Photo of a banana split‘Be Careful What You Ask For’ and Other Poetry by Julian Woodruff The Society October 21, 2023 Poetry, Satire 21 Comments . Be Careful What You Ask For “Genie, please make me a banana split.” Poof! “You are a banana split! Just feel yourself sliced down the middle. Doesn’t it feel cool, dear Tony? I’ve thrown out the peel, and now that slit is widened by three scoops of rich vanilla ice cream. I’ll add nuts, whip cream, chocolate sauce, the cherry … Woops! Forgot the spoon—need that to get those guts … well, former guts of yours. What’s that you say? Tony, come on—now’s no time to get cute: don’t say you didn’t mean it quite that way. Besides, shouldn’t banana splits be mute? All right, I’ll change you back; but what a waste— I seriously like the way you taste!” . . What Politics Is Coming To A traveler stayed with us, and we spoke long of strange activity in London, Moscow, Hong Kong, Rome, and cities that we might call home— Seattle, Portland, Ottawa, New York, and others, where the law may be suspended at the will of some mere whim, or where a bill may pass that clearly turns against a citizen with no defense. Shame on all these who legislate so wickedly, or abrogate the public trust by backing schemes they sell as feasible sweet dreams intended, rather, to enslave. Shame most of all on those who’d waive their freedom through rash, ill–cast votes— so led astray, these foolish goats. . . Julian D. Woodruff, who contributes poetry frequently to the Society of Classical Poets, writes poetry and short fiction for children and adults. He recently finished 2020-2021, a poetry collection. A selection of his work can be read at Parody Poetry, Lighten Up Online, Carmina Magazine, and Reedsy. NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets. The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary. 21 Responses Mary Gardner October 21, 2023 Julian, Thank you for these. I especially enjoyed the amusing banana split sonnet. Moral: Beware of smart-alecky genies. Reply Phil L. Flott October 21, 2023 The rhyming in What Politics Is Coming To is simply masterful. I am in envy of such an ability. Reply Roy Eugene Peterson October 21, 2023 You are right on the money about “What Politics is Coming To!” The problem is we are already there! Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 You’re right, of course, Mr. Peterson. It would be nice to think we could get straitened out! Thanks for reading. Reply Mike Bryant October 21, 2023 These are both great poetry. The first is great fun, with a message. The second is so true. It makes you wonder if we have enough free will and free speech left to avoid the coming collectivist juggernaut. There are a few good signs: https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2023/10/wayne-root-finally-some-good-news-great-awakening/ Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thanks, Mike. Let’s hope this guy’s right. What gets me, though (among other things), is this: after 2 1/2 years, how could ANYONE be intending to vote for Biden? Reply Brian A. Yapko October 21, 2023 Both very enjoyable poems, Julian. I love the whimsy of the delicious “Be Careful What You Ask For.” As for “Politics” — whatever you do don’t go to Portland. The lunatics are running the asylum. Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thank you, Mary. Glad you liked . It’s amazing to me how current doings can remind one of something very specific from long ago. I never watched this show much, but I do remember this moment. Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thank you, Brian. Delicious, but with a definite bite, I hope. Portland, yes. They decided they didn’t get enough rain there. Reply Cynthia Erlandson October 21, 2023 Good stuff, Julian! The best phrase, I think, is “sweet dreams intended rather to enslave”, which sums up so succinctly both the intended plans of the enslavers, and the ignorance of those who vote for and accept those plans. Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Right on, Cynthia. Chesterton put it something like this: “It’s a pity how few politicians are hanged.” Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Oh dear—an embarrassing booboo … When I submitted these to Evan, I inadvertently forgot to add that “Be careful” was inspired by an episode from an old tv show, I Dream of Jeannie, created by Sydney Sheldon, starring Barbara Eden and Larry Hagman. The show ran on NBC from 1965 to 1970. I definitely can’t take credit for the incident that sets this poem off. No wonder Evan edited my spelling of Jeannie without comment! I hope he changes it back and adds this note at the top. Apologies!! Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Make that Sidney Sheldon. Reply Margaret Coats October 21, 2023 What a rich banana split, Julian! My memory was sharp enough to recall the Jeannie program, in which Hagman was Jeannie’s husband Tony. The genie was more congenial than Samantha in Bewitched, and there was no supercilious mother-in-law. Your Politics poem flows naturally through schemes and dreams for a big bang of an ending rhyming “votes” with “goats.” Perfect absence of sheep and shepherds, and careful choice of locations including Rome. You describe wolves rather than mention them. Nice work! Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thank you, Margaret. You consistently find more in poems than I do–and that includes my own. I missed Bewitched; I must have been hacking away at Tchaikovsky and Ravel. Reply Joseph S. Salemi October 21, 2023 I was crazy about “I Dream of Jeannie” when it ran — Barbara Eden was the hottest piece of girl-flesh on the screen, even though the TV censors refused to let her show her belly-button. An absurd puritanical restriction! Elizabeth Montgomery in “Bewitched” was also very cute, but she was much more intensely sexy in the Twilight Zone episode with Charles Bronson about two enemy soldiers who confront each other. Man, was she hot! Paul A. Freeman October 21, 2023 I don’t think you could have two more different poems! In ‘Be Careful What You Ask For’, I was reminded of Gene Kelly getting mobbed by female fans and asking Doug O’Connor to call him a cab – which he did. Thanks for the reads. Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Two sides of the same coin, to me, Paul. A side: socio-pathology (the whole trans- / abortion- / assisted suicide(?)-regret phenomenon; side B, the greed and corruption of politicians that drives side A. Thanks for reading. Reply Jeff Eardley October 21, 2023 Julian, the first is great fun. I recall the tv series over here in the 60’s. As to political matters, I am staggered that of all the amazing intellect in the US, you end up with Biden. We are no better over here having suffered from Johnson and the appalling Liz Truss. Great read today. Thank you. Reply Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Well, Jeff, at least you got rid of LT in a hurry. I think I’d have to say Biden stands a good chance of being re-elected (but see Mike Bryant’s link, above). Thanks for reading. Reply Shaun C. Duncan October 23, 2023 “Be Careful What You Ask For” is witty and brilliantly executed. The rhymes are great and the use of enjambment propels the comic-horrific narrative at great pace. At first glance it might seem to have little in common with the more sober (though no less skillful) “What Politics Is Coming To” but in the current climate it reads as a wicked allegory of the trans movement. Fantastic stuff, Julian! 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Mary Gardner October 21, 2023 Julian, Thank you for these. I especially enjoyed the amusing banana split sonnet. Moral: Beware of smart-alecky genies. Reply
Phil L. Flott October 21, 2023 The rhyming in What Politics Is Coming To is simply masterful. I am in envy of such an ability. Reply
Roy Eugene Peterson October 21, 2023 You are right on the money about “What Politics is Coming To!” The problem is we are already there! Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 You’re right, of course, Mr. Peterson. It would be nice to think we could get straitened out! Thanks for reading. Reply
Mike Bryant October 21, 2023 These are both great poetry. The first is great fun, with a message. The second is so true. It makes you wonder if we have enough free will and free speech left to avoid the coming collectivist juggernaut. There are a few good signs: https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2023/10/wayne-root-finally-some-good-news-great-awakening/ Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thanks, Mike. Let’s hope this guy’s right. What gets me, though (among other things), is this: after 2 1/2 years, how could ANYONE be intending to vote for Biden? Reply
Brian A. Yapko October 21, 2023 Both very enjoyable poems, Julian. I love the whimsy of the delicious “Be Careful What You Ask For.” As for “Politics” — whatever you do don’t go to Portland. The lunatics are running the asylum. Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thank you, Mary. Glad you liked . It’s amazing to me how current doings can remind one of something very specific from long ago. I never watched this show much, but I do remember this moment. Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thank you, Brian. Delicious, but with a definite bite, I hope. Portland, yes. They decided they didn’t get enough rain there. Reply
Cynthia Erlandson October 21, 2023 Good stuff, Julian! The best phrase, I think, is “sweet dreams intended rather to enslave”, which sums up so succinctly both the intended plans of the enslavers, and the ignorance of those who vote for and accept those plans. Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Right on, Cynthia. Chesterton put it something like this: “It’s a pity how few politicians are hanged.” Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Oh dear—an embarrassing booboo … When I submitted these to Evan, I inadvertently forgot to add that “Be careful” was inspired by an episode from an old tv show, I Dream of Jeannie, created by Sydney Sheldon, starring Barbara Eden and Larry Hagman. The show ran on NBC from 1965 to 1970. I definitely can’t take credit for the incident that sets this poem off. No wonder Evan edited my spelling of Jeannie without comment! I hope he changes it back and adds this note at the top. Apologies!! Reply
Margaret Coats October 21, 2023 What a rich banana split, Julian! My memory was sharp enough to recall the Jeannie program, in which Hagman was Jeannie’s husband Tony. The genie was more congenial than Samantha in Bewitched, and there was no supercilious mother-in-law. Your Politics poem flows naturally through schemes and dreams for a big bang of an ending rhyming “votes” with “goats.” Perfect absence of sheep and shepherds, and careful choice of locations including Rome. You describe wolves rather than mention them. Nice work! Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Thank you, Margaret. You consistently find more in poems than I do–and that includes my own. I missed Bewitched; I must have been hacking away at Tchaikovsky and Ravel. Reply
Joseph S. Salemi October 21, 2023 I was crazy about “I Dream of Jeannie” when it ran — Barbara Eden was the hottest piece of girl-flesh on the screen, even though the TV censors refused to let her show her belly-button. An absurd puritanical restriction! Elizabeth Montgomery in “Bewitched” was also very cute, but she was much more intensely sexy in the Twilight Zone episode with Charles Bronson about two enemy soldiers who confront each other. Man, was she hot!
Paul A. Freeman October 21, 2023 I don’t think you could have two more different poems! In ‘Be Careful What You Ask For’, I was reminded of Gene Kelly getting mobbed by female fans and asking Doug O’Connor to call him a cab – which he did. Thanks for the reads. Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Two sides of the same coin, to me, Paul. A side: socio-pathology (the whole trans- / abortion- / assisted suicide(?)-regret phenomenon; side B, the greed and corruption of politicians that drives side A. Thanks for reading. Reply
Jeff Eardley October 21, 2023 Julian, the first is great fun. I recall the tv series over here in the 60’s. As to political matters, I am staggered that of all the amazing intellect in the US, you end up with Biden. We are no better over here having suffered from Johnson and the appalling Liz Truss. Great read today. Thank you. Reply
Julian D. Woodruff October 21, 2023 Well, Jeff, at least you got rid of LT in a hurry. I think I’d have to say Biden stands a good chance of being re-elected (but see Mike Bryant’s link, above). Thanks for reading. Reply
Shaun C. Duncan October 23, 2023 “Be Careful What You Ask For” is witty and brilliantly executed. The rhymes are great and the use of enjambment propels the comic-horrific narrative at great pace. At first glance it might seem to have little in common with the more sober (though no less skillful) “What Politics Is Coming To” but in the current climate it reads as a wicked allegory of the trans movement. Fantastic stuff, Julian! Reply
