Assorted Sonic Salads (i.e., Kamalisms)

being the first installment of a repository of wisdom from the Vice
President of the United States of America. Edited by Jeff Kemper



Exciting insight cited from a speech
at the Vandenburg Space Force Base
in Vandenburg, CA on 18 April 2022

Space is exciting
For all our flighting
Imaginations it spurs.
And big questions it confers.
Space! It affects us all,
And it connects us all!


Work Together!

from Paris on 12 November 2021

Today we must, indeed, together,
Work together, this we must,
To see just where we are and just
Where we will soon be headed, whether
Here or there, and beat the dust
To where we’re going, and our vision,
Yes, our view of where we should be,
But to see with great precision,
See it as a moment, could we,
Yes, together, face the stress?
These challenges we must address!



the definitely definitive definition of culture;
orated at the 2023 Essence Festival of Culture, June 2023

So, culture is reflection—am I right?
Of this, our moment, and of our own time.
And present culture is the way we might
Express our feeling of the moment. I’m

So very sure that we should always find
The times to then express our feeling—how
We feel about the moment. Bear in mind
It’s a reflection of that joy that—wow!

Comes in the morning. [chuckle, chuckle, chuck]
We have to find how to express the way
We feel about the moment, not get stuck,
But having language and connection, say,

To how the folks experience life’s brew.
This is the way I think about it, too.



Jeff Kemper has been a biology teacher, biblical studies instructor, editor, and painting contractor. He lives in York County, Pennsylvania.

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30 Responses

  1. Roy Eugene Peterson

    And to think she is next in line to become president! The non sequiturs and discombobulated speech patterns certainly are “much ado about nothing.” The profundity of idiots is profound and yet unfounded! LOL.

  2. James Sale

    Quite, quite brilliant: I love it. You capture the inanity, the moronic vacancy with aplomb, precision and wit: heck, you should be doing the Poet’s Inaugural Address next time round – that would be some real fun!

  3. Joseph S. Salemi

    Harris is the epitome of brain-dead, emotion-driven liberalism. The fact that she can’t stop laughing indicates some kind or neuro-cerebral disorder.

  4. ABB

    Thank you for making (or discovering, rather) this important contribution to the English language. May the Kamalism be remembered and imitated for centuries wherever buffoons are inspiring literary anti-wisdom.

    • Jeff Kemper

      I think half of American citizens (and many more who will not admit it in public) have jointly discovered this startling phenomenon. The entire English-speaking world ought to be practicing this new art form. I’m doing my part to memorialize it.

  5. Cynthia Erlandson

    We are the hollow women, “headpiece filled with straw”! Jeff, I was laughing out loud at the creative way you reproduce (yet poetrically!) the emptiness — her abuse of words to say nothing!

    • Jeff Kemper

      Thank you, Cynthia. Sorry for the late response. The hollow women, plural? An apt quote, indeed! I’m wondering, whom else might you include in Kamala’s elite company?

  6. Margaret Coats

    A marvelous concept, Jeff. It is difficult to depict a combination of ignorance and thoughtlessness, but you have managed it here, reproducing the ordinary flow of ideas in this speaker’s now well-known style.

    • Jeff Kemper

      Thank you, Margaret. I slaved for hours on end to get these right.

      That was a lie, since there was very little to get right. I have gathered a collection of 30 Kamalisms to work on in my spare time when I feel like not thinking, of which I’ve completed about eight. And there is more than a year to collect more, and, God forbid, possibly four years worth beyond that!

  7. Norma Pain

    Kamala Harris certainly has a lot of words to say about nothing in particular and laughs her way through it all. She is just peachy. Thank you for these poems Jeff.

    • Jeff Kemper

      You’re welcome, Norma. “Peachy,” huh? I think that would be a wonderful way to actively appreciate her, instead of being caught up in embarrassment, disgust, anger, and mockery. Perhaps, after her political carreer is over, she’ll give us more to chew on, say, on CNN or another wacko media outlet. The possibil;ities are endless and peachy.

    • C.B. Anderson

      It’s the sound that a chicken makes, Cheryl, though it’s usually rendered: cluckle cluckle cluck.

  8. C.B. Anderson

    I hope, Jeff, that wrapping your mind around the words of such an inane person didn’t cause you any lasting brain damage. These poems were not parodies — they were just too damn true to life to be that.

    • Jeff Kemper

      You’re correct, C.B.; they are poetic paraphrases. As to the extent of brain damage I have incurred, I’m old enough that people will attribute it to aging. And besides, they were fun to write, so that is worth the brain damage.

  9. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Jeff, I love these… you have managed to create engaging poems from downright drivel and make this reader laugh while admiring your humor and creative talent – a unique feat! Very well done indeed!

  10. Joshua C. Frank

    It’s really difficult to make fun of nonsense well, without sounding as if you’re the nonsense-spouting speaker. Well done.

    Without the title, I would have thought you were making fun of a lot of the free verse I’ve seen.

  11. Jeff Kemper

    Yes, she’s quite engaging with her laugh. The Biden-Harris duo is one of the funniest comedic acts I’ve seen.

  12. Mia

    I congratulate you in being able to write good poems from word salad!
    I have been tinkering with two poems on the same subject, and although rather good at word salads myself, the poetry lets me down.
    Perhaps a challenge on word salad poems may be in order, what do you think?

  13. Sally Cook

    Jeff, I have always been a devotee of skunks, but recently realized I had no idea what their speech patterns were, let alone the basics of their language. Put a friend on it, a good researcher – and he came up with a recording of a short skunk speech.

    It goes like this:
    Four snuffles followed by an “arf”

    You have helped me immensely in my poetic endeavors. Can’t thank you enough, ha ha.

  14. Jeff Kemper

    Glad I could be of some help! He, he, he, he, he!
    You wouldn’t be making some kind of comparison, would you?


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