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Uncle Joe B

inspired by “The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B,” sung
by the Andrews Sisters, lyrics by Don Raye and Hughie Prince

He was an up an’ comin’ kid from down New Castle way.
The game of blowin’ hard he knew just how to play.
In school he learned to plagiarize;
For an ambitious young boy it was a choice that was wise.
He’s in the White House now —a tragi–comedy:
He’s our blather–lather braggard, big guy Uncle Joe B.

The voters bade him bide his time for years and years,
Because his bids for president used bunk and smears,
With fibs all fed to wid’ning eyes—
A mix of murky malarkey, muck that nobody buys.
But now the country jumps when he speaks publicly,
That abominable snowman, big guy Uncle Joe B.

A clank, a clank, a clank, clinkity clank—
Now Biden’s betting jail bars beat his attackers:
“‘They’ll get big bruises and scars,’ suggest my backers.
I’ll gives those chumps their lumps—to that I’m gonna see!”
Claims that bogus bag of bull, the big guy Uncle Joe B.

“Keep ‘em locked up, both old farts and cracker jackers.
They’ll be like bugs stuck in jars until they’re crackers.”
Joe thinks he’s full of class—just the epitome.
He’s the bottom of the barrel, big guy Uncle Joe B.

A hush, a hush, a hush, shushity hush—
When Hunter’s hangin’ around, Joe plays it stealthy:
“This latest way that we’ve found to grow more wealthy
Could maybe bump our rumps to jail eventu’lly.
If we’re busted, you’ll be blamed,” says big guy Uncle Joe B.

He chats with his advisers ev’ry single night.
They know it’s necessary ‘cuz he’s not too bright.
They mop their brows and tear their hair,
Afraid of what he may say when he’s allowed on the air.
He really breaks us up when he speaks publicly.
Yes, at bungling he’s the best, is big guy Uncle Joe B.

A hooey, a hooey, a hoo
Oo oh, the country’ll dump you—just you wait and see,
And our border’s open, bidding you ‘bye, Uncle Joe B.
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Sources:

Wikipedia, accessed 2/12/24: Biden was elected to the New Castle [Delaware] County Council in 1970.

op. cit., accessed 2/12/24: Dionne, E.J. (9/18/87), “Biden Admits Plagiarism in School But Says It Was Not ‘Malevolent’,” New York Times (archived 4/4/09), retrieved 2/4/22. See also op. cit. at “Presidential campaigns of 1988 and 2008” and appertaining notes.

op. cit., at “Presidential campaigns of 1988 and 2008”: “1988 campaign,” last paragraph and appertaining notes. Biden’s smear tactics are exemplified in his chairmanship of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the nomination of Robert Bork for the Supreme Court in 1987. A representative complaint about Biden’s handling of his role is in The Hill, accessed 2/14/24: Neumayr, G. (9/23/20), “Joe Biden, the Father of ‘Borking’.” https://thehill.com/opinion/campaign/517743-joe-biden-the-father-of-borking/

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Julian D. Woodruff, who contributes poetry frequently to the Society of Classical Poets, writes poetry and short fiction for children and adults. He recently finished 2020-2021, a poetry collection. A selection of his work can be read at Parody Poetry, Lighten Up Online, Carmina Magazine, and Reedsy.

NOTE TO READERS: If you enjoyed this poem or other content, please consider making a donation to the Society of Classical Poets.

The Society of Classical Poets does not endorse any views expressed in individual poems or commentary.


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18 Responses

  1. Roy Eugene Peterson

    Julian, this is clever, entertaining, and a perfect depiction of reality. Uncle Joe has got to go!

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thanks for the compliment. To my mind, Biden is worse than incompetent: 1) he aligns himself with the reprehensible Democratic vendetta against the J6 protesters and pro-lifers; 2) he’s the most prominent of the legion number of self-styled Roman Catholics (and probably, along with Fr. Martin, the one who protests his Catholicism loudest and most frequently) who actively oppose the most basic moral teachings of the Church (an issue I couldn’t work into the poem). When did the electorate start to disregard such blatant hypocracy?

      Reply
  2. Warren Bonham

    That’s a song I haven’t heard for years. These lyrics are a tremendous up-grade! Very well done.

    Reply
  3. Joseph S. Salemi

    Man oh man, this is a masterpiece of parodic satire!

    First, let me say that the Andrews sisters singing “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” is one of the hottest numbers from the World War II era. The rhythm and beat are magnetic. The lyrics are unforgettable. And those three lovely sisters dressed as WAACs with a crowd of enlisted men and officers around them is a high-voltage combination of patriotism, cameraderie, and sexiness. Everyone in my parents’ generation knew and loved this number.

    Woodruff’s use of it as a model on which to skewer our imbecile and incompetent fake president is absolutely on the mark, and hysterically funny. I cracked up when reading lines like “He’s our blather-lather braggard, big-guy Uncle Joe B” and “Claims that bogus bag of bull,, the big-guy Uncle Joe B.” And calling him “Uncle Joe” is a great reference — the only other political Uncle Joe in the last century was Stalin!

    Mr. Woodruff, thank you for making my morning. I’ll laugh all day thinking about this.

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thank you, Joseph, for your enthusiastic response. You may remember, it was your suggestion that I try a parody of this lyric some time ago. Earlier attempts went nowhere, but Biden finally got me going.

      Reply
      • Jeff Eardley

        Julian, I was thinking, today, of a long-ago gag that had the punch line of, “ Pardon me boys, is this the cat that chewed your new shoes?” It is in the same territory as your wonderful, highly singable version of a classic, that I hope you have forwarded to sleepy Joe. Great stuff.

      • Joseph S. Salemi

        Jeff, what you are thinking of is a line that parodies “Pardon me, boys — is this the Chattanooga choo-choo?” The original song was sung by Dorothy Dandridge, I believe.

      • Brian A. Yapko

        Actually, Joe, “Chattanooga Choo Choo” was composed by Harry Warren (“We’re in the Money,” “Jeepers Creepers” and many others) and was introduced by Glenn Miller. I’m a big (if improbable) Glenn Miller fan as well as of Hollywood and Broadway music of the 1920s, 30s and 40s. Dorothy Dandrige no doubt sang a popular version of it.

        Julian, very fine work — very funny work. “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” is also a favorite of mine and you’ve reshaped the original into excellent satire!

  5. Margaret Coats

    Julian, what a great concept! I second Joe Salemi’s notice of the “Bugle Boy” song as maybe the best known and most popular from the World War II era. More than that, its dynamic quality keeps it as a show stopper or grand finale for local groups who perform live at parks or clubs, no matter the audience.

    As a cracker myself, I found special fun in your “crackers” stanza. There is current significance to “crackers” as persons from Florida or Georgia, with “cracker jack” meaning “outstanding,” and “crackers” signifying “crazy,” while “Cracker Barrel” is an extensive chain of restaurants featuring down-home cooking. The quality of food and atmosphere at those places is not classy, but attracts crowds of customers who like it. Being at the bottom of that barrel is better not mentioned.

    Thanks for the rousing entertainment!

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thanks, Margaret. Interesting observation re crackers and cracker jackers. “Crackers” is also used positively: things are “absolutely crackers” (= going beautifully)–the movie Merry Andrew, with Danny Kaye. As for “cracker jackers,” I was actually thinking of Cracker Jacks; I suggested to Evan that capitals might be better, but he posted the passage as I submitted it. I meant “cracker jackers” as an equivalent of “bubble gummers,” i.e., a contrast to the “old farts” age group.

      Reply
  6. Daniel Kemper

    Hilarious! I know the tune and love sing along satire. Keep them coming!

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thanks, Daniel. Every so often some connection like the above occurs to me and I tend to go for it, no matter how long it takes.

      Reply
  7. Susan Jarvis Bryant

    Julian, I love it! The amount of work you have put into this is evident, and I have delighted in every finger-snapping, toe-tapping, satirical line. Superb!

    Reply
    • Julian D. Woodruff

      Thanks, Susan. I thought of your work more than once in the course of this effort, and aimed for the fun that’s nearly always on hand when you start the sparks flying.

      Reply
  8. Julian D. Woodruff

    Thanks to Brian, for his appreciative comment, and for mentioning the great Harry Warren. Giuliano Guodrofo once proposed to the Merced (central CA) Symphony Orchestra board that putting on an Italian-American concert featuring, among others, Harry (Arrigo?) Guarigno–author of another great train song, “The Atchison-Topeka-and the Santa Fe”–ought to attract a crowd. Of course that idea went nowhere.

    Reply

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