.

Cruise Control?

based on a real incident in San Francisco on
April 1, 2022 (though not an April Fool’s joke)

A well-mannered Cruise driverless-car
Drove light-less, but didn’t get far.
Its empty seats were perused,
By cops in their cruiser, confused:
No driver to argue or spar!

The well-mannered Cruise driverless-car
Bolted forward, but didn’t go far.
The same pull-over cops, still confused,
Said: “What is this, some sort of a ruse?!”
“Ain’t nobody in there—bizarre!”

EPILOGUE

No citations were made.
No tickets conveyed.
Not from there, nor not later, afar.
Sine die!

.

.

The Tax Men Cometh

Here come the thundering hordes of Troops,
Goose-stepping row on row;
Those boots will leave no stone unturned
Of family, friend or foe.

At first-jolt of their battering ram,
Fire up the pot for tea:
Better to get it over with,
As there’s nowhere to flee.

…When the tumult’s dust has dwindled,
With limo-tanks in gear,
Think-not that you are in good stead
With no more grilles to fear… .

The Tax Men next will seek cold files
From good ole yesteryear.

.

.

Put-Upon Hubby Puts Back!

“Hey, Hon, let’s redecorate!”
(Some book got her feng-shuied.)
“Well, there’s no harm in harmony,”
he thought, although dismayed.
To make more spaces for the chi,
’twas simple: “Less is more.”
Yet troops of lucky money frogs
were posted at each door.
Then Yin removed all bathroom doors
to usher in chi’s flow,
And Yang‘s cozy, La-zy-Zzz’s chair?
Replaced with van der Rohe!
Then Yang was draggin’ through that tube
—once fondly called his Castle.
From room-to-room-to-empty-room,
like some impoverished vassal.
But spacey-ness grew ever thin …
“ENOUGH!” and “That’s just TOUGH!”
Incensed without his Man Cave Den,
Yang cluttered up Yin’s “stupid Zen.”
And brought back all their stuff.
__(And then some.)

.

.

Tonia Kalouria, a former Spanish teacher and “soap” actress, is now a poet in Chagrin Falls, Ohio. Her most recent—and rhyming—poems appear in Literary Veganism and Fox Hollow Stories, and two anthologies: “Quoth the Raven” and “Poems from the Lockdown.”

NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets.

The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary.


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11 Responses

  1. Russel Winick

    Tonia – I really enjoyed all three of these poems. Don’t know what’s scarier – driverless cars, or cars driven by people using the recreational marijuana that the Left pushes as an ideal solution to expanding the tax base. And speaking of taxes, let’s hope that the topic of your second poem becomes a “be careful what you wish for” disaster for the Democrats. As for poem #3, well, us husbands just like what we like. You nailed that!

    Reply
  3. Roy E. Peterson

    I can just imagine the confusion and the scrambled decision-making process in the first poem. Thank you for alerting us it really happened. I have a similar view of poem #2 and indeed wrote my own after the announcement of adding 87,000 IRS agents. I was in great sympathy with your husband in poem #3 and praise you for having a heart!

    Reply
    • Tonia Kalouria

      Thanks, Roy.
      It would be too logical to beef up the border with some of those 87,000
      I guess. Everyone I know already has some sort of IRS horror story — imagine
      with all those armed and not afraid to use’em more agents.

      Thank you, Roy. I suppose sending some of those 87,000 down to the border instead would be too logical. THEY (the agents) are the armed and dangerous ones. Let them go after cartels, not hard-working citizens.

      Reply
  4. Jeff Eardley

    Tonia, I enjoyed reading all these. The driverless car tale is scary, as are the goose-stepping hordes of Taxmen. ( The Beatles wrote a great song about them.) I am just off to the man-cave to have another listen. Great fun today, thank you.

    Reply
    • Tonia Kalouria

      Thank you, Jeff. As for scary, as Leno used to say, “What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

      Reply
  5. Paul Freeman

    Three fun reads and thought-provoking reads, Tonia.

    Those autonomous cars freak us out now, yet many metro systems have driverless trains.

    It does seem over-excessive sending out the taxmen in such a bullyboy manner.

    Your Ying-Yang poem put me in mind of the advert below, which I’m sure you’ll appreciate:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXWQtrGJt4w

    Thanks for the reads.

    Reply
  6. Patricia Redfern

    Dear Tonia~

    Zowie! Your “Tax Man Cometh” is a powerfully true,
    humorous account of what we fear! And this year, in the US, one can expect Storm Troopers. Our president, thinks he’s a leader, by threatening people?
    Not! Thank you for your delightful work!
    Patricia Redfern

    Reply
    • Tonia Kalouria

      Thanks so much, Patricia. It is indeed, scary. Between the FBI and the IRS … .
      God help us all!

      Reply

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