply Margaret Coats July 25, 2022 Ninja One smurred withery! Reply Jeff Eardley July 26, 2022 Yank thou Magaret. This Spoonerism thing can play bricks on one’s train. Reply Leave a Reply to Jeff Eardley Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.