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Coffee Limericks

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I love to have coffee each morning,
Including the act of the pouring:
__I smell the aroma,
__Come out of my coma,
And wonder why you still are snoring.

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I start with a coffee each day—
A creamy and sugared latte.
__I open my eyes,
__And to my surprise
I made it into the café.

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I’m proud of my coffee selection;
I brew it until it’s perfection.
__I make it real strong.
__Now don’t take this wrong:
I drink it for your own protection.

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LTC Roy E. Peterson, US Army Military Intelligence and Russian Foreign Area Officer (Retired) has published more than 5,000 poems in 78 of his 101 books. He has been an Army Attaché in Moscow, Commander of INF Portal Monitoring in Votkinsk, first US Foreign Commercial Officer in Vladivostok, Russia and Regional Manager in the Russian Far East for IBM. He holds a BA, Hardin-Simmons University (Political Science); MA, University of Arizona (Political Science); MA, University of Southern California (Int. Relations) and MBA University of Phoenix. He taught at the University of Arizona, Western New Mexico University, University of Maryland, Travel University and the University of Phoenix.

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45 Responses

  1. Russel Winick

    Fun reads, Roy. My favorite was the third one. I’ll bet your home smells wonderful!

    Reply
  2. Stephen M. Dickey

    Nice on a Sunday morning! Do you roast your own too? That’s where you’ll get a lot of aromas.

    Reply
    • Roy E. Peterson

      Thank you, Stephen! I do not roast my own but keep a pot going all day.

      Reply
      • Stephen M. Dickey

        All you need is an air popper and green beans. It’s not hard.
        Best,
        Stephen

      • Stephen M. Dickey

        It’s easy to do, all you need is a cheap air popper with side vents, and of course some green beans.

    • Roy E. Peterson

      I did not forget the Brits and you, but we have heard of Irish coffee which I thought made sense today. I added one limerick in honor of Irish coffee in a comment below.

      Reply
    • Roy E. Peterson

      I should add, my mother who came from an English family loved Darjeeling tea, while my father who was Scandinavian loved coffee. I remember the flavor of Darjeeling. I never drank coffee until I entered the Army.

      Reply
  4. Jeff Eardley

    Roy,
    The coffee we get over here,
    Is no substitution for beer.
    It’s sweet, sickly stuff,
    Makes you feel a bit rough,
    But yours is much better I hear.

    Three great Limericks today of which the first is my favourite. Top of the morning to you.

    Reply
    • Roy E. Peterson

      LOL! Thank you, Jeff and the same to you. Over here we often hear about Irish coffee. Here is one I just added:
      IRISH COFFEE
      By Roy E. Peterson (March 17, 2024)

      An Irishman who was quite frisky
      Poured coffee into his whiskey.
      He danced on the bar
      But didn’t get far.
      He decided it was too risky.

      Reply
  6. Paul A. Freeman

    Okay, it’s a clean one:

    The doctors they prod and they poke,
    I’m sure though the quacks just misspoke.
    If decaf’s to be
    the new coffee for me
    I’d rather risk having a stroke.

    Reply
  7. Brian A. Yapko

    These are delightful, Roy! And the way I drink coffee, these are music to my ears. And tastebuds. Your last ending line is a hoot: “I drink it for your own protection.” I relate to that.

    Reply
    • Roy E. Peterson

      Thank you, Brian, for sharing your love of coffee and the kind comments.

      Reply
  9. Joseph S. Salemi

    We all need a shot of caffeine —
    It keeps our abilities keen.
    But don’t overdo it;
    Just carefully brew it
    And sip it alone and unseen.

    (I like to have my coffee alone in my office, with the door shut.)

    Reply
  10. Julian D. Woodruff

    Good message for the day–flavorful and well caffeinated
    It’s coffee for morning’s first flight,
    To stave off the midday blahs’ fright,
    Still more ‘gainst that swoon in the late afternoon,
    Before corned beef and cabbage tonight.

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      A good one that makes a lot of sense! Thank you for sharing.

      Reply
  11. jd

    I can certainly relate to the love of coffee and to limericks. Good ones! I guess 100 books required a lot of coffee!

    Reply
  12. Phil S. Rogers

    I agree with Brian 100%. “I drink it for your own protection,” yes, there are those days. Loved them all!

    Reply
  13. Margaret Coats

    Roy, my favorite poem is the second, where I go heavy on the cream. Still, on Saint Patrick’s Day, my mind runs back to when I took children out for Shamrock Shakes at McDonald’s. Thankfully, I can now make one from vanilla ice cream, milk, peppermint extract, and 2 drops of green food coloring, which saves 52 grams of added sugar. Irish blessings!

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      I love your sharing of Shamrock Shakes and then making them yourself.

      Reply
  14. Cheryl Corey

    Nicely done, Roy. While I also drink tea, I think I’d go beserk if I didn’t have that morning java jolt.

    Reply
  15. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Roy, these are huge fun. I love every one of them. We do have some wonderful coffee shops in the UK… but I still favor hot tea. Tea in England is the cure for everything… on every murder-mystery show, the police pop the kettle on after telling someone their loved one’s been slaughtered by a serial killer to calm them… that’s the power of a good cup of tea. Your poems have put me in mind of a poem I wrote some time ago about coffee. It’s not a limerick, but I hope you enjoy it, nevertheless:

    Same Old Grind

    I’ve had you mild; I’ve had you strong.
    I’ve had you lush; I’ve had you long.
    I’ve had you bland; I’ve had you spicy.
    I’ve had you hot; I’ve had you icy.

    I’ve had you black; I’ve had you white –
    At dawn of day; at fall of night. 
    I’ve had you slathered in whipped cream.
    I’ve had you fast at fullest steam.

     I’ve had you wee; I’ve had you whopping.
    I’ve had you till my eyes are popping.
    I’ve had you smooth; I’ve had you rough –
    And now I’ve simply had enough!

     Coffee, you’re just not for me –
    There is no substitute for Tea!

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      I love your poem and am super pleased you shared it with us. I understand the love of tea, since my mother who descended from the British (Warburton) usually drank tea but made coffee for my father (Scandinavian descent). As I mentioned above, I did not drink coffee until I was in the military. I often drank tea she shared with me. I understand for the devotee “There is no substitute for tea.”

      Reply
  16. Michael Pietrack

    I’m proud of my coffee selection;
    I brew it until it’s perfection.
    __I make it real strong.
    __Now don’t take this wrong:
    I drink it for your own protection.
    Amen!!

    Reply
    • Russel Winick

      Well, since we’re posting our old coffee poems, here’s mine from four years ago:

      MORNING BREW

      If I don’t have my coffee
      I’ll function quite offly.

      Ironically, I switched to green tea shortly after that.

      Reply
  17. Morrison Handley-Schachler

    Some great limericks to wake up to in the morning.

    Reply
  18. Laura Deagon

    This was a fun read. I visit the Classicalpoets.org website from time to time, and your limerick generated a chuckle as it relates to my husband too!

    Reply
  19. Shamik Banerjee

    This is an enjoyable series, Mr. Peterson. As a coffee and tea person myself, I can very well relate to “I smell the aroma, come out of my coma”. Beautifully done!

    Reply
    • Roy Eugene Peterson

      Thank you, Michael, for the comment. FYI: I still drink coffee with caffeine in the evening.

      Reply

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