The Certainty of Kelly Green

My friend and I went to a coffee shop;
She read her intricately crafted verse
That proved that she alone was at the top
Of all today’s poetic universe.

She read her passionate, poetic pleas
That children’s innocence may be preserved
From porn cartoons and gender-bending sleaze
To save the futures of these underserved.

Myself, I’m called to write the wrongs upstream
That lead to creeds of rainbow flags and hair.
I read my pro-life poems, quite extreme:
“A Woman’s Right” and then “Two Empty Chairs.”

Up stood a white-haired man named Kelly Green.
He passed me by, walked toward my friend instead,
And said, “Your strong politic creed’s obscene!
You hate LGBTs and want them dead!

“Poor children, forced to live in the wrong gender
Because of Christian ideology!
Your verse is full of great linguistic splendor,
But politics pollutes your poetry!

“You Christian hypocrite!  I hate your works,
Those accolades from all your acolytes,
Your simple-minded, right-wing circle jerks
Against our children’s basic human rights!”

I said, “Why try to turn girls into boys
By mutilating procreative parts
And screaming at my friend with empty noise
For speaking for the children through the arts?

“Moreover, what’s a girl? And what’s a boy?
Defining who’s from Mars and who’s from Venus
Is but an endless loop? That’s just a ploy!
I know the boy’s the one with balls and penis!

“And why should I believe what leftists say?
Your moral lectures simply can’t hold water
When you insist it somehow is okay
To sentence unborn children to the slaughter!”

Well, after playing back more party lines,
He ran away from us.  I said, “Poor fellow!
Because he can’t refute the Lord’s designs,
It seems that Kelly Green’s now Kelly Yellow!”


Poet’s Note: Conor Kelly, on whom the Kelly Green character is based, has routinely trolled SCP poems’ comment sections to push his leftist agenda and insult those who disagree.  Like Michael Burch, he is a staunch leftist who writes low-quality poetry and openly hates the SCP, our poetry, and everything for which we stand.  The two have joined forces in attacking the SCP, mentioning specific poets by name; Kelly has now made two anti-SCP guest posts on Burch’s website.  More recently, he had a badly written poem against our own Susan Jarvis Bryant (for whom he, again like Burch, has always saved the bulk of his rage) published, originally titled “On the Certainty of Susan,” but given a more neutral title when the editor was alerted to the malicious reason for the original title.  This poem is a rebuttal to that poem, based on my own experience defending our poets from his attacks and those of others like him.



Joshua C. Frank works in the field of statistics and lives near Austin, Texas. His poetry has also been published in Snakeskin, Sparks of Calliope, Atop the Cliffs, and the Asahi Haikuist Network, and his short fiction has been published in Nanoism.

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25 Responses

  1. Phil S. Rogers

    Great job, sir. Thank you for standing up in defense of the SCP, its members, God, and free speech.

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Thank you, Phil. After seeing Kelly’s poem, I knew I had to write this one.

  2. Roy Eugene Peterson

    You did a super job on this one, Joshua! You hit with pinpoint accuracy the views of child mutilators and took them apart with the great conclusion that “It seems for them Kelly Green is now Kelly Yellow! Right on target! I applaud and greatly appreciate your poetic prowess.

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Thank you, Roy! I like my poems to do many duties in their short space—in this case, to say everything I always say to the trolls, to let them know we’re not going to take their attacks sitting down, to speak up for today’s children against the mutilators, to defend unborn children, to skewer the leftists for their hypocrisy, and more.

  3. Joseph S. Salemi

    This is a great slam at the Hibernian Marxist, Joshua. He came here originally to cause trouble, probably under the assumption that most conservatives are gutless wimps who never fight back. When he got a few blasts of buckshot for his trouble, he decided to team up with the Hillbilly Software Salesman.

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Thank you, Joe! Sadly, these days, a lot of conservatives ARE gutless wimps who never fight back, like the heretical “Christians” in 7th-century North Africa who believed that all fighting was murder and therefore let Arab invaders kill them without a fight (which is why those are now Arabic-speaking countries).

      I guess Hillbilly Software, Inc., now has two hee-haw faces from which the town needs to be spared… will they have to give away free corned beef and cabbage with the Goat Simulator to get people to buy it? (No joke, that’s an actual app… it was the first thing that came to mind when I wondered what hillbilly software would be.)

  4. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Josh, I would like to thank you wholeheartedly for this poetic rebuttal which is full of feeling and meaning and (more importantly) stands up for our ever-dwindling right to speak freely, especially through art.

    Burch and Kelly have torn me to shreds and portrayed me as an uncaring, transphobic, religious zealot all because I believe that neutering minors with harmful and irreversible experimental surgery and drugs before they are old enough to make an adult decision is wrong. They have trashed my poetry and character in scathing essays and sought to destroy my reputation because my opinions don’t align with theirs.

    Please know, adults can and will do as they please. I have no particular interest in their conduct or their opinion… unless it directly affects others, especially our children. Chanting: “We’re here, we’re queer, we’re coming for your children!” is a direct threat. My poetry is a direct response… a response I’m entitled to without being stalked and shamed on the internet.

    I will not apologize. I will not remain silent. I will not back down. Neutering children by plying them with harmful drugs and performing disfiguring experimental surgery on their undeveloped bodies is NOT normal. It’s barbaric!

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Thank you, Susan! As I mentioned in the footnote, this poem was for you, so I’m really glad you like it as much as you do.

      Good for you, not apologizing or backing down! Given the awful poetry those two write and their evil, barbaric beliefs, it’s an honor to be lambasted by them. Leftists are so reliably against what is good, holy, and true that one could determine right and wrong accurately by saying what they attack is good and what they defend is bad. Plus their hatred of tradition and constraints makes it impossible for them to write decent poetry. Classical liberals have written good poetry, but I have yet to see a leftist poet whose poetry isn’t at least as bad as that of those two.

      Anyone who stands up for the truth will have a bad reputation, so he may as well wear it with pride! That’s why my alter-ego speaker chose his/my most controversial poems for the poetry reading. He mentions abortion not just because I always tell leftists they don’t have a moral leg to stand on as long as they believe in baby-killing, but also because once it’s okay to dismember a baby in the womb in the name of “women’s reproductive freedom,” why wouldn’t it be okay to mutilate a child’s genitals after he’s born on some equally flimsy pretext?

      Keep up the good work!

    • Mark Stellinga

      Susan, the blood your political pieces draw is definitely worth spilling – and, thankfully, Mike’s love & support is always there to help you weather the counter-offensives. Here’s a poem I wrote a few years ago that proves I, too, am in your corner as.

      The Creed of the Underground Press

      ‘Til all – from whom the call to fight
      for truth and freedom come –
      and all who risk for what is right,
      are slain…or rendered dumb…

      ‘Til all – by whom the words of war
      are loud and clearly said –
      are bound by chains to speak no more,
      or lie, with brethren, dead…

      Though fettered tight to walls of stone,
      entombed by cold and damp,
      with comrades held, or, chained alone,
      in dark and dreary camp,

      We must endure – and cling to hope,
      though ‘chance’ is wearing thin,
      and print what ire with whom we cope –
      with ink and feathered pen.

      Despite the blood the rapier spills
      from soldiers, pure of thought –
      the toll we take – with patriots’ quills –
      defies the ‘all for naught’,

      And, standing strong, when faced with fear –
      alone or side by side –
      yeah – though we write with blood or tear –
      we must…until we’ve died!

      Chin up, young lady – you’ve got an army of learned friends behind you.

      • Susan Jarvis Bryant

        Thank you very much for this encouraging comment together with your heartfelt poem, Mark. It’s tough to speak up when living under a draconian regime that has declared themselves the arbiter of the truth… “truth” that is fluid, “truth” that is subjective, “truth” that has nothing to do with reality and everything to do with control. It’s a sad shame that some are making their job so darn easy.

  5. Mike Bryant

    Josh, thanks for standing up for Susan, for others on SCP, and for the children. I’m proud of all the poets here at SCP who are willing to speak their minds. In our post-truth society, there are too many who unthinkingly go along with whatever the “current thing” happens to be. I’m also proud to be a part of a website that is willing to publish minority opinions, although I’m sure the vast majority of humans know that children should NOT be allowed to make life-changing decisions.
    Children are targeted in schools with the “caring” pronoun propaganda and then referred to online grooming communities that sell them the lie. Any parent that lets a child be so terribly taken advantage of should be held criminally liable. Of course so should every single individual involved in this mental and physical torture of children. When did liberals (and many conservatives as well) stop standing up for the powerless? It seems that if there’s enough money involved, anything is acceptable.

    Here is an interesting short article/video of a real man that has decided to stop apologizing for his feelings and opinions. May his ilk increase.


    The comments under the article are great, as well.

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Thank you, Mike. In today’s crazy world, I can’t confidently count on the vast majority of humans to think anything good. As Dostoyevsky said so well, “Without God, anything is permissible.”

      Thanks for the article! Given that he has 7 children, his ilk will undoubtedly increase. Darwin would be the first to say that if mostly the religious have large families, such conditions will select for religious belief… that is, if the left doesn’t assimilate us first!

  6. Brian A. Yapko

    A finely-crafted poem, Josh, on a subject which is of importance both general and personal. I don’t think the personal requires elaboration. But from a general standpoint, I think it is important that we who write — whether it be poetry, essays, narrative fiction or nonfiction — be able to pursue our work to whatever conclusions they lead. The standards should be exceedingly broad as defined by the First Amendment. We don’t shut down work simply because we disagree with it. If it’s defamatory, tortious in some other way or an obvious and direct incitement to violence, well that’s another matter. Our nation’s caselaw interpreting the Constitution on such exceptions is venerable and remarkably clear and well-settled. Truth is only approached when we have multiple voices and multiple viewpoints which are expressed. They may clash and that is the whole point: Truth is ultimately sorted out by testing and experience. Therefore, a self-proclaimed arbiter of what is and is not permissible is anathema to that spirit and inimical to the flow of free ideas. Such a person would make a frightening and unethical judge — especially when ad hominem attacks are a tool of first rather than last resort.

    Sadly, zealous advocacy has devolved into the shutting down, cancellation and disgrace of inconvenient or uncongenial voices. Certainly, this is what many on the left seem to prefer. It’s almost as if they feel that, given an actual trial with evidence and argument before someone who is actually objective, they will lose. They know this in their hearts, so their noble, generous and deep points of view simply HAVE to be protected from opposition that might actually gain traction. That’s why they try so hard to silence both conservatives and centrists (which, as a registered Democrat, is what I consider myself.) They truly triage their ideology over the freedom of speech they claim to cherish. They regard every work that they dislike to be as threatening as Mein Kampf. They congratulate themselves on how awakened they are, they mock those who don’t agree with their superbly-developed and clearly self-evident ideas as Neanderthal and they flatter themselves to think they’re Mother Teresa when they more closely resemble Emma Goldman.

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Thank you, Brian. That was quite a useful analysis of the left and its motives. I’ve heard it said that censorship is the tool used when the lie loses its power.

      Given all the things you’ve written in your poems and your comments, and what the left stands for, it sure is surprising to hear that you’re a centrist instead of a conservative, and registered as a Democrat to boot!

      • Joseph S. Salemi

        Sane Democrats these days are as rare as incunabula. We need to keep Brian Yapko safe!

      • Brian A. Yapko

        Josh, what can I say? I’m complicated LOL.) I do lean conservative on a great many issues — especially the ones I write about here — but I’m also just right or just left of center on some others. 20 years ago many of the now-conservative positions I hold would have been considered mainstream Democrat. I have bitter resentment against leftists who have hijacked the Democratic party and it is against them that I nurture special poetic ire.

        Joe, thanks for wanting to keep me safe! Most Democrats I know consider me an apostate because of the many conservative views I hold and because of my sneering contempt for the bizarre direction the Democrats have moved in the last 15 years. The main reason I don’t resign is because I believe there is value in a sane, centrist Democrat criticizing his own party. Perhaps I’m deluding myself, but no matter what I’m registered as, I can vote as I wish. These days that means conservatively.

  7. Julian D. Woodruff

    Ignoring the fierce feud from which this well-wrought poem arose …
    How did this epidemic come about
    To stain the world with its foul influence,
    And put the plainest verities to rout?
    Whence this fierce, gathering malevolence
    That captures lucid minds and makes them dense?

    In the wake of the devastation of WWII, and under threat of nuclear annihilation that would lead to the construction of bomb shelters by many who were able, people largely kept their heads (despite McCarthyism). Even children (now as a group the most ill–used among us) knew the basics, to what now seems an impressive extent, and could trust parents and writers to reaffirm them: “Red is red, blue is blue” (The Color Kittens / MW Brown, 1949), “A person’s a person, no matter how small” (Horton Hears a Who / Dr. Seuss, 1954), Lions roar, they don’t say “peep peep” (Lion / WP du Bois, 1956). Now red may be blue (if you happen to think of it that way). A person, especially a very small person, is not necessarily a person (if the old orthodoxy is inconvenient). A lion can indeed say “peep peep,” or “too-whoo,” or “credo in unum deum” (admittedly less likely), or anything else your core being confirms it is saying. And such, so many of us are convinced, is the wonderful new light of human existence that none may challenge.

    • Monika Cooper

      I want to hear the lion say: “credo in unum Deum”!

      Ah, The Color Kittens is a book I must look up again.

      • Julian D. Woodruff

        When you get around to it, be sure to pick up an early printing. Golden Books at some point sliced off MWB’s beautiful opening, “Blue is the door …,” and her triumphal envoi, “Sing ho for the color of Hush …” (a mild but still depressing example of the dragging down of life, especially for children, that I was getting at in my post above).

      • Joshua C. Frank

        The color book I read was “Do You Know Colors?” I loved the illustrations!

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Yes, today not only can red be blue, but if you dare to say it can’t, you might as well be the next Hitler (this from people who deny that “a person’s a person no matter how small” as the Nazis denied the humanity of various ethnic groups). They scream, “What about purple?” and “You’re a trans-color-phobe!”

      If the left weren’t successful at confusing the whole world with their lies, I wouldn’t need to dignify any of it with a response.

  8. Shaun C. Duncan

    I must’ve missed the original exchange, but I find it funny how much vitriol Susan’s work seems to evoke from others. I suspect it’s precisely because she’s clearly NOT hateful or bigoted but expresses her forbidden views with great compassion, humour and prosodic skill, which makes her missives all the more effective. That said, there is a time and place for the gloves to come off and this piece, as well as your pro-life works, are exactly the sort of robust poetry that’s needed. Nice work, Joshua.

    • Joshua C. Frank

      Thank you, Shaun. I agree with the reason you’ve given. The original exchange wasn’t here; Kelly’s poem was published in another online magazine, plus he wrote against the SCP and Susan in the guest posts mentioned.

  9. David Whippman

    Thanks for this well-written, entertaining and very pertinent piece.

    • Joshua C. Frank

      You’re welcome, David. I’m glad you enjoyed it. We can thank Mr. Kelly for this one as well, for without him, there would have been no inspiration for it.


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