"The Woman Behind the Gun" by Gordon Ross‘Remorseless’: A Poem by Margaret Coats The Society May 25, 2023 Blank Verse, Culture, Poetry 51 Comments . Remorseless Back on 19, returning from the lake, Where she had stowed sling chairs for next week’s meet, Her car broke down. She checked out what she knew, Glad to have parked securely in the grass. She wondered whether to put up the hood, Decided not to stay, but walk instead, Then wished for one of those newfangled phones, But more for a state trooper (“yes ma’am” type). The distance to Five Points would take an hour, And look! An armadillo scurried off. Her purse was ready, crackers added from The glove compartment. A car slowed down behind, Expensive one, late model, well maintained. The driver, middle-aged and nicely dressed, Hallooed and brought out something from his trunk, Leaving it open, and rapidly came close. Too close. A small stiletto pierced her blouse. He told her to get in the trunk. She balked. The knife drew blood, and she trod carefully Around both cars, then climbed into that trunk. He slammed it shut and laughed and started up. Not many minutes on, a left-hand turn. She knew the way, but he drove far beyond Familiar stretches, turned again, off pavement. He shouted out, “Are you alive back there?” Her silence angered him, and he began Obscenities, an incoherent stream, To tell what he was going to do to her. The car jounced wildly over roots. The driver Stormed and coughed and sputtered, gulped for breath. He knew the naughty words but lacked expression. He stopped, got out, and left the door ajar. Malicious wolf near prey, he barked, “Remember! I’ve got the knife!” He sprang the lid, and light Stark-blinded her, despite her readiness. With feet pressed hard inside the license plate And shoulders firm against the back seat wall, She fired. Again. Again. She’d planned to empty The revolver, but his corpse collapsed On top of her. She pulled herself aside And up and out. Keys found in the ignition She took, and heaved his dangling feet inside. Closing the trunk, she retched, then vomited, Again, again, again, and braced her back Against a yellow pine, slid slowly down To settle at its base. When calm enough, She drove out of the scrub and toward Five Points. The police extension station, farther on, Received the stolen car with wanted convict Dead inside. “Ma’am, are you okay?” “No,” she replied, “I need a Dr. Pepper And a tow truck for my car along 19. I’ll buy fresh ammo later. Thank you, sir.” . Poet’s note: The incident occurred near Highway 19 in central Florida. A car trunk, in British English, is the boot, the hood is the bonnet, and the license plate, the number plate. A state trooper is a police officer with wide-ranging jurisdiction. An armadillo is a small wild animal that looks armor-plated. A stiletto is a dagger with a thin, narrow blade. Much of uncultivated rural land in Florida is considered not real forest but overgrown “pine scrub.” Dr. Pepper is a soft drink. . . Margaret Coats lives in California. She holds a Ph.D. in English and American Literature and Language from Harvard University. She has retired from a career of teaching literature, languages, and writing that included considerable work in homeschooling for her own family and others. NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Trending now: 51 Responses Monika Cooper May 25, 2023 Wow, Margaret! And the only foreshadowing we get is “her purse was ready.” The reader gets the feeling though that the bad guy is not as in control as he’d like to be when her silence angers him and with the line: “He knew the naughty words but lacked expression.” Also when she climbs into that trunk, there’s a mysterious sense of purpose and determination that the reader, on a certain level, picks up on. You tell a great story. Would it be fair to call this a counter-feminist poem? It certainly celebrates the right to self-defense (as well as America-that-was, and still is, still is, in so many cases and places). And how satisfying it is when the state trooper she wished for in the beginning makes his appearance at the end. I loved this. Every detail and moment is vivid and electric, without being anything other than what it is. The drama isn’t, at all, artificial. She had to retch and vomit afterward. But she’s the one who’s remorseless. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Monika, thanks for finding so much in the story. It is counter-feminist in the sense that the woman, despite the dangers of the situation, does not think or plan or act like a victim. The purse is a foreshadowing, because that pistol inside it is her potential means of controlling the outcome. It gives her confidence, and even enables her to disdain the criminal. The line you notice about his words shows her contemptuous judgment of him. Being locked up in a small dark space and driven to an unknown location naturally causes fear, but she is not frozen by fear. The identification of oneself as a victim is more paralyzing. I recently saw a young woman suffer an uncontrollable panic attack because an unknown man yelled at her unexpectedly. This kind of thing is becoming more common. I feel it may be ascribed (at least in part) to what could be called “training in victimhood,” which comes from encouragement to consider oneself helpless. The woman in “Remorseless” does trust authorities as having a role in keeping her safe. But the poem is also a self-reliance piece. It’s good to know where the authorities are and how much they can do, but ultimately, we’re on our own, and the world functions better when we all take responsibility where we can. She is “remorseless” about doing so because she does not blame herself for the reasonable and responsible actions she takes. You are right to see that she needs emotional release (in the retching and vomiting) but this is only natural. Reply Michael Pietrack May 25, 2023 A power packed, riveting story. I was captivated from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing! Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks, Michael! I was equally impressed by the story, and therefore I’m glad to hear that I was able to render it with tension and power. Reply Shaun C. Duncan May 25, 2023 Hard-boiled blank verse – a fantastic meeting of form and subject matter, and perfectly executed. The narrative rockets along, propelled by the expert use of enjambment and the protagonist’s mordant response to the kindly trooper at the end is worthy of Chandler. Magnificent work. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thank you, Shaun. I did my best to propel the story as fast as possible; Joseph Salemi says 50 lines is what readers can handle these days. And thanks for noticing that final remark: it is the crazy combination I myself might have made of those pressing matters of ammo, car, and refreshment! Reply Tom Woodliff May 25, 2023 As I was reading this I was thinking this sounds like the daily news, then saw your note at the end. I’m guessing the moment she fired he rued not having frisked her before tossing her in the trunk. Hard to believe there are so many animalistic maniacs out there. Anyway, you succinctly and poetically delivered this grisly story to the world. Nice Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks for your comment, Tom. The woman who actually experienced this says she could hardly believe her good fortune at being able to take her purse with her. And I much prefer grisly news stories where the only victims are the criminals. Reply Phil S. Rogers May 25, 2023 An interesting and inspiring poem to read first thing in the morning when so much of each day’s news is so horrible and sick. It seems in our society right now, people should be constantly thinking about their safety. Quite a change from when many of us grew up. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 You are quite right, Phil. We feel much less safe when violent suspects get out on zero bail, and police are much hampered in their ability to arrest persons caught in criminal activities. It is good news, then, when a woman successfully defends herself. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson May 25, 2023 Although I rarely comment on blank verse, This was a story that was good and terse. Eloquently gripping, I have to say, Loved the ending. She blew the perp away. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Roy, I have to say I thought of you, and definitely considered rhyme, when I set out to tell this story. You have done us the favor of supplying numerous good reasons for gun ownership and use. In the situation here, the woman not only defended herself, but assisted law enforcement by recovering a stolen car and capturing an individual wanted for other crimes. Thanks for your eloquent couplets! Reply James A. Tweedie May 25, 2023 Margaret, Scattered thoughts. No doubt the story’s protagonist will need more than a Dr. Pepper and more ammo! A story more than well-told. It is not an oxymoron to describe this as being minimalist with all the necessary details filled in. For once, something not translated from a medieval French Livre d’Heures! Grippingly demonstrates the power of the use of blank verse in narrative poetry. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 James, thank you for bringing up the human need involved for someone who suffers trauma like what I described in this poem. I didn’t want to leave that out, and it first appears in the retching and vomiting she experiences when she realizes she has gained safety by killing a depraved evildoer (which she most certainly planned to do). She feels no remorse of conscience, but the close proximity of threatening evil evokes intense physical disruption and disgust. You will be happy to know that the officer who dealt with the matter was a man and not a bureaucrat. He called his mother to come to the station. Presumably she was able to help, and arranged for the woman to get whatever assistance was most necessary in the most suitable way. I ended the poem as I did because the protagonist is back in an atmosphere of order. Those last lines of hers do not mean she will feel fine after a Dr. Pepper; as I told Shaun Duncan above, these are simply her conscious list of things to do to. I meant them to sound a bit strange! After all, she has no way to get home or anywhere else, having arrived at the police station in the car stolen by the criminal. But she can now rely on social connections, after going through trauma by herself. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Indicated by her polite “Thank you, sir” in response to the police officer’s courteous “ma’am”! Stephen Dickey May 25, 2023 I would second that last comment, I didn’t even notice there wasn’t any rhyme, the rhythm and narrative carries one away. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Stephen, I’m especially glad to know the rhythm carries the reader through the story, as there are a few rough substitutions! Reply Norma Pain May 25, 2023 Wow! I could not stop reading this fast paced horrific story. Thank you Margaret. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks, Norma! I’m happy NOT to claim it as my own experience, although my car did once overheat on the same road. Easier problem to solve, but it takes time. Reply Paul Erlandson May 25, 2023 I love a happy ending! Thanks, Margaret! Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thank you, Paul–and maybe this is a good place to say the overwhelming majority of men will make unselfish efforts to provide a happy ending for any woman in distress on the road. Reply Brian A Yapko May 25, 2023 Margaret, this is nothing short of astonishing — not just the blank verse poem and the story told within the poem but the fact that it emanates from your talented pen! I associate your work with academic subjects of historical, mythological or sociological interests — always meticulous, always carefully conceived and executed. To see this story of abduction, terror and revenge is an amazing demonstration of just how gifted you are and how much range you have. Brava! As for the poem itself, it’s a deeply distressing and ultimately satisfying narrative which is visually and viscerally arresting. It would work well as a short story or novella as much as a poem. And on top of all that, you make some very pointed, hard-hitting points regarding the need for people to have protection from the bad guys. Because there will always be bad guys. Thank you for sharing this amazing work. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks, Brian. When I first encountered this narrative, it was a testimonial urging women to consider gun ownership. Probably I will not come up with anything as dramatic any time soon! I do see, thanks to comments here, that I have pared the story down to the minimum, while adding bits of local color like the armadillo and the Five Points name. I can’t tell you how many “Five Points” there are in Florida, all suggesting to me an unusual way of looking at thoroughfares. The story does imply that wits and weapons should be used to best advantage, and of course this is impossible in a desperate situation if using them is unfamiliar in ordinary life. Few persons who own guns have killed an assailant, but many have confidently discouraged potential attackers–and that confidence is a worthwhile weapon in itself. Reply Paul Freeman May 25, 2023 Everything’s more or less been said that I wanted to say. However, I really enjoyed the almost jocular ending with the ma’am-type policeman, the ‘I’ll be okay after a Dr. Pepper’ attitude, and the MC’s dismissiveness of the incident by immediately requesting a tow truck for her own vehicle. This isn’t a lady who’s going to let what happened define her. Thanks for an extraordinary read, Margaret. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks for your comment, Paul. Although I think the woman still needs some decompression at the end of the poem, I have no objection at all to reading her last lines as jocular. dismissive, or demanding. You are right that she will not allow a frightening and deplorable incident to define her. And to achieve that stance, a take-charge attitude can be helpful, even if it appears impractical at the moment. Reply David Whippman May 25, 2023 Shaun Duncan is right: the combination of blank verse with that subject matter is unusual, but it works. Maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise – after all Shakespeare wrote in the same iambic pentameters, and nobody accused him of being dull! Nice work. Reply Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thank you, David. Shakespeare has quite a few crime scenes in the plays, and I imagine he tried to make those all the livelier in contrast with the overtly political or romantic portions. Reply Monika Cooper May 26, 2023 I read Coriolanus recently and hardly noticed the poetic mechanics; it was like being streamed into the action. The meter in your poem similarly gives momentum to the story, while flowing invisibly in concourse with it. Margaret Coats May 26, 2023 Thanks again, Monika. Shaun C. Duncan May 25, 2023 Our own Joseph S. Salemi wrote a blank verse poem called, from memory, “A Contract Murder” which I first read many years ago in William Baer’s book “Writing Metrical Poetry.” It’s more clinical than Margaret’s piece (almost forensic, in fact) and the first time I read it, it completely transformed my idea of what poetry could be. Blank verse is an extraordinarily effective vehicle for tense narratives. Reply Margaret Coats May 26, 2023 It’s interesting, Shaun, that Joseph Salemi’s “Contract Murder” is exactly the same length as my poem here. I have it in his 1997 book “Formal Complaints” (no longer available). I would call it so impersonal it’s not even a narrative, but a very much “distanced” description of a shadowy topic. Joe might consider having it republished here to provide another instance of the potential of blank verse. Joseph S. Salemi May 25, 2023 This packs one helluva a blast! I’d love to see it reprinted in The Rifleman, (the NRA’s magazine) but they are not a poetic bunch. They have a regular feature called “The Armed Citizen,” which relates similar incidents about persons who use weapons to protect themselves and their homes, but it’s all in clipped prose. I’d also like to see more American women packing firearms, and knowing how to use them. When I read the words “His corpse collapsed / On top of her” I said to myself “Uno menos!” Hispanics here in New York say that whenever some piece of criminal garbage gets killed. My own opinion is that blank verse was the only possible choice for a poem dealing with such a stark and highly detailed incident. Great work, Maggie! Reply Cynthia Erlandson May 26, 2023 Um — just wow! Excellent. Other than that, I’m speechless. Reply Margaret Coats May 28, 2023 Thanks for taking notice, Cynthia! Margaret Coats May 28, 2023 Joe, since crime is rampant, and violent criminals are usually young males (often on drugs), women and seniors are well advised to learn to defend themselves with guns. I have too often heard the specious argument that crime victims are better off unarmed, because their stronger assailants will take away any weapon and use it to do more harm to the victim. There are too many other possible circumstances for this to be true. As you say, women should learn how to use firearms and how to approach a dangerous situation. Sometimes it is only necessary to show the weapon to scare off the predator. A gun and some training give the potential victim confidence. I am in favor of programs teaching how to fight off an attacker, but unarmed resistance, or calling and waiting for help, ought not to be our only resources. Blank verse was the only choice here, so as to keep the story brief and tense. The many details would have meant too many rhyming lines! I found it interesting that the woman concerned used, in effect, the basic shooting stance taught to beginners (feet firmly planted, shoulders straight, two hands on the gun). Not useful in many live situations, but it worked in the car trunk! Reply Julian D. Woodruff May 25, 2023 Very fine, Margaret. To my ear a sardonic moment enters at the end. Let’s hope the jerk against whom the next ammo clip is to provide protection is also too dumb to check this valiant women’s purse! Reply Margaret Coats May 28, 2023 Julian, let’s hope she doesn’t need to face any similar situation again! Like her, the time I recall as most dangerous was when I couldn’t immediately take advantage of carrying a gun (if I’d had one) because the guy had grabbed me around the neck. But he was stupid enough to do it in front of an apartment building with people looking out picture windows–and took off running when one of them appeared to be on the phone. Maybe that was a sardonic moment at the end of the poem, with the woman expecting a dumb criminal next time. But I’d prefer to think, if there was a next time, he wouldn’t get as close as the man did on this occasion. Revolver versus stiletto is better at a distance, as I’m sure she still remembers. Thanks for your comment and your praise of her valor! Reply Joshua C. Frank May 25, 2023 Margaret, this is great! The blank verse propels the story forward very well. Seeing this, I may turn some short stories I’ve written into blank verse; I didn’t think I liked blank verse, but it works really well with this. It’s also useful to know about the 50-line limit you mention in another comment (although Wordsworth’s “We Are Seven” is 68 lines and I could read and even memorize it just fine). As for the story… wow. I’m glad to see the bad guy get his comeuppance for once. Usually, these days, the bad guy gets off scot-feee, or even rewarded in some way, while the victim is punished on some trumped-up charges. I guess it could only have happened in a conservative state; in any liberal state, the woman would have been arrested for murder on the grounds that criminals have rights or something equally stupid. In any case, it shows the need to be able to defend oneself; hence my father signed me up for a karate/kickboxing class when I was a teenager—and it was quite helpful. Reply Margaret Coats May 29, 2023 Thanks for your comment, Josh. That discussion on best length for poems began when I quoted Edgar Allan Poe, who thought 100 lines about right to read at one sitting. Joe Salemi remarked that with the decrease in attention spans, 50 is better. It is quite true that longer poems get less attention, but there are ways to make them less daunting. Blank verse as a block can be formidable, and elsewhere I have tried dividing the block by line spaces, into verse paragraphs of a sort. In drama, it is divided whenever a new character begins to speak. Dividing a poem into stanzas has the same effect, especially if the stanzas have shorter lines, which is the case in the Wordsworth poem you mention. If you are not giving the reader short poems, encourage him or her with little breaks! Yes, persons who defend themselves with guns can get into trouble. In the case of this poem, I think nearly any police officer would have allowed that killing an escaped convict wanted for recent crimes supports a claim of self-defense. Trouble with prosecutors arises when a gun user has to prove a threat from someone not known for threatening others. But even in California, there is a “castle law” that presumes an intruder in your house is a threat. Still, these days it is a good idea for gun owners to buy legal insurance (not expensive because so few of the many citizens who exercise their rights ever need it). Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant May 25, 2023 A gritty and atmospheric, killer piece that spits in the face of fear… and then demands a Dr. Pepper. Wow! Reply Margaret Coats May 29, 2023 Thanks, Susan, you know how pleasant it is to have a few “killer pieces” in repertoire! Reply Yael May 25, 2023 Wow indeed. This is a great story and you tell it so well, thank you. I love everything from the beginning plot development to the character introduction, and the back and forth of their interactions between driver seat and trunk and how you supply just enough details to flesh out the scenes. The middle of the story keeps up a rapid pace while being full of suspense, and the ending is deeply satisfying with a hint of humor. Great job! Reply Margaret Coats May 29, 2023 I love your review, Yael! Reply Jeff Eardley May 26, 2023 Great, gripping stuff Margaret, a screen-writing career beckons. Reply Margaret Coats May 30, 2023 Jeff, I’ve often driven down Sunset Boulevard, and Hollywood does like the unusual adventure, but I don’t think I could make a career of writing for studio tastes that I notice on billboards. Thanks for the suggestion; maybe I’ll try one! Reply C.B. Anderson May 26, 2023 A gripping tale well told, to say the least. So are we done with cherry-blossom petals for a while? Reply Margaret Coats May 31, 2023 I have jasmine peeking in the kitchen window, C. B. Not to mention a gorgeous explosion of privet in the back yard, and some young pear trees that need encouragement. But I am happy you liked the story and felt the effect I hoped for! Reply Laura Deagon May 31, 2023 I was hoping that the story ended as such. I was anxious to read so quickly to find out and was very satisfied with the ending. I found that I had to return back through to appreciate how it was structured. Reply Margaret Coats June 1, 2023 Laura, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I’m glad to know the poem works for quick reading to get the result, as well as for more leisurely reading to enjoy the details of the story. Reply BDW May 31, 2023 A bad man is easy to find these days. This is how I would have preferred to have seen the ending of, say, Flannery O’Connor’s “A Good Man is Hard to Find”. In “Remorseless”, there is an excellent handling of abundant detail (an armadillo scurried off…) in metrical narrative, with a satisfying ending. Reply Margaret Coats June 1, 2023 Thank you, Bruce, for the praise of the poem, and for pointing out Flannery O’Connor’s story as a comparison. I had not thought of it, but it is a tale of automotive distress that leads to persons being in the power of a criminal in the wilderness (in effect, that is). And it includes some foreshadowing of the meeting, which adds chills of terror to the narrative when the family members recognize him. My small foreshadowing of the pistol in the purse lets readers wonder and perhaps hope for the best. Still, my details about vomiting in the aftermath of the shooting show that the experience was a terrifying and disgusting one, if happily overcome. My point is more about preparedness enabling survival, while O’Connor meant to say something about divine grace, even in the grisly multiple murder she describes. I agree with her that a murderer might receive actual grace even when about to commit violence, but her story seems to say it is most unlikely to do any good, either for the criminal or for his victims. Maybe the grandmother lessened her time in Purgatory by kindness to her murderer, but I see him as taking pleasure in the deed, and moving farther along on the road to hell. To interpret the criminal in my story, I see him as going in the same direction with the obscene threats along the road. While his intended victim may have killed him, she didn’t commit murder, but acted in legitimate self-defense–which is why we are satisfied at the outcome. Thanks for the further considerations! Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Monika Cooper May 25, 2023 Wow, Margaret! And the only foreshadowing we get is “her purse was ready.” The reader gets the feeling though that the bad guy is not as in control as he’d like to be when her silence angers him and with the line: “He knew the naughty words but lacked expression.” Also when she climbs into that trunk, there’s a mysterious sense of purpose and determination that the reader, on a certain level, picks up on. You tell a great story. Would it be fair to call this a counter-feminist poem? It certainly celebrates the right to self-defense (as well as America-that-was, and still is, still is, in so many cases and places). And how satisfying it is when the state trooper she wished for in the beginning makes his appearance at the end. I loved this. Every detail and moment is vivid and electric, without being anything other than what it is. The drama isn’t, at all, artificial. She had to retch and vomit afterward. But she’s the one who’s remorseless. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Monika, thanks for finding so much in the story. It is counter-feminist in the sense that the woman, despite the dangers of the situation, does not think or plan or act like a victim. The purse is a foreshadowing, because that pistol inside it is her potential means of controlling the outcome. It gives her confidence, and even enables her to disdain the criminal. The line you notice about his words shows her contemptuous judgment of him. Being locked up in a small dark space and driven to an unknown location naturally causes fear, but she is not frozen by fear. The identification of oneself as a victim is more paralyzing. I recently saw a young woman suffer an uncontrollable panic attack because an unknown man yelled at her unexpectedly. This kind of thing is becoming more common. I feel it may be ascribed (at least in part) to what could be called “training in victimhood,” which comes from encouragement to consider oneself helpless. The woman in “Remorseless” does trust authorities as having a role in keeping her safe. But the poem is also a self-reliance piece. It’s good to know where the authorities are and how much they can do, but ultimately, we’re on our own, and the world functions better when we all take responsibility where we can. She is “remorseless” about doing so because she does not blame herself for the reasonable and responsible actions she takes. You are right to see that she needs emotional release (in the retching and vomiting) but this is only natural. Reply
Michael Pietrack May 25, 2023 A power packed, riveting story. I was captivated from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing! Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks, Michael! I was equally impressed by the story, and therefore I’m glad to hear that I was able to render it with tension and power. Reply
Shaun C. Duncan May 25, 2023 Hard-boiled blank verse – a fantastic meeting of form and subject matter, and perfectly executed. The narrative rockets along, propelled by the expert use of enjambment and the protagonist’s mordant response to the kindly trooper at the end is worthy of Chandler. Magnificent work. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thank you, Shaun. I did my best to propel the story as fast as possible; Joseph Salemi says 50 lines is what readers can handle these days. And thanks for noticing that final remark: it is the crazy combination I myself might have made of those pressing matters of ammo, car, and refreshment! Reply
Tom Woodliff May 25, 2023 As I was reading this I was thinking this sounds like the daily news, then saw your note at the end. I’m guessing the moment she fired he rued not having frisked her before tossing her in the trunk. Hard to believe there are so many animalistic maniacs out there. Anyway, you succinctly and poetically delivered this grisly story to the world. Nice Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks for your comment, Tom. The woman who actually experienced this says she could hardly believe her good fortune at being able to take her purse with her. And I much prefer grisly news stories where the only victims are the criminals. Reply
Phil S. Rogers May 25, 2023 An interesting and inspiring poem to read first thing in the morning when so much of each day’s news is so horrible and sick. It seems in our society right now, people should be constantly thinking about their safety. Quite a change from when many of us grew up. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 You are quite right, Phil. We feel much less safe when violent suspects get out on zero bail, and police are much hampered in their ability to arrest persons caught in criminal activities. It is good news, then, when a woman successfully defends herself. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson May 25, 2023 Although I rarely comment on blank verse, This was a story that was good and terse. Eloquently gripping, I have to say, Loved the ending. She blew the perp away. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Roy, I have to say I thought of you, and definitely considered rhyme, when I set out to tell this story. You have done us the favor of supplying numerous good reasons for gun ownership and use. In the situation here, the woman not only defended herself, but assisted law enforcement by recovering a stolen car and capturing an individual wanted for other crimes. Thanks for your eloquent couplets! Reply
James A. Tweedie May 25, 2023 Margaret, Scattered thoughts. No doubt the story’s protagonist will need more than a Dr. Pepper and more ammo! A story more than well-told. It is not an oxymoron to describe this as being minimalist with all the necessary details filled in. For once, something not translated from a medieval French Livre d’Heures! Grippingly demonstrates the power of the use of blank verse in narrative poetry. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 James, thank you for bringing up the human need involved for someone who suffers trauma like what I described in this poem. I didn’t want to leave that out, and it first appears in the retching and vomiting she experiences when she realizes she has gained safety by killing a depraved evildoer (which she most certainly planned to do). She feels no remorse of conscience, but the close proximity of threatening evil evokes intense physical disruption and disgust. You will be happy to know that the officer who dealt with the matter was a man and not a bureaucrat. He called his mother to come to the station. Presumably she was able to help, and arranged for the woman to get whatever assistance was most necessary in the most suitable way. I ended the poem as I did because the protagonist is back in an atmosphere of order. Those last lines of hers do not mean she will feel fine after a Dr. Pepper; as I told Shaun Duncan above, these are simply her conscious list of things to do to. I meant them to sound a bit strange! After all, she has no way to get home or anywhere else, having arrived at the police station in the car stolen by the criminal. But she can now rely on social connections, after going through trauma by herself. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Indicated by her polite “Thank you, sir” in response to the police officer’s courteous “ma’am”!
Stephen Dickey May 25, 2023 I would second that last comment, I didn’t even notice there wasn’t any rhyme, the rhythm and narrative carries one away. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Stephen, I’m especially glad to know the rhythm carries the reader through the story, as there are a few rough substitutions! Reply
Norma Pain May 25, 2023 Wow! I could not stop reading this fast paced horrific story. Thank you Margaret. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks, Norma! I’m happy NOT to claim it as my own experience, although my car did once overheat on the same road. Easier problem to solve, but it takes time. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thank you, Paul–and maybe this is a good place to say the overwhelming majority of men will make unselfish efforts to provide a happy ending for any woman in distress on the road. Reply
Brian A Yapko May 25, 2023 Margaret, this is nothing short of astonishing — not just the blank verse poem and the story told within the poem but the fact that it emanates from your talented pen! I associate your work with academic subjects of historical, mythological or sociological interests — always meticulous, always carefully conceived and executed. To see this story of abduction, terror and revenge is an amazing demonstration of just how gifted you are and how much range you have. Brava! As for the poem itself, it’s a deeply distressing and ultimately satisfying narrative which is visually and viscerally arresting. It would work well as a short story or novella as much as a poem. And on top of all that, you make some very pointed, hard-hitting points regarding the need for people to have protection from the bad guys. Because there will always be bad guys. Thank you for sharing this amazing work. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks, Brian. When I first encountered this narrative, it was a testimonial urging women to consider gun ownership. Probably I will not come up with anything as dramatic any time soon! I do see, thanks to comments here, that I have pared the story down to the minimum, while adding bits of local color like the armadillo and the Five Points name. I can’t tell you how many “Five Points” there are in Florida, all suggesting to me an unusual way of looking at thoroughfares. The story does imply that wits and weapons should be used to best advantage, and of course this is impossible in a desperate situation if using them is unfamiliar in ordinary life. Few persons who own guns have killed an assailant, but many have confidently discouraged potential attackers–and that confidence is a worthwhile weapon in itself. Reply
Paul Freeman May 25, 2023 Everything’s more or less been said that I wanted to say. However, I really enjoyed the almost jocular ending with the ma’am-type policeman, the ‘I’ll be okay after a Dr. Pepper’ attitude, and the MC’s dismissiveness of the incident by immediately requesting a tow truck for her own vehicle. This isn’t a lady who’s going to let what happened define her. Thanks for an extraordinary read, Margaret. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thanks for your comment, Paul. Although I think the woman still needs some decompression at the end of the poem, I have no objection at all to reading her last lines as jocular. dismissive, or demanding. You are right that she will not allow a frightening and deplorable incident to define her. And to achieve that stance, a take-charge attitude can be helpful, even if it appears impractical at the moment. Reply
David Whippman May 25, 2023 Shaun Duncan is right: the combination of blank verse with that subject matter is unusual, but it works. Maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise – after all Shakespeare wrote in the same iambic pentameters, and nobody accused him of being dull! Nice work. Reply
Margaret Coats May 25, 2023 Thank you, David. Shakespeare has quite a few crime scenes in the plays, and I imagine he tried to make those all the livelier in contrast with the overtly political or romantic portions. Reply
Monika Cooper May 26, 2023 I read Coriolanus recently and hardly noticed the poetic mechanics; it was like being streamed into the action. The meter in your poem similarly gives momentum to the story, while flowing invisibly in concourse with it.
Shaun C. Duncan May 25, 2023 Our own Joseph S. Salemi wrote a blank verse poem called, from memory, “A Contract Murder” which I first read many years ago in William Baer’s book “Writing Metrical Poetry.” It’s more clinical than Margaret’s piece (almost forensic, in fact) and the first time I read it, it completely transformed my idea of what poetry could be. Blank verse is an extraordinarily effective vehicle for tense narratives. Reply
Margaret Coats May 26, 2023 It’s interesting, Shaun, that Joseph Salemi’s “Contract Murder” is exactly the same length as my poem here. I have it in his 1997 book “Formal Complaints” (no longer available). I would call it so impersonal it’s not even a narrative, but a very much “distanced” description of a shadowy topic. Joe might consider having it republished here to provide another instance of the potential of blank verse.
Joseph S. Salemi May 25, 2023 This packs one helluva a blast! I’d love to see it reprinted in The Rifleman, (the NRA’s magazine) but they are not a poetic bunch. They have a regular feature called “The Armed Citizen,” which relates similar incidents about persons who use weapons to protect themselves and their homes, but it’s all in clipped prose. I’d also like to see more American women packing firearms, and knowing how to use them. When I read the words “His corpse collapsed / On top of her” I said to myself “Uno menos!” Hispanics here in New York say that whenever some piece of criminal garbage gets killed. My own opinion is that blank verse was the only possible choice for a poem dealing with such a stark and highly detailed incident. Great work, Maggie! Reply
Margaret Coats May 28, 2023 Joe, since crime is rampant, and violent criminals are usually young males (often on drugs), women and seniors are well advised to learn to defend themselves with guns. I have too often heard the specious argument that crime victims are better off unarmed, because their stronger assailants will take away any weapon and use it to do more harm to the victim. There are too many other possible circumstances for this to be true. As you say, women should learn how to use firearms and how to approach a dangerous situation. Sometimes it is only necessary to show the weapon to scare off the predator. A gun and some training give the potential victim confidence. I am in favor of programs teaching how to fight off an attacker, but unarmed resistance, or calling and waiting for help, ought not to be our only resources. Blank verse was the only choice here, so as to keep the story brief and tense. The many details would have meant too many rhyming lines! I found it interesting that the woman concerned used, in effect, the basic shooting stance taught to beginners (feet firmly planted, shoulders straight, two hands on the gun). Not useful in many live situations, but it worked in the car trunk! Reply
Julian D. Woodruff May 25, 2023 Very fine, Margaret. To my ear a sardonic moment enters at the end. Let’s hope the jerk against whom the next ammo clip is to provide protection is also too dumb to check this valiant women’s purse! Reply
Margaret Coats May 28, 2023 Julian, let’s hope she doesn’t need to face any similar situation again! Like her, the time I recall as most dangerous was when I couldn’t immediately take advantage of carrying a gun (if I’d had one) because the guy had grabbed me around the neck. But he was stupid enough to do it in front of an apartment building with people looking out picture windows–and took off running when one of them appeared to be on the phone. Maybe that was a sardonic moment at the end of the poem, with the woman expecting a dumb criminal next time. But I’d prefer to think, if there was a next time, he wouldn’t get as close as the man did on this occasion. Revolver versus stiletto is better at a distance, as I’m sure she still remembers. Thanks for your comment and your praise of her valor! Reply
Joshua C. Frank May 25, 2023 Margaret, this is great! The blank verse propels the story forward very well. Seeing this, I may turn some short stories I’ve written into blank verse; I didn’t think I liked blank verse, but it works really well with this. It’s also useful to know about the 50-line limit you mention in another comment (although Wordsworth’s “We Are Seven” is 68 lines and I could read and even memorize it just fine). As for the story… wow. I’m glad to see the bad guy get his comeuppance for once. Usually, these days, the bad guy gets off scot-feee, or even rewarded in some way, while the victim is punished on some trumped-up charges. I guess it could only have happened in a conservative state; in any liberal state, the woman would have been arrested for murder on the grounds that criminals have rights or something equally stupid. In any case, it shows the need to be able to defend oneself; hence my father signed me up for a karate/kickboxing class when I was a teenager—and it was quite helpful. Reply
Margaret Coats May 29, 2023 Thanks for your comment, Josh. That discussion on best length for poems began when I quoted Edgar Allan Poe, who thought 100 lines about right to read at one sitting. Joe Salemi remarked that with the decrease in attention spans, 50 is better. It is quite true that longer poems get less attention, but there are ways to make them less daunting. Blank verse as a block can be formidable, and elsewhere I have tried dividing the block by line spaces, into verse paragraphs of a sort. In drama, it is divided whenever a new character begins to speak. Dividing a poem into stanzas has the same effect, especially if the stanzas have shorter lines, which is the case in the Wordsworth poem you mention. If you are not giving the reader short poems, encourage him or her with little breaks! Yes, persons who defend themselves with guns can get into trouble. In the case of this poem, I think nearly any police officer would have allowed that killing an escaped convict wanted for recent crimes supports a claim of self-defense. Trouble with prosecutors arises when a gun user has to prove a threat from someone not known for threatening others. But even in California, there is a “castle law” that presumes an intruder in your house is a threat. Still, these days it is a good idea for gun owners to buy legal insurance (not expensive because so few of the many citizens who exercise their rights ever need it). Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant May 25, 2023 A gritty and atmospheric, killer piece that spits in the face of fear… and then demands a Dr. Pepper. Wow! Reply
Margaret Coats May 29, 2023 Thanks, Susan, you know how pleasant it is to have a few “killer pieces” in repertoire! Reply
Yael May 25, 2023 Wow indeed. This is a great story and you tell it so well, thank you. I love everything from the beginning plot development to the character introduction, and the back and forth of their interactions between driver seat and trunk and how you supply just enough details to flesh out the scenes. The middle of the story keeps up a rapid pace while being full of suspense, and the ending is deeply satisfying with a hint of humor. Great job! Reply
Margaret Coats May 30, 2023 Jeff, I’ve often driven down Sunset Boulevard, and Hollywood does like the unusual adventure, but I don’t think I could make a career of writing for studio tastes that I notice on billboards. Thanks for the suggestion; maybe I’ll try one! Reply
C.B. Anderson May 26, 2023 A gripping tale well told, to say the least. So are we done with cherry-blossom petals for a while? Reply
Margaret Coats May 31, 2023 I have jasmine peeking in the kitchen window, C. B. Not to mention a gorgeous explosion of privet in the back yard, and some young pear trees that need encouragement. But I am happy you liked the story and felt the effect I hoped for! Reply
Laura Deagon May 31, 2023 I was hoping that the story ended as such. I was anxious to read so quickly to find out and was very satisfied with the ending. I found that I had to return back through to appreciate how it was structured. Reply
Margaret Coats June 1, 2023 Laura, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I’m glad to know the poem works for quick reading to get the result, as well as for more leisurely reading to enjoy the details of the story. Reply
BDW May 31, 2023 A bad man is easy to find these days. This is how I would have preferred to have seen the ending of, say, Flannery O’Connor’s “A Good Man is Hard to Find”. In “Remorseless”, there is an excellent handling of abundant detail (an armadillo scurried off…) in metrical narrative, with a satisfying ending. Reply
Margaret Coats June 1, 2023 Thank you, Bruce, for the praise of the poem, and for pointing out Flannery O’Connor’s story as a comparison. I had not thought of it, but it is a tale of automotive distress that leads to persons being in the power of a criminal in the wilderness (in effect, that is). And it includes some foreshadowing of the meeting, which adds chills of terror to the narrative when the family members recognize him. My small foreshadowing of the pistol in the purse lets readers wonder and perhaps hope for the best. Still, my details about vomiting in the aftermath of the shooting show that the experience was a terrifying and disgusting one, if happily overcome. My point is more about preparedness enabling survival, while O’Connor meant to say something about divine grace, even in the grisly multiple murder she describes. I agree with her that a murderer might receive actual grace even when about to commit violence, but her story seems to say it is most unlikely to do any good, either for the criminal or for his victims. Maybe the grandmother lessened her time in Purgatory by kindness to her murderer, but I see him as taking pleasure in the deed, and moving farther along on the road to hell. To interpret the criminal in my story, I see him as going in the same direction with the obscene threats along the road. While his intended victim may have killed him, she didn’t commit murder, but acted in legitimate self-defense–which is why we are satisfied at the outcome. Thanks for the further considerations! Reply
