Depiction of Roman soldiers laughing‘A Draft of Death’: A Poem by Jeff Kemper The Society September 23, 2023 Culture, Humor, Poetry 10 Comments . A Draft of Death Did Flavius not inform us How a fart fetched fates enormous? After Flavius Josephus’s account of a Jewish Passover (ca 50 AD), when Ventidius Cumanus was procurator of Judea. While in Jerusalem a throng of Jews, __Each present as a Paschal guest Two decades after Jesus paid his dues, __Had gathered for the Matzah-fest. The Roman forces gathered there as well __And scanned the crowd with roving eyes, Should any Jewish element rebel __And riots from the crowd arise. A Roman soldier at the portico, __Whose hate he scarcely could assuage At Jews to him so odiously low, __Did craft a ruse to vent his rage: He lifted up his hinder garment’s shroud, __Then cowered indecorously Hurled insults with his breech toward the crowd __And broke wind rather gloriously. Whereon the Jews, aroused with rage and spite, __Called Cumanus to fault the perp. But certain Jewish youth launched an airborne flight __Of stones, some justice to usurp. So Cumanus, who feared for his own life, __Dispatched more troops to the citadel And temple courts, to quell emerging strife __And chastise Jews for raising hell. In the ensuing tumult, frightened Jews __Rushed madly through the temple gates Into the crowded city and paid their dues __In currency of feral fates: In panic, Jews by Jews were trodden down __As they fled forces in the chase, And thousands upon thousands in that town __Fell dead in harrowing disgrace. This celebration, then, in David’s town __Turned tragic as it was torn apart, Because a Roman soldier turned around __And cursed the Jews with a ghastly fart. . . Jeff Kemper has been a biology teacher, biblical studies instructor, editor, and painting contractor. He lives in York County, Pennsylvania. NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)Trending now: 10 Responses Roy Eugene Peterson September 23, 2023 I wonder if the word “flatulence” is related to Flavious? (I did not check it out, but it seems close enough.) What a terrible event. Your well-wrought poem doesn’t stink. Reply Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 I doubt the connection and thanks for the vote of confidence. Reply Paul A. Freeman September 23, 2023 It only takes one idiot to cause a tragedy, as is born out by your finely-wrought poem, Jeff. Are we any more culturally sensitive today than that centurion? Alas, the daily news feed says otherwise. I was reminded of the book ‘Flashman at the Charge’, where (spoiler alert!) the worse for wear main character farts, causing his horse to bolt with him on it, thereby initiating The Charge of the Light Brigade. Thanks for the read. Reply Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 Thanks, Paul. I first heard of this incident in a book my wife found for me that is a history of the fart. I agree with you that mankind is no less barbaric than ever before. Reply Susan Jarvis Bryant September 23, 2023 Jeff, I love this multi-layered poem with a grand pun of a title (hilarious) that appeals to me on many levels. I like the form… it’s inspirational yet not as easy as it looks to replicate. I also love the subject… it appeals to my base sense of humor, but also carries with it a sophisticated warning… much is said between the adeptly woven lines. I couldn’t help but compare it with modern times… from a very different perspective. I hope you don’t mind my poetic liberty below – I simply couldn’t resist. A Draft of Daft Old farts are apt to cause a White House stink. Their Brandon blasts of bull-shite guff Fuel yaps that flap before lame brains can think – This dodgy, sniffy-duffer stuff (The color of a scoop of chocolate chip) Blows ill winds harsh enough to sink a ship. Reply Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 Your “Draft of Daft” is hilarious; I love it! Thanks for your kind words regarding my piece. I’m glad you like it. Reply Joseph S. Salemi September 23, 2023 Farts have always been a traditional non-verbal way to show contempt for something. Another one is spitting, or (as in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet) biting one’s thumb. Giving someone the middle finger (which the Romans called the “digitus impudicus”) survives right up to today. In South America, holding your thumb and index finger in a circular shape, with the remaining three fingers elevated, is a way to call someone an asshole. President Reagan, on a trip to Latin America, waved his hand with this gesture to a large crowd, because as a North American he thought that the gesture was a way to show approval for their cheering (he later apologized, saying “In the U.S. it just means A-OK!”) Reply Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 I didn’t know that the middle finger was such an ancient form of expressing contempt! Reply Lannie David Brockstein September 26, 2023 Kemper’s “A Draft of Death” does go to show What every Jewish heart already knows: That colonizing Rome did lack a soul— ’Twas reared from schmucks with the brains of assholes. Reply Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 Indeed it did. 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Roy Eugene Peterson September 23, 2023 I wonder if the word “flatulence” is related to Flavious? (I did not check it out, but it seems close enough.) What a terrible event. Your well-wrought poem doesn’t stink. Reply
Paul A. Freeman September 23, 2023 It only takes one idiot to cause a tragedy, as is born out by your finely-wrought poem, Jeff. Are we any more culturally sensitive today than that centurion? Alas, the daily news feed says otherwise. I was reminded of the book ‘Flashman at the Charge’, where (spoiler alert!) the worse for wear main character farts, causing his horse to bolt with him on it, thereby initiating The Charge of the Light Brigade. Thanks for the read. Reply
Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 Thanks, Paul. I first heard of this incident in a book my wife found for me that is a history of the fart. I agree with you that mankind is no less barbaric than ever before. Reply
Susan Jarvis Bryant September 23, 2023 Jeff, I love this multi-layered poem with a grand pun of a title (hilarious) that appeals to me on many levels. I like the form… it’s inspirational yet not as easy as it looks to replicate. I also love the subject… it appeals to my base sense of humor, but also carries with it a sophisticated warning… much is said between the adeptly woven lines. I couldn’t help but compare it with modern times… from a very different perspective. I hope you don’t mind my poetic liberty below – I simply couldn’t resist. A Draft of Daft Old farts are apt to cause a White House stink. Their Brandon blasts of bull-shite guff Fuel yaps that flap before lame brains can think – This dodgy, sniffy-duffer stuff (The color of a scoop of chocolate chip) Blows ill winds harsh enough to sink a ship. Reply
Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 Your “Draft of Daft” is hilarious; I love it! Thanks for your kind words regarding my piece. I’m glad you like it. Reply
Joseph S. Salemi September 23, 2023 Farts have always been a traditional non-verbal way to show contempt for something. Another one is spitting, or (as in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet) biting one’s thumb. Giving someone the middle finger (which the Romans called the “digitus impudicus”) survives right up to today. In South America, holding your thumb and index finger in a circular shape, with the remaining three fingers elevated, is a way to call someone an asshole. President Reagan, on a trip to Latin America, waved his hand with this gesture to a large crowd, because as a North American he thought that the gesture was a way to show approval for their cheering (he later apologized, saying “In the U.S. it just means A-OK!”) Reply
Jeff Kemper September 28, 2023 I didn’t know that the middle finger was such an ancient form of expressing contempt! Reply
Lannie David Brockstein September 26, 2023 Kemper’s “A Draft of Death” does go to show What every Jewish heart already knows: That colonizing Rome did lack a soul— ’Twas reared from schmucks with the brains of assholes. Reply