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Red and Green

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Red Tomatoes

Tomatoes fresh or in a jar
Must top the list of red by far.
Good in various cuisine,
Rich in healthy lycopene.
According to a dietician,
Cook to get the most nutrition.
Add to any kind of dish,
Steak or chicken, pork or fish.
For superb taste may I suggest,
Homegrown are the very best.

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Green Artichokes

Though thankfully devoid of gristle,
Artichokes (a type of thistle)
Do not look too appetizing,
Therefore it is not surprising,
That I tend to turn my nose-up
And my lips will likely close-up.
If presented on my plate, I
Ultimately may donate
Them to your hungry dog or cat,
Or hide discreetly in my hat.
As a flower they’re not too pretty.
Wash them well, they can be gritty.
Since most of them get thrown away,
Perhaps they’re for another day.

.

Red Onions

Can anybody tell me why
Onions always make me cry?
Do friends and family stay away
Because I eat them every day?
If this is true I’ll use my diet
To guarantee some peace and quiet.

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Green Leeks

I can go for many weeks
Without a hankering for leeks.

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Red Beets

Beets are red and round and sweet,
But be aware the golden rule…
Always try to be discreet
And do not dribble, drip or drool.

Also, whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em,
Their color later on recalls you ate ’em!!

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Green Cabbage

Green cabbage is so versatile,
Just thinking of it makes me smile.
I’m quite excited when I buy it…
Different ways I think I’ll try it.
Crunchy coleslaw on the side;
Cabbage steamed or even fried.
In the fridge it keeps quite well
Before it gives off any smell.
Often I forget about it,
Finally I set about it,
Noticing to my dismay
It’s turned an ugly shade of grey.

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Red Radish

A radish is a radish,
What more is there to say?
It’s neither good nor badish,
In salads it’s okay.
Poetic words don’t spring to mind,
Which leaves me rather sadish,
And so I’ll simply just be kind…
A radish is a radish.

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Green Lettuce

Let us eat lettuce.  Crunchy is best
if you want my opinion, and may I suggest
A few little leafy greens tossed in a bowl,
With spinach, cucumber and chopped escarole.
Add a few pine nuts and sunflower seeds,
Cranberries, walnuts, a few garden weeds.
As for the dressing, just make it yourself,
Better than anything grabbed off the shelf.
Don’t make it too large, it’ll fill up your belly;
Save yourself room for a donut with jelly!

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Red Rhubarb

Red rhubarb is a tasty treat,
When baked in pies with something sweet,
It tastes quite awful on its own,
And may give some a kidney stone.
To hide the bitterness just blend it,
But I do not recommend it.

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Green Celery

Verily I say to you,
Celery is nice to chew.
If you chomp it as a stick,
Be prepared your teeth to pick.
For dipping there’s not much to top-it.
My suggestion is to chop it.
Wishy-washy kind of flavor,
Not a lot of that to savor,
As compared to peach or pear,
Or to a chocolate éclair.
If you do decide to gnaw it,
Know your skin will thank you for it,
Clearing it of rash and pimple,
Tis a remedy so simple.
Celery won’t make you queasy,
And the preparation’s easy.
Serve it in a bowl or cup.
Sit to eat it or stand up.

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Red Carrot

I know, I know, I’ve lost the thread,
Most carrots are not really red
But rhymes for orange are too tricky,
Really you’re just being picky.
Carrots must be on the list
Of red and green, I do insist,
Besides they’re healthy for our eyes…
And fighting sties.

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Green Peas

Green peas are really quite divine.
Just eat them fresh right off the vine.
Delivered in their perfect pod,
Bursts of summer-sweet from God.

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Red Peppers

Red peppers can be nice for dipping,
Or cut up and fried in dripping;
Choose organic when you pick-em,
Or wash well before you lick-em!
Cayenne pepper in a pot
Is really, really, REALLY HOT!
Never ever overdo it
You will burn… you’ll know you blew-it.
Just a tiny pinch will do
In tummy-warming gumbo stew.

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Green Zucchini

I’m not a snob, I’m not a flake,
And don’t call me a meanie,
Just because I cannot make
A comment on zucchini.

.

.

Norma Pain was born in Liverpool, England and now lives in Parksville, British Columbia, Canada. Thirty of Norma’s poems were published by Dana Literary Society, between 2004 and 2007 and she was twice nominated for the Pushcart Prize by that same on-line poetry site. She self-published a book of rhyme in 2000 called Bulging Assets.

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28 Responses

  3. Roy Eugene Peterson

    Norma, these are really fun to read and reminded me of some previous poems you wrote that were both clever and humorous like these. This is quite a red and green vegetable stew (plus carrots) you have concocted. I enjoyed reading them.

    Reply
  5. Paul A. Freeman

    What a lot of fun.

    Amongst many humorous, quotable lines, my fave was:

    ‘make it too large, it’ll fill up your belly;
    Save yourself room for a donut with jelly!’

    As for ‘orange’:

    When you have a sore throat, it is best
    to give all kinds of Strepsils a test;
    and I find the lozenge
    that’s flavoured with orange
    tastes better than all of the rest.

    Thanks for the myriad reads, Norma.

    Reply
  6. Margaret Coats

    Green leeks win chefs cool oohs and aahs
    When brewed into smooth vichyssoise.

    Lots of fun, here, Norma. And there really is a red carrot. The Kansai carrot or Kyoto red carrot is one of the heirloom vegetables of Japan’s Kansai region, and they are stunning in looks and taste.

    Reply
    • Norma Pain

      Thank you Margaret for your comments. The Kyoto red carrot sounds delicious and may be in my garden next year if I can find it or do I have to travel to Japan for this treat?

      Reply
    • Norma Pain

      I looked them up. It appears that I can buy the seeds on line. Thank you Margaret.

      Reply
  7. Joseph S. Salemi

    All nicely done, and a delight to read aloud.

    But I must speak up for artichokes. When properly prepared, they are a delicate and unique food. Trimmed, stuffed, and steamed, or fried in the Jewish manner of the city of Rome, they are always welcome. Small artichoke hearts are pickled and preserved in olive oil, and form an important element in a large antipasto.

    You don’t throw most of it away. With a large stuffed artichoke, each leaf is picked off, and the bottom is eaten. Then the choke is easily cut away, and the remaining stem is consumed.

    The French, the Italians, and the Hispanics can’t do without artichokes. But they seem never to have caught on in Germanic-language countries.

    Reply
    • Norma Pain

      Thank you for your comments Joseph. One day, on thinking I might buy an artichoke to try, I looked up how to prepare it and must confess that I am a lazy cook and the preparation and cooking of artichokes seemed like too much trouble. I am a hopeless case!

      Reply
  8. Yael

    That’s a fun romp through the red and green garden vegetables, thank you. I’m one of those Germans who likes her artichokes, both steamed and antipasto. I have grown red carrots in Tennessee and although the soil here is lousy for carrot growing, they turned out okay. I may try them again next year, thanks for reminding me. Wishing everyone here a merry Christmas.

    Reply
  9. Angel L. Villanueva

    I have to agree, Norma; these were fun to read and nicely written. All the mentioned vegetables would make a nice addition to my meals, but I’m still not sure about artichokes.

    Reply
    • Norma Pain

      Thank you for commenting Angel. To me artichokes look more like a weapon than something edible. My apologies to artichoke lovers.

      Reply
  10. Jeff Eardley

    Norma, I had to laugh out loud at these vegetarian gems. May I add, “The one thing I can do without, is every single Brussel sprout.” Hope you have a joyful and peaceful holiday.

    Reply
    • Norma Pain

      Thank you Jeff. So glad I made you laugh. I can manage to eat two or three Brussel sprouts… per year! My very best wishes for the holidays to you as well.

      Reply
  11. Lannie David Brockstein

    Dear Norma,

    It is always fun to read your funny poems.

    Apparently when beets “later on recalls you ate ’em”, that is indicative of the person having an iron deficiency.

    Not only is it that “Homegrown [tomatoes] are the very best.” The organic heirloom varieties are always wonderfully misshapen, and the red ones are so tomatoey that they taste like ketchup.

    The same way that the human microbiome requires being properly populated with probiotic microorganisms in order for the human immune system to function normally, plants also require for their soil to be a living soil and thus properly populated with “plant-probiotics”, in order to reach their full flower and fruit producing potential. Plant-probiotics can be purchased at online stores. As human-probiotics are killed by the use of Big Pharma’s antibiotic, artificial preservatives, and vaccine products, plant-probiotics are killed by the use of Big Pharma’s pesticide and fertilizer products.

    Wearing tightly sealed “onion goggles” can protect against onions causing teary eyes. But if a person needs to thin their mucus due to covid, being exposed to that gas can help them to clear their sinuses. As for the mystery as to “why onions always make me cry?”, the scientific reason is because they are originally from the Onion constellation, which over time became commonly misspelled as Orion. In revenge for that misspelling they always cause everybody to cry, which blurs the vision and therefore makes “Orion” once again to rightfully so appear as “Onion”.

    From Lannie.

    Reply
    • Norma Pain

      Thank you Lannie. Lots of interesting and useful information in your comments.

      Reply
  12. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Norma, whenever I see your name, I know the poem is going to make me smile, and with “Red and Green” I’m grinning from ear to ear. Your command of rhythm and rhyme is superb. You make reading your meticulously chosen words effortless, enabling the reader to concentrate on the humor without a single hiccup… and your humor is medicinal in these disastrous times. Norma, your poem is a surefire hit! Thank you!

    I especially like your “Green Zucchini” – I relate to your hilarious words. The only thing I love about it is the exotic sounding name… in England they’re known as courgettes… far too airy-fairy French for the lack of taste.

    Reply
    • Norma Pain

      Susan, thank you so much for your lovely comments. Courgettes, I had not heard before. I have recently discovered zucchini bread. A neighbor made it for me and it is delicious spread with a pound of butter! A perfectly good use for the dull and humble zucchini.

      Reply
    • Joshua C. Frank

      Interesting fact: “Courgette” in French is a diminutive of “courge,” the word for “squash.” It sounds more impressive to us English-speakers than it is; it’s like calling it a “squashlet” in English.

      Reply
  13. Joshua C. Frank

    Good ones, and I like the thematic thread that runs through them all, alternating red and green foods. They made me smile and laugh… just what I needed!

    Reply

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