. Greta's Smorgasbord of Hate I love the pretty trees, the trees love me! They make me dance and sing, they make me shout And sulk and give loud speeches: blah, blah, blah How dare you feed on cow meat and foie gras?! Let Nature live in peace and harmony--- Except for all of you! Get the hell out! Stop flying planes, stop all this need for oil! Let’s save the Earth for future generations And turn each city into Shangri La. You must meet my demands or blah, blah, blah! But you won’t listen! Look how hard I toil! I think deep thoughts for rich ungrateful nations! My name---ja, mine!---has three times been proposed For queen---I mean---to win the Nobel Prize! To those who love our planet, I’m the shah With weighty words of wisdom: blah, blah, blah. Who else can leave our leaders’ lies exposed While saving human beings I despise? It’s time for lunch. Some lutefisk perhaps. Then I’ll save Earth because I’m transcendental. The nicest people speak my name with awe! Let all the children join my blah, blah, blah As I arrange societal collapse And put the mental in environmental. . . Social Justice Warrior I want you to respect the fact that I (Compassionate and empathetic me) Detest all forms of privilege. That’s why I want laws passed which dictate equity. Because it’s so unfair that Democrats Are not the only voters in the land, It’s time we reconfigure rules and stats To make sure all conservatives get banned. Now what of those who still use carbon fuel And shun our climate crisis seminars? Their views on global warming are just cruel. Let’s force them all to buy electric cars. Implying that a person has a gender By mentioning the pronouns “him” or “her” Is hateful and leaves feelings bruised and tender. Replace those words at once with “zim” or “”zer.” And those who mention faith, the smallest smidgen, Are guilty of encouraging derangement. Detain them! Force them to renounce religion So atheists don’t have to feel estrangement. And last, we must protect those misanthropes Who hate free speech. It makes them feel distraught! Let’s separate dissenters with thick ropes, Then ban debate, dispute and private thought. We must be loving! If you don’t agree Then you’re the problem, you Cro-Magnon hick! The law will bend you till you think like me. A summons and complaint should do the trick. . . Brian Yapko is a lawyer who also writes poetry. He lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico.