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The Book on Lefty McBane

McBane could do no wrong—from his debut,
late in his rookie season, right on through
his grandfather’s retirement. Every pitch
he threw gave batters a decided itch
to hit … the bar. His curve was arrow–straight,
and quicker on its journey to the plate
than was his fastball, which would take a hike
towards third before it split home plate, a strike.
With his right arm he gained enduring fame,
for “Lefty” never once was off his game.
His pitching prowess showed such fearsome power,
he’d chalk up victories even in the shower.
An argument arose once, when he’d coasted
to victory as usual. He boasted,
“They grounded into seven double plays!”
“No, only six—your memory’s in a haze,”
declared the captain of the losing team,
“or else you’re living in some kind of dream.”
But Lefty scorned him, “Look, you little sprout,
you guys did nothing all day but strike out.”
The league voted McBane the MVP
year after year. It was their policy,
until at last it deemed him, sad to say,
too valuable to be allowed to play.

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Julian D. Woodruff, who contributes poetry frequently to the Society of Classical Poets, writes poetry and short fiction for children and adults. He recently finished 2020-2021, a poetry collection. A selection of his work can be read at Parody Poetry, Lighten Up Online, Carmina Magazine, and Reedsy.

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The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary.


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10 Responses

  1. Roy Eugene Peterson

    I have a feeling you are referring to the exorbitant salaries now being bandied about in major league baseball with one of the latest being $700 million for several years contracted by the Dodgers. As I understand it this is a great satire on the sad state of affairs.

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      It’s kind of like “hate the sin, but love the sinner,” Roy. I was just thinking of the game, not its practitioners, honest. I gave up watching it long before the Giants glory years 2010-14.
      $700 mill huh? I wonder how much that works out to per at bat?

      Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thanks, David. I find a little silliness helps me helps me wade through some of the unfortunateness that life today presents us.

      Reply
  3. C.B. Anderson

    I used to love baseball, but now I only like it. I realize that you are operating with a valid poetic license, but if he had struck out so many batters, then there would not be very many opportunities to make double plays. Am I missing something, besides the pitch and the game itself?

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      That was supposed to be another joke, CB. Dizzy Dean (or just the script from his movie bio?) said, “Didn’t I strike out 17 of them Chicago Cubs in a game? And ya can’t strike out but 27 batters no matter how hard ya try.”

      Reply
  4. Lannie David Brockstein

    Julian,

    The publication of your “The Book on Lefty McBane” about America’s pastime was done to coincide with MLB’s 2024 Opening Day! Each MLB season usually starts between the Spring Equinox, which is the beginning of the Astrological New Year and that in classical times was celebrated for around one week, until April 1st.

    Speaking of celestial events, on April 8th, 2024 there is going to be a solar eclipse for most of North America. It requires solar eclipse glasses that are CE and ISO certified in order to be safely viewed. Even if the weather is partially or mostly cloudy that day it is necessary to wear those glasses if looking at the solar eclipse. They can be purchased at the US and Canadian Amazon stores (each of them ship to both countries), and at other stores. But those stores might be sold out by next week, or by next week it might not be possible for an order from there to be delivered by April 8th, 2024. I hope for every content contributor to the SCP who is reading this comment from North America to consider buying several pairs of solar eclipse glasses for themselves and their family and friends, sooner rather than later and thus in time for that order to be delivered before the April 8th, 2024 solar eclipse.

    As for baseball, when the Toronto Blue Jays won their first World Series in 1992, the city erupted in euphoric celebration! My girlfriend at the time and I walked through the crowd on Yonge Street, from Bloor Street to Dundas Street. In those days, many of the two-story buildings along Yonge Street had a large canvas banner over their second story, which displayed the name of their ground floor shop. Some of those buildings had dozens of people on the rooftop who were reaching over to drum their hands in a tribal manner on them, and within the vicinity their primal drumbeats were all anybody could hear. For the city, the Blue Jays having won the World Series was a dream come true, which is to say it was a very surreal scene to be walking on that street where I slapped five with thousands of my fellow Canadians along the way. Afterwards, I noticed that the palm of my hand was bright red from having slapped so many hands. The next year when the Blue Jays won the World Series for a second time, we did it all again.

    The following link leads to MLB’s website that usually features a “Free Game of the Day” live broadcast: https://www.mlb.com/live-stream-games

    From Lannie.

    Reply
  5. Julian D. Woodruff

    Lannie,
    Thanks for reading. I hadn’t realized yesterday was opening day. Better had it been after Easter rather than just before, but the timing is not an issue for a lot of MLB fans.
    On the eclipse, Wegman[‘]s, the big supermarket chain in our neck of the woods, has tge protective sunglasses–we got ours “while supplies last.”
    I can barely imagine that scene on Yonge St. For some the occasion must have provided their only reason for visiting that clogged artery.

    Reply
  6. Warren Bonham

    I too was once a baseball fan. My interest peaked during the brief run that the Blue Jays had that Lannie referenced. All of the strikes and lockouts kind of ruined it for me. Being a transplanted Texan now, I barely noticed when the Rangers won last year. Despite having ripped the bandage off these old but unhealed wounds, the poem was excellent.

    Reply
  7. Julian D. Woodruff

    Thank you, sir. I think for too many people baseball is associated with MLB to a greater degree than other prominent team sports are with the “top” professional leagues playing them. A pick-up football game is an easier thing than a pick-up baseball game: unless you have a full 9 on each side you’re always having to chase down the ball, and even that number is no guarantee against the inconvenience.. Not so with fb, basketball, hockey … where you can do with 3-4 to a side. Baseball needs a container–not always available–in a way the others don’t. (Probably why there’s more romance around baseball stadia than around other sports arenas: they become an integral part of the game, making the home run a big deal–back in the day at least.) For us baseball fans to sustain our affection for the game, it’s best to think of Mudville or the Field of Dreams.

    Reply

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