Robert Hoogland (jailed for defending daughter's gender)A Poem for Parents: ‘Tough Love and Hugs’ by Mark Stellinga The Society August 30, 2023 Culture, Poetry 10 Comments . Tough Love and Hugs “Where the heck do they learn this crap?” one father asked another. __When we were kids—we never talked like that. “Almost every kid I knew at least went out for sports… __No wonder half the kids today are fat!” Every boy that could would mow at least his family’s lawn, __And many had, like me—a paper route. Now they’re wearing gross tattoos, and pants that show their shorts, __And skipping tons of school… or dropping out! If parents of the troubled ones would only pull their heads out, __And focus more attention on their kid, Most would get far better grades—ignore the fashion fads— __And not destroy their lives—like many did. Some are highly qualified, and do a super job __Of bringing up their kids, but as a rule, Most are too preoccupied, and find out far too late __Their kids have actually played them for a fool! Scenes that twist a youngster’s mind are everywhere they look, __In movie theaters and often on TV. And here and there—on corners of our streets—are indications __That sustenance can be obtained—for free! I don’t want my children seeing hungry people begging, __When shelters offer places they can go, Or being coyly introduced to controversial lifestyles __On what is claimed to be a children’s show! Parents, take your children back! There’s evil everywhere. __Some are led astray, some won’t survive. Let them flounder aimlessly and tragedy will find them; __So ask yourself, “Why am I alive?” Paying scant attention to the places that they go, __And whom they’re blindly choosing for their friends, Places most the blame on you, ‘cause, buddy, your front door __Is not where your responsibility ends!” In almost every circumstance neglect is what’s at fault. __The clues and signs are there, if you just look. The clothes they choose, the posters in their room, and how they talk, __Are—almost every time—an open book. Now, far more than ever—they’re exposed to filth and trash. __Why even twelve-year-olds are dealing drugs! So if you love your children, don’t just pray that they’ll be good, __Give them what they need—tough love—and hugs. . . Mark Stellinga is a poet and antiques dealer residing in Iowa. NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. Trending now: 10 Responses Phil S. Rogers August 30, 2023 Amen. Reply Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 Glad you agree, Phil, but I’m betting it will never change. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson August 30, 2023 This is an excellent poem with a priority message that all parents should read. Discipline is essential! Reply Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 You’d have gotten along very well with my Dad, Roy. Thanks for the comment. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant August 30, 2023 Mark, what a great poetic guide for parents whose goal is to have independent, responsible children with a good jobs and families of their own. It’s sad to see parents disempowered and called “domestic terrorists” if they challenge the institutions out to destroy the family and all it used to stand for. Many of today’s parents have gone through that very system and have bought all of the ideologies now forced upon their children. We are in a mess. Let’s hope your words hit home with parents who have family values and not Marxist ones. Thank you for bringing a touch of much needed sanity to an insane world. Reply Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 Hi Susan, having been raised by top-quality parents and grandparents, me and my siblings have all fared reasonably well in these respects, as have the majority of my relatives. How lucky is that!? But, sadly, I believe the day of strong parental discipline has all but evaporated and most of whom are likely to read this piece aren’t the sort who NEED TO, but I go on hoping. Connie and I have no kids so we spend a lot of time interfering with the upbringings of our nieces and nephews. They all have great folks, but their folks really appreciate the loving attention we pay to their young ones. They trust me innately, and I love little more than steering them in the right direction when it is needed. I’m blessed (cursed?) with a boundless intuition, which surfaces in a great deal of my poetry. As always…thanks for your insight, I was pretty sure you’d like this piece. 🙂 Reply Stephen Dickey August 30, 2023 The “drugs”—“hugs” rhyme seems so obvious, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before. Very well done. I’m active in a Boy Scout troop and we’re seeing troops fold in our area, not because the boys don’t enjoy it, but because there are no parents who are willing to step up and devote their time. Kind of makes you wonder who the children are. Reply Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 Stephen, I was a proud little cub scout back in the middle 50s and learned so much about right and wrong and self discipline that I credit the experience as being one that definitely helped me become the really nice guy I am today. 🙂 I’m proud of you for pitching in to steer youngsters in the right direction. I try to act much the same as a scout leader with our nieces and nephews when they show signs of losing their way – which their parents have come to expect of me – as they themselves were, in some instances, as they freely admit, were raised with inadequate parental guidance. I’m thrilled to help. Thanks for you comment. Reply Priscilla King August 30, 2023 The poem works for me, except for the stanza about the panhandlers. That one makes me want to ask the speaker what they tell him when he talks to them about the shelters. I’m glad and grateful that even in the 1960s my father might not have encouraged his children to talk to panhandlers, welfare cases, or even coal miners, but he did give us the example of seeing *him* talk to them….What I learned, from Dad’s example and from following it as an adult, is that panhandlers are a madly mixed group. If you seriously offer food and an odd job to people holding signs that say “homeless and hungry, will work for food,” many will admit they’re panhandling for beer or drug money, are doing some sort of research project, or are panhandling on a dare. More aren’t able to make conversation at all; they wouldn’t be able to survive on the streets for long, and in fact don’t–shelters or caretakers set them out to beg in the daytime and take them inside at night. Some are the real deal, though. They may be checking into a shelter at night, probably one with a rule that everybody has to go out job-hunting or panhandling in the daytime. A solution I like would be more day labor sites where all the welfare recipients, sheltered or unsheltered, held signs listing their job skills and/or disabilities. They wouldn’t be panhandling–they’d be required to take any reasonable job offered. At reasonable intervals the ones who weren’t working would get meals or food vouchers. Regular attendance at the day labor site would be required to keep the rent and utility vouchers and/or pension checks coming. For people whose primary problem is cash flow, here I stand to testify, odd jobs are FUN! So if I were homeless, I’d prefer a day labor site to a shelter that allowed homeless people to loaf around indoors all day. Well, that’s a long enough rant. Off the soapbox now. Reply Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 Hi Priscilla, my concern is for the under-five-year-olds staring out the window at a red light on a highway intersection where 1 or 2 assumably homeless persons are panhandling. They’re only confused & needlessly disheartened by the sight. Aside from the few that are clearly deceiving the well meaning motorists, I couldn’t agree more with your excellent idea of working with businesses to link the ‘needy’ up with whomever could offer them a means for earning funds & vouchers to make their lives better and simultaneously strengthen their characters. More than once my wife and I have overheard fake beggars in fast food places bragging about how lucrative particular corners are, only to then hop into a fairly nice car and drive off after cleaning up in the restroom! One even bragged about how much he’d made just that morning, showing a comrade a fist full of 1 and 5 dollar bills! 95% are legitimately in dire need of help, but not always financial help. I hope your wise plan for helping the genuinely needy has been implemented in thousands of places or will be in the future. It’s an outstanding prospect, so thank you for the ‘rant’, I’m in awe of your ‘soapbox’, and bless your heart. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Δ This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Roy Eugene Peterson August 30, 2023 This is an excellent poem with a priority message that all parents should read. Discipline is essential! Reply
Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 You’d have gotten along very well with my Dad, Roy. Thanks for the comment. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant August 30, 2023 Mark, what a great poetic guide for parents whose goal is to have independent, responsible children with a good jobs and families of their own. It’s sad to see parents disempowered and called “domestic terrorists” if they challenge the institutions out to destroy the family and all it used to stand for. Many of today’s parents have gone through that very system and have bought all of the ideologies now forced upon their children. We are in a mess. Let’s hope your words hit home with parents who have family values and not Marxist ones. Thank you for bringing a touch of much needed sanity to an insane world. Reply
Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 Hi Susan, having been raised by top-quality parents and grandparents, me and my siblings have all fared reasonably well in these respects, as have the majority of my relatives. How lucky is that!? But, sadly, I believe the day of strong parental discipline has all but evaporated and most of whom are likely to read this piece aren’t the sort who NEED TO, but I go on hoping. Connie and I have no kids so we spend a lot of time interfering with the upbringings of our nieces and nephews. They all have great folks, but their folks really appreciate the loving attention we pay to their young ones. They trust me innately, and I love little more than steering them in the right direction when it is needed. I’m blessed (cursed?) with a boundless intuition, which surfaces in a great deal of my poetry. As always…thanks for your insight, I was pretty sure you’d like this piece. 🙂 Reply
Stephen Dickey August 30, 2023 The “drugs”—“hugs” rhyme seems so obvious, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before. Very well done. I’m active in a Boy Scout troop and we’re seeing troops fold in our area, not because the boys don’t enjoy it, but because there are no parents who are willing to step up and devote their time. Kind of makes you wonder who the children are. Reply
Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 Stephen, I was a proud little cub scout back in the middle 50s and learned so much about right and wrong and self discipline that I credit the experience as being one that definitely helped me become the really nice guy I am today. 🙂 I’m proud of you for pitching in to steer youngsters in the right direction. I try to act much the same as a scout leader with our nieces and nephews when they show signs of losing their way – which their parents have come to expect of me – as they themselves were, in some instances, as they freely admit, were raised with inadequate parental guidance. I’m thrilled to help. Thanks for you comment. Reply
Priscilla King August 30, 2023 The poem works for me, except for the stanza about the panhandlers. That one makes me want to ask the speaker what they tell him when he talks to them about the shelters. I’m glad and grateful that even in the 1960s my father might not have encouraged his children to talk to panhandlers, welfare cases, or even coal miners, but he did give us the example of seeing *him* talk to them….What I learned, from Dad’s example and from following it as an adult, is that panhandlers are a madly mixed group. If you seriously offer food and an odd job to people holding signs that say “homeless and hungry, will work for food,” many will admit they’re panhandling for beer or drug money, are doing some sort of research project, or are panhandling on a dare. More aren’t able to make conversation at all; they wouldn’t be able to survive on the streets for long, and in fact don’t–shelters or caretakers set them out to beg in the daytime and take them inside at night. Some are the real deal, though. They may be checking into a shelter at night, probably one with a rule that everybody has to go out job-hunting or panhandling in the daytime. A solution I like would be more day labor sites where all the welfare recipients, sheltered or unsheltered, held signs listing their job skills and/or disabilities. They wouldn’t be panhandling–they’d be required to take any reasonable job offered. At reasonable intervals the ones who weren’t working would get meals or food vouchers. Regular attendance at the day labor site would be required to keep the rent and utility vouchers and/or pension checks coming. For people whose primary problem is cash flow, here I stand to testify, odd jobs are FUN! So if I were homeless, I’d prefer a day labor site to a shelter that allowed homeless people to loaf around indoors all day. Well, that’s a long enough rant. Off the soapbox now. Reply
Mark Stellinga August 31, 2023 Hi Priscilla, my concern is for the under-five-year-olds staring out the window at a red light on a highway intersection where 1 or 2 assumably homeless persons are panhandling. They’re only confused & needlessly disheartened by the sight. Aside from the few that are clearly deceiving the well meaning motorists, I couldn’t agree more with your excellent idea of working with businesses to link the ‘needy’ up with whomever could offer them a means for earning funds & vouchers to make their lives better and simultaneously strengthen their characters. More than once my wife and I have overheard fake beggars in fast food places bragging about how lucrative particular corners are, only to then hop into a fairly nice car and drive off after cleaning up in the restroom! One even bragged about how much he’d made just that morning, showing a comrade a fist full of 1 and 5 dollar bills! 95% are legitimately in dire need of help, but not always financial help. I hope your wise plan for helping the genuinely needy has been implemented in thousands of places or will be in the future. It’s an outstanding prospect, so thank you for the ‘rant’, I’m in awe of your ‘soapbox’, and bless your heart. Reply
