Trump and Old Slow Joe

Republicans and elephants go back a long, long way.
The elephant that’s in the room is Donald Trump, today.
But if it were a China shop I daresay Trump would be
More “bull” than “pachyderm”—no doubt The Donald would agree.

But should he be allowed to smash and grab his party’s ticket?
Despite the fact that he could lose for being a sticky wicket?
For sham or not, he’s charged with having plotted and incited
A lot of things for which he has been formally indicted.

But, if not Trump, then who is there to step into his shoes?
DeSantis, Christie, Pence, or Scott? What’s there to like or choose?
And then, of course, there’s Haley, Hurd, and Vivek Ramaswamy—
Who come across as boring-bland, like rye without pastrami.

The Democratic donkey is a jack-ass named Joe Biden.
A laptop lacky guilty of whatever he’s been hidin’.
With Hunter as his albatross, Slow Joe could be impeached
For lies and bribes and for the fact our border has been breached,

But that would raise up Kamela as our new Head of State.
And even Dems can’t conjure up a less attractive fate.
For if Old Joe were gone things could get worse than what they’ve been,
Imagine! Something worse than the fine mess he’s got us in!

So here we are, a nation on “the horns of a dilemma,”
Where neither party’s candidate can claim they’re “no problema.”
But whether we are straddling the fence or falling off it,
One thing is clear: the Bidens have been raking in a profit.

It all will either turn out for the best, or else it won’t.
(While options not to vote are unacceptable, so don’t!)
But one way or the other history will come and go,
And leave us still divided between Trump and old Slow Joe.



James A. Tweedie is a retired pastor living in Long Beach, Washington. He has written and published six novels, one collection of short stories, and three collections of poetry including Mostly Sonnets, all with Dunecrest Press. His poems have been published nationally and internationally in The Lyric, Poetry Salzburg (Austria) Review, California Quarterly, Asses of Parnassus, Lighten Up Online, Better than Starbucks, Dwell Time, Light, Deronda Review, The Road Not Taken, Fevers of the Mind, Sparks of Calliope, Dancing Poetry, WestWard Quarterly, Society of Classical Poets, and The Chained Muse. He was honored with being chosen as the winner of the 2021 SCP International Poetry Competition.

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12 Responses

  1. Priscilla King

    The question: Is D. Trump all ego? Has he public spirit?
    If so, he’ll choose a younger R of undisputed merit,
    And serve again, as a Grey Eminence Behind the Throne.
    Was his conversion real? In’24 that will be known!

    (He might, of course, choose RFK–a hoot, likewise a holler,
    But that might be the way to save both our soul and our dollar…)

  2. Paul A. Freeman

    So here we are, a nation on “the horns of a dilemma,”
    Where neither party’s candidate can claim they’re “no problema.”

    Classic. I can’t help recalling Arnie from ‘Terminator 2’ every time I hear ‘no problema’.

    Fair, balanced, a bit depressing, but hugely funny.

    Thanks for the read, James.

    • Margaret Coats

      Not many years ago, Arnold Schwarzenegger was clamoring for the United States Constitution to be changed, so that he as a non-native dual citizen with Austria could run for President. And he does say the world needs more positivity! James, he would probably say you should have listed him by name and given your poem a forward-looking schnitzel of optimism.

    • Lannie David Brockstein

      Paul, if only that son-of-a-Nazi had also said “no problema”, instead of “Screw your freedom”.

      “Covid-19: Screw your freedom – Schwarzenegger slams anti-maskers”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oRdP3SYjgM

      James, the elephant in your hilarious “Trump and Old Slow Joe” poem is RFK Jr. who is a classical liberal and thus a leftist but not a far-leftist, as nobody else mentioned is courageous enough to speak truthfully about Big Pharma’s experimental modRNA covid products that are being falsely advertised as vaccines. At least Rand Paul does, but he is not campaigning to be the Republican Party’s presidential nominee.

      G-d forbid it happens that by the next decade, more people have died from Big Pharma’s synthetic snake venom products than from Big Pharma’s abortions in all previous decades combined.

  3. Cynthia Erlandson

    Well, James, you are just determined to give us a lot of well-done humor lately — and I’m sure we need it! Thank you for the laughs! (Ramaswami/pastrami, indeed!)

  4. Paddy Raghunathan

    I have always voted for the best among the worst.

    Great poem on our current predicament but I dare say it has always been the same.

    Best regards,


  5. Roy Eugene Peterson

    This is already a classic! I love the word creativity along with wonderful rhyming words like “no problema.” The arrows slung over the next two years should continue to impale everyone in politics and our voting dilemma only deepens. Excellent work of art (both the poem and the graphic).

  6. Mary Gardner

    What accuracy and entertainment you have provided us, Pastor James! You’ve packed in a lot of detail without sacrificing the momentum. I particularly like “The Democratic donkey is a jack-ass….”
    It’s timely, too, with the Republican debate taking place tonight sans Mr. Trump. He is the elephant in the room without even being in the room.

  7. C.B. Anderson

    If what this poem says were not true, it would not be half so funny. That’s just how humor works, as you well know. Some great innovative rhymes, too.

  8. Patricia Allred

    I have no desire to wear a Mao jacket,.
    Under one of the choices we will become a socialist country.. it’s quite clear who is buddy buddy with China!
    And allowing them to buy our land, and I find that disgusting. I don’t feel like I live in America anymore..
    Censorship is not funny. Not the in your face crime family’s antics,
    Maui was the last straw. Those Americans cannot rebuild on $700.! The suits of the president cost thousands of dollars do you know that? So we can vote for the Communist or Roper in American. That’s how I see it..
    I have no interest in being the United States of
    China,…… Patricia .


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