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I See Dead People

Don’t tell me that my mind’s no longer keen
And that I should be in a nursing home.
I’m still in charge, as sharp as a machine.
For instance take that summit back in Rome:
I chatted with my dead friend Mitterand
And told him all conservatives were vermin.
Then Helmut Kohl, the dead guy from Sudan,
Said we should talk to Gorbachev, the German,
Just like that time, that time, just like that day
When me and Churchill met up with DeGaulle,
And Helmut Kohl , no Merkel,  said “Away
With Trump!”  I said to her, “Tear down this Wall!”
Hey, people, don’t let Trump fans stoke your fears.
America must give me four more years!
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Brian Yapko is a lawyer who also writes poetry. He lives in Wimauma, Florida.

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31 Responses

  1. Mike Bryant

    Brian, when I read the title I laughed. But the more I read the sadder I got. If this is an exaggeration it’s only a slight one. Biden has been shaking hands with ghosts for years. Now he is telling everyone about his frequent conversations with them. Could it be true? Could he actually be in contact with these denizens of hell?
    Sure! We have moved beyond the ridiculous and well into apocalyptic insanities.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thanks, Mike! It is actually very sad, but the United States of America should not be held hostage to Joe Biden’s personal medical issue — one which, I think, disqualifies him from office. Could he be having conversations with the dead? I’m not sure he’s capable of telling the difference.

      Your comment reminds me of Kissinger’s descriptions of Richard Nixon during the height of Watergate having drunken, rambling conversations with the dead president portraits in the White House. Now there’s a poem for you!

      Reply
  2. Joseph S. Salemi

    Biden is slowly but surely slipping into senile dementia. All the clinical signs are there. We should be sorry for him personally, but the idea that this mental basket-case should be the leader of the Western world at this perilous time is frightening. What’s even more frightening is that there are millions of stupid Americans who will actually vote for him.

    A great sonnet, Brian.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you, Joe. It is actually terrifying that Biden is the titular leader of the Western World. The fact of the matter is, I don’t believe for one second that he’s in charge. We are dealing with a “Madness of King George” situation and there is a secret regency — or a cabal — running the country. My money is on Obama. Talk about an unconstitutional threat to democracy!!!

      Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you very much, Paul! My favorite as well, though I confess relief at finding a plausible rhyme for Mitterand. Sudan doesn’t look right visually but pronunciation is what matters.

      Reply
  4. Warren Bonham

    Dead people helped vote a dead person into office with an agenda to bring death and destruction to all – probably so there will be even more dead people to help re-elect him in November. It would almost be a funny situation if things weren’t so serious. Great poem as always.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you for this appreciative yet somber and accurate comment, Warren. It is only fitting that one of the symbols of this Death Administration is traffic with dead people. And yet Biden and crew are so gosh-darned compassionate.

      Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you, Russel! Reality has become so ridiculous and twisted that it is now virtually self-satirizing.

      Reply
  6. Cheryl Corey

    Good God! I can’t believe the incredible timeliness of this poem in light of the just-released report from Special Counsel Hur regarding Biden’s retention of classified documents and the report’s description of Biden’s memory lapses; not to mention the way Biden was rushed out to the podium tonight in a pathetic attempt to dispel any notion that he’s unqualified to be President.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you, Cheryl! I wrote this poem yesterday morning in literally 15 minutes, got it to Evan shortly after that and he worked his magic to get it up on the SCP site while the news was still fresh! I’m absolutely thrilled that Evan hilariously chose a photograph from The Sixth Sense for this post.

      Cheryl, I’m with you on Biden’s pathetic performance. I’m deeply frightened by the fact that this man is president, that he has enormous power at his disposal, that he is senile and that the country is probably being run by a regency made up of a cabal of our worst enemies, including Obama.

      Reply
  7. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Brian, this topical and timely satirical sonnet is hilarious. I love the apt title, and your skill with rhyme makes the poem even funnier. Let’s hope creepy Joe sniffs one dead person too many and a dog-faced pony soldier marches him out of the limelight to answer his calling as a chocolate-chip ice cream taster. Great fun with a grave point. Thank you, Brian!

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you very much indeed, Susan. You always read my poems exactly as intended. Creepy Joe indeed! Let’s hope Nurse Diesel gives him a doctor’s note to leave the Oval Office so he can go have jello with his peers at Happy Acres. After his nap, maybe he can visit with his good friends, Timothy Leary, Andy Warhol and Larry Flynt.

      Reply
  8. C.B. Anderson

    This piece is seriously funny. What most people do not know is that Biden is actually a time traveler, which explains why some of his claims are hard to believe. As his press secretary said, everybody misspeaks; what she did not say is that one of old Joe’s superpowers is the enhanced ability to mis-think. Bacon didn’t write Shakespeare, Biden did.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you very much, C.B. This is a hilarious comment itself which deserves a poem or short story. A time traveling president has enormous potential. Politics wed to the sci fi and horror genres. I’m reminded of a movie which came out about ten years ago: Abraham Lincoln: Zombie Hunter. A classic. Truly.

      Reply
  9. Margaret Coats

    Brian, your memory is apposite to your skill at detail. My favorite funny line is “Tear down this wall!” But now that your subject has identified with Reagan as well as Roosevelt . . . what will he have to say for Presidents’ Day?

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you for your fun comment, Margaret! What will he say? I’m not sure but I have the feeling Barack Obama will be there pulling the strings and putting words in his mouth.

      Reply
  11. Roy Eugene Peterson

    You perfectly described Biden in his nutshell. He is lost in his own world of imbecilic virtual reality while fortunately or unfortunately his political positions are run by others by default. This could have been a poem of one hundred verses of his gaffes but keeping it short and incisive while making your point makes it a fascinating and cleverly written poem.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you very much, Roy! That he’s lost in his virtual reality is sad but that he is arrogant enough and selfish enough to bring the whole country down with him is horrible. Even worse, as I’ve mentioned above, I believe that this presidency has devolved into an unofficial, secret regency and we have no idea who’s really pulling the strings. It’s a constitutional nightmare.

      Reply
  12. Jeff Eardley

    Brian, making out the Egyptian leader is the President of Mexico has got to be the last straw. This man cannot become your next President. Your wonderful piece of mischief today is welcome as we shiver in fear over on this side of the pond, wondering how events will play out for the free world.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Well, Jeff, from your pen to God’s ears because I don’t think the U.S. or the West can survive the damage another 4-year term would inflict. And if these are just the gaffes that Biden makes in public, can you imagine what he’s like off camera? Heaven help us!

      And thanks for the appreciation. I’m so glad you liked my mischief! I had fun writing it.

      Reply
  13. Cynthia Erlandson

    You wrote it in FIFTEEN MINUTES??? Brian, I was already jealous, knowing that you had to have done it pretty fast (in fact, I read the poem before I had even heard the news story!) — but REALLY! You’re making me look bad! (No, truly — I love this poem!)

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Oh, my goodness, Cynthia! You’re hilarious! Alright, maybe half an hour. I didn’t actually time it. But just to give you perspective, sometimes it takes me a month to write a poem. This one was sort of easy for me because I didn’t have to sweat the details — any problems with coherence, meter, language, typos, etc. could be attributed to the speaker’s compromised acuity. That gave me a lot of freedom. I’m so glad you love this poem! It was really fun to write. A lot more fun than watching the news.

      Reply
      • Cynthia Erlandson

        “The speaker’s compromised acuity,” indeed. “Me and Churchill” is the funniest— hardly a presidential way of speaking!

  14. Paul A. Freeman

    Alas, when the other main candidate can’t find the word ‘origin’ and keeps saying ‘orange’, and believes the US has ‘literally’ invisible fighter jets (cue he was being satirical!), you perhaps need to start all over again and find two new candidates.

    Acing a cognitive test where you recognise a picture of a tiger just doesn’t cut it.

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thanks for checking in, Paul. To my surprise, after October 7th I was deeply shaken into the conclusion that as flawed as “the other main candidate” might be, he is by far the better choice. I don’t love him, but I’m deeply uncomfortable with Biden being handled by an anonymous woke regent or coterie of woke regents and I’m not comfortable with someone as obviously senile as he is running the country. Lastly, the Democratic party has gone so far into antisemitism and pro-terrorist policy that the bridge is officially burned. I have finally embraced the politics that dare not speak its name to officially become an enthusiastic Trump supporter. To have four more years of Biden is unthinkable.

      Reply
  15. Christina Lesinski

    Wow, this is too good… “Gorbachev, the German” preceded by “vermin” and “just like that time, that time, just like that day”…I can hear it all! Hilarious lines, Brian, but definitely echoing others about the tragedy of it all. Thank you for speaking truth, and for the entertainment! Could not pass up a poem with the title “I see dead people.”

    Reply
    • Brian A. Yapko

      Thank you very much, Christina! The way Biden misspeaks and thinks out loud these days the poem practically wrote itself!

      Reply

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