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Goodwill Toward Men

I’m reeling with the latest headline shock.
The Mother of our Savior’s hit the skids.
Her reputation’s on the chopping block—
Her wonder isn’t woke enough for kids.

The pope has spoken. Mary’s dated traits
Don’t represent the women of today.
He claims the writing’s on the pearly gates—
No beardless matriarch should have a say.

All stylish lasses have an Adam’s apple
And trendy chromosomes that boast a Y.
A maiden minus patriarchal tackle
Can kiss all hope of holy heights goodbye.

The pope says God will bring us Peace on Earth
When we believe ‘twas Joseph who gave birth.

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Susan Jarvis Bryant has poetry published on Lighten Up Online, Snakeskin, Light, Sparks of Calliope, and Expansive Poetry Online. She also has poetry published in TRINACRIA, Beth Houston’s Extreme Formal Poems anthology, and in Openings (anthologies of poems by Open University Poets in the UK). Susan is the winner of the 2020 International SCP Poetry Competition, and has been nominated for the 2022 Pushcart Prize.


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40 Responses

    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Yay! Coming from a poet who sings of the wicked and wacky ways of the world, that’s a real compliment. Thank you, Russel!

      Reply
  1. Joshua C. Frank

    I laughed out loud with this one! This is spot on!

    Though this is obviously satire, it is still absolutely true of any recent pope who has ever preached feminism (and there have been a few)—after all, the “dated traits” against which they preach are part of the Blessed Virgin Mary’s virtues (example: she submitted to St. Joseph, a crime in the eyes of feminists).

    Still, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if our current pope said this explicitly. After all, he did rebuke a mother of seven for having “too many” children, when the Virgin Mary would have had a hundred children had God called her to it (in fact, spiritually speaking, she is the mother of all Christians in all places in all times, because we’re part of the body of Christ).

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Josh, I value your comment. Nothing shouts out as effectively as a stinging smack in the face from a scathing piece of savage satire… and I intend to mock every dastardly demon to death… slowly and painfully, to the ring of raucous laughter! Mwahaha…

      Reply
  2. Margaret Coats

    Haven’t heard this traulism yet, Susan, but I’m not surprised. They have come so thick and fast for so long that men of good will suppose the gaffer lost the office long ago. Still, thank you for the defense of the Most Blessed Mother.

    Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Mother Mary needs defending more than ever in these warped times… and I intend to do it, the only way I know how. Thank you for your support, Margaret.

      Reply
  3. Joseph S. Salemi

    There isn’t anything this half-assed Antipope won’t say or do to embarrass Catholicism.

    A great sonnet, Susan!

    Reply
    • Joshua C. Frank

      Would that he were only half-assed! I’m afraid he’s using his whole ass and then some to try to destroy the Church from within.

      Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      The piss-taking hissing from his hellish cakehole gets more wicked and wacky by the day… I’m listening, learning, and alerting those who are willing to see the light… and it’s not coming from the pope’s direction.

      Reply
  4. Jeff Eardley

    Susan, this is bang on the red nose for the fag end of a year filled with this guff. A “maiden minus patriarchal tackle” is great. Thanks for uplifting a grey English morning with this. You are truly a shining star.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Jeff, in a dark world gone insane, it’s great to hear from one of life’s poetry and music lovers who always manages to beam a ray of sunshine my way. A very merry Christmas to you… I hope your roast potatoes are crispy on the outside and creamy on the inside, your Yorkshire puddings rise, and your Christmas pud is full of silver-sixpence wishes.

      Reply
  5. Julian D. Woodruff

    Good, Susan. With Bergoglio it is always advancing the Church–the next “step forward” (Cdnl. Cupich)–never the next rung on Jacob’s ladder.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Julian, you are so right… this pope is traveling in a direction none of those following him were prepared for… to my mind, it’s about time we punched the right address in their GPS… we’re way off track!

      Reply
  6. Daniel Kemper

    Rollicking fun: This line was my favorite — I guffawed out loud, “A maiden minus patriarchal tackle.” A needed satire in such weird and dangerous times.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Daniel, thank you! These are indeed “weird and dangerous times” and we can’t simply go with the flow… we have to push against this tide of insidious idiocy in the best way we know how… and for me, it’s poetry. I am over the moon I made you laugh… a rare gift these days!

      Reply
      • Cynthia Erlandson

        I love the phrase you just used (and I think you may have used it before?): “insidious idiocy”! I think all reasonable people should adopt it as a slogan.

    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      I’m pleased to hear this, Cynthia… it’s rare to meet a like-minded, talented, and caring person these days. I’m grateful for your words!

      Reply
  7. Brian A. Yapko

    Susan, this is both terribly funny and terribly frightening. How long will it be before a pope actually revises church doctrine to conform with the outrageous demands of the transgender hegemony? How long before we actually get a pope who says that gender is meaningless? I once attended a church (this would be the Lutheran ELCA) where the psalms were rewritten so that there was no offensive reference to “He” or “Him.” No masculine pronouns were allowed because Pastor Woke’s view was that God had no gender (although the choir once sang a version of the Lord’s Prayer that referred to “Our Mother, who art in Heaven.” ) When I gently suggested that rewriting the Bible was a bad idea he spouted the usual blather about diversity and do I seriously think if I looked between God’s legs I’d find evidence of gender? Um, right. Despite his impressively Aquinas-like attention to theological subtlety and nuance, he missed the point. It’s not for us to rewrite the Bible and it’s certainly not up to us — not even the Pope — to decide if God should be considered a father. Jesus taught us unambiguously how to pray and He did NOT say “Our Parent, who art in Heaven…” Furthermore, eliminating the idea of God the Father destroys the oneness between the Son and the Father. How many times did Jesus refer to his “Father” in the Gospels? And doesn’t this necessarily eliminate or at least trivialize the feminine qualities of Mary, Mother of Jesus.? In cinema they call this “retconning” but what it is is nothing less than the alteration and mutilation of history and sacred scripture. Not only is this offensive, self-referentially dreadful theology — it is a ridiculous exercise in narcissism by those who worry far too much about exclusivity instead of how to fix their own warped souls. They focus on making a tent that is so vast and wide that no longer has any meaning.

    Reply
    • Joseph S. Salemi

      A student in the medical profession recently told me that she was corrected at work for saying “women.” She was officially informed that the acceptable term was “birthing persons.”

      If there is anyone who actually defends that kind of blatant absurdity, I think he (or she, or it) should be locked up permanently in an asylum. Really.

      Reply
      • Joshua C. Frank

        There is such an asylum, and we’re all stuck living in it.

      • Margaret Coats

        “Birthing person” is a ridiculous term for adoptive mothers, nuns, single careerists, and many others, including military trainees. The US Army currently uses “female” and “male,” but if necessary they could say, “19-pushup recruit” and “52-pushup recruit.”

    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Brian, you always offer us insightful and interesting perspectives in your poetry and your comments and this comment has me nodding in agreement and thinking about where on earth all this madness and mayhem will lead. Your “terribly funny and terribly frightening” is spot on… there is plenty of fodder for laughter out there, but the serpent slithering beneath the initial hilarity is very real and very dangerous. Brian, thank you very much indeed! You add much to the conversation.

      Reply
  8. Roy Eugene Peterson

    I can hardly wait for this blasphemous pope to descend into the hell from which he was sent. Right on target!

    Reply
    • Joshua C. Frank

      All the cardinals who could possibly succeed him are woke cronies whom he personally appointed (or so I’ve heard), so if anything, the next guy will probably make this one look like Pope St. Pius X by comparison.

      Or if, as with Biden, someone else is pulling the strings (which is also likely), they’ll appoint someone even worse, with the same end result as mentioned above.

      Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Thank you very much, Roy… and I share exactly the same impatience as you… the sooner the pope is toasting crumpets on his pitchfork in the bowels of hell, the better. Let’s hope he receives an invitation to afternoon tea soon.

      Reply
  9. James Sale

    Ha ha ha!!! The final couplet is – to use an expression of Coleridge – a ‘miracle of rare device’. I am not sure what edict, bull, or bulls*t this refers to, only I get the sense that the Pope is seriously going in the wrong direction. Oh dear! But well done, Susan: savage satire!

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Thank you, James. This wayward pope is simply begging for a bit of savage satire… and I simply have to oblige. I am glad my wicked words drew a laugh in dire times.

      Reply
  10. Norma Pain

    Up is down and down is up and no wonder so many are confused and depressed. They have nothing steady left to cling to. Thank you for this poem Susan.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Norma, thank you very much! You are spot on. Up is down. War is peace. Male is female. Bad is good… and two plus two equals five. Oh dear! My comment is getting a tad depressing. I promise, my next poem will bring some much needed warmth, light, and hope.

      Reply
  11. Adam Wasem

    Yes, it seems the pope is extending his Liberation Theology background from Marxist economic theory to leftist social theory in general, much as the universities have. As previous Christians were inspired by the miracles of Christ, so now does the current pope seem to be inspired by the miracles of the Harvard Humanities department. After all, what’s feeding the 5000 next to changing someone’s sex with a word? Still, I do wonder sometimes what the pope reads more of: The Bible? Or the financial statements from urban parishes in the West, in hopes of garnering even more of that sweet sweet urbanite liberal Catholic cash? I have a sneaking suspicion it’s the latter. Regardless, as always, Susan, you’ve hit the perfect acid tone to address this.

    Reply
    • Joseph S. Salemi

      For the Vatican, Germany is where the money is. There are about 24 million Catholics in Germany, and all the working adults are obliged to tithe between 8 and 9 percent of their income via the “Kirchensteuer” to the German hierarchy. A Catholic is liable for this tax even if he has ceased to practice his religion, or if he just happened to be baptized in another country before coming to Germany. If you don’t pay the Kirchensteuer, you are excommunicated.

      In a rich, highly developed nation like Germany, that’s a lot of cash.

      This is one of the reasons why a corrupt Vatican is anxious to keep the German Church happy, since the German hierarchy bankrolls the Vatican handsomely. It’s always wise to ask oneself the question “Cui bono?”

      Reply
      • Adam Wasem

        Not being Catholic myself, I have only the most cursory understanding of the state of any particular country’s Catholic church. That being said, that makes sense, since the Germans’ terror of being accused of Nazism seems to trump attachment to even the most basic of traditional Christian values nowadays. I wondered at the time why Ratzinger stepped down–he must have seen the writing on the wall with the Vatican (and maybe the rest of the German cardinals as well) and got out while the getting was good.

      • Susan Jarvis Bryant

        Joe, your comment proves that money really is the root of all evil… I think the greed of the globalist cabals are the reason why we are living in such dark and dangerous times.

    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      Adam, thank you very much for appreciation and your astute comment. I am particularly struck by: “After all, what’s feeding the 5000 next to changing someone’s sex with a word?” – you have summed up the darkness creeping into our sanctuaries in the name of God perfectly.

      Reply
  12. David Whippman

    More high quality writing from you, Susan. I’m no expert on the Catholic church ( or any other!) but it seems to me that to some extent, this is part of the wider prevailing “emperor’s new clothes” syndrome, where no one is allowed to challenge patent absurdity. You made your point with your usual elan.

    Reply
    • Susan Jarvis Bryant

      David, it’s always lovely to hear from you. Thank you very much for your appreciative and encouraging comment. Your “emperor’s new clothes syndrome” observation has me nodding in agreement (sadly). I’ve seen it with my own eyes, and it isn’t pretty… the problem is, unless people start calling it out, the churches and other institutions people desperately want to save by remaining silent, grow increasingly lost to the devil’s machinations. Here’s hoping 2024 will get people standing up and speaking out. The truth matters. Happy New Year to you!

      Reply
      • David Whippman

        And to you, Susan. Back here in the land of your birth, we will probably quite soon have a Labour government – and the odds are, that will mean even more “woke” nonsense. (Though there’s been plenty under the Tories!) But there are some things to look forward to in 2024 – and your poetry is one of them.

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